Author
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Topic: please help ,i am heartbroken....
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PhoenixRising Knowflake Posts: 13 From: india Registered: Feb 2004
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posted February 17, 2004 03:42 PM
Friends, i have a problem......thought someone mihgt help....i am a scorp. girl, deeply in love with a scorp. boy . we have been going steady for last two years .but yesterday somting happened that almost broke my heart.somehow i found out that my guy had registered in one of those online dating services and that he wanted to go around (may be not physically) with other girls.....i dunno what to do??? and i am feelin real bad.... lookin forward for suggestions...please reply...IP: Logged |
pidaua Knowflake Posts: 1820 From: Annapolis, Maryland USA Registered: May 2002
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posted February 17, 2004 04:49 PM
Ask him. My brother does it and he is married, but he does it just to see if people are still interested in him. LOL..he doesn't even use his real name (he uses his friends name) and his wife knows all about it. How old are you guys? If you can't ask him, then your relationship is not stable. Just get this out in the open. IP: Logged |
lllog Moderator Posts: 742 From: Springfield MO Registered: Jun 2002
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posted February 17, 2004 05:07 PM
I agree with Pidaua.Lanny IP: Logged |
astro junkie Knowflake Posts: 1327 From: orlando, fl Registered: Nov 2003
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posted February 17, 2004 10:33 PM
How did you find out? What exactly did you find out?IP: Logged |
Randall Webmaster Posts: 16464 From: Columbus, GA USA Registered: Nov 2000
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posted February 18, 2004 08:35 AM
------------------ "Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark IP: Logged |
sthenri Knowflake Posts: 1125 From: New England US Registered: May 2003
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posted February 18, 2004 03:28 PM
Now would be a time to get a small dog or kitten for yourself to play with and hold while you are upset. A sweet loving face to look at who adores you like a Goddess. That is what you need, someone who needs you and appreciates you.I hope that's what you are asking, I can't advise you on what to do with your friend, because at this point, he is a friend to you and not an intimate from what you have written. Is that what you want is the question you have to ask yourself. You can't do anything to make him change, nobody can, you will have to accept him as is. Can you do that? Better ask yourself before asking him what he will do so you can mentally prepare yourself. Do not wound yourself emotionally anymore than you have to, because this is his need not yours. Some time apart is what I would recommend for the relationship. You are wondering if you are just friends or not but only time can tell. Big difference between Friend Intimate Friend Boyfriend just doesn't say anything to anybody. If someone called me a girlfriend I wouldn't know how to classify the relationship. Some people need stronger boundaries than others. A Virgo who says to me, oh we are not a "couple" is a much stronger intimate friend for me, than one that says we are "friends" no matter what kind of intimacy has taken place. For other people I think the acts matter, but for me it's a question of loyalty down the line. And I have strong 8th house/Scorpio signature in my chart. Sometimes you have to get the love you need from the world too. Natasha Taurus sun Cancer Moon/8th house Scorpio rising IP: Logged |
sthenri Knowflake Posts: 1125 From: New England US Registered: May 2003
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posted February 18, 2004 03:30 PM
Sorry I meant to type who says we are a couple..Confrontation does work but is it worth it? Natasha IP: Logged |
PhoenixRising Knowflake Posts: 13 From: india Registered: Feb 2004
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posted February 19, 2004 06:39 AM
Oh thanks a lot to all of you for caring to reply you al are really a friendly bunch Pidaua ,i am twenty two and he is two yrs. younger to me .We have been going steady for last two years .Before all this came up i alwys believed that we shared an honest and intimate relationship...actually he had in past confessed and apologized about kissing his cousin ,somthing that i couldnt have found out by any means.He has also told me that he has fantasies about a common friend of ours...whereas all this made me very jealous(i blame it on my scorp. sun! ),it never made me so insecure...yes ,i know that i should ask him;but the problem with me is that i just cant let go of people i love ...and i fear that his reply may lead me to take an action that would be bad for our relationship... IP: Logged |
PhoenixRising Knowflake Posts: 13 From: india Registered: Feb 2004
