posted November 09, 2004 06:01 PM         

How much of a deal breaker is this?
If a man refused to be called boyfriend?
or a woman refused to be called girlfriend?

posted November 09, 2004 06:14 PM         

But he was a friend, we never talked about a relationship! Friend, is that wrong?
If I like someone I send them a song, or give a gift, isn't that obvious proof of affection?

posted November 09, 2004 07:36 PM         

I don't mind "girlfriend", buit I'm not enarmoured with it.

posted November 09, 2004 08:56 PM         

That is the question?
I can't think of anything else that wouldn't invite too many questions, raised eyebrows,
or inquiries on the spot.
Besides, his status is not elevated in my mind, wouldn't he rather know for sure what our relationship is about before I lie and act happy about it?

I don't understand the need to act like we are a couple in front of other people, if I still don't feel like I am elevated through the relationship, instead I feel more as if I'm on the "down low"
Geminis can't stand commitment, so I can't act happy to hook up with one, so I normally try to hide him. I know how that sounds, but it's just not right to elevate him until I know for sure. Otherwise he will start acting on his rights, such as asking for a key. Geminis are funny that way even they don't want to commit, they still want a key and a stocked fridge. Maybe it's his Mercury in Taurus, and Venus in Cancer.

But he can't marry anyone or commit, he has told me so, since financially he wants to be free of any woman. He is convinced if he gets married, it will be to a gold digger, since he's rich. I don't want to introduce that kind of attitude to my friends, so I don't feel like we have a thing. And I have asked him and he said, no we are having a fling (at the time), it's not anything else. In other words, our relationship is crappy.

Then I introduce him as a friend (still) and he goes a little nutty on me. Has selective hearing and memory from now on. I really don't understand, my Libra ex and I sat down and decided right off the bat, he was my boyfriend, then fiance, then hubby. He even picked out our nicknames. I'm not used to picking out the labels, I always say so, but I can accept one if I know what the heck it means.

So I guess the next time a man demands I stop calling him friend, I just have to end the friendship, otherwise if I allow this, I have to be "his". Seems like a strange way to guilt someone into a relationship. I felt like I missed out on the decision making process! Anyway we are not together now, obviously, but I still have this issue crop up again and again with men. Especially Geminis, Cancers, and even sometimes Aquas. There is a strange sort of mental pressure applied, when an air sign wants you, it's really strange.

posted November 09, 2004 09:55 PM         

It sounds difficult, when he expressed that he was upset that you called him a friend, did he say how he expected to be referred to?

posted November 09, 2004 11:34 PM         

When I'm not around, it's like I don't exist, though, no calls, and he doesn't remember anything we've planned to do. Either he is lazy, or really has a memory problem. Talking to him has no effect, like he has selective hearing.

And I can really talk!
He has told his friends about me, and he said they cautioned him about rushing into this new relationship. So he must say good things about me. However, we live miles apart, so I haven't met the close ones, and I have an aversion to meeting sisters/mothers.

He, "let" his last girlfriend know he had a crush on me, so she left him. According to him, so I felt pretty guilty for a while about that. I withdrew to deal with the guilt on my own, and now he is more closed off. I couldn't help it, I also had my own life to deal with at the time, and I felt sucked into his problems with his ex. Plus I feel deep down they will get back together someday as he is protective of her, supported her for 8 years, and she is his type, a Cancer, and a doormat.

Partly the problem is communication, he ignores everything I say, he has Mercury/Mars/Moon all in Taurus opposite Neptune in Scorpio. Scorpio is my Ascendant/12th house conjunct Neptune.

I also start to nag when I feel anxious when drives him crazy as he then nags me back. I can't take nagging at all, from a romantic interest. In any case, I keep wanting to be JUST friends, as I am too confused, but he lays a bit of a guilt trip on me as he "wants someone in is life"
Of course he cant' say if that's me, he's too worried he can't love or commit.

He is still trying to figure out if he can love a woman, and he wants me to help him figure it out. Of course I get really irritated quickly. And he thinks I am too emotional to love him?

So, why does he bother me? He can get sex from anyone, and I know he goes to strip clubs. I know that you are an Aquarius, and probably will help me, but I have been through this with another Aquarian friend of mine, and it's such a pain. If a woman has any feelings for a man left, he will get to her still. So there is only one solution to this problem which is never seeing him again.

I have counselled enough women to know there is either an end, or endless longing. Both are really painful, it just depends on how you like your pain, and how many friends you want to torture. So I have been trying to end my feelings for this guy totally, just kill them, but it hasn't been working as well as I hoped. Mainly because I can't figure out how to dislike him, and also because I refuse to spend that much time with him.

