posted August 30, 2014 03:30 AM            

I learned to love myself by realizing how beautiful my soul is for having enough strength to never give up despite how people have treated me my entire life. i love myself because i realized that true beauty lies within, and true beauty is something that is rare. and you being able to overcome all these hardships, is true beauty. find that in yourself.

posted August 30, 2014 08:01 AM            

xxxx

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posted August 30, 2014 09:34 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Ami,
But does that thought really help you? I think most people believe that God made them the way they are for the reason but it doesn't really take away the pain of feeling alone. Humans have a natural desire to have tangible connections with other human beings. If God thought all we had needed was him he would have never said "it is not Good for man to be alone".

---

The answer to everything imo is to know God loves you but to REALLY know it in the heart.

It is hard to know, in a deep sense. Talk is cheap to just say the words.

I can't say I know, know it. I hope to and I try to but I do think this is the answer to everything.

God will send you the right person if you honor Him if you are supposed to have that person.

Being married is a godly desire and He will fill it, as far as I can see and have seen with people but people must follow Him if they want His blessings imo.

Most people want to do it their own way and then get mad at God lol

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posted August 30, 2014 10:45 AM            

Working hard to become more talented at a thing
->
Becoming proud of our efforts and noticing we get farther than some other people
->
Working harder out of self-confidence and pleasure of being different from the others
->
Becoming proud again
->
etc.

Now, this obviously does not HAVE to be about surpassing other people anymore, since many activities are not competitive, but rather a work on the self.
Either way, in my opinion, the best thing to do is to discover a goal to reach, something that could provide happiness, or pleasure, or self-fulfillment, and then working hard to reach that goal.
Some people study in schools to reach a job, out of interest, out of pleasure for learning, or, if the job is high-paying, out of desire for money, or for long-term security, or for fame, or for self-fulfillment.
Some people decide to lose weight, or to gain muscle, be it to participate in athletic events and compete with others, or to be more physically attractive, or to have a better image of themselves.
Some people decide to dedicate their life to religion. Some people dedicate it to family. Some dedicate it to fame. Some enlist in the army, to perfect their mind and body, or to protect those they love, or to kill those they hate.

To love yourself, you must first prove to yourself that you can control your mind, control your body, control your life, control your emotions, prove that you can create laws only you will obey to, and effectively prove that you are stronger than yourself.

posted August 30, 2014 08:57 PM            

And I try to control my mind and emotions but it doesn't work, I don't know how to create laws for myself or manifest good things. Then I get more depressed because trying to control my mind and emotions feels like trying to force myself into something that I'm not. I just want to be. Or to not be if that makes sense, but if I have to be then I just want to feel what I truly feel and never ever fake it for anyone or any reason. I want it to be ok to be depressed and unhappy when I need to be and not have people make me feel like I am a bad person for it. And I don't even know if it's loneliness that's my problem, I mean yes I want to feel loved but I also need a great deal of solitude, more than this world will allow for I have to work to survive and don't know my labor of love or how to find it or to find the time I need to heal myself. I always have to go back out into the world again before I'm ready.

posted August 30, 2014 09:21 PM            

for example my life has been super duper difficult, but that doesn't mean i deserved it. what i have found out is that before i incarnated, i made a deal to enter into these experiences and transcend them. and not only my karma but my families karma as well.

posted August 30, 2014 11:36 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by deepseablues:
Thanks for the responses. I do not feel that my soul is beautiful though, I don't feel anything about me is. I know I was an awful piece of sh*t in my last incarnation, who knows how many before that and if my soul was so beautiful I don't understand how I could have been so terrible. I know I deserve everything I've gotten but it still doesn't make it easier to bear.

