posted October 31, 2006 06:27 AM            

We first met when I had chicken pox dec 2003. He is my best friend's husbands best friend. I thought he was cute back then, but I was very much attached (although I hadn't been in love with my partner for a few years I still remained faithful even in thought). My mate commented that he's a lovely guy and said he's hot for 17. I nearly died, he had the bearing of one much older. My family, my best mates family and cancer-guy had dinner together. Cancer-guy and I talked a bit and laughed at our best mates' marital wars. Strange I remember that.
Next time I saw him was jan 2005. I was in a seriously foul mood (PMS) mostly cos my then partner was an hour late to set up the venue for our son's birthday party. He only came to my house briefly.
Fast forward to sept 2006. I hadn't seen him but I'd heard about him often from my best friend and her husband. Everytime her husband I sat down and chatted (he's my friend too) cancer-guys name came up. Cancer-guy's the sounding board for his problems although he's 14 years younger!
Anyway, I was waiting for my best friend to get home from work so I was having a few beers with her husband. He kept ringing cancer-guy who eventually came over. He remembered me instantly (although he got the name wrong, lol) but remembered where I lived, my kids and my ex. He asked about my leo-ex and when I said we'd been separated for almost a year he asked what I was doing the next night and asked me to a party with him. I thought he was just drunk and said no, then spent ages complaining about the neighbour I'd had a thing' with since january. Cancer-guy didn't like that much, he kept making petty mean remarks about him and kept asking 'why him?'. My best friend comes home from work and we talked about her brothers engagement party, I told her I was hijacking her cousin as my date (my oldest friend) and cancer-guy said 'no, I wanna be your date.' He kept asking me out but still I thought he was just drunk. My best mate stared at me after he kept asking me out with this big smirk and said 'he's asking you out!!!' as if I should take it seriously but I didn't cos I'm not used to guys actually asking me out on dates. He kept saying his ex was 26 w 2 kids (they lived together, went out for 2 years) and he always had older friends. Went to the pub with my best mate and cancer-guy later that night. Pisces-boy was there and we ignored one another as usual. Cancer-guy was so attentive and sweet I truly didn't appreciate it at the time. After another dopey guy I know tried to pick a fight with him, my best mate sent us to the other side of the room where we hung out and chatted and were apparently 'touchy feely'. I went home with him that night, from what I remember he was the perfect gentleman. Yeah, alcohols fun (not)! He came all the way to my place with me in the morning (50kms) then back again cos I lost my phone in my best mates front yard. I had heaps of missed calls from pisces-boy but thats of little importance. He got angry cos the friends I'd paid to renovate hadn't even finished a single room when they quit (we had a bust up thanks to the idiot who tried to fight cancer-guy at the pub-another LONG story). Pisces-boy kept coming up and cancer-guy kept making his funny little remarks about him, to which I'd stand up for pisces-boy. This happened a lot. I felt guilty cos I still liked pisces-boy so I was pretty rude to cancer-guy although he was nothing but sweet. He changed gears when I was driving cos I had a coke in my hand, told me he always ended up buying his girlfriends jewellery, teased me that I left my phone at his house cos I wanted to go back there again (to which I made a funny face and a ha ha). My phone wasn't at his house, I dropped him off and he looked for it, it wasn't there so I said 'see ya' and drove off. Went to my best mates place, got my phone and a severe lecture about 'sneaking' out of her house (seriously she's worse than my libran mother- scorpio control nut, god love her) I beat myself up and felt bad for days about pisces-boy, vented here big time and made a big drama out of the whole thing although I did nothing wrong.
After a few days I thought about it a lot and processed some stuff. I asked my best mate via text (cos I'm a wus!) if she thought cancer-guy would have dinner w me if I asked. She replied she thought he wanted to anyway cos he kept asking me. That made me happy. A few days later she even tried to give me his number, although I hadn't said a word about him, but she didn't have it in her phone. That weekend I had terrible nerves when I asked if she thought cancer-guy might want to come to the bbq the pair of us had organised. She said her husband said he wasn't interested, sorry. I was kinda crushed but went back into my old pattern of relying on pisces-boy to both boost my ego and make me feel like crap. I text pisces-boy and he rang me the next night wanting to come over. He didn't come though and I didn't really care, he did apologise for not coming which was nice. I kinda got over pisces-boy crap and was surprised the feelings I had for him dissipated over the next few days.
William's composite was spot on there, so much so it was scary!
1 1/2 weeks ago (fri) I was sitting there kinda half complaining to myself about what a tossbag pisces-boy was when the phone rings and it was cancer-guy. He was sitting with my best mates husband and had tried ringing me on my old mobile number, home line (internet overides it) for hours. I got the warm fuzzies and when he asked if he could come over to watch a DVD and have a few drinks I said yes. I was surprised to say the least, I'd heard he wasn't interested so I text my best mate (who was at work) and she said he would just wanna get laid so don't get too excited. I text back saying it wasn't gonna happen, esp cos I had my period but he's good company.
He came over and we watched a movie, had a few drinks (like 2 each) and smoked far too many cigarettes. He sat on the opposite side of the room to me. Our movie finished and we sat up til about 3am talking. He told me some lousy things about his past, all about his family and some things about his ex. He even brought up the day he'd first come to my house almost 2 years ago and laughed at what a bad mood I was in. He shared some of his hobbbies (I did too) and we just generally chatted.
He wouldn't tell me his birthday though, but I think that was cos I kept telling him he was too young for me when we first hooked up. We both dozed off, I woke first and woke him and we climbed into my bed. I had pjs on and he slept in his singlet and boxers. We slept for a bit then he tentatively put a hand on my side. I touched his arm and he cuddled up to me properly. We cuddled for hours, there was some kissing in there too! We kept dozing off and on as well. He didn't try anything else, it was so sweet.
I can honestly say I've never had nicer cuddles.
My phone woke us up and I realized I was 1 1/2 hours late. I jumped out of bed and he did too. We kept smiling at one another and he left. He came back to my front door in ten seconds cos he'd forgotten his keys. We smiled at one another, I said 'see ya' again and he left.
That whole time I thought he was only there to get some action so I was probably far more guarded than I would have otherwise been.
3 days later I asked my best friend if he was sulking cos he didn't get his booty-call. She sounded surprised I thought that and said she'd told him before he came over it was out of the question. He came up in conversation again the next day and she said he's shy. I said he talks a lot for a shy person. She replied he's very confident but he's shy with girls.
I really hoped he would've called me last weekend but he didn't. Thats why I think he's not interested after all.
I asked my best mate yesterday if she'd seen him and she said no with a smirk on her face. Told her flippantly I was sulking I hadn't heard from him. We were both distracted though so I don't think she realised I was fishing for info about him. She's hard to talk to about that kinda stuff, especially since she knows cancer-guy so well I'd hate to put her in the middle.

