posted May 21, 2013 07:43 PM            

I'm a Aquarius Sun, Gemini Moon, Aquarius Venus, Gemini Mars...and Sag Rising.

Aqua, Sag and Gem all need independence and freedom. Plus the Gem finds stability in unstability and change. Sag loves exploration and new adventures. Aqua is logic over emotion.

I've had three relationships and all of them felt like a waste of time considering that after the breakup I felt happier for some reason. They weren't abusive/unhealthy relationships, they were relatively normal. I eventually feel like the interest is gone and don't get the point of it anymore.

I'm in my fourth relationship and I'm worried that it's coming to it's end. I'm more serious about this one and I don't want to it end. I'm not ready to be w/ someone for the rest of my life, I'm against marriage for the most part, and I told myself that I wouldn't get in another relationship for awhile...yet things happened and I'm in one anyway.

posted May 21, 2013 10:34 PM            

I'm Air/Fire dominant like you, I'm a Libra/Sun, Aries/Moon, Aquarius Rising. In a sense I can relate to what you said about feeling happier after previous relationships had ended. I know exactly what you mean, I felt that way a great deal when I was much younger. As an Air/Fire dominant individual, I hadn't learned how to sustain a relationship while still managing to maintain my sense of freedom and individuality which is a big thing for me.

posted May 22, 2013 06:57 AM            

I'm in my 4th committed relationship, in the past 3 years. Lets not talk about the rest.

Aqua ascendant, sag sun, venus, mars and mercury as ruler of 5h. My moon is in commitment seeking virgo but that trine to uranus spoils it.

I tried staying single for a year and those were my best months. I'm a naturally self-absorbed person so in those months, it was only me, my studies and fun.

posted May 22, 2013 02:21 PM            

NativelyJoan I relate to that statement so much. I still have this notion that if you're in a relationship, there's no way you can still be 'free'. Where are you now in life as far as relationships? Have you "figured out" this issue?

posted May 22, 2013 02:29 PM            

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Originally posted by Venusian Moon:
That sounds scary. You would be better off finding a person with lots of air in their chart.

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My current BF is the only person so far that has the most air in his chart. He has some Gemini in him.

posted May 22, 2013 03:55 PM            

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Originally posted by aquagembaby:
NativelyJoan I relate to that statement so much. I still have this notion that if you're in a relationship, there's no way you can still be 'free'. Where are you now in life as far as relationships? Have you "figured out" this issue?

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For the most part I have. I've learned to look for and develop relationships that work toward the best interests of myself and the other person involved. I make no compromises on a individualism level and I extend that same right and freedom to partners. I know what works for me and I'm very direct about my intentions in relationships. Casual commitments work best for me because they allow me the freedom I desire and give me room to maintain a sense of individuality as well. I value loyalty, but to me relationships shouldn't be about obligation or expectations. This is why it's important to express intentions when entering any relationship.

My most recent relationships have been with Aquariuses and Leos. The Leos were to possessive and I felt like I was suffocating. The Aquariuses were great, but as in the most recent example we discovered after some time that we wanted and were looking for different things within the relationship. He wasn't ready to be with one person and I was looking for fidelity. We thus came to a mutual agreement to part ways because we wanted different things.

So with me, it's all about being on the same page with someone. A person that respects freedom and individuality and who is loyal.

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It's funny b/c my BF is a Gemini Sun w/ Aries Rising so he's not exactly clingy either, which was a big problem w/ my exes (they were all extremely clingy. I feel like us non-clingy people somehow attract clingy people D So it's not really the other person. It's a problem w/ myself.

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posted May 22, 2013 04:09 PM            

Also I 100% agree that relationships shouldn't be about expectations. But it's extremely hard to find someone who has no expectations or ideals like we do. If two people like this do get together, I feel like at that point it would just be a casual relationship then end b/c there's no goal to strive for in the relationship.

posted May 22, 2013 05:25 PM            

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Originally posted by aquagembaby:
NativelyJoan I agree that it's important to express intentions about the relationship. To be honest, I don't really know what I want from relationships period. My Sag Rising and Gemini Moon takes these serious things too lightly and I have a 'go with the flow' attitude about it. I've tried to come up with deep, valuable reasons for why I should be in a relationship but I can't. On top of that, my Gemini makes me change my mind about how I feel about him and the relationships ALL the time. Oh and I also have my Moon in Gemini in the 7th house so my thoughts/emotions about it are always changing. My BF also said that we should just take things as they go and not think about the future, but I know he does have some expectations b/c he said he wants me to move in with him when he gets his own place. Plus, he comes from a big family and probably wants kids *shudders*

