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Author
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Topic: Stuff about men I just read
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poochycat
Knowflake Posts: 2975
From: Vancouver, Canada
Registered: Jun 2013
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posted August 09, 2016 11:26 AM
  
Hey guysI just read up on this concerning men and why they act hot then cold. In other words coming on strong, being very attentive, sweet and then BOOM! avoiding texts, e-mails, cancelling out on plans. Then you get all worked up and think "what did I do"??? and why is he avoiding me? Is he with another woman? It is called the "Rubber band Theory." It's when a man HAS to have time alone to sort things out with his emotions. I have read that it's actually hormonal, go figure LOL. Good news is it has nothing to do with you and a lot of men do this. The reason for the term rubber band is that if you try to chase him, confront him, get angry, he will go in the opposite direction. Think of a rubber band being stretched to the breaking point. This is what will happen. He will just go further away from you until he snaps and relationship over! If you give him his space, no contact whatsoever, I know hard  he WILL come back being loving and more considerate. I have seen this many times, myself included, with the girls on LL asking "will I hear from xyz soon or why is xyz avoiding me etc". IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!! Just be strong and no contact. It usually last about two weeks. There are actually web sites on this very subject. "The Rubber Band Effect" check it out. Poochy IP: Logged |
poochycat
Knowflake Posts: 2975
From: Vancouver, Canada
Registered: Jun 2013
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posted August 09, 2016 04:18 PM
A GOOD READ  IP: Logged |
lilypad18
Knowflake Posts: 2866
From: my mother's uterus
Registered: Apr 2015
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posted August 09, 2016 04:32 PM
Sorry but I have to disagree with this... usually if he doesn't contact u is because he clearly has no interest in you, that's what it is... yes, it has nothing to do with us girls, but that doesn't mean we have to create a "theory" in which we excuse his behavior, this just makes us wait for him even more and again find excuses for him and act like mothers for him, when we should instead move onI shouldn't talk all of this because I am one of the first girls who started asking like 100 times a day if my ex was going to contact me, being desperate as f*ck but in any case, I don't agree with this theory, sorry poochy.. and don't get me wrong, ain't trynna be rude or anything IP: Logged |
lilypad18
Knowflake Posts: 2866
From: my mother's uterus
Registered: Apr 2015
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posted August 09, 2016 04:35 PM
I mean of course there will exist cases in which the guys needs a lil bit of space, but that doesn't mean ALL men need from us to stop worrying about OUR feelings and OUR needs to express ourselves, our anger, our everything. We have the right to do so and he'll be there and listen; if he agreed to have the remotely romancely thing with us, then he has to agree to be there when we haven't met our needs from him or we want to tell them we feel bad about his behavior. We are not their mothers to be like "ah he just needs space he'll come back", no, if he wants to leave there's the door and I wish the best for you, but first you'll have to hear me express myself. IP: Logged |
poochycat
Knowflake Posts: 2975
From: Vancouver, Canada
Registered: Jun 2013
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posted August 09, 2016 04:43 PM
Hi Lily,Hear you loud and clear And I agree with you in that some men and just not worth the grief. However this was a good web site that I happened to come across and it may relate to some gals that are needy. I think it boils down to that if you chase they will run the other way and I have seen this over and over. Check out the web site "The Rubber band Effect". It is from the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." IP: Logged |
lilypad18
Knowflake Posts: 2866
From: my mother's uterus
Registered: Apr 2015
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posted August 09, 2016 04:51 PM
yeah I get what u are meaning there.... I just, from my point of view obviously, don't think this would be the best way to approach it But it is actually beautiful from ur side to open a thread to help another people!
IP: Logged |
Ceridwen
Moderator Posts: 27859
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted August 09, 2016 05:25 PM
To be honest I am like those men being described.  After a time of intense communication, when it dawns on me that there might be something special going on, I need time and space to reflect on what exactly is going on, how I want it to be going on, and what to do from this point on.
IP: Logged |
Orange
Knowflake Posts: 4982
From: Georgia
Registered: May 2009
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posted August 09, 2016 05:31 PM
Such a wise girl you are, Lilly.
Reminds me of that movie " He is just not into you".
Most men despise confrontation so they just choose to disappear. Things are especially clear if they point blank tell you they are not interested. Dont try to find excuses when you are told that.
If they want you, they will find you. IP: Logged |
Empty Spaces
Knowflake Posts: 997
From:
Registered: Jun 2015
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posted August 09, 2016 05:46 PM
quote:
If they want you, they will find you.
