posted February 13, 2015 11:23 AM
I am an alcoholic. Not a heavy drinker but an alcoholic.This is a very short synopsis of my life recently but I wanted to share it with you because I feel that it's necessary due to the fact that I have been so altered recently.
Firstly, I apologise to anyone that I have been rude to, aggressive and/or abusive towards with no reason. I apologise for any harsh language written with intent and also for being ignorant, hasty and insensitive towards others here. Thankfully the fog has cleared and I can see clearly through the rain too. I am now me.
I have just gotten out of rehab after I went in on 2nd January for my alcoholism. I had been drinking daily for almost 6 months. I am now an outpatient.
I didn't believe I had a problem until it was actually pointed out to me by a family member just before Christmas and then my family took over and got me help. I resisted but they insisted.
With help from rehab, I realised that even though I was drinking constantly and still carrying on with my life, that I didn't think there was any problem because I didn't want to acknowledge it at all.
M behaviour had gotten steadily worse due to my drinking. I became an angry, abusive and aggressive person with little to no stimulation. This is not me. I am generally easy-going and fun to be around and don't take life that seriously.
I would get up and have a cup of tea and then have a drink and sometimes the other way round but, still, I didn't think that was abnormal. I would even get up in the middle of the night and start listening to music and pop a bottle. And, because I was only drinking Champagne irrespective of the time of day, I didn't think it was an issue. I told myself that alcoholics drank hard drinks (e.g. whiskey, vodka, etc.) and not classy drinks like Champagne. What shocking naivety and ignorance!!
I would consume at least 2 bottles daily. At the worst points, I would drink 3 bottles daily.
I come from a very privileged background where everything is more or less on tap. So when we party, we party big and we party every night, 7 days a week. I didn't always go out but that didn't stop me from drinking. My friends have very similar backgrounds and none of them noticed that I had an issue because this is how we do it. I now know that some of them are not friends and it was all about being seen with the right people and partying so as not to miss out.
Rehab has brought me back to life and restored me to me again. I no longer drink and I won't be starting again. I now have the strength to say no and mean it. Admittedly, it hasn't been tested yet but I believe in myself.
Thanks for reading, HL.