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I think overtime you'll figure out what you want out of relationships. It starts with first realizing what you don't want which I can already tell you have an idea of from your responses. Having a Gemini moon isn't easy, I completely understand. I have a friend who's got that placement and just like you she can swing back and forth in regards to relationships, her wants and needs and intentions. But it's all a learning experience. It'll take time until you know what you need and what suits you. Definitely continue to be upfront with your BF. If he hints at looking for more out of the relationship then you are capable of giving or willing to give let him know that. Be honest and direct about your intentions. He'll understand and if he doesn't then it might not be the right situation for you both.

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Also I 100% agree that relationships shouldn't be about expectations. But it's extremely hard to find someone who has no expectations or ideals like we do. If two people like this do get together, I feel like at that point it would just be a casual relationship then end b/c there's no goal to strive for in the relationship.

In the past I've ridiculed and shunned people who were clingy and needy...I feel like this is karma or something lol.

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I think it's hard to find someone who for example doesn't really have expectations in respect to relationships because we've been taught growing up that relationships are all about commitment and obligation. Especially in regards to marriage, being legally bound to another human being, that's a great deal of pressure to place on the relationship. But this doesn't have to be the case. You can find relationships that work best for you (because we are all different) it just takes time, patience and practice. Trial and error.

From what I've experienced and observed, relationships in which both individuals have no expectations can go in a variety of directions. Because it comes down to their intentions and if they're being honest within themselves and the other person. If they both find value within the relationship and care deeply about one another and have been vocal and expressive about their intentions, they should theoretically be able to sustain it. They'll grow and evolve but continue to renew the love they share between each other, challenging taboos for what makes healthy relationships successful. It can work well this way because I think love disappears when we stop believing in it and each other. The point I want to make though is that partners losing interest in one another happens irregardless of whether two people are in a casual commitment with no expectations or tied down tightly through legally binding agreements (ex marriage). The same reasons for relationships to end, can occur in spite of the way the relationship has been structured. If two people aren't happy and satisfied in the relationship it's not going to survive.

A question for you, do you feel as though there always needs to be a goal to reach in relationships? To give it purpose or meaning? Honestly, I don't because to me relationships aren't a race or a competition. There isn't an end goal in my mind. I think people should be able to spend their lives in cohesion with one another, not expecting anything in return. I also think trying to reach a goal in relationships such as marriage or starting a family together is placing too many expectations on the people involved. Who knows what the future holds. Personally, on a universal level I think human beings need to stop expecting so much from one another. Maybe we'd all be a lot less dissatisfied and frustrated with trying to become something we're not instead of accepting ourselves and others for who we are. Life will happen whether we commit or don't commit, but I do agree and believe that taking life as it comes is the only philosophy that seems to make the most sense when it comes to relationships.

posted May 22, 2013 09:14 PM            

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In the past I've ridiculed and shunned people who were clingy and needy...I feel like this is karma or something lol.

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That's ok... If you're in clingy person hell, I'm right there in the flip side version- flaky person hell. I also sometimes wonder if it's karma that has brought this on me.

posted May 22, 2013 10:46 PM            

Very true. I go through highs where I feel good about the relationship, then I go through lows where I feel like it's going to end. Yes I intend on being as honest as I can with him...it's just that if I tell him, "Oh yeah, I have a tendency to fluctuate about the relationship and my feelings for you," that doesn't sound too good >.< and the best way for me to explain it is in astrological terms, which he won't understand b/c he doesn't believe in astrology. Yeah your description of your friend sounds like me. Moon in Gemini IS a hard placement for love and I'm really surprised this hasn't been brought up more. People get all scared about Gemini Sun/Venus in Gemini, but it's really the Moon in Gemini that they need to be worried about lol well in my opinion. At first, I was worried since my BF is mostly all Gemini, but he has a Capricorn Moon and wow it seriously helps in terms of stabilizing the chart a bit more.

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Originally posted by NativelyJoan:

A question for you, do you feel as though there always needs to be a goal to reach in relationships?