And I try to control my mind and emotions but it doesn't work, I don't know how to create laws for myself or manifest good things. Then I get more depressed because trying to control my mind and emotions feels like trying to force myself into something that I'm not. I just want to be. Or to not be if that makes sense, but if I have to be then I just want to feel what I truly feel and never ever fake it for anyone or any reason. I want it to be ok to be depressed and unhappy when I need to be and not have people make me feel like I am a bad person for it. And I don't even know if it's loneliness that's my problem, I mean yes I want to feel loved but I also need a great deal of solitude, more than this world will allow for I have to work to survive and don't know my labor of love or how to find it or to find the time I need to heal myself. I always have to go back out into the world again before I'm ready.

There is just so much I don't understand that seems to come so naturally to all the rest of you...

---

I'd hesitate to look at your life now from the perspective that you were a bad person in another one. What good will that do you? All you have is today. Start here.

You can't be sure of "being bad in a past life" and try to blame that on today........ if life isn't going your way all you can do is start from the present moment and who you are today, to try and change it from here and now. That's how you can end any karmic cycles that may or may not exist.

What if not so great things are happening in your life now simply as a way to try and awaken you to a new perspective now? Why convince yourself it must stem from being a bad person before and focus on that? Could it be that bad things happen because they are opportunities for great learning experiences? Could it be bad things happen to all of us, even good people? And that that is part of life on earth? Could it be that good things are often disguised as bad things?

Why wallow in something that actually might not be true and imagine all kinds of ways you might have been bad before and instead start with today and look honestly and deeply inside the situation to see the gifts being presented to your present moment? Isn't that what is most important?

If reincarnation is true, we will all have lifetimes as "good people" and "bad people", to round off our experience as humans. My point is, that is either here nor there. All you have to work with is right now.

posted August 31, 2014 12:45 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by T:
I'd hesitate to look at your life now from the perspective that you were a bad person in another one. What good will that do you? All you have is today. Start here.

You can't be sure of "being bad in a past life" and try to blame that on today........ if life isn't going your way all you can do is start from the present moment and who you are today, to try and change it from here and now. That's how you can end any karmic cycles that may or may not exist.

What if not so great things are happening in your life now simply as a way to try and awaken you to a new perspective now? Why convince yourself it must stem from being a bad person before and focus on that? Could it be that bad things happen because they are opportunities for great learning experiences? Could it be bad things happen to all of us, even good people? And that that is part of life on earth? Could it be that good things are often disguised as bad things?

Why wallow in something that actually might not be true and imagine all kinds of ways you might have been bad before and instead start with today and look honestly and deeply inside the situation to see the gifts being presented to your present moment? Isn't that what is most important?

If reincarnation is true, we will all have lifetimes as "good people" and "bad people", to round off our experience as humans. My point is, that is either here nor there. All you have to work with is right now.

---

I'm not wallowing, it is just a fact. You can know through past life recall what things you did in a past life, and I realized at a very young age because of my childhood what I did in past lives to deserve many of the things that have happened to me. "Seek the truth and the truth shall set you free." As a child I did seek the truth, I wondered over and over, why, why, why, why me? And the answers came... I do know some of the things that I did in a past life and they are not pretty. People with very difficult childhoods go through these things for a reason, I can't speak for everyone but I know this to be true for me. We attract those who are a reflection of who we were in a "past-life." I attract certain people and was born into a certain type of family so that I would not repeat the same things, which, because of what I went through, I will never do again.

Again I can't speak for everyone but I have a deep inner knowing for myself for this to be true. My astrology chart is very very karmic and aligns with my inner knowing of this. And although I know I did these things to others in a past life and won't in this life, it still makes me sad and I still find it hard to forgive, myself and the people who have done these things to me. It's not wallowing. Just fact. Just truth. As Linda Goodman made a good point, TRUTH contains the word HURT for a reason, and it is very true, and I accept the hurt of my truth.

But I still don't know how to love myself and wonder if I ever will.

posted August 31, 2014 12:52 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by T:
Could it be that bad things happen because they are opportunities for great learning experiences?

---

posted August 31, 2014 01:00 AM            

Today I try to have a healthy skepticism about everything and my comments aren't meant to offend or challenge you.

