posted August 08, 2020 02:42 AM            

Me: 29/July/1993 - 7:12am Coventry,UK
Him: 21/December/1985 - 9:30pm Munich,Germany

I eventually became pregnant in may and subsequently had a termination as he was not ready to be a father, he was completely loving and supportive throughout but over the past few months he has been blowing up about absolutely tiny things such as me leaving the kitchen door open or dropping food accidently on the floor and when he does blow up he grabs, pulls or pushes.

These were the first few instances, recently he has bit my face during an argument, dragged me from one room to the other by the throat, dragged me across the floor and grazed my knees but immediately switches back to being loving after the argument is resolved.

I know this is an astrology page but I love him and I don't understand where this behaviour has appeared from, we had a fight last weekend and due to me being drunk and causing the argument he lost his temper and bit me, grabbed me by the throat and forced me to sleep alone on the sofa/couch.

The next day he was kind and sweet, we had a nice day together although he was quite reluctant to talk about the previous night and then he kissed me goodbye at the end of the evening. Since, he has withdrawn affection, ignored my calls and texts and keeps telling me he will contact me "later" but doesn't call.

I'm really confused and I've been crying every single day since Monday, I'm in love with him and I'm starting to feel that I can't function without talking to him, I have barely eaten, I just sleep all day.
I don't understand why I make him so angry and I'm trying to read about attachment theory and apologise to him about causing so many arguments...
He never apologises for becoming physical but this is the first time he has ignored me or become cold, I am too scared to disclose this to friends or family and I don't know what I can do to make him go back to the person I was with before

posted August 08, 2020 02:47 AM            

I didn't expect him to have this aggressive and controlling side to his personality and I don't quite know what I did to make this happen as he was always so relaxed.

I can't even open the fridge or make a coffee in his house without him observing whether I'm doing it correctly anymore, when I won't or can't finish a meal he becomes upset and it ruins the atmosphere whether we are at home or in a restaurant so sometimes I resort to hiding food in a tissue to dispose of it if I can't finish it or I'll have anxiety whilst eating.

posted August 08, 2020 06:40 AM            

It took me years to see past my guys gaslighting and controlling, manipulative behaviour. Like you, I always felt like it was my fault (because he told me so) and if I just didn’t say or do the thing that “I know ****** him off” he wouldn’t react that way. “I made him do it” sort of gaslighting. It’s very insidious and abusers like this like to make you doubt and question yourself and erode your self esteem, isolate you and cause you to feel like something is wrong with YOU, not them.
But the truth is, it’s not anything you did that is making him act this way. HE is the problem. Don’t forget that fact, no matter how much he tries to twist your mind.
I guarantee if you talked to his past ex’s they would say he did the same thing to them. Because again, he’s the issue.
Stop thinking this is your fault. That person you met in the beginning was not real, he did that so that you’ll fall for him and then once you did, he could show his true colours because you are already under his spell.

posted August 08, 2020 07:33 AM            

In synastry, you have some good aspects but also some bad ones....

He has a lot of Saggy, which is your 5th house, and his planets are falling in their so yes I can see why you’re very infatuated with him.
His Venus is also conjunct your moon, which is a great aspect. And probably was the reason he was so sweet to you in the beginning.
But you have a DW (Mutual) sun square mars aspect, which is very nasty. Lots of conflict, arguments, tension and annoyance, especially when it’s mutual like this. Because that means in the composite you’ll also have a hard sun-mars aspect, which you do. Sun conjunct mars.

Tod already explained well his chart red flags and why he is the way he is.
That hard mars/Pluto aspect in a mans chart back at it again! Doesn’t help that it’s in Scorpio too.
The moon conjunct NN, opp that mars/Pluto is his emotional reactivity/lack of control. He has mommy issues and therefore issues with women in general. That’s why he abuses them.
He probably hates his mom, and mom could have been abusive herself (moon NN, moon-Pluto, moon-mars).

His Venus is in saggy conjunct Uranus, so he’s very erratic and detached in his love nature, doesn’t seem like the commitment type lol he likes his freedom and independence. That’s why you don’t see or hear from him often.

In the composite; Sun is the theme of the relationship. Mars is conflict, aggression, anger, sex, and violence. Not the greatest aspect, especially without positive softer ones to balance it all out, unfortunately it gets worse for you two, because you also have sun square Saturn AND sun square chiron,
Sun-Saturn is a critical, cold, controlling relationship or/and one rife with duty, restrictions, blockages and responsibilities that suck the life out of any romantic connection. And with the Chiron square, it’s a painful/hurtful one too...
And wow look at that mars, so many harsh aspects!!! terrible. Plus in libra, so it’s in detriment. So this tells us that the mars energy isn’t well integrated, healthy or functioning properly in your guys relationship (composite), and when sun is CONJUNCT mars, meaning mars is front and centre in your connection, being a key player and going to influence it strongly, you don’t want him afflicted like this. This whole chart just SCREAMS abusive. With the man (mars) being the issue.
He deceptive and maybe has addiction issues (square Neptune), erratic, unpredictable and unstable (square Uranus), and cold, distant, and bringing past baggage/issues into the connection and hesitant or reluctant to commit (square Saturn), can also be external factors affecting the connection like work, timing, distance, ex’s etc.

posted August 08, 2020 11:08 AM            

But if he acted like a monster in the beginning, you wouldn't have fell in love with him. That's why the honeymoon period you cling to in your mind was so important for him to create. Because you keep hoping to go back to the way "things were" not realizing it was all a lie to begin with.

