posted May 11, 2004 10:28 AM         

The Same Deep Water as You

Kiss me goodbye
Pushing out before I sleep
Can't you see I try
Swimming the same deep water as you is hard
"The shallow drowned lose less than we"
You breathe
The strangest twist upon your lips
"And we shall be together... "

"Kiss me goodbye
Bow your head and join with me"
And face pushed deep
Reflections meet
The strangest twist upon your lips
And disappear
The ripples clear
And laughing
Break against your feet
And laughing
Break the mirror sweet
"So we shall be together... "

"Kiss me goodbye"
Pushing out before I sleep
It's lower now and slower now
The strangest twist upon your lips
But I don't see
And I don't feel
But tightly hold up silently
My hands before my fading eyes
And in my eyes
Your smile
The very last thing before I go...

posted May 12, 2004 11:16 AM         

Mr. Leo has his own dreams which he has to pursue on his own path. But I know it's hard not to have some kind of relationship even in your mind with an ex. I found I can't wipe everything clean, I can only stay friendly but not close.

Without some kind of closure, it's not easy.

posted May 12, 2004 01:35 PM         

I've been traveling similar waters without being able to break free, so I understand something of what you are going through.

posted May 12, 2004 10:29 PM         

For me, it's one of those things I should probably let go of completely, but I just can't. Perhaps our karma isn't complete. So many major Saturn and Uranus ties, it's like it equals crazy glue. I've been especially down about it today, not sure why, I've known for a long time it can't be what I want it to be...but I also don't know how to articulate it and I'm sure no one would understand. I'm usually a reasonably smart person, but when my heart is hurting I'm just another fool. But wasn't it gloria who posted that all love is for fools,that we must be willing to risk being the fool?
He loves me, it's just not the way I want it to be. How can any woman catch a will o' the wisp? His Sun, Venus, Mars are all in Gem, his moon in Sag.

Anyway, don't want to hijack your string...

You said you are following your heart, and I think you are wise enough to know when that's the right thing to do. Being honest with Mr. Leo was the kindest thing to do. We fire signs, as you know, really appreciate honesty because generally we're not so good at subtlety. He will now be able to begin his own healing process and get on with his life without you.

And yeah, I too have come to know that great love is not available without great risk...I want to express myself to those whom I love, without fear. That seems to be much closer to truly giving love, when you're not so worried about an even exchange.

Did you see the movie "Adaptation?" There was a scene where the twins were talking about high school, and the cooler one (who was still nerdy) said that he told the most popular girl in school that he loved her. The other brother said "they laughed at you about that." And he replied "I know. It didn't matter. All that mattered was that I gave her what I had."

Now of course I paraphrased the essence of the scene...but it illustrates what I think we are both saying.

posted May 13, 2004 04:06 PM         

Yup, I hold back with my Gem, too. He would be content to let things continue indefinitely the way they are, but, at some point I will have to let go. Or, at least adjust the way I feel about him. I sense that I might always have a connection with him, that he is meant to be a part of my lifetime, though perhaps in time he will not take up as much space as he does now. I'm doing my best to be at peace with how things are, because I don't seem to be ready to drastically change them.

But I hold back because...I know I want more and that's something he can't give. *sigh*

And I am so happy for you that Mr. Taurus has come onto the scene for you, and that he is so willing to be open with his feelings for you. One word of caution from a Pisces friend who fell for a Taurus man: Please don't feed the Taurus. Feed 'em some good food, and they're yours for life, whether you want them or not!

I'm teasing!
I'm thrilled for you...you deserve to be happy.

I'll have to see if I can find a copy of your Jupiter book--I'm intrigued. My Jupiter is in Cappy, almost exactly conjunct my moon. Just a few minutes difference.

posted May 14, 2004 02:23 AM         

My biggest regret when I broke it off with the Virgo was the emmence disappointment I was being to him....knowing that sooner or later, he would have to come to grips with the fact that I really was gone for good. He just wasn't getting that for the longest time.

I think he thought I was playing some kind of cat and mouse game with him, or throwing some kind of hissy fit. It really hadn't occured to him that it was really the end, until about 3 months ago.