Your questions and wonderings are for you to figure out. I will respect them and not judge them. I only wanted to add my thoughts here and you can take them or leave them. I've nothing more to add, except:

posted August 31, 2014 01:18 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by deepseablues:
Ok, I just fail to see the advice you were giving on how to love oneself, just comments telling me I can't know certain things and not to "wallow."

Thanks for your thoughts but all the best to me on my path and a little rainbow icon isn't going to help much.

---

I thought it was obvious that we can't know certain things - only think we know, that none of us are All Knowing, All Seeing, or we wouldn't be here. With certain things you can't ever be sure (yes, even past life regressions), what you are actually picking up on, or if it belongs to you or not. I'm saying that imo, we can't always be sure of the things we think we know. I'm not saying you should doubt your experiences. I am saying that I don't believe everything so easily anymore (even if I recalled it through a past life or picked up on someone else's past life in the web of consciousness and took it as my own etc). I try to keep an open mind and even doubt what might come into my own mind.

Again, I'm not trying to challenge you, just sharing my thoughts. Not saying you should believe the same.

quote:

---

Why is that so hard to accept? Why is that wallowing?

---

I took the blue hearts (and cry for "someone please help") in your posts as you were very depressed about it and from what you wrote it seems to be bothering you quite a bit. Maybe wallowing was not what you were doing or was the wrong word to use.

I only wanted to give you another perspective and help you not feel so down about it.

Take care.

posted August 31, 2014 02:40 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by deepseablues:
Someone please help... How do you learn to love yourself when you have always hated yourself? How do you show yourself unconditional love when no one ever has, not even your own family? How do you learn to feel beautiful when you don't and know you aren't? When everyone you've ever loved or tried to has lied to you, abused you, used you, chosen a substance over you? Or even just simply left cause you're too much, too intense? Simply repeating positive affirmations doesn't help, it's feel like a lie, like being fake and I despise fakeness above all else. How do I feel it and know it and believe it for real? I don't want to be negative but I don't know how to force myself to believe something I don't feel... I don't want to smile when I don't feel it, to pretend to be something I'm not. Please help.

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posted August 31, 2014 04:16 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Ami,
But does that thought really help you? I think most people believe that God made them the way they are for the reason but it doesn't really take away the pain of feeling alone. Humans have a natural desire to have tangible connections with other human beings. If God thought all we had needed was him he would have never said "it is not Good for man to be alone".

---

I think the danger is believing that God resembles a human being (aka is this stern father figure who "created us" a certain way in order to learn these harsh lessons about being a "good" person)... Which ultimately relates to the ego anyway. Imo knowing the love of "God" truly does begin with accepting ourselves 100%, flaws and all, and knowing we are all connected through the human condition and through the universal language of love, we're never truly alone... As for tangible connections with other human beings, we are as isolated as we choose to be imo, and I speak from experience lol. There aren't many things in this life that are free but love is one if them

posted August 31, 2014 07:20 AM            

Childhood conditioning with fear and abuse makes you hate yourself because that is the only power left to you.

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posted August 31, 2014 12:03 PM            

You have a martyr way of thinking. "Why me?", "What did I do in my past life to deserve this?", "My situation is so unique.....", "everyone treats me like gutter trash", etc.

No. That way of thinking only helps to reinforce exactly what you want to believe.

You feel what you are feeling because that is what you've chosen to feel. Your current way of thinking helps you feel better. In the sense that it reinforces you're "Why me" situation that you've put yourself in. Drowning in your "why me" martyrdom way of thinking will only put you deeper down the well.

I could have gone down a very destructive path, but I didn't. Know why? The answer is very simple.

I woke up one morning and accepted everything for what it was. IT WAS OKAY HOW MY LIFE PLAYED OUT. Even as as I lay there on the homeless shelter bed starving and exhausted from walking all day in the heat, I smiled and was happy for the lessons that I was learning during the time. IN THE END, IT'S ALL OKAY. I'm here now. LIFE GOES ON. No matter how rough that time was for me, I AM HERE NOW, stronger than I was. Lessons learned that made me understand a lot of things regarding my life path.