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Nope! I'm on the same page as you but with a different twist. To me, relationships only end in two ways: You break up or get married/stay together forever. It's just my Aqua being too logical about it and I'm beginning to feel like logic doesn't apply well to love (duh!) so I'm trying to shift my way of thinking. I like your idea that people need to stop with the expectations. Also, I guess I do feel like I want to give meaning to the relationship...I suppose it's unsettling to me that when I ask myself what I like about the relationship, it's hard to come up with a clear answer. Otherwise, what's the point of me being in it? Also, it's important for me to find meaning b/c I'm done wasting my time with petty relationships, plus the fact that I'm actually extremely fine and happy when I'm single so if I'm in a relationship it better be good!

posted May 22, 2013 10:52 PM            

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Originally posted by enchantress299:
That's ok... If you're in clingy person hell, I'm right there in the flip side version- flaky person hell. I also sometimes wonder if it's karma that has brought this on me.

That being said, I don't have anything against flaky people. I just wish they would leave me alone.

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Haha I have had my share of flaky-person hell. But at least now I feel like my clingy-person radar is better now. Hopefully yours is too!

posted May 23, 2013 03:45 PM            

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Originally posted by aquagembaby:
I go through highs where I feel good about the relationship, then I go through lows where I feel like it's going to end. Yes I intend on being as honest as I can with him...it's just that if I tell him, "Oh yeah, I have a tendency to fluctuate about the relationship and my feelings for you," that doesn't sound too good >.< and the best way for me to explain it is in astrological terms, which he won't understand b/c he doesn't believe in astrology. Yeah your description of your friend sounds like me. Moon in Gemini IS a hard placement for love and I'm really surprised this hasn't been brought up more. People get all scared about Gemini Sun/Venus in Gemini, but it's really the Moon in Gemini that they need to be worried about lol well in my opinion. At first, I was worried since my BF is mostly all Gemini, but he has a Capricorn Moon and wow it seriously helps in terms of stabilizing the chart a bit more.

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posted May 23, 2013 06:30 PM            

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Originally posted by NativelyJoan:
As long as your honest. No one wants to hear that their significant other is conflicted about how they feel about them, but at the same time I think your BF would rather you be truthful instead of hiding how you truly feel to spare his feelings. This way you'll both better understand each others intentions and feelings in regards to your relationship. Capricorn Moons are definitely no nonsense when it comes to deception. I have a couple in my own life. At the end of the day though you know what works best for you. Follow your gut and do what you think is right.

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Yeah that is true. I'm just hoping there is some conclusion that we can come up with. I was just curious, but how did you initiate a casual/open relationship with people? Was there a verbal agreement or did it begin as a casual commitment and just stayed that way?

posted May 24, 2013 12:00 AM            

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Originally posted by aquagembaby:
I was just curious, but how did you initiate a casual/open relationship with people? Was there a verbal agreement or did it begin as a casual commitment and just stayed that way?

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The most recent casual relationship I had started as a friendship and quickly moved into a intimate relationship. We made our intentions known and went from there. Each of us was free to live our own lives and speak to other people but we had loyalties to each other. It ended because he moved out of state. No love lost because we were both happy with the decision to end it. Though, the door was still open in case we wanted it to become more. It was nice and one of the few very enjoyable romantic relationships I've had. No pressure.

From my experience they usually start as friendships. Interest and attraction grows which then develops into a casual relationship. Intentions are put on the table. We are free to flirt and hang out with other people, carry on outside emotional relationships if we choose. Doing what we please but still maintaining loyalty to each other. If we decide to be exclusive but still casual, we make those adjustments. Some people just don't have the desire or time to be emotionally involved and invested in deeply committed relationships. Some like myself might find them too restricting and suffocating and prefer relationships that are more carefree and allow a great deal of freedom for both involved.

In a sense all relationships begin as casual and head in a variety of different directions. Some stay within the casual state depending on the intentions of the people involved. Some become exclusive and are formalized through marriage or long term commitment. And it goes from there.

posted May 24, 2013 12:10 AM            

I DO have a 7th-house stellium as well so maybe the houses matter more. And I also have a moon in Pisces. And 5 planets in fixed signs (if we count the ascendant as a 'planet.') Hmmmm...

posted May 24, 2013 12:43 AM            

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Originally posted by NativelyJoan:
Do you think you'd be more satisfied in a relationship that was more casual?

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posted May 27, 2013 07:51 PM            

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Originally posted by NativelyJoan:
@aquagembaby

You'll figure out how to make it work. Over time I think you'll find ways to integrate a sense of casualness into a monogamous relationship. I do also see the beauty in monogamy and believe that when it's the right time and the right person it can be a truly wonderful thing. But you just got to make it work for you, which means that you'll have to make adjustments. Stay optimistic though because things will get better.

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