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Author
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Topic: Lost in a Mars/Pluto opp Venus grip
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Bohemiangirl
Newflake Posts: 21
From: NSW Australia
Registered: Feb 2014
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posted September 19, 2014 09:43 PM
  
Ok...I need to tell someone. I caught his eye and he caught mine. Very briefly. We worked at the same place but he's sort of in a managerial position-to him I'm nothing really. We move in different circles, although if my career in the arts would develop we'd be equals. He then left for overseas work but in that time I looked him up on google and developed a deep attraction having a bit of an intense sexual fantasy since then. After a break of three years, he's back. I hadn't seen him and had not been working the days he was. Then I was turning to leave the building and saw him entering from a distance. I looked away but as he passed I glanced over at him...perfectly natural to glance over at another passing/moving body-right? As we passed each other, he was looking straight at me and nodded as if he knew me. He has never met me..I couldn't help but acknowledge back..I was so thrown I haven't been able to think of anything since. How would he know me?
I am in a long term relationship of over 20 years as he is and he lives overseas. I have since learned that his venus conjs mine as well as my sun in pisces but opposes my mars and pluto conjunct in virgo. His mars also conj my south node. His sun is also vey near my MC. I have had a mysterious impetus to take back my life since then..I have lost 5kg and started to rekindle my career since the contact. I feel a little like something is in charge right now that I have little control over..a buzz in the air. It's also made me admit that I have never experienced the satisfactory, deep sexual/emotional life as my partner, 19 years my senior, is only my second lover(I have Mars in virgo=mixed up/fearful sexuality totally unlike the traditional Mars energy (even conj with Pluto). I have never been able to feel desire significantly or "let go". Being a pisces Sun, I am the typical venus type..I hate to dominate and abhor being the instigator or aggressor). I had no experience when we met and thought that was as good as it got as my first time at 25yrs was nothing special. I have an almost raw need for a spiritual/emotional/sexual union with a man. I don't want go to the end of my life feeling this empty. I am so lost and needing something but I can't/don't know what it is. I don't even know if it's this man. I'm so drawn to surrender totally but is it all in my mind..? He's working on the other side of the earth and will not be back until mid next year.
I'm thinking that this is my usual pisces fantasy life talking and I'm being a tad obsessive..was it my imagination-? Did he feel something too? His face is the face of someone I have never met but it's so familiar..
I've posted this elsewhere requesting a reading as I feel I'm grasping at straws..
IP: Logged |
Aubyanne
Moderator Posts: 316
From: Tinseltown, Hollyweird, The Multiverse
Registered: Sep 2014
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posted September 19, 2014 09:50 PM
My guess is that it isn't the man in question, but rather that you're becoming aware of something that's been lacking -- possibly as tNEPTUNE-tCHIRON come in to oppose your nMARS? Maybe as tPLUTO trines it? Something, as you said, is 'in the air'.If you have sexual issues, it may be that you're finally coming out of that shell. I've recently done the same, after 33 years. It's encouraging. The start of a long journey, but one that's worth it. But, pragmatism first. Have you told your long-term partner of the void you've been feeling in the sexual / romantic / union department? Often, the other partner is completely unaware of their partner's lack of proper involvement -- truly losing themselves to the experience. But, sad to say, many couples don't experience true intimacy to start. IP: Logged |
Bohemiangirl
Newflake Posts: 21
From: NSW Australia
Registered: Feb 2014
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posted September 19, 2014 10:05 PM
We've never clicked and as he's now in his late 60's he's physically unable. He knows I am frustrated but after all our talks and despite promises, he's not discussed it with his doctor and sees no problem. Even if he did have some medication, it would still be over and done with in 30 secs with the same old moves. He's never gotten it despite my encouragements and hints and road maps and highway sign posts. We just don't anymore and I'm sort of relieved as I have become so tired of talking about it and gently reminding him of what I like.. How many times does one say she likes her face to be held between his hands and softly kissed before one gives up? He knows I want to explore that side of me and knows that my upbringing by a woman sexually abused by her alcoholic father contributed to it but despite being sympathetic, isn't taking it further. I think there's some fatalism there as he always said he was too old for me and this is like a self-fulfilling prophecy. We're like an elderly couple doing the crossword together..and I'm only 49.IP: Logged |
Bohemiangirl
Newflake Posts: 21
From: NSW Australia
Registered: Feb 2014
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posted September 19, 2014 10:13 PM
Oh, I'm also a coward, am involved in the arts therefore with no money..and with Taurus asc and cancer moon, have an above average need for security. I tried to leave him once but had such a severe stress attack I ended up in the emergency room. I chickened out..My partner and I both have Mars in virgo but they're nowhere near each other. We have both our suns and moons trining the other's which is where we get a deep love and friendship from but there is no sexual chemistry.IP: Logged |
Aubyanne
Moderator Posts: 316
From: Tinseltown, Hollyweird, The Multiverse
Registered: Sep 2014
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posted September 19, 2014 10:16 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Bohemiangirl:
We've never clicked and as he's now in his late 60's he's physically unable. He knows I am frustrated but after all our talks and despite promises, he's not discussed it with his doctor and sees no problem. Even if he did have some medication, it would still be over and done with in 30 secs with the same old moves. He's never gotten it despite my encouragements and hints and road maps and highway sign posts. We just don't anymore and I'm sort of relieved as I have become so tired of talking about it and gently reminding him of what I like.. How many times does one say she likes her face to be held between his hands and softly kissed before one gives up? He knows I want to explore that side of me and knows that my upbringing by a woman sexually abused by her alcoholic father contributed to it but despite being sympathetic, isn't taking it further. I think there's some fatalism there as he always said he was too old for me and this is like a self-fulfilling prophecy. We're like an elderly couple doing the crossword together..and I'm only 49.
This is going to cross over the boundaries of what's acceptable for LL, but I'm a practising sex therapist. If you'd like to talk more in-depth, you can email me. I'm guessing there are certain transits that are bringing this about, and you're ready to begin exploring sides of yourself you may not have before. It's natural, actually, and our upbringing can certainly saddle us with a great many misfortunes. IP: Logged |
Bohemiangirl
Newflake Posts: 21
From: NSW Australia
Registered: Feb 2014
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posted September 19, 2014 10:43 PM
Thankyou-email on its way.IP: Logged |
Aubyanne
Moderator Posts: 316
From: Tinseltown, Hollyweird, The Multiverse
Registered: Sep 2014
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posted September 19, 2014 11:07 PM
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