Don't expect anything from anyone. You are expecting others to give you "love" or whatever it is. That is the first problem in and of itself. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOURSELF, FOR YOUR HAPPINESS, FOR YOUR WELL-BEING. Do not look to others for that.

Start by being true to yourself. I'm not afraid to tell people like it is anymore. This was one lesson that I had to learn. I can end friendships that have lasted years in the blink of an eye. Makes no difference to me. You will know where I stand at all time. Don't be afraid to tell your family/friends/etc exactly how you feel, and tell them where you stand. That's one of the first steps to take imo.

Next, accept your situation and stop this martyrdom way of thinking. Easier said than done, I know, but that step needs to be taken.

After that, accept yourself for who you really are. This means understanding who you are and not trying to fit into some mold of what others/society tells you you should be.

posted August 31, 2014 12:25 PM            

quote:

---

I know I deserve everything I've gotten but it still doesn't make it easier to bear.

---

quote:

---

And I try to control my mind and emotions but it doesn't work, I don't know how to create laws for myself or manifest good things. Then I get more depressed because trying to control my mind and emotions feels like trying to force myself into something that I'm not. I just want to be. Or to not be if that makes sense, but if I have to be then I just want to feel what I truly feel and never ever fake it for anyone or any reason. I want it to be ok to be depressed and unhappy when I need to be and not have people make me feel like I am a bad person for it. And I don't even know if it's loneliness that's my problem, I mean yes I want to feel loved but I also need a great deal of solitude, more than this world will allow for I have to work to survive and don't know my labor of love or how to find it or to find the time I need to heal myself. I always have to go back out into the world again before I'm ready.

There is just so much I don't understand that seems to come so naturally to all the rest of you...

---

It's not really about purely "controlling yourself". If it was, every sad person would become happy by joining the army, or something.

And from what you're saying, it seems like you already have an idea of what you would like. Just be yourself while working on yourself to become a stronger and better person, while also aiming for a goal.

And, yes, life is tiresome. Same issue for me. I never get enough time to heal myself before going back into the outer world. But that's just how it is.

posted August 31, 2014 12:33 PM            

And if you don't understand hating yourself why post anything? I don't understand loving yourself. Hating myself is just the way I feel. My family rejected me, I have always felt gross and awful and hated who I am, who I was born into, and have been put down by a lot of people when I didn't understand why. I can't make you understand hating yourself anymore than I can understand loving yourself. To love oneself feels egotistical and wrong to me. It's the opposite of how I feel, if I could control it I would. That's why I asking how to love oneself. Instead I'm being told I'm a martyr etc.

posted August 31, 2014 12:43 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by SoujiroSeta:
I don't want to say my life story cause that is another thread of itself.

You have a martyr way of thinking. "Why me?", "What did I do in my past life to deserve this?", "My situation is so unique.....", "everyone treats me like gutter trash", etc.

No. That way of thinking only helps to reinforce exactly what you want to believe.

You feel what you are feeling because that is what you've chosen to feel. Your current way of thinking helps you feel better. In the sense that it reinforces you're "Why me" situation that you've put yourself in. Drowning in your "why me" martyrdom way of thinking will only put you deeper down the well.

I could have gone down a very destructive path, but I didn't. Know why? The answer is very simple.

---

quote:

---

Next, accept your situation and stop this martyrdom way of thinking. Easier said than done, I know, but that step needs to be taken.

After that, accept yourself for who you really are. This means understanding who you are and not trying to fit into some mold of what others/society tells you you should be.

From then on things will flow. No matter what situation you are in, you'll accept it, understand you can learn from it, and simply keep living life the way you see it.

---

I don't fit into the mold of society at all. I despise society. But I don't understand how to accept or love myself.

So again thanks but it's clear you guys simply don't get it. How do you go from hating yourself to accepting yourself to loving yourself? That's the question that no one will answer. How do you force your thinking to change? I HAVE accepted my situation, what I've been through, I always I have. What I don't accept is myself, my humanity.