But my poor mind is boggled anyway. I think the only way is to settle on someone else. That for me is the only way to end it. Of course, I won't want to call the new guy boyfriend either! and the whole mess will start over again. Unfortunately there are only three contenders, one is my ex, who is totally disinterested in any physical contact with me, another is flat broke,
and the other is another Gemini.

posted November 10, 2004 01:24 AM         

How old is this guy? He's trying to figure out if he can't love a woman? That's a very strange thing for almost any guy to say... Thats a huge red flag, it just screams, DRAMA! ISSUES! RUN! It sounds like he is mindf*cked, or is trying to mindf*ck you. (Sorry folks, can't think of a more appropriate word.)

Also you can't be with someone who ignores everything you say. Trust me on this, I tried

I think you should talk to him about this bluntly. You can either be the boyfriend and be introduced as the boyfriend, or you aren't my boyfriend and I'll introduce you as a friend, no?

When you're out in public, do you show affection? Kissing, holding hands, touching? Because if you're introducing him as your friend, but doing all of the above things that show it's obviously more than friends, I think he's being really weird, because that obviously says "we aren't official but we are somewhat romantically involved"... Which is what it is right? Eehhh... I feel for you this guy is confusing and I get irked by game players and ppl who want to have their cake and eat it too, you just can't have both OK, pick one dammit!! LOL.

posted November 10, 2004 08:28 AM         

I have never ever introduced any of my previous "boyfriends" as either friends or boyfriends.

When I introduce someone, I would rather just make the introduction and end it there; not adding, this is my "boyfriend" or this is my "friend". When people see us our mutual reaction to each other, they just KNOW that we are a couple. There is no need for words. I am very touchy-feely, and when I am seeing someone that way, people know, so there really is no need for labels.

I completely agree with you though. I don't see what the big deal is, between "boyfriend" and "friend" since, he is a boy and he is technically your friend still, is he not?

I can see only one instance where introduction of someone becomes really tainted with possessiveness, that one would want that label clearly stated:

- When you are introducing him to your ex-boyfriend(s), or when he is introducing you to his ex's.

This all boils down to nothing but simple possessiveness. Putting a label to the introduction is like saying, hey, she's telling someone that I am hers, and she is mine so that everyone else can stay out.

This, in my mind, is very very childlish. You don't need a label to KNOW that you are together as a couple.

Oh well... some people are just too attached to the label to KNOW!

posted November 10, 2004 09:22 AM         

This Gemini would not hold hands, but he would suddenly grab me and kiss me hard if we were alone, or he would grab me my waist and hold me in public very tightly. But he would not go into bars with me, or very public places for fear I would talk to another man. He has an iron grip, which can be sexy if we are dancing but he doesn't dance. He just grabs me and holds on. He would prefer to be seen by other guys he knew or felt comfortable with, with me doing things like playing pool. But absolutely no talking alone to other guys.

He's that magical, age of 40!
I have dated two 40yr olds this year and both had serious growing up issues, like Peter Pan. It's something about Uranus, Pluto, and Jupiter all conjunct in Virgo. Both had Venus trine Uranus or Venus in Aquarius, and neptune trine moon.

Real dreamers, this one is a photographer who won't show his work to anyone. He started out as a friend, then leaned on me about being emotionally abandoned by his girlfriend who ignored him most of the time, now I think he is getting revenge on her with me.

So I dont' think he sees me, the real me.
I have tried dropping hints as to why I am unhappy such as:
Some people will stand by a man with no future, but not me. Some people call and hang up on people without leaving a message, not me. Some people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth, not me. I dont think I want him in my life.

Then he said he wanted to share in my life more, and I said you never share with me! I will share everything around me, the space around my body, that is it. That's all I have for you, everything else is reserved for those I wish to be intimate with, and you dont' qualify. I am happy to share the space around your body too, but it's not a priority for me, and your body is not that important to me either, since you share it so freely.

Just because some people share their body with anyone, doesn't mean that's me. And some people have nothing to hide because they have nothing to do because they dont' work, but that's not me. So some people can be your personal doormat, but not me.

You are not much of anything, not much of a friend, not much of a lover, you are a loser just like you warned me about when I asked you flat out if you loved me or not. If you don't stay away!

So he just looks at me and says, so do you want to talk about what's bothering you in a rational way? You are so emotional I can't talk to you!

Then he leaves and starts calling or emailing again as if nothing has happened.

