posted February 02, 2014 08:55 PM            

I have a dilemma.

It started, one day at work, my first day, I saw a beautiful, not quite balanced, lithe Libran..girl. Her psychic Pisces rising, her fierce spirit and her Venus in Scorpio stopped me in my normally ambivalent tracks. I remember the moment very well and the immediate attraction, which endures the very same way today.there was something about her. Her voice. Smile. Yada yada yada....:)

We hung out. clicked straightaway. We were crazy aqua-libra esoteric comrades in arms. She's sometimes tomboy, sometimes femme fatale, always disarmingly beautiful. Ahem...

She travelled the globe, youthful adventures that never seemed to end..I went into business, arts..nonprofits.
She'd Return after 3 long years, find me. Reconnect,..and disappear, 
another 5 years - 5 YEARS! of radio silence,.,boom!. Back.reconnect, wonderful times...disappear.
another 6 years...6 MORE YEARS..the same.. Disappear..

Each return it would always feel like a huge event. Each time a decent, if slightly flaky fellow was coming onstream or being discarded. I was the trusted outsider/insider, and we didn't complicate what we had..

Later, she'd head back into battle... (not actually battle) and bu this stage I'd be devastated, tho smiling on the surface. Anyway, she knew. We did snatch rare intimacies a few times, But maybe Being Libran she never opened up, the way my aqua needed, so neither did I...

Sometimes id feel her presence psychically and physically, from thousands of miles away. And magically, id get a phonecall, or correspondence, or some sign, after years apart. In fact, there were lots of serendipitous events, and very strange coincidences. I knew we were uniquely connected somehow.

The last time we were together was a long time ago, in trying circumstances. She searched me out because her rocknroll marriage had broke down dramatically and she needed me suddenly. I flew off to her city, But on seeing her fragile condition I worried I was just a plan B.,.an available convenience, and that was never my plan. 
So i had big doubts suddenly, and I became demoralised, after 15 years of imagining that she was the only one..
So we were finished..nothing happened for 7 years.
No news. No Contact
Not her. Not me.

Then, a few weeks ago, new years eve, 
My phone rings.

Shes back, wow..!
but now it's me thats adventuring, so I'm 5000 miles away :(
Her voice was noticeably nervous. ( I was great, elated) 
It was all very very good.

So It was like a 100ft emotional wave that swept through January. We've (i've) talked a lot, online. She's smiled. Grinned...cried a little I think..
libras with Scorpio Venus, Taurus moon anyone?? We're in pretty deep daily flirtatious and romantic contact, wistful remembrances and it's all very cute, which is nice (we've passed 40 folks, but still think we're 24)..so it's a bit like the first dates we never had with each other.
but...

She talks about her life but not properly emotionally so far. I respect that. She's been through tough times and mostly single since we last met. She didn't understand why I went cold.
And, it.Seems like she's almost bursting to tell me more.but hasn't, yet. I dunno. She mentioned something which she has of mine, told me she'll keep it for me - for one year - so I can pick it up - if I get there...
She also let it slip that shes trying to stop thinking of me since weve reconnected again but (somedays) she just can't..- ditto.

So I'm wondering. Should I...
tie up the boat, get on the plane, knock on the door?

If a libra sun /virgo moon/ scorp venus and pisces rising does this...does it mean shes serious. Really Serious?
Why do you think she Really got back in touch?
Are our signs even a good match?

Tbh...I feel a little traitor-ish - posting...but..I need help - it could be the biggest decision (or disappointment)  of my life - so Thank you!

Btw: shes single, but her scorp venus, Pisces rising, and taurus mars are very needy I sense...but what do I know,,,all this astronomy is new to me :)

I'm also single. Did get married to work, travel, art. tho..
My (divorced) Friends say its naive waiting for The One. A perfect supersmart and strong beautiful soul mate - that doesn't exist, so i should instead 'compromise'...

But a) what does this word "compromise" mean? :)
And b) they've never met her.

