posted February 11, 2010 07:49 AM         

If you have encountered someone like this, what placements do you feel influenced the behavior?

posted February 11, 2010 11:20 AM         

Like you, I have Moon square Uranus, so I think I know where you're coming from with that. But unlike you, I have Uranus in my 1st house, not my 5th. Uranus is a part of my general disposition. As long as my partner lets me be myself, I'm happy with commitment.

Since it's in your 5th house and trine your ASC, your Uranus probably finds its most direct expression in love relationships. Perhaps a quick infatuation followed just as quickly by disinterest when obstacles or stagnation pop up? Always an eventual awareness and feeling of detachment?

That could be keeping you from committing to relationships that really aren't right for you long-term, something Uranus quickly picks up on.

When the relationship is satisfying on most levels, do you still feel an urge to destroy it so you can be free? If your commitment phobia expresses itself like that, then there's probably even more in your chart besides Uranus showing a resistance to partnership. You mentioned Juno and the 7th house. Have you checked yours out?

posted February 11, 2010 11:31 AM         

I honestly am all three of them: commitment deterrent, marriage resistant and I'm a regular heartbreaker. At least I was when I was still going out.

I'm in a -somewhat- steady relationship now, but heavily resisting marriage, in fact I am downright against wasting good money on just a piece of paper and a party to confirm what we all already knew. Pointless. If my boyfriend asked me to marry him, I might consider it, but would probably have a very private party with little costs so that the worth of the piece of paper at least matches the price we paid.

Yep, that's my Capricorn 2nd house talking.

I am commitment phobic too, believe it or not (with a partner and a baby, I can imagine it's hard to believe). Before I met my current partner, my relationships lasted on average about 3 weeks. It took a violent partner to make me realise that breaking men's hearts like that was probably not the best thing I've ever done - since that relationship, the average went up to about 4 months. The one I am in now is almost 3 years running and is in 1st place, head well above the others with a ratio of about 6 to 1. And that is the only relationship that ever lasted over a year.

Still not convinced I'm a commitment phobe? How about this: even though it was always the men who dumped me, possibly very true to my Scorpio sun nature, I "passive-agressive"-ly manipulated them into dumping me. I made it into an art: creatively finding ways to make men dump me. Acting moody - usually helps. Being too clingy - works like a charm. Acting a bit crazy - doesn't always work, but it is fun! Talking about your exes - they can't leave too soon! All of the above - success guaranteed.

In fact, I am quite independent and individual, everything that attracts most men to women. Too bad I'm a bit too independent to be able to stay in a relationship. I also have a great need for change in my life, when things get too run-off-the-mill, I give them a turn. Too bad I get bored with things easy, which means I get tired of relationships soon.

Good thing my partner now keeps me occupied I suppose here it's mostly my Sagittarius-Gemini axis doing the talking: Sagittarius rising, conjunct mercury conjunct uranus, both in 1st, opposing moon in Gemini in 7th, and venus conjunct neptune in 1st, also Sagittarius. Just a bit further away.

Incidentally, Juno is in the 9th house in Virgo, conjunct the MC, trine mars and square Venus and Neptune.

I am still a heartbreaker. That even before I even consider a relationship. I have turned a lot of men down and they didn't take it very well. Does that constitute a heartbreaker?

Probably a result of my Uranus in 1st?

But I'm happy with my partner and my baby now does that mean I'm a cured commitment phobe?

posted February 11, 2010 11:27 PM         

quote:

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uranus in major aspect to the moon or venus speacially if uranus is in 1st or 7th. Also dominent gem and sag, they love playing the field, variety is the spice of life for them and many lack true emotional depth.

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Not in my case. I have Uranus conjunct ascendant, aspecting my Gemini Moon/Venus, Mars in Pisces, and my Sun in Aries, and I also feel this way:

quote:

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I have a strong Uranus. I'm not commitment-phobic as long as the commitment accommodates my Uranian ways.

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posted February 12, 2010 03:24 AM         

Also, I feel early on when a relationship is not quite right. Sometimes I try to work it out going against the feeling and keep a relationship, but find that I should have trusted those first instincts about the guy. There a bit of sabotage if he doesn't give my space I may withdraw from them, like all contact, or just seem indifferent and disinterested like I dislike them. I should just say I need my space, but that doesn't work well either.

Is Juno now a flower pot on Astro D? Just noticed that!

I carry Juno in Gemini, 12th house (6°26'48), which squares Virgo Eros in the 4th, also square Pisces Pholus and Vesta in the 10th, opposing Sag Neptune in the 6th (a toughy). Couldn't find much about the asteroids and there are no aspects to my 7th house. But, I have Capricorn in the 7th which makes Saturn the ruler and leaves some lessons/unfinished business to handle with regard to 7th stuff.