I have told him flat out to leave me alone but the more i do that I can see it's a draw. Yes game playing possible or else he is really partly deaf. Maybe he gets drunk before he sees me, as he gets really nervous and has a few beers first. Then he does the grabbing and kissing thing. Maybe he needs to drink to get up the nerve to grab me and kiss me thinking that is all there is to it, but he doesn't understand there is talking in between. I get the feeling his Cancer was not very talkative, she mainly brooded. He is in therapy but he doesn't discuss me because he says his whole life is about me and he is mainly sad that he can't love me as much as he loved his first love, Andrea. Then he goes into a four hour long story about his first intimate love, and how he broke it off with her just to see her get desperate for him. All this happened when he was 17. I asked him, What in heck does this have to do with me?

Apparently, I remind him of her, the same neediness he says. But he's the one who is needy, so I don't know where he is getting this. He has loved only 6 women in his life and I am number 6. He just looks at me like he is expecting a sign?? I know I am impatient, but I would like us to be friends, if he knows what that is.

I get the feeling he is drinking more and more before he talks to me because he is nervous, which doesn't help our communication. He probably should go back to the Cancer since she put up with him for so long, he ought to feel guilty I think about her. In any case I do get sick of it fast and he can't understand how I can move on, now since he's realized it he's gotten worse. More insistent on knowing everything about me, being part of my life, when it's too late! I can share the space around my body, that's it, that's sharing for me with him, othewise I couldn't be with someone else. I feel like he is clinging, is that possible?

I thought I was the clinger? I do get angry that he won't hold my hand in public, and I do get very angry that he can't say he loves me or anyone right now, but I realize he does it to annoy. Still, he wants to be forgiven totally, and I dont' know if I can do that. He seems to think grabbing me and kissing me is a way to be friends, rather than the other way around, which is so strange.

What kind of woman wants that kind of reassurance? And how am I going to attract another guy with him hanging around, being a clinging friend? I tend to get hysterical about this after a while, because he irritates me so much, but I can't say why. I am trying to disconnect emotionally and he doesn't want that. He is good looking, sensitive and dramatic, so you can see why he held my interest at first.

But that's dating I tell him,
Dating is selecting, and then Rejecting possible mates.

Natasha

posted November 10, 2004 04:41 PM         

it's just that i put more stock in actions and body language. words are just...words. and words that are labels mean even less, sometimes. i guess that's why they make me itchy.

posted November 10, 2004 05:50 PM         

Hahaha.

posted November 10, 2004 06:13 PM         

Hi, this is Blank,.....awkward silence while Blank stares at me....and I am...who am I again???
So Who is he??? He's Blank!!!!!
Blank come introduce yourself please,
Who am I again???
Am I your Boyfriend or NOT!
I don't KNOW!
Tears, first me, then him.
I leave to find a drink by myself,
Come back fine Blank drinking and staring at me

WHO AM I???
BLANK DEMANDS

Watch Natasha run to find a drink.
Watch her pray to God for an answer, it's not working, she has to go back and face the music.
Is crying a good sign in a relationship? It's just a word but it makes me crazy.

posted November 10, 2004 06:35 PM         

Jane, please meet Mark, Mark, this is Jane. Jane works at the bank with me at the cashier's desk. Now that the introduction is done, let's all go get a drink!

<or>
Jane, please meet Mark, Mark, this is Jane. Mark is a programmer for CIBC at their Main Office. He is absolutely fantastic at his work. Hey, guys, I'm parched. Mark, would you be a sweetie and fetch us both drinks? Thank you very much.

And yes, if that scenario you described would have happened, I would go join you for a drink!

The idea is... avoid the awkwardness of introduction...

posted November 10, 2004 06:45 PM         

I tried to get the one really confused person alone but the gemini went off with her to talk to her about himself, thinking I was her friend, but she really didn't want to talk to him, and made a face at me. So he really doesnt get it at all.

Finally I sent him for a drink, and he found me talking to another girl, but he got really quiet and I just introduced him by his name. By that time, everyone had sort of left the table. I don't think he was nervous or what, but I was trying to be social and busy at the same time and he kept feeling neglected. That's just the way I am.

So finally the girl with who made the face looked at me and said " Sometimes you only need a piece of the pie, not the whole PIE"! Just a taste!

I started laughing and said yes and sometimes, just a little taste and we started laughing, well that didn't go well with the Gemini, in the end I don't think I did well with him.

I did introduce him to my mother as a good friend, who I care for deeply and I wanted her to respect him as such. He seemed to like that a lot, but now my mother and I don't speak and he is trying to be peacemaker. That' s a bad idea. I heard she even called him, oh well.

So it doesn't always work when you are both trying to talk to the same people, and Gemini men like to work the room, get the limelight so I felt I was just summoned to get drinks and things.