Thats all folks!
Thanks for your guidance..

posted February 03, 2014 09:22 AM            

And last time she contacted you was cos her marriage ended and you were the shoulder to cry on and the emotional clutch and you allowed yourself YET AGAIN to be that role. All she does is take...It's time to change your number and block her from your life full stop.

posted February 03, 2014 11:27 AM            

Tough one.

posted February 03, 2014 09:26 PM            

Thanks a lot for weighing in.

I guess I don't think she's messed me around. She was always with some one and values loyalty highly, like really highly, as I do, so she wouldn't ever betray any of her ex relationships. Three really.
I always liked that she didn't disrespect her guys.

She's extraordinarily sensitive and doesn't deal well with it so instead she holds onto what she's got, fiercely.
But I guess I get that.

Distance was is and issue too as you can see.

Selfish? Yeah we can all be that. But she'd do anything for her few friends. She's someone (maybe Ven/Scorp thing?) who keeps her generosity secret, like a lot of other things.

Funny thing, she almost never had my number/s. I moved around. She did too. And we didnt do FB. So that's unusual I guess. So she had to be very creative to reach me on some occasions. I would have appreciated some stalking. But it didn't happen :)

Other women? Yes I've had some good relationships. Nearly got married wice. But there was always something missing.

Fyi i didn't wait all this time for her tbh. That's just how it played out. I am perfectionist with the good stuff tho. I don't obsess about the physical as much, but the soul the mind and the mystery matters a lot. And that is not easy to find in life. And I can't stand vacuous people on Sunday mornings :)

I'm still undecided. But I do appreciate the constructive criticism. If you have any astro observations I'll appreciate them too - Thanks!

(BTW my post was my first ever personal post online - do I get some prize or something? :)

posted February 03, 2014 10:00 PM            

you're funny...

I chose this forum coz its called Soul Unions.
Now your saying you're worried coz I seem, "emotionally involved"...

(I've just checked that this forum is not like a Teamsters for Earth Wind and Fire road crew - phew! ...Yes right Soul Union forum, cool.)

I'm joking Hera but yes I'm emotionally involved!
I've noticed that (everything) lasts longer when its on a higher level..even seemingly mundane things.

So I'm interested in stretching time. Something deeper. I'm catching up yknow? And I do require emo involvement - always. In Everything.

Maybe you and I Are very different I guess because if you say 'Past is Past" I must fundamentally disagree.

I was a total flake 15 years ago, and recently I was tested again and I'm only 38% flake. So People change

Also, on a serious note, my 'Friend' had a very serious accident and that changed her a lot I think.

I don't see a lot here about how Age + Experience changes people /signs profoundly. Everytime I see Anti-Aqua or anti-x thread I get amused. Don't people realise that people evolve. Sure not always but...not sure if you agree?

So Nothing ventured, you know...I think I agree with your second sentiment though..

Thanks Hera...

posted February 04, 2014 06:53 AM            

So, grand romantic gestures, I'm all up for that! We're not all that different btw, I live in Europe currently and my fiancee is in the US. That nasty Atlantic huh. I can relate you know. It's kinda scary though, no? I'm contemplating relocation and it is scary for me. Turning everything upside down, starting all over again. But hey, if there is a reason to move mountains, imo it is certainly love.

Okay, you won me over. Go for it!

Valentine's day coming soon.. just saying. haha

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This girl is on FIRE

Venus's playground

posted February 04, 2014 09:31 PM            

Or you would have not been so careful to explain and to seek confirmation.

To be honest, she seems like more of an aquarius than you. Being an aquarius myself I can totally relate to this.

But seriously, life is like this. Messy. Complicated. Wonderful, if you dare to dream.

You have loved her for years, what makes you think it is ever going to stop? I'll tell you right now that it won't as I myself am currently also counting the years. Entering year 11 soon, and I'm only 23.