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posted February 19, 2004 06:41 AM
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PhoenixRising Knowflake Posts: 13 From: india Registered: Feb 2004
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posted February 19, 2004 07:38 AM
Okay Astro, it all started a few months back when i accidentally came across this mail that he had received from an online dating services...suspicious as i am i opened it only to find that he had suscribed to this dating service...i found his profile over there...and in his introduction he had stressed on his ''libido and knowledge!!!'' Clearly friendship was not what he was looking for... All this should seem simple till here.But there is more to this-I did NOT open his mailbox without his knowledge ,infact he himself asked me to check a particular mail(being unable to do so himself due to some reasons) which was important to both of us.That he can forget to delete THAT particular mail seems improbable to me -considering his otherwise cautious approach to everything...but the fact that he seemed to behave in that extra caring manner after the incident rules out the possibility that he might have had any othar intentions like getting me jealous or getting one up on me (a week or two earlier than this he had revealed that he felt insecure about me getting friendly with another guy ) I have been waitin for him to confess about this for nearly four months now...i thought that he may after all come to me and tell me whatever happened.I would not have so much minded had he got physical with a woman in the heat of the moment...but to think of something like this-that he CONSCIOUSLY was seeking out for newer relationships-is painful..... IP: Logged |
PhoenixRising Knowflake Posts: 13 From: india Registered: Feb 2004
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posted February 19, 2004 07:49 AM
And yes Stenhri we are pretty serious about our relationship...IP: Logged |
trillian Moderator Posts: 1317 From: The Boundless Registered: Mar 2003
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posted February 19, 2004 09:37 AM
You said:"and i fear that his reply may lead me to take an action that would be bad for our relationship..." Things are already bad for your relationship because of his actions and your lack of reaction. I'm sorry, but I completey agree with Pid, if you two can't talk this over, then your relationship is already seriously flawed. Coupled with the fact that as you pointed out, he consciously took to seeking out new relationships...well, these things don't bode well. Waiting 4 months??? You will wait forever, I think, unless you take the initiative to confront him with your concerns. It's a contradiction for you to say "we are serious about our relationship," if he is seeking other women without your knowledge, and you are in effect sanctioning that--although you do hint that perhaps he wanted you to find his registration with the online dating service. Some couples have 'open' relationships, and that's fine, I have no problem with that, and if that's what you two want, OK. But I don't get that feeling from your posts. In any event, I wish you well, and hope you both come to a peaceful loving resolve. IP: Logged |
pixelpixie Knowflake Posts: 1606 From: ontario, canada Registered: Aug 2003
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posted February 19, 2004 10:43 AM
Yes.... I urge you to talk to him about it... because if his action, in taking out an ad, upsets you, it is a real issue.. and by not talking about it, it further drives a wedge between you. Simple as that.. So even if it was a whim, a nothing, a fun way to pass the time, it has become something that poisons any nurturing and compassion between you.. and the longer it remains unspoken, the worse it becomes, as imagination blows all out of proportion... and the harder it is then, to talk about, with all the passion behind it. Try to withhold your anger. I know it is hard, but in order to talk about it, you must.. or there's always apology if you let a sting or two out.... I can empathise with that, in times that are uncertain. This relationship is worth at least addressing this, because either way, internally or externally, it is being addressed, at least this way, you have some control over where the energy goes.... Good luck!IP: Logged |
sthenri Knowflake Posts: 1125 From: New England US Registered: May 2003
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posted February 19, 2004 12:53 PM