This is a sad true.There is no excuses! IP: Logged |
lilypad18
Knowflake Posts: 2866
From: my mother's uterus
Registered: Apr 2015
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posted August 09, 2016 05:56 PM
thanks for ur kind words, Orange!I just say it because I had the experience, and most women dont even realize whats actually going on here, they are just like desperate for him, so I thought by putting this here maybe someone reads it and realizes whats going on so that she [or even he] can stop losing its time. Its like, u are so involved in everything that u dont see outside of it
quote:
Originally posted by Orange:
Most men despise confrontation so they just chose to disappear.
these are the exact words I was looking for and what I meant IP: Logged |
Ceridwen
Moderator Posts: 27859
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted August 09, 2016 06:10 PM
All people are not the same however. Though most of the time, if he doesn`t make time for you, he simply isn`t into you, I would agree with that. IP: Logged |
Saille
Knowflake Posts: 455
From: Stubborn Aries
Registered: Apr 2015
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posted August 09, 2016 07:56 PM
I agree with you P,My guy went through a break up and then met me, and trust me its been bad. Even though he says he over her, emotionally, mentally he needs time to get over that compelty. I miss him all the time, but I'd rather wait for him to come to me, and slowly he has. IP: Logged |
poochycat
Knowflake Posts: 2975
From: Vancouver, Canada
Registered: Jun 2013
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posted August 09, 2016 10:32 PM
This is not true in all cases and I feel you know when it is over. But this was a good read and I have seen it go both ways.IP: Logged |
Sikanda
Knowflake Posts: 884
From: 28080
Registered: Aug 2015
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posted August 10, 2016 05:23 PM
Hi Poochy .
I must say I totally agree with Lily, though. While I was reading it, I felt described in all that she said. IP: Logged |
poochycat
Knowflake Posts: 2975
From: Vancouver, Canada
Registered: Jun 2013
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posted August 10, 2016 05:31 PM
Hey Sikanda,For the most part, I do too. The think the author of the book is a man haha  IP: Logged |
frankie2912
Knowflake Posts: 1616
From: Here and There
Registered: Apr 2011
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posted August 10, 2016 06:22 PM
Yeahhhh...yall keep telling yourselves this. lol.I agree with the girls here who disagree with the OP. Sometimes it IS you who is the problem! Sometimes the man doesn't like you or lost interest and sometimes it is something you did and sometimes it's not. Sometimes a man just wants to d*ck around, or be shady, or just do whatever he wants. Sometimes you were too needy or annoying or stupid or dirty or WHATEVER...sometimes you WEREN'T. There is NO blanket statement for all men or all women! I have been the girl a guy lost interest in or ignored and YES sometimes it was me and sometimes it wasn't! The best thing to do is...if someone isn't giving you the same attention and respect you give them..cut your losses and move on! Be wise enough to recognize patterns.....patterns in YOUR behavior and YOUR choice of men. Be aware of what you do, say, what you allow, who you go after, etc.....then all this silly game playing and excuse-making will end. IP: Logged |
MillyX
Knowflake Posts: 1991
From: canada
Registered: Feb 2012
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posted August 10, 2016 06:52 PM
Totally agree with you Frankie! I used to be the girl who would wait after a guy or chase him but it's not worth it. The best thing to do is move on with your life and become SELF SUFFICIENT. Neediness is such a turn off. It's not worth putting your attention on one guy giving you crumbs, some other guy will be willing to give you all the love you deserve but you might be so busy focusing on the guy treating you like crap that you miss your chance.IP: Logged |
poochycat
Knowflake Posts: 2975
From: Vancouver, Canada
Registered: Jun 2013
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posted August 10, 2016 07:05 PM
Love all the comments! I really am on the fence with this as I have seen friends of mine over the years being needy and then dumped UGH and then not chasing after them and they slowly come back into their lives. I haven't read the book yet but plan to. Thanks ladies IP: Logged |
hannaramaa
Moderator Posts: 11459
From:
Registered: Nov 2011
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posted August 10, 2016 11:32 PM
quote:
Originally posted by lilypad18:
Sorry but I have to disagree with this... usually if he doesn't contact u is because he clearly has no interest in you, that's what it is... yes, it has nothing to do with us girls, but that doesn't mean we have to create a "theory" in which we excuse his behavior, this just makes us wait for him even more and again find excuses for him and act like mothers for him, when we should instead move onI shouldn't talk all of this because I am one of the first girls who started asking like 100 times a day if my ex was going to contact me, being desperate as f*ck but in any case, I don't agree with this theory, sorry poochy.. and don't get me wrong, ain't trynna be rude or anything
IP: Logged |
cherful24
Knowflake Posts: 5371
From: chicago, il
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted August 10, 2016 11:58 PM
Isn't it sad that women always put Men first. there's no theory about women that men research to feel better about themselves. Ugh 😠 IP: Logged |
Ceridwen
Moderator Posts: 27859
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted August 11, 2016 07:35 AM
quote:
Originally posted by frankie2912:
There is NO blanket statement for all men or all women!
Exactly. IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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