I know people will tell you there is no such things as soulmates or even love, but I think you need to understand that love is not the same for everyone. Some people love all their lives, while others will never quite understand. So you cannot take the advice of people who are not like you, and who do not understand the love that you feel. Perhaps they will tell you that you are too hung up on the past, that you "need to get over it". I believe you have probably already tried this and realized it did not work.

I think you know what to do about this. Having loved her all these years (although I will believe you if you tell me at times you have been able to tell yourself you have not), you are always going to regret it if you don't take the chance. Love is worth it every time, no matter how often it has succeeded in disappointing you.

You need to trust in yourself and what your heart is telling you. Take it from someone who understands. Soulmates aren't just about happily ever after. They are here to challenge us, and sometimes they can give us the most difficult trials we will ever experience. But even after all of this, love will still be worth it, if only for the beauty of having experienced it.

I no longer regret having let go of mine. My life is better for it. Actually, I now know for a fact that had I stayed (and I literally jumped countries)... I would not be alive today. I would be dead at the hands of a mass murderer like so many of my friends. So I believe everything happens for a reason. And I am still waiting for life (or the next) to bring us back together again. If I had another chance, I would take it. No questions asked. No calculated risks, because no matter what it would be worth it. Could you really live with the uncertainty of what if (you just gave it one more shot)?

posted February 05, 2014 04:53 PM            

Sorry, I mean a ecuadorean soy moka. :)

posted February 05, 2014 06:47 PM            

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posted February 05, 2014 06:48 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by The Fisherman:
NewRise.. thanks for the reallys. Maybe when I get back to silverlake or wherever some day, Ill buy you a beer and tekl you all.

Sorry, I mean a ecuadorean soy moka.

thank you.

---

posted February 05, 2014 08:07 PM            

You are a bit unusual methinks.
I can't believe you are not yet 24.
I'll try to reply with some of the same thoughtfulness.

FYI, Ive never, ever, asked advice on this, or any other thing in fact - before now that is, and i do feel like a traitor on this board ..,but anyway...
no - I couldn't take seriously anyone who doesn't 'get it'. Which very clearly you do, but most wouldn't be as idealistic.

I've had ample opportunity to get hitched with this PYT or that, recently too, but god it's so boring. I'm no longer brad Pitt though her angelina gets better with age I think. Hers VIS helps I guess.

You're most wise to ask whether there were times I hadn't had feelings and yes. Thats true. But once it starts flowing back, it's like a sickness yknow. This is unlike younger, or more local relationships people have because we are always so far away, and because we've both had very atypical lives to date.

But The points you made were unusually intuitive I thought.
And you taught me something about a song I'd only heard distantly but never really felt. not my 1st music style usually but superb lyrics - thanks

You know Sybli...you gave me a song, so I'll give you a story...

There was once a special craft, a job which few in Europe could do.
There was no ivy league for this position. No TED, no YouTube.
An older (man usually) would sit down at a handcrafted wooden bench in a small office in a mediaeval city in northern Europe.
Before him, a rough, uncut crystalline form which had laid alone in darkness, out of view of mankind, or covetous glances, for aeons.

For years, everyday, the old man would enter his workshop and slowly study the stone. He had seen others, more Immediately impressive to some, but nothing like the captivating feeling in this one.

Few people in the world could understand or be trusted with the task of unearthing the soul of this earth energy in a way that completely preserved its character and it's inner and outer beauty.

Men feared the responsibility, and though some would take on similar responsibilities, many ended up destroying the very thing they were entrusted to cherish.

In lesser hands, without a deeper intuition and connection, the spectacular stone would shatter, never recovering its lustre.

Thus the old man, with his cheap-rimmed monocular binocular ever present, would study, sense, and try to imagine all the wondrous facets of this extraordinary creation. For years.
He would wonder what lay beneath the surface, and question his own instincts, his own perspective.
He had to, the prize was too big.

Finally, one day the gemologist would take off his glasses, sit back in his creaking chair, and sigh finally as he saw everything clearly.

