posted September 09, 2012 08:50 AM            

I'm somewhat new to astrology but it's always fascinated me so I thought I'd share here and see if any of you can see any connections between what I'm struggling with and my astrology.

My name is Kennedy (male), I was born April 19th, 1990 at 8.21pm in Box Hill, Victoria, Australia.

Due to a lot of family and personal issues over the last ten years or so, I've found myself struggling with a very deep depression. I've recently sought out a therapist which is bringing out a great deal of bad old memories and feelings I've neglected to deal with over the years.

This depression has been present for as long as I can remember but in the last five years its severity has become more and more apparent. I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts (and a few scattered attempts), I'm very anxious and more recently have been having panic attacks. As an Aries, my natural personality is outgoing, motivated and (probably from my Taurus cusp) logical which is why this anxiety, depression and hopeless unhappiness is such a foreign concept to me.

Most of this links back to my severe bulling through my school years and dealing with my very abusive alcoholic father for so many years. When I was eighteen, I cut my father out of my life but since and I have no doubt I made the right decision by doing so but it's left me in a place on overwhelming unhappiness. I'm desperate to find some peace but I seem to keep hitting brick walls when it comes to improving my state of mind.

Any suggestions or thoughts would be greatly appreciated and please feel free to ask me any questions if you need more information.

Thanks so much!

posted September 09, 2012 09:33 AM            

This aspect means that your emotions are often so intense that you seem to be at their mercy. When you are with people you like a lot, you easily become jealous and you may try to control those you love for fear of losing them. Of course, that is the fastest way to lose them, so you should try to trust the people you love and let them be.

You will go through several critical times when you very much need understanding and support from your family and friends. These emotional crises may seem to pull you apart, but they are stages in your inner growth that will help you become better, wiser and more mature.

Venus in the Fourth House 4th hs

You like your surroundings to be comfortable, pleasant, elegant and gracious. As you get older you may collect art or other objects to beautify your home.

Being loved by your parents is more important to you than to others. Probably you will receive all the warmth and affection that you need from them. But if your relationship with either or both of your parents is difficult, you will be more hurt psychologically than most people would.

Mercury Opposition Pluto

Mercury in the Sixth House 6th hs

Your critical mind quickly figures out how any situation could be improved. However, be careful not to be so critical that you see only flaws. Use your critical ability to improve things, not to tear them down.

Most of your problems stem from a difficult childhood and a powerful 12th house pluto in scorpio, but you have several positive aspects in your chart. I advise you to get out of your house and start exercising(something your Sun sextile Mars really wants you to do anyway) and focus on the positive. You're using your pluto and moon to emotionally fixate on the past. Focus on building a brighter tommorrow, and you'll be fine.

I also suggest you interprete your own chart at astro.com.

posted September 09, 2012 09:43 AM            

Knowing a bit about psychology, just about to be graduating with my bachelors, I can say that in psychology the father is considered very important. Having left your father was a very good thing for you....before he could do any more harm to your psyche! but unfortunately it's a temporary fix because your feelings towards him and the way he treated you still remain. It would be ideal for you to resolve your issues with your father by getting closer to him rather than running away from your relationship. Psychology says that even when you leave a parent's side, your feelings about them still remain and still rule your personality whether you like it or not. You must resolve your issues with your father by getting some kind of feelings of guilt or remorse from him. Try to get him to say sorry, try to make peace with him. I know it will be very hard since he hurt you so very much, but know that your low self-esteem is not going to go away unless you feel that he loves you. With this aspect, it is hard to like yourself, despite how many people try to tell you otherwise and try to affirm that there's nothing wrong with you. You feel that society stands in your way and doesn't let you be yourself, and you feel very little support from people. Rather, you feel that they reflect the views your father had of you! They're critical of everything you do, expecting perfection, and get in your way and don't let you express yourself. In reaction to this, you rebel against all authority, including your father. Because you can't stand anyone being demanding of you, since you are already so demanding of yourself and thus are very sensitive to criticism, you rebel against authority and hate to feel like you have to respect someone just because they're in a higher rank than you. Don't let that hinder your success in society. Your father had an overly pessimistic and cold view about the world. Don't let it stop you! Surround yourself with happy, optimistic people who let you believe in your dreams which your father so heavily restricted, and encourage your self expression...and then I feel that you'll be able to find the strength to not only stand independently, but to make peace with your father and face him.

I think surrounding yourself with people who love you, to counteract the way your father treated you will be very good for you.

posted September 09, 2012 09:48 AM            

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted September 09, 2012 11:27 AM            

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted September 09, 2012 08:50 PM            

First of all, yes you have very tough aspects in your chart, but you also have good ones. For instance, Sun, Venus and Jupiter are exalted, and Saturn and Pluto are domiciled. This is not just good, but it is VERY GOOD.

There is so much I could say, but I'll try to keep things simple. I can see why things have felt worse in the past 5 years. And I do see that they will continue to feel crappy until November 2013. After that, things will get SO MUCH BETTER for you, if you can just hang on and not give up.

It seems like a long time to wait, but you are very young, and you have your life ahead of you. For now, focus on healing your memories, and continue working with the therapist. The North Node is currently in your 12th house of the unconscious, so it's an excellent time to deal with past memories and things of that sort that might contribute or create depression. It's an excellent time to heal that.

