posted May 04, 2010 08:59 AM
I can't be too sure what experience you're describing, or if it really is identical, or similar to, the experiences I would associate it to in my own life. What it puts me in mind of, though, is my habitual state. This may be ironic, and it may not be. What you're describing sounds like a dissociative break from your habitual way of seeing, but what I'm suggesting is that my own habitual way of seeing is dissociative.There's an element of the impersonal in nearly everything I contemplate or have my "intelligent senses" stimulated by. There's an emphasis on second-guessing and undermining the personal self, or the positions it feels moved to cling to. There's a pronounced removal from the world and its affairs, and an immersion in the world of ideas. It may be that I am at the far end of the cycle you are describing (as you are at the far end of the cycle I'm describing?). For me, identity is already such a chore. I was going to say "mystery", or "abyss", or something. But it is a chore, trying to put together and hold together an identity. Still, I feel that's what I must do, if I'm not going to become entirely fragmented. I need to put these planets in orbit around a solar self. It's tricky.
Sometimes, the ego arises, and clings tenaciously to something, not because there is a powerful identification with the self, but, because the soul is desperate for a harbor; a self. The philosopher Nietzsche may be a good example of this, I suspect. Without a strong identity, the soul drifts like a boat without its moorings. The captain stands on the deck watching the scenery pass. Distant mountains cutting characters in the sky; strange clouds; exotic fish; exotic birds; "deeper souths" (as Nietzsche's Zarathustra says),... For all the open space, there's still a lot to see. But there's no one at the helm. Perhaps the captain has gone mad?
The matter is a delicate one. Our culture is lopsided in favor of the solar ideal, and an affirmative emphasis needs to be placed on the realm of the imagination, the realm of mystery, questioning, openning, receiving, undoing, unravelling, feeling, -- in short, the realm of the Soul. But this is a difficult process, primarily, because there is so little understanding and appreciation for the soul built into our culture. Working with the soul is discouraged at the outset, and the productions of the soul are stigmatized and scandalized, at least, until they've been translated into hard cash. The dangers on the path of the soul are many and we've been left largely unprepared to meet them. They are seen as clear signs that you have gone the wrong way; to one who is not on the path of soul, every sign along that path is a "Wrong Way" sign, and every difficulty is saying "Go Back!".
So, while I wish to make some of the difficulties on this "shadow path" known, I do not wish to discourage you from taking it, or to give reassurance to anyone who might use such information to try to discredit it. In any case, I would do well not to discourage you from a path which you are already resolutely entered upon, as a skiff upon a strong current is already being carried by the river and should not seek to reverse, but only to direct, it's course.
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The Pigeon Hole
"The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of because words diminish your feelings - words shrink things that seem timeless when they are in your head to no more than living size when they are brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within, not for want of a teller, but, for want of an understanding ear."
~Stephen King
Lindaland
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posted May 04, 2010 02:24 AM