He would then approach his painstaking and delicate task of shaping, crafting and intimately revealing the staggering beauty and multifaceted sophistication within the hardened, abandoned stone before him.

The rare diamond would never 'belong' to him.
But the connection would be eternal.

....................so you're right.
I've been coming to that conclusion.
But our fates, and our experiences hadn't aligned till now.
(incidentally I'm 'anti-diamond', all of em - what a lot of nonsense:)

I learned that one of her few relationships, which I thought was mundane, was secretly, extremely violent. This was shocking, but has made me understand some things about how she expresses herself, or doesnt, or has preferences for negative influences. And that's helped me make up my mind. For me it's nothing, I'd go to outer Mongolia, (particularly the Siberian side) if I knew she was all In, unquestionably, come what may.
Let's see...

So - Whenever I pass this way I will be sure to look out for you and see what wisdom you have to impart. I'm thinking about the harrowing deaths that you alluded to; I'm relieved theres another road for you, and by the sounds of things you'll be a sage and spirited voyager. I wish you well. 

Check these btw:
Elizabeth Fraser / Song to the Siren, with big headphones, in darkness, 

Or - the ultimate english language, lost (female) soul mate eulogy...

Ain't it just like the night to play tricks when you're tryin' to be so quiet ? 
We sit here stranded,
though we're all doin our best to deny it
And Louise holds a handfull of rain, tempting you to defy it
Lights flicker from the opposite loft
In this room the heat pipes just cough
The country music station plays soft
But there's nothing really nothing to turn off
Just Louise and her lover so entwined...
...And these visions of Johanna That conquer my mind.

posted February 07, 2014 06:45 PM            

Thank you so much for your precious words, your story and your song. They mean so much to me.

I'm sad to say the one who headed for the milky way was me. I saw love, and I ran away! Much like the old man in your story, it absolutely terrified me.

The far ends of the universe was (is) amazing. I am given opportunities that I know I would have passed on, had he been in my life today. And, as I mentioned, I also would very likely not be alive today had I stayed. I have had trials in my life, but I have also been so, so lucky. I may have lost love, but how grateful I am that I found it to begin with! I lost friends, but I still live. So I have come to the realization that right at this moment, I am where I am supposed to be. I am also given the chance to give back. When I left my country, I did so with the mind to better the world. It is what keeps me where I am now. And yet I still miss him all the time. So although it may seem like its all fun and roses where I am… I would choose him every time. I wouldn’t give up myself by any degree, but I would adjust my goals.

It defies reason. We were so young, and I don't even know him anymore. But it comes down to this: I just think that he is the most amazing human being that I have ever met.
And my biggest regret in life is not that we're not together but that I am missing the opportunity to tell him how truly beautiful he (his soul) is. I always thought it was so obvious, but now I'm coming to realize how dearly he deserves to hear it. And I just hope he knows. I wish him love, and happiness, but more than that I wish him to be the greatest of himself that he can be.

I was not ready to fall in love, and was expecting it to pass as everyone always told me childhood crushes would. Since then I have learned that when people speak of love, they speak of different things. Not two people are the same. Some can love more than once, some more than one at once, and some people find love that lasts for a lifetime. For me, it was love at first sight.

I do not know what your love feels like, or what the history between the two of you is. But I know that sometimes love takes hold and doesn't let go, and that as scary as it is - it is worth fighting for.

I wish you all the best, and hope that everything works out for you with the woman you love. Sometimes, the biggest thing we do in life is forgiving each other for the hurts that have passed. I understand your hesitancy, but I'm sure that there were important reasons for why your roads diverged in the past – and I hope that your time has come to be united again.

As for me, I don’t know what will happen. I know I will always love him, but I am also aware that there are different kinds of love. And perhaps I will be able to find a love for someone else. Or maybe, just maybe, I will meet him again. And maybe this time I will have the courage that I lacked and dare grasp love. I sincerely hope that this time has come for you.

posted February 12, 2014 12:27 AM            

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

I'd gamble the price of broken heart to know the answer to THIS ONE.