Oh my god I've got the digit-diarrheas! Sorry to ramble so much, but man, its good to get it all out!

What should I do? Keep in mind the slightest rejection crushes me and I'm even too scared my best mates husband will 'reject' giving me his number.

posted November 01, 2006 04:53 AM              

Well, I have thought about you, Cancer-guy and Pisces-boy a bit. Probably because you remind me a bit of myself in that regard; so if you want my honest opinion here it is:

It seems to me that you have had a fixation on Pisces-boy, even though you knew he wasn`t good for you. I couldn`t see that so clearly before, because I myself have been trapped in such a thing, a fixation, where I thought, I have to make this work; all those obstacles are just "tests" and I only have to wait long enough, before we will overcome them and then everything will be alright. Of course that wasn`t true. All those obstacles were just clear signs that we didn`T belong together. Probably I was so fixated on finding astrological signs of love and sexual attraction, because deep inside I felt, that it just wasn`t enough.
However, that was my blindness, which made me blind for your story, too, in a way I guess.
But the first thing I thought when I read the first post about youa nd Cancer-guy was: "Poor guy, he really likes her."
But just think of it: if he really likes you (and without knowing the two of you, just judging from what you wrote I have the strong feeling that he does), it must have been hard for him to see you struggling with your feelings for Pisces-boy.
He could have given up a lot earlier, but he didn`t. He was somehow always there, or at least "reappearing" now and then.
So, yes, I think, you should wait a bit, and then you should talk to him.
About your feelings and about his. I know that this is a hard thing to do, and yes, there`s always the possibility of rejection, but do you really want to go on living with thoughts of "what if" in your head?
I don`t know, of course it`s up to you, and if I were in the same situation as you, I`mnot sure I could do it, but I think it`s probably best to lay the cards on the table and be open. Dunno, if that helps or is just crap, but that`s what I think.

posted November 02, 2006 02:55 AM              

I feel flattered that you think I can understand you (I love to understand), and yes, I think we`ve come from a similiar place.
What you said, made perfect sense to me.
It`s funny, because just yesterday I asked a friend: "What am I doing wrong?"
And she replied: "You try to hard. Just lean back, relax and let things happening, instead of trying to control them."
Hmm, that is hard for me with my moon in 2nd house and Venus in Capricorn square Pluto / MC.
But I think she`s got a point there.
So you`re probably right just relaxing and be patient and let things happen. If it`s meant to be, it will show.
Interesting: the way you described your attraction to Pisces-boy as a deep dark attraction that is just the way I felt about the Virgo-guy.
God, I`m so glad, it`s over!
And I`m glad for you that you are experiences those happy blissful feelings. Good for you!

posted November 02, 2006 01:26 PM              

1. Don't involve your best friend or her husband, for either getting info. or talking to them yourself about him. It will muck things up in the process, and you may end up resenting one or both of them too. (Cancer-boy may have told the husband that he's not interested... but he likely knew that whatever he said would get back to you, and if he's shy and insecure, these types do not want you knowing for sure that they're interested. They're very capable of "game-playing" to hide fears/insecurities.)

2. Do not talk about your feelings or his to him this early on. Do not confront these things with him- It's too soon. No good can come of it. (Been there, done that, and with the "shy with girls type.")

3. Either just wait and see what happens next... OR ask him out in a casual, no pressure way. (Your friend is already creating "mixed messages" and causing confusion for you by telling him that night before he came over "not happening, no way"... May be it wasn't going to, but it was not her place to tell him that. Also, her telling you that he was just out to get laid again also created more confusion and tension for the evening. Luckily, it went as well as it did.)

4. He may hang around older people but I'd keep it in the back of my mind that he's only 20... and just evaluate the situation with that in mind. Not sure how much older you are than him?