posted January 27, 2008 07:25 AM         

I decided to post my problem here cause I donīt really have anybody anymore to really express my feelings.
I have been depressed for the past few years. And I do that think that I am cause I am not the person that I used to be anymore. Of course, many BUT many things happened the past few years that affected me feeling that way. I ended up in a country that I hate, living under circumstances that I cannot stand anymore (of course I am aware that there people out there dealing with worse problems than I do!). I donīt have any friends to talk to. I donīt go out. Even the best friend that I had, he betrayed me n I donīt feel like trusting him anymore. I donīt have any energie, neither patience to deal with anything or anybody. I sometimes WANT TO SCREAM but I canīt. My mother never accepts my opinion or the way I feel. She is so authoritative and ALWAYS thinks that she is the only one who is right.
I have been in my life in better positions, financially,psychologically n so on...I feel that I LOST everything. I lost MYSELF. Iam sick of trying and struggling for NOTHING. I know that you may not really understand what I am really saying. But I would need a lifetime to explain what I have been through. I always feel guilty. I always leave my self behind in order to help my family first, I have paid for othersī problems (and really serious ones) AND after all this I was called IRRESPONSIBLE, SELFISH and of course I CARE ONLY ABOUT MYSELF.
I need to leave and I canīt find a way. I am trying trying trying but nothing. I am not willing to live the rest of my life in misery n sadness. I have become bulimic...something that I didnīt even want to admit to my own self. But I am aware now. I am a person that I donīt express my feelings, my anger and even annoyance. And when I do, I get blamed. Unfortunately, the people who blame me is my family. The best thing for me is to find my peace in another place. I feel like Iīm living in another planet here. I was so wrong for coming here in the first place. Anyway. I apologise for all this confusing confession!
I really need to talk to someone. I wish I could write more...

posted January 27, 2008 10:38 AM         

It sounds like pretty much every area of your life needs attention. But first and foremost it also sounds like you don't care for yourself too much. Have no friends. Never go out. Low energy, all of the symptoms of depression.

One of the most helpful things I have found in such instances is Oxygen.Take a walk, force yourself to do something physical. Anything. Try to prioritize. What do you want to change most? If you feel surrounded by negative, critical energy, and feel the criticism is unfounded, Have you sat down and talked about this with the persons involved? Told them this is an untenable situation for you. What can you do together to improve things....?

You say "I am not the person that I used to be anymore." What does that mean to you?

posted January 27, 2008 12:11 PM         

thank you for taking the time to reply to me. I do appreciate it.
Well, my situation is confusing. I would need pages to put you in the real picture. But Iīll try in a few words. I am 27 yrs old, currently in Germany where my mother and brother are. I came here 8 months ago (which was really stupid) because where I was before I faced a really serious problem and when I finally got through it I just needed a break with my family. I was so frustrated and angry that the only thing I wanted is to leave that country. To make u understand, the country that I was before was a dream that took me years to make true, and when finally came a reality everything went wrong. I almost went to jail for something I NEVER DID and I would never even do. You canīt imagine how much that incident ruined my whole psychological health. Those people who did it to me, simply did it on purpose just to make me suffer. I was in a really strict, islamic country (strict by rules) where you could end up in jail really easily till you are proved innocent.
So, I left that place looking for some harmony here. BUT I canīt live like that. I am stuck here but I am really trying to get a way to leave. I have talked so many times to my mother BUT she simply she doesnīt accept how I feel. I have become very blunt.
The friends that I used to have are in my homecountry...I am not even in the mood to email them anymore. I donīt feel like talking to anybody.
I donīt know if I made any sense. But this is the situation pretty much. I had so many dreams but after all these things that happened to me (which I havent mentioned), I just feel empty and that nothing good will ever happen. The odd thing is that I HAVE ALWAYS been optismistic. I always believed that good things do happen! And they do...īBut I donīt know whatīs wrong with my life anymore.
By the way the only positive thing that I do to feel better is working out....

thnx again