Woo hoo, I am your favorite kinda bull! I think one thing Uranus has given me is an ability to accept people as they are and allow them to show that side they reserve for private life.

@Aya

I feel similarly about marriage and know how to make my partners feel like there's distance between us. I even know the basic timeline for when a relationship is ending... problems only arise when I try to fight that natural end.

With Uranus in the 1st, I think people might be attracted to your ability to be an individual and self-possessed in a way that they cannot be.

Do you find that you attract partners with weaker/softer public personalities, but as you get to know them, find they are a lot like you. But just hide it?

And, yes, with a partner and baby, I'm calling you a cured commitment phobe. But, I am sure you are expressing your uniqueness in some manner.

@Scrappy
I don't know if there's a lack of emotional depth or more of an inability to see that some people do not want to be as free or unconventional as they are?

@Vapor Lash
Uranus in Sagittarius? I think ane said we're meant for each other. Maybe we can become lifelong partners but never live together or get married?
I understand what you mean about commitment seeming a foreign notion. I have been with friends discussing their future marriage plans and just quietly felt "I don't get it".
@Teasel
Well, as they say, "the stars do not compel, they only impel." But you still like to have your way, no?

posted February 13, 2010 12:11 PM         

I tend to go for characters who are as different from me as they can be. I can't say I'm very socially capable because I doubt that myself sometimes. I do my own thing but find that often it doesn't fit into our society... I tend to attract men who are quite the social butterflies but relaxed and don't just talk for the sake of talking. They might turn out to be socially a bit more unstable than I thought but initially they seem to be socially quite stable, which is the opposite of me

Just for the record: I'm a social butterfly too and apparently people think I'm relaxed (I'm just indifferent, really, and put my priorities elsewhere), but I am a verbal... emmm... waterfall.

posted February 13, 2010 03:17 PM         

Aya, have you been aware when you have tried somebody to dump you or it has been or it has been at an unconscious level.

I asked because sometimes people tend to project and search for partner who are commitment phobic themselves so as to be dumpled, or falling for the unavailable. has it happened to you?

On another note, I am gemini mercury/moon square my uranus in 5th. Other than that, i have not other uranina influence, well, i just found that it has a conjuntion to pallas, but i dont even know what pallas is. i cannot think of having any problem with commitment in my life. i have noticed though that i tend to fall in love with independent man. men who fall for me, but never loose their independence. in a partnership, I am the clingy one.. well, venus/sun/mars in cancer moon square pluto...

i guess that in my case i search independence by falling in love with people who gives me the space. i apreciate the space, but sometimes are they who think i am not giving enough space...but on the other hand, i know that if i did not get enoug space from my partner i would dump him. but it has never happened. i have never fallen in love wit somebody more clingy than I.

posted February 13, 2010 03:28 PM         

quote:

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I made it into an art: creatively finding ways to make men dump me. Acting moody - usually helps. Being too clingy - works like a charm. Acting a bit crazy - doesn't always work, but it is fun! Talking about your exes - they can't leave too soon! All of the above - success guaranteed.

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posted February 13, 2010 04:43 PM         

@ Caramia - when I was a teenager, it was almost entirely unconscious. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing wrong and blamed it on choosing the wrong men. The older I got the more I realised that how I act in a relationship is not at all how I really am. That's when I came to realise that I might be a commitment phobe.

Even with my current boyfriend I did my old routine of mood swings, clingyness, acting crazy, even talking about old boyfriends and he is probably the only one who withstood all of the above. Most men tend to give up after the mood swings, some after the clingyness (which translates in to constant calling, expressing a feigned need to be around that person 24/7 and then coming home and thinking to myself "thank God I'm rid of him!") Must be his stubborn Scorpio rising.

One of my ex boyfriends went mad after the constantly comparing him to my other exes, but it turned out a bit messy so I've learned a bit there.

Anyway, I digress. I do think that unconsciously someone who is commitment phobic but also has problems ending relationships, like me, seeks out either commitment phobic partners who would end a relationship, partners who are only out for a fling or... well, subtly manipulate the partner into dumping them instead.

I've noticed this is a reoccuring theme in my relationships anyway. A lot of the guys I hooked up with were only interested in a fling, at least one of them was a commitment phobe himself and the others... well, see above

I did have a tendency to fall for the unavailable too... and then not pursuing it. That is probably the most typical example of commitment phobia. I took my time swooning over exes just because I couldn't get them back (and because a lot of them were simply downright hot )

Anything to avoid committing myself to someone else.

But I'm a reformed commitment phobe! Haven't done any of my tricks for the past 2 years! Yeah I know, doesn't seem long, but it's long enough for me