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Author
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Topic: justify...from insecurity
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Virgo-AriesArtist
Moderator Posts: 1398
From: USA
Registered: Nov 2001
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posted March 06, 2006 03:00 PM
 
03/03/06Was it really worth it?
I kinda wish I knew
I'm more emotional than ever
A walking sobbing basket case
Smack my face in reprimand
I don't know what to do
Kiss me slowly, kill me softly
Nothing pretends to be solid
No, I can't tell if I'll see you again
I'm afraid to be an out-of-place intruder
Yes, I'd like to see you again,
As long as it is the right time and place
------------------
-K
"...poetry is the subtle alchemy of a sensitive soul like hell it is poetry is what squeezes out of you
when you've been squashed by Life, like a bug" ~Gooberz IP: Logged |
lotusheartone
Knowflake Posts: 5731
From: piopolis, quebec canada
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted March 06, 2006 06:20 PM
hehe, ever feel like you are being ignored..lol..how was your trip..please tell me your love story..sweet kisses I hope..Sending you lots of Love..Listen to your Heart IP: Logged |
Virgo-AriesArtist
Moderator Posts: 1398
From: USA
Registered: Nov 2001
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posted March 06, 2006 11:44 PM
Hi dear lotusheartone...
Thank you again for the uplifting words, they really helped me so much.
My trip was awesome, amazing, and so darm emotional, it's still processing in my mind and body now. It was so great to see him again, especially when he showed up to the airport all dressed up, button-down shirt and dress pants, hehe. I just revelled in spending time with him, walking on a beach, driving around in his Jeep, kissing him (and making out with him, hehe), meeting his family, meeting his friends, seeing his university, eating out with him, learning about the island's history, seeing him first thing in the morning...it was just great. He was constantly holding my hand, opening the car door for me, negotiating orders at restaurants, making me feel as comfortable as possible in the middle of an entirely foreign environment. Then, in some ways, I just feel so freakin' vulnerable...wondering if he understands how difficult it is for me to open up, how I don't share my kisses with just anybody, how I haven't done any of this before and I don't want to seem like I'm giving too much away before my heart feels secure. I mean, my heart does feel secure in some ways, but I get this neediness that scares me because I am so afraid of coming across clingy and dependent when I am not always like that. I want to talk to him twice a day, I like getting sweet e-mails...they make me feel loved and secure, and thought about. And I like doing the same in return. Maybe it's my Venus in Leo, but when I don't get a certain amount of attention every day, I start feeling instantly lonely, and it's hard to kick myself out of that slump. Like today, only talked to him once for not even five minutes. Boohoo. But, how do you tell someone what you 'expect' from them in the relationship? It makes me feel like I am searching for a tax broker or a therapist when I think of setting down concrete expectations or wishes... Here's another post I made about our whole situation, some other details about the trip are there too...
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum10/HTML/002037.html
My heart is royally confused, and I'm tired of hearing about what my family and other people think is best. They are not living my life. I also don't want to be the one putting more into this relationship if it's going to keep getting stronger. I don't do distance well. But I'm not about to jump on a plane and go live down there...why? My heart is making me crazy. It just wants to be with him, reagrdless, and I have trouble focusing on stuff around here. It's not fair on me. Why do I feel like this thing between us is serious? I just do and it hurts to have to tell my heart, "wait til you are sure", "don't love too deeply or you'll get yourself into a relationship that doesn't involve him doing very much work"...it bleeds sometimes to hear the reality. I would like nothing better than to be nearer to him, but not throw myself at him. I need to be my own person, not grovelling for his attention. I must make plans that don't involve him and if he happens to still be around, all the better, says my intellect. I don't know. Hearts are funny things...they don't care about rules and societal expectations...they have a set of their own standards and agendas. I wish mine would beat clearer...
And it really doesn't help that we are going through a blasted Mercury Retrograde and guess what Mercury rules...? ::dum-duh-duh-dum:: Gemini and Virgo!! (our sun signs). Communication is so haywire, I don't know what to trust right now. 4 weeks is a long time to lie low. I'm trying to hibernate, but my mind keeps rattling this all around, over and over.