You are an Aries, and you are a fighter. You have it in you to handle these difficult circumstances. Jupiter is your chart ruler, and Jupiter is in your corner, sextiling your sun by 6 degree orb. A bit wide, but still usable because Jupiter rules your chart and it is exalted. So, try your best to go through your feelings while remaining optimisticly Jupiterian that things will get better, because they will. They will not be perfect, but they will be better.

You have 3 planets in Cap, and that also adds a lot of latent power to your chart. Capricorn always means hard work, but hard work that is ultimately rewarded. So, all in all, if you don't lose hope and are not afraid to go through these challenges to come out to the other side, you can create a great life for yourself, and be one of those people who are perfect examples that having difficult aspects in a chart can lead to more achievement than having easy aspects.

posted September 10, 2012 12:27 PM            

Just these few things lead me to believe that you cannot go out to others easily and share your pain. You may hold it in as a volcano and then it may explode. Please, keep reaching out, as you did here!

Pluto in the 12th may be a part of your problem as you may have a really hard time dealing with your own primal emotions/passions.

Chiron in the 8th would further suggest this as your deepest wound( and we all have one) would be in the area of your soul emotions and passions.

Were you hurt very deeply here making you almost afraid to deal with these things, as so much pain is associated with it.

I will await your reply and then see what else, I can see

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted September 11, 2012 06:43 AM            

You're right, I do have trouble sharing these issues with others. It's strange because with everything else, I'm generally a very blunt and to the point. But these painful issues I'm struggling with I tend to keep to myself. I think it's come from many years of treading on eggshells with my father.

I know one or two of you have mentioned that because a lot of these issues stem from growing up around my father, it would be beneficial to mend my relationship with him. I have had this response for most people I've reached out to over the last few years which I think it turn has reinforced my lack of sharing. It's not that I don't want to hear what they have to say but it's difficult for me to explain my father to others. Even my mother's experiences with him, although awful, were very very different from mine.

After my parents divorced when I was 16, I moved in with my Dad because he said he'd cut me off if I had a relationship with my mother. I did this because I knew I could secretly stay in contact with my Mum and have my Dad but if I were living with my Mum, he would've left me and at that point I wasn't ready to let go of him.

The one decision I've made in my life that I can confidently say was the right one is me removing my Dad from my life. It's hard to explain and in the past when I've tried to talk to friends about him, they don't believe what I tell them because it seems so awful. This is another reason why I stopped sharing with others. The bottom line is, he's crazy. He's an alcoholic and bipolar and in order for me to mend my relationship with him, it would mean me taking all responsibility which I'm not willing to do simply because I was a kid and I did nothing wrong.

Anyway, I just thought I'd clarify that a little more.

posted September 11, 2012 06:51 AM            

I had an aries dad (he passed this year) and i am now with an aries man. Both of these men seem/ed to have a dual personality. Very outspoken to the point of *ouch* and very masculine and impetuous and yet innately sensitive and somewhat isolated in themselves. I have known a few aries men who are this way. I think in some sense its is very difficult for the aries to grow up and therefore remains in the "baby" stage somehow and yet in other ways they are fearless and brave. Maybe you try to choose to be with people who are understanding of your nature (water sign women are good for this) ~ i am a scorpio and feel great compassion for my aries man, albeit that he drives me mad with his need to be so closed with the emotions. I think its very important for aries men to channel their emotions physically into sport maybe and lots of sex

Hope that helps! x

posted September 11, 2012 07:45 AM            

My father is actually a Libra (born September 24th). I just realised I haven't shared his information. I'm the Aries in this equation.

posted September 11, 2012 07:56 AM            

No problem with the posting, just ask if i can help at all?

posted September 11, 2012 08:17 AM            

She and I have always had quite a turbulent relationship too. We're very different so we clash a lot. She very controlling and invasive and I HATE that. As much as I love her, she drives me crazy because she constantly (unintentionally) makes me feel like I'm not good enough or I'm doing something the wrong way. I, as an Aries, hate being told what to do and she loves nothing more than pushing her ways and opinions on me.

posted September 11, 2012 08:54 AM            

I think part of the reason why I've struggled for so long is I honestly don't think I've ever had a "safe place". I was bullied at school, then I'd go home and be bullied by my Dad and have my mother just reiterate that I'm not good enough the way I am. That mixed with the fact that I'm an Aries and I am sensitive to those sorts of things obviously didn't/doesn't help.

posted September 13, 2012 04:55 AM            

If you are able, get professional health. I have found over the years, most people find it hard to handle other peoples' stuff (unless they are very mature). I found, healing, counselling and psycotherapy a life saver. Even if you go once a month, it will really start to help you

Keep talking on here and if i can help at all with stuff just ask!

posted September 13, 2012 06:00 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by redshoes:
Aries Boy

If you are able, get professional health. I have found over the years, most people find it hard to handle other peoples' stuff (unless they are very mature). I found, healing, counselling and psycotherapy a life saver. Even if you go once a month, it will really start to help you

Keep talking on here and if i can help at all with stuff just ask!

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In agreement, counselling saved me from a very dark place these past 18 months. I have come through the other side...we have been born on this earth for a reason, life is worth living.

Wish you all the best