By the end of the evening, I am somewhere else, because he felt the best way to state that we were together was to keep his hand on my back, or arm at all times, I find that very ANNOYING! As I have to move sometime.

I have this bad habit of always talking to the most attractive people in the room and complimenting them on their clothes and accessories first, so the Gemini kept looking at me as if I was flirting, and didn't want to leave my side. I can feel that insecurity, the way he would sidle up to me and latch on to me should make me happy but instead it just ties my stomach in knots. I want to make a good impression on the person I am speaking to, and that looks like flirting.

But it's not, I am just gregarious especially with attractive people, I don't know why! But I usually do introduce him around, as a brillliant writer, and photographer, but then people know me and wonder what I see in him, and they say this outloud. They are not the most tactful people my friends, but that's why I like Them. That of course made the Gemini even more insecure.

So by the time we are alone, he latched on to me and wouldn't let me go for hours. I feel that I spend too much time with, and he's not right for me. I am very impatient about that, not wanting to cement myself with someone if it's obviously wrong, then I look like I'm hung up on him when he obviously needs to be with someone else.

You see my plan was to introduce him around so other women could move in, I was distancing myself and saying, here he's cute, but you can have him, he's just not for me. He doesn't understand why it has to be over, or why I have to make him look available, but I do otherwise he will be latch on to me again. And all he needs is one clinging woman and he's okay.

I can go through the course of a date and figure out that it's not going to work, but that there are a few attractive women in the room who do like him. That makes me feel what a waste. If happiness is a goal, why can't everyone leave with the right person? I know, it's a sixth house sun thing.

posted November 10, 2004 07:53 PM         

Geez... I think I would have dumped him that night should that happen to me.

First of all, I will NOT tolerate a man not getting me drinks. To top that, I will NOT go get the drinks myself. If he doesn't want to get me drinks, I will ask another gentleman to do just that for me.

Secondly, if he's with me to meet MY friends, I expect him NOT to run off talking to my friends, especially not really knowing if they are my friends or just acquaintances - Gemini or not.

I have quite a bit of Gemini friends but they have more manners than that friend you described.

If I go out with someone, I always make it clear to them right from the start, that when they are with me, I want their complete attention. I want to be pampered (spoken like an Aries). Not so much to do my bidding but I do expect them to be gentleman about such things as getting their woman a drink, or lighting my cigarette (if I should happen to be smoking which I don't smoke). It would be an insult to me if I have to do the drink errand thing.

If your friends (I am talking about those you trust most) wonders what you see in him, then I would say, there is something definitely wrong with him. It's not that I care that much about my friends' opinions. But there are a handful of friends that I know I can trust with my life. If they even hinted that my date is not exactly right, I would listen because they would know - they are looking at us from the outside, unbiased opinion.

So, I completely agree. Get rid of him and run as if your life depended on it. He's too insecure. You need a confident man. Someone who knows who he is, and not afraid to lose you to someone you are talking to or flirting with at a party.

Heck, if my husband was like that, he would be killing himself with jealousy every single time!

Best of luck to you, and I pray you find yourself a much better man to introduce.

Miss Muffet

posted November 11, 2004 02:57 PM         

at any rate, that's not cool! him treating you like that.

posted November 11, 2004 06:40 PM         

Then he gets weird again. I suppose I can trust him to be weird. At least I know what to expect.

That's the best I can do with him, I have told him that i want to start putting more energy into someone I can trust and be close to, and I can share my present moments with him.

But I can't promise anything. He acts fine, but inside I think he is po'd.

Again, I have to wonder, does his Venus in Cancer make him torture himself over women? His pluto is in the 7th house, square his sun.
Jupiter is conjunct his moon, I can see his Partner is EVERYTHING to him.

But I can't figure out if he thinks that way about me, if it is it's a little scary, so that's what I need to know. If he can't trust himself to open up, with his Uranus in Virgo conjunct Pluto in Virgo, he may never tell me, causing hurt feelings to appear. It's so useless to fight.

My Taurus Sun just wants to get along, but I can't promise anything, and that lack of control over what I am going to do next, seems to bother him. He likes women, but in a hands off sort of way.

He is the kind that acts cool, but underneath notices every slight. So I thought Scorpios seethed, this Gemini seethes more. It's not love to feel someone else's pain, or anger. That's empathy, and we have tons.

That's the challenge, it's like we have no boundaries that way, I can read him well, and vice versa. He has a Pisces Ascendant.

So I think I am doing well so far, but I am nervous to spend time again with him, and I know I have to control that in order to get along. Part of my self esteem comes from being able to do that. At the same time I am pursuing things with the other Gemini, and other options.