posted March 15, 2004 11:00 PM              

I just wanna have something else touching me besides a Panasonic...

I just wanna get my head scratched while I watch tv...

posted March 16, 2004 04:07 PM              

I have tried but gave up...

I will not give up
and try again

Thank you

posted March 16, 2004 08:43 PM            

I'm tired of being alone too.

posted March 16, 2004 09:25 PM              

The sweetcake will never be completely left out, but it does add one more course to the meal... I've got a couple of super sweet ones on the sidelines just waiting for me to make the first move. They are mostly curious, but have heard me talk and have read between the lines...

But it's not like that for me, just physical. There has to be more... even though they are perfectly hot...

Trillian -

I know you're feeling what I'm feeling. Like good little girls, we found a way to make it in the world sans our mothers' old droan. We realize how fast we can run and climb without limits. And now we are on some distant mountain in the middle of bum f**k doing a yodel.

At first our echoe is the sweetest sound we ever hear, but after a while, we yearn for a response from someone else.

We played fair. We played by the rules. But many other women would not or could not, maybe faked it really well, but the stupid guys havent' caught on yet cuz he's got some implants, pie and a reliable mind f**k to boot.

Tonight, I'm getting shitt faced... my buzz is just now starting. Since I cannot be happily married with my sexy dependable man in the quaint villa in the European mountainside, next to the ocean, I'm gonna get TOTALLY shitt faced tonight...

posted March 16, 2004 09:49 PM              

I've had some really deep feelings inside of me which have gone unexpressed for many years. I'm currently participating in hypnotherapy for the first time.

Something is moving. Something is happening. The main thing is, in therapy I tend to understand everything cerebrally, even told I'd make a good therapist, ok?

But what has been lacking is a processing or purging or emotions. So for many years now, I've successfully analyzed myself. But I'm still detached from my emotions, which to an extent, was necessary.

I've come to the personally profound conclusion that no matter how much you give yourself positive reinforcements, and how well you can ACCURATELY figure out what's going on in your head, your emotions ultimately need to be channeled out. Ultimately, your emotions sit inside you unexpressed. The TRUE emotions which cannot be analyzed away.

So...

This is not a fun time for me in that sense, but I'm on the verge of being able to EXHALE and just BE. Even if I'm an azzhole or idiot, at least I just get to BE.

Thanks for listening, and feel free to chime in if you can relate or whatever you want to say...

posted March 16, 2004 09:50 PM            

*sigh*

I can't even talk about this stuff tonight...

'til tomorrow...

And you know what song is popping into my mind, as I imagine you drowning your sorrows (and I mean this totally non-judgementally!! It's just such an awesome song for me)? The Indigo Girls' "Closer to Fine." Here are the lyrics, for those who might not know it...

I’m trying to tell you something about my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
And the best thing you’ve ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously
It’s only life after all
Yeah

Well darkness has a hunger that’s insatiable
And lightness has a call that’s hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it
I’m crawling on your shores

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains
There’s more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
And the less I seek my source for some definitive
(the less I seek my source)
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine

And I went to see the doctor of philosophy
With a poster of rasputin and a beard down to his knee
He never did marry or see a b-grade movie
He graded my performance, he said he could see through me
I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind
Got my paper and I was free

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains
There’s more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
(the less I seek my source)
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine

I stopped by the bar at 3 a.m.
To seek solace in a bottle or possibly a friend
And I woke up with a headache like my head against a board
Twice as cloudy as I’d been the night before
And I went in seeking clarity.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains
Yeah we go to the doctor, we go to the mountains
We look to the children, we drink from the fountains
Yeah we go to the bible, we go through the workout
We read up on revival and we stand up for the lookout
There’s more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
(the less I seek my source)
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine

posted March 16, 2004 09:54 PM              

We posted simultaneously... be sure to see what I just wrote too...

posted March 17, 2004 09:40 AM            

I think we are indeed going through some of the same things right now.

As far as emotions...I do not want to have to repress anything in any personal relationship. So often work environments require us to bury aspects of our true selves. I'd rather not do that with those whom I love.

Anyway, I hope you find him soon. Bissie says Christmas for you, that's not so very long to wait!!!

posted March 17, 2004 09:56 AM              

I hope the perfect catch finds you soon!

I'm single too. I'm reading a fun memoir called:

Cad: Confessions of a Toxic Bachelor by Rick Marin

Love from an Aries Sun & Cappy Moon Sistah,

Aphrodite