posted July 03, 2013 06:21 PM            

I can’t stand being myself. I’m filled with so much contempt and disgust for my personality and the way I act and behave. It’s no wonder others don’t want to be around me. I’ve lost interest in the things that once brought me pleasure. I spend most of my time fantasizing about being different and living a different life. Whenever I come back to reality everything brings me pain. I don’t wish I was dead because I know what consequences that would bring. However I do wish I never existed. I just want to disappear and have everything I’ve done and everyone’s memory of me be erased.

I feel worthless and pathetic and I hate myself even more when I want attention and affection because I think I don’t deserve it. Besides I never get it anyway. Everyone else gets sympathy except for me. No matter how much I suffer no one seems to notice or care. If they ever happen to notice all I get is “you have to be strong” or other nonsense like that. Maybe because I keep my emotions quiet and bottled up they think I don’t need help. I’m tired of always being the “strong” one, facing all of this alone. For once I want someone to acknowledge that I’m in pain and I’m suffering and I’m the one that needs to be saved not the one that saves. Even the people I help ignore me when the tables are turned.

The scary part is that I’ve been feeling like this ever since I can remember. It’s just that now it’s getting more and more intense which makes me fear that I’ll feel this way my whole life. I’m tired, I’m tired of being alone and uncared for.

I’m very well aware that this thread has little to do with astrology. Why am I posting? Because right now this is the only place where I actually socialize. I’ve been off DeviantART for a while, Tumblr just doesn’t care and as for real life I can’t find anyone…

posted July 03, 2013 06:25 PM            

Must be something in the air right now.

I know how you feel, trust me, I do.

If you wanna talk, just send me an email - you can find my address on the Astrology for Beginners forum.

posted July 03, 2013 06:50 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by StarlightSmileSupreme:
I sympathize! You can always come to LL and talk

Hopefully, you will feel better in a few hours or a day or two. Meanwhile, try to take your mind off it. What about your artwork? That's a good place to channel your energy!

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posted July 03, 2013 06:51 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Doux Rêve:
I posted something similar a few days ago, meyray.

Must be something in the air right now.

I know how you feel, trust me, I do.

If you wanna talk, just send me an email - you can find my address on the Astrology for Beginners forum.

I'd love to talk to you, but only if you want to.

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posted July 03, 2013 07:25 PM            

It's just that it's late here and it gets lonely at night especially.

I need a hug filled with love.

Anyone reading this come give me a hug, will you.

Will be forever thankful.

posted July 03, 2013 07:30 PM            

Aww. Fate reuniting us over and over again..

Thanks for the kiss and squeeze, babe.

posted July 03, 2013 09:06 PM            

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted July 03, 2013 09:50 PM            

Ami your my friend your so interesting person as all Geminis i guess lol

posted July 03, 2013 10:06 PM            

PS. Know that you are never alone! There will always be a forum such as this, with people awake 24/7, to whom you can just spill your guts to without having to fear being left alone due to non-mainstream ideas.