It's so nice to have someone willing to listen..friend.  
------------------
-K
"...poetry is the subtle alchemy of a sensitive soul like hell it is poetry is what squeezes out of you
when you've been squashed by Life, like a bug" ~Gooberz IP: Logged |
lotusheartone
Knowflake Posts: 5731
From: piopolis, quebec canada
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted March 06, 2006 11:57 PM
I'm glad to here you had such a wonderful time with your Brian, sounds like you a magical time..and that is very scary..when you leave it behind..weariness can grow..how long can I wait..doubt arises..people say negative things..always always listen to your heart..he holds the key(note-tone) to your heart, and yours to his..I feel such good vibrations from you..Love is there..and you are aware..and the funny thing is..it'll all just all into place..signs..messages..little affrimations along the way..to let you know..that this real..and you are deserving of such immense love..as he is..and all of us..Smile..your trip sounded so dreamy..hehe
I am so happy for you.. Sending you lots of Love.. IP: Logged |
sweetlibra
Knowflake Posts: 1320
From:
Registered: Oct 2004
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posted March 07, 2006 12:06 AM
beautiful poem Virgo-AriesArtist 
It touched my heart IP: Logged |
Virgo-AriesArtist
Moderator Posts: 1398
From: USA
Registered: Nov 2001
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posted March 07, 2006 03:51 PM
It was magical...and that was what made it hard to leave...Yep, you hit it exactly, with the 'how long can I wait?' bit and the doubt...I have to tune out the negativity...bah...Love is there and I hope we are both as aware...I love him very deeply. Thank you for your warm words...
 Thank you also, sweetlibra, for your compliments.  ------------------
-K
"...poetry is the subtle alchemy of a sensitive soul like hell it is poetry is what squeezes out of you
when you've been squashed by Life, like a bug" ~Gooberz IP: Logged |
lotusheartone
Knowflake Posts: 5731
From: piopolis, quebec canada
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted March 07, 2006 04:10 PM
Virgo-AriesArtist..I think it's all wonderful..two people in Love..focusing on one another..and sooner or later..decisions..and responsiblities..to getting to where you both want to be..a beautiful journey ahead..please keep me posted..and patience and acceptance and lots of Love..while waiting..it'll all be so worth it..and it will be all the more appreciated..
Magic! Sending everyOne lots of Love.. IP: Logged |
Virgo-AriesArtist
Moderator Posts: 1398
From: USA
Registered: Nov 2001
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posted March 07, 2006 10:47 PM
lotusheartone...you reminded me of a favorite poem of mine by our Linda, that harkens to this situation vivdly..."The Warm of Him"...it mentions things we (women) cannot think of while waiting...I should type it up here, or have you seen it before?------------------
-K
"...poetry is the subtle alchemy of a sensitive soul like hell it is poetry is what squeezes out of you
when you've been squashed by Life, like a bug" ~Gooberz IP: Logged |
lotusheartone
Knowflake Posts: 5731
From: piopolis, quebec canada
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted March 07, 2006 10:52 PM
Kathleen Kathleen..I'll take you home..aw, I know what pOem you are talking about.. we are all waiting, hehe, patience..and Ah.. reward..Love Love Love IP: Logged |
Virgo-AriesArtist
Moderator Posts: 1398
From: USA
Registered: Nov 2001
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posted May 24, 2006 08:43 PM
Hehe, guess what? So much honest open communication has gone on between Brian and I during the last week or so, and now I know for sure how real it is for both of us...and it's offical, he is my *boyfriend*...not that the label is any big deal to anyone else, but it feels nice, and sorta strange to have a title for this lovely relationship, and to know that, per his words, "I liked you more than a friend long before I acutally had the courage to tell you"...::sighs:: I'm floating.IP: Logged |
lotusheartone
Knowflake Posts: 5731
From: piopolis, quebec canada
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted May 24, 2006 09:22 PM
Virgo-AriesArtist..I am so happy for you..floating..ah..so..glad you're together,
a couple..Love Love Love. ...
Love and Respect for ALL..
IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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