Pid, if memory serves, I think your Virgo had some simular attitudes and rude awakenings when you guys split, didn't he? And they say Leos are vain.

But, anyway, since I felt so much guilt about bailing out on him, I found it painful to accept that it was over..."I can't just shatter someone's illusions like that, can I? How cruel that is. How harsh it's going to be for him to wake up to the knowledge that something he just KNEW was going to be....wasn't going to be. I don't have the heart to dish out that kind of reality." (Venus square Neptune, combined with Venus trine Saturn??)

That was where my regrets were coming from. Bursting his ultra-confident bubble like that. But it was his ultra confident bubble that undid the relationship in the first place. He was always right. I was always in need of second guessing because I didn't have the reasoning or discriminatory skills to figure my way out of a wet paper bag, as far as he was concerned. So, even if I made the best possible choice and I knew it, he HAD to disagree. He just HAD to. And if I didn't give ground, he'd give me the iceman treatment for days, weeks, months on end. How ever long it took for me to FORCE him into a discussion, which btw, he would always call arguements, and then it would have to end with me saying. "Fine. It really doesn't matter as much to me as it does to you. Our relationship is more important to me than this issue."

But then, eventually it occured to me. "Why doesn't HE ever concede for the sake of not jeopardizing the relationship? I must care about it 100 times more than he does. He valued being "RIGHT" and being the winner of the disagreement much much more than he valued the relationship. That's just whacked. And that was the beginning of my change of heart.

A relationship cannot survive if only one party is nurturing it. And part of the hurt came from realizing that this was the case for pretty much the duration of the entire relationship. We only stayed together as long as we did because I always backed down and let it be his way. I got sick of that.

posted May 14, 2004 09:41 AM         

Personally, I think you're adults. Go for and experience everything you can! I hope this proves to be a wonderful relationship for you both. Taurus people can be so comforting. I don't remember whether you said--does he have any fire in his chart?

lioneye, the Virgo you broke up with, is this the one you were so serious about so recently? I'm sorry, if so. I didn't realize you ended the relationship. Or am I confusing him with someone else?

Both of you can ramble on as much as you want...I like listening. Well. Reading.

posted May 14, 2004 11:26 AM         

Reading what you wrote was like re-reading a page of my history with the Virgo. It was EXACTLY like that with the discussions, backing down..etc..it just didn't seem to end and it felt like I was carrying the relationship. Now Mr. Leo - he was a step up, but again, I found myself playing the rescuer. Like my mom said "You don't have to take in every hurt animal - you can give them away".

But it was true, so often I fell for the "person in need" like I could make their lives better - maybe that is my own ego. They say that Pluto in the first house, when expressed in the wrong way, can actually believe they have the power to "save" the unfortunate. Trillian, has that been a theme off and on in your life too?

When I watched that movie "Under the Tuscan Sun" it struck me...it's time to take chances and live life being the real me and not trying to be what someone else wants. Maybe my 4th house Sun is finally starting to come into its own.

posted May 14, 2004 02:58 PM         

This aspect is true for those with Pluto in the 6th natally, they need to work their Pluto.

posted May 14, 2004 03:49 PM         

In a hurry, will try for a more substantial post over the weekend...my work day is nearly done and sunshine calls me!

Lioneye, I'm so glad I was wrong...

posted May 26, 2004 04:43 PM         

YIPPEEE!!

A TAURUS AND A SAG HEY!

Pidua, that's so great! I am so glad you are both getting along so well and that he is ready to give you a commmitment, that's what you deserve!

This is going to be a good romance for you, I can sense it. Love, Respect, and Trust, you've got it!

Natasha

posted May 27, 2004 12:02 AM         

That's awesome! I love whirlwind romantic things.

posted May 27, 2004 05:52 AM         

Congratulations!!

posted May 27, 2004 08:34 AM           

It's the weirdest thing. Because when we hug or kiss, it feels like we've been touching each ohter for lifetimes. Not just like that "Oh he is so hot" kind of thing. But that, "Hey, we have been down this road before" kind of thing.