Please Google "the cycle of abuse", it's written in very clear language in this post.

When he's not home, or in the middle of the night, leave. Take all your things and leave. He CANNOT know that you're leaving in advance. Stay with your parents and let them know what an evil monster he is so they can protect you.

posted August 08, 2020 01:03 PM            

Athenaia, Dee, I agree so much with you as well!!! You just completely read my mind in every single word!

Please Ruby, I know it's hard cause you love him, but these kind of "MEN" (I wish I could use a different word to describe them here, but you can imagine which word) need to STOP their sh**** abuse over women once and for all, they need psychiatric therapy, not women to throw their mental illness against, and these women need also stop to allow such abuse on themselves and start to love themselves, cause this is not love, you cannot love someone who makes you actually hate yourself, cause this is it !

I am not looking at the charts again, I did already and I did a BIG BIG mistake, cause I had seen that Chiron/Saturn and others aspects and I didnt say things straight cause I am always afraid to judge people that I dont know, but then, thanks God, or better thanks Todd, I read Todd's advice and I realized how he was completely right and this post now from Ruby is just a confirmation!

I also had two very bad experiences, once was my first husband, he had mental issues which I hadnt realized in time (I was very young), but luckily I made it in time to run away, otherwise, I am not kidding, I wouldnt be here now.
The second one was my ex who was an hard alcohol addicted, I really really deeply loved him and tried to help him in any way, he just beat me ONCE, after three years we were together, but really bad, it was a nightmare, and that was enough for me to say NO MORE and leave.

If you really love this guy, you need to realize he needs help, mental therapy, but that it's not you who can help him, you can only become a victim of his sickness and you might not be able to escape such a nightmare when its too late, so do it NOW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!!!

posted August 10, 2020 03:31 PM            

Coldness or criticism from him is only going to
obtain the result that You stop loving YOURSELF
Is that your goal too - or just his ?

Are you sure you want to stop caring for anything
but his pathetic approval - which is of course worthless ?

You wouldn’t dream of acting like he does with you, would you ?
Regardless of how he was (past) just see it as him having “flipped” now. He may be taking substances?

Perhaps you would’ve already finished with him
but he’s made you believe you’re the issue
by saying things are your fault.
So he is in the power position and you accept everything causing you to be confused and rooted to the spot questioning YOURSELF. Because it doesn’t make sense does it.
Hello ?
Your caring side then gets condemned to stick by his hell trip, with you in the leading role, as victim ?
Is this in line with the Cinderella stories you read that want young girls to aim high as well as aim for true love with a gentle prince ?

His Jekyll and Hyde tendencies sound more like a horror story. Please be sensible .

The goal of a solid relationship is Consistency.
You need to be able to count on someone.
Him changing personality at the drop of a hat (and to your detriment) is Inconsistent with any woman’s needs.

I don’t know what you mean by : he stops when the issue is “resolved “.
I assume resolution for him means you giving in
in some way and making promises about “never again will I..”
or agreeing to compromise your freedoms for him ?

It’s not what you’re doing that needs to be resolved
or excused , it is HIS behaviour . And you don’t catch him apologizing for that now, do you ?
Would you drag him across the room until he apologises?
It’s not reasonable.

And any guy who suggests an abortion can go take a running jump. Who the blazes does he think he is
to decide FOR your body. This made him think he has control over you and you are being treated accordingly?
He’s on a control trip.
He sounds like a warped person . I am so sorry you even experienced one second of his superfluous violence.

In spite of your terrible situation, you sound very put together, sincere and caring.
Don’t let this « stranger » - -given that you no longer recognize him - take you down with his personal folly.
He has changed in behaviour and this gives you full
permission to exit this, as he has deviated from your unwritten agreement.
Let’s face it, you would never have glanced at him in the 1st place if you’d known about his dark side.

Keep your self-respect and self-confidence or you’ll waste years trying to get that back. Don’t sign up for further damage.
He is not family you that you “had to” grow up with.
If you stay, you are accepting what he is and how he treats you.

He will only learn that his strange behaviour is unacceptable if you end it .
A part- time nutcase is still a nutcase..

I thought my rel’ship was bad (coldness, criticism)
and yet I’ve never heard of biting and shoving.
That is completely unacceptable and you know that.
Any guy who raises a hand or talks a girl down is a scumbag and like dirt on your shoe.
Don’t be disrespected . Don’t allow this . Have the dignity to leave a worthless situation and you’ll get the rewards soon enough with something a million times better.

No amount of history between you can help with someone’s psychiatric issue.
He’s not confiding in you about it, after all - he’s blaming you for his foul character
because he is manipulative and unkind.
It appears like it amuses him to see you squirm or hurt you.
So he can’t control himself ? Then he’s “uncontrollable. “ Is that reassuring? Not knowing when the other face will
show up? What will you call him? The person you don’t want to know and fear .

Red card says the referee .

He’s going to hate himself and just project it all onto you. That’s happening now isn’t it .

Don’t even waste your time trying to figure him out.
He has shown his worst side repeatedly and you’ll see it more more and just get more confused .

Don’t be part of his mind warp .

Delete cookies and history and get out (not sure you live with him from the way you worded it, but consider moving anyway. For the time being you could invite a friend or relative to live with you or stay at a friend or relative’s house.
He has no problem going silent himself.