He does not sound like your boyfriend, I repeat, it does not sound like he is your boyfriend, if you were telling this story to your grandchildren would they believe this was a serious relationship you had? Will he be around then. You said you do not like to let go, what is keeping you? How does he help you, and do you think he will be "there" for you? You need someone strong and this isn't helping you mentally.I am being crystal clear to help you out in your feelings and emotions which are fogging your brain: No one who read your first post which is the truth: would think that he saw you as a serious girlfriend! Is your pride keeping you in this relationship? Pride is not love, and real love is letting people go so they can grow and change. Growing and changing is not bad, but stopping that is. Pride is wrong, it's always wrong regarding those you love, a little admiration is fine but SCORPIOS SUFFER FROM PRIDE AFFLICTION. You know how proud you are, but who are you to suffer? Do you inspire other women? Are you proud of not confronting him? Take a look at yourself and ask yourself in your Scorpion way if you are truly happy with the way you feel and think right now? Who are you to think you cannot suffer or be vulnerable? Do not be strong for him, because you are keeping him from growing. Chances are he DID want you to see that email. I have done similar stupid things. Nobody is perfect. What are you going to do about it? Say Something, SAY SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING. Put it to music, repeat, SAY SOMETHING SAY SOMETHING IF YOU WANT TO BE LOVED SAY SOMETHING IF YOU WANT TO LOVE YOURSELF SAY SOMETHING IF YOU WANT TO BE RESPECTED SAY SOMETHING IF YOU WANT TO RESPECT YOURSELF STAND UP AND SAY SOMETHING, say something SAY SOMETHING say something REPEAT repeat REPEAT repeat for life, Natasha Taurus/Scorpio rising Cancer/8th house moon IP: Logged |
astro junkie Knowflake Posts: 1327 From: orlando, fl Registered: Nov 2003
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posted February 19, 2004 01:30 PM
PhoenixRising - Ok... thanks for sharing those details with me and others...All I can say is that you must have some serious Neptune or 12th House challenges. As far as THIS relationship goes, you are NOT living in reality. You are both SO young. If he doesn't intend to marry you within the next year, if there is no engagement ring on your finger, then I guarantee that you are both young and will be on to other people. That's it. Punto. You will learn one day that as with ALL things in life, you have to let things breathe. NOTHING in life will be a 100% dependent on what YOU think, what YOU want, and what you do... The sooner your Scorpio Moon learns to live with that fact, the better off you will be. Trust me. I have 3 planets in Scorp. with love & support, .gloria ------------------ it's better to light a candle than curse the darkness... IP: Logged |
PhoenixRising Knowflake Posts: 13 From: india Registered: Feb 2004
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posted February 20, 2004 09:36 AM
Thanks again, everyone for your reponses But there is somethin that perhaps I want to make clear-I didn't talk about this because I was waiting for HIM to tell me HIMSELF as he has done in past and not bcoz of any communication gap b/w us...I wanted to see how honest he REALLY is .... moreover I was appearing for various enterance exams during all these months and addressing the issue THEN could have either resolved everything OR could have wrecked our relationship ...and one crack in our relationship would have been enough to break me down as well as spoil my chances of getting through a good institute...look its not that i value my career more but i thought that rushing headlong into things MAY not help...IP: Logged |
pidaua Knowflake Posts: 1820 From: Annapolis, Maryland USA Registered: May 2002
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posted February 20, 2004 11:00 AM
Um, yeah, Okay - typical in my fashion I missed an important point. LOL..Scorp girl and Scorp boy...I was answering like it was with a Sag boy. Sorry. One thing I have noticed with the Scorp / Scorp relationship is the constant power struggle. I had a good friend that was a Scorp married to a Scorp. He was mean - plain and simple. He got her to do things that just made me cringe. In the same respect, because of his need to control her, she would NOT clean house or even spend any time or effort making herself look nice. It was as if they constantly tried to push others buttons. I can't go into things, because I have too much respect for her and even though we are no longer friends, I will never betray her trust. What I can say, is that she went from a vivacious - outspoken fun person, to a beat down, frumpy - sad case. I haven't seen her in 2 years, so I am not sure if she is even still with him - I hope not - I hope that Pluto helped her tear down the walls and start elsewhere. Natasha gave you some great advice and I would seriously think about it. You do not want to end up like my old friend. IP: Logged |
PhoenixRising Knowflake Posts: 13 From: india Registered: Feb 2004
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posted February 20, 2004 03:49 PM
Natasha, dunno why it doesnt seem like a serious relationship to u???Guess it's bcoz of my poor way of expression in writing!!! Anyways i'll speak to him as soonas i can...IP: Logged |