posted February 10, 2003 08:49 AM              

wELLll.. ever since i moved in with him, he has been a.. militant control freak. 90% of anything he has to say to me, is basically him b*tching at me to clean up this, right now, a constant stream of criticism, and plenty of insults to my character that he seems to justify with this sense that it's for my own good to hear constantly that i fall short of the mark.

in my defense, i have a three year old son and fibromyalgia. there is no way for me to keep things immaculate. this is a tiny 1 bedroom apartment. and for anyone who's not farmiliar with children, 3 year olds (especially mine) are like miniature tornadoes. as soon as he's done dismantling one thing, he's on to the next.

in his defense, since he's gotten progressively more militant and unkind toward me, i've started slacking off.. maybe my aquarian rebelliousness. but i mean, really, he treats me like i'm 11 (which is humiliating enough). and his nagging is incessant. he never notices or thanks me for what i *do* do. and i feel a little insulted that my worth seems determined by how clean i keep his apartment. and, he's basically broken up with me over it. i am to move out as soon as possible, to god knows where..

so, what i'm wondering is, if this might be strict ole Mr. Saturn gettin tough on me. i have no idea if i have any major saturn transits going on right now, but here are some of the basics that i think might be significant:

-my saturn's in virgo
-my saturn's conjunct my north node (virgo)

-his asc. is virgo
-his sun, merc, venus are in the 6th house, opposite his saturn in the 12th

this woman i speak with once in a while, whose a professional astrologer, says he has a lot of control issues with his saturn in leo in the 12th. she says, after looking at his whole chart that she's kinda surprised he's not in jail. and all i have to say about his controlingness is: YES!

also possibly of note: his moon is aries in the 8th and his south node is also aries.

anyway, so i think this dynamic might be the heavy virgo karma between us, mix in my resistant and punnishing saturn...

am i close?

here's our birth data incase anyone wants to see our charts:

me
february 4th, 1979
saskatoon, sask, canada
5:59 am (*i'm cap asc, so if it says sag, put as 6:59)

him
february 11th, 1978
swan river, manitoba, canada
7:07 pm (virgo asc)

posted February 10, 2003 10:14 AM              

We are the same age. I normally do not say this, but forget the astrology. Even though I have been studying it for 7 years and been practicing ongoing here on this site for 1 year.

Listen and follow your intuition and do the right thing in the responsible interest of the mental, emotional and physical well-being of you and your son. Intuition and knowing the power of manifestation are the most empowering in Soul growth and evolution. This is both of your lives and happiness. I am surprised you did not list your son's data as to how he is affected by this as well.

Please take care of yourself and think clearly. There are many, many public service agencies available to help you in every way if you so desire to move forward in a healthy direction. The Universe does respond to our deepest heart-felt needs.

Lots of Love and White Light to You,

posted February 10, 2003 01:05 PM              

we have been together for a while, and i have seen him when he is at his best. he is wonderful. and i think he would make a good father if he could grow into himself. i think maybe unconsciously this controlling behaviour is him resisting the inevitable.

anyway, he's not *usually* this critical, etc.. i mean, when we lived apart he was not. and i don't want him to miss out on his child's life because of silly things such as these.

but it really has gotten hard to live with him. close to impossible. i have a feeling he's falling back into his south node (aries), and if he could embrace his north node (libra), we could work together and compromise, etc.

but then, of course, there's my venus in the 12th house and my pisces south node that may be unable to accept the possible reality that this will never be really healthy.

not only is he critical, but he screams alot.

and, i'm not sure how to configure my son's data with our own (astro.com doesn't letyou see much for under 6 year olds), but he is a scorpio moon, so i don't doubt he's being very affected by this emotionally.

if anyone could take a brief look at our charts, or something, i would be very grateful. if you see anything that you think is significant, please let me know.

posted February 10, 2003 02:40 PM              

Life does not have to be this way at at all. You have the power and will to make conscious choices. This will come as you BeLIVE in yourself.

This is domestic violence and ultimately you are the only one who can open that door and say Hello again to who you are deep down inside and feel comfortable with your own inner truth.

The other coin is you are not responsible for the actions of others, you are only responsible for you. That goes for Karmic lessons too. Please deeply think about this.

Please count how many "if"s you have written in your post and ask yourself do you truly accept him "as is"?

You have a lot of deep questions you need to ask and answer. And ultimately, I know you are the only one who can help yourself rise again, regardless of what anyone/thing says.

Astrology is not the answer.

posted February 10, 2003 03:02 PM              

maybe it's my damn taurus moon trying to hold on to this just becuase i have grown so used to him. i mean, i KNOW it's not healthy. but the thing is, sometimes it is!! sometimes it is amazing and healing.

i really don't understand why he has changed so much in the last 10 days.

i just think it's really sad that i am pregnant with his child, and he is basically driving me away. he certainly isn't acting in ways that could keep us together.

this woman i communicate with, who's been an astrologer for years, and who's very wise and grounded told me we are in the middle of a BIG growth spurt. she doesn't feel it is over between us. but she sees all the challenges we face.

that's why i'm looking to astrology, i guess.. i'm looking for something i haven't seen before that will solidify my decision one way or another. i KNOW that ultimately i must be true to myself and my son, and in a lot of ways that means my inner self is telling me to get away.. but i committed myself to him, and i love him deeply.. and whenever we reconcile, we seem to be on the same path, realize the same things.. but it always comes back to this.

posted February 10, 2003 03:49 PM              

We are all in this Earth School together. Vent all you want to your heart's delight, I do it all the time . . . (Well, almost).

I believe Auriel has addressed most of the concerns in your previous post in Soul Unions.

"i am really unsure as to what my soul *truely* wants/needs.."

You may want to go find out I have no doubt transiting Saturn and Pluto will help you.

Sure, Aphro is perfectly fine. My birthday is April 19th.

Happy Belated Birthday by the way!!!

posted February 10, 2003 03:57 PM              

it's so weird. i always seem to log on here right after someone has replied to me..

actually, auriel did talk about some of what's going on in our charts, but that was under the assumption that i was sag. rising. we spent many posts deliberating and figuring out that i am actually a capricorn ascendant. so i dunno.. she may have more to say to me later..

i don't know lots about transits. are my saturn and pluto transiting right now?

posted February 10, 2003 07:51 PM              

Try to find somewhere to move out for a respite, see him on your own terms. Closeness can cause...short circuits, i suppose it the best term for it.

Are your parents around? are you able to live with them for a while? what about his parents? any understanding friends?

posted February 10, 2003 09:54 PM              

d

posted February 10, 2003 10:31 PM              

Good Luck to you, whatever you decide!!!

posted February 14, 2003 12:11 AM              

since i've been visiting these boards almost every day for the past couple of weeks, i've really been thinking about things in astrological terms.. and i'm trying to figure out if the places we are harmonious are *enough*.. i'm realizing more and more what little differences we have that seem to be exacerbated by living together.. and i really can't tell whether things even have the potential for really improving. all i know is that i love him, and that half the time i want it to/think it will work, and half the time i feel misunderstood and/or annoyed.

fishy~ that's what really bothers me, is that my son (he's not his father) is learning how to deal with emotions/treat women from him. that doesn't usually seem to be enough for him to stop doing it (when he's screaming or swearing and i tell him to stop because my son is listening, he doesn't). he really seems to have little self control.

n_wEvil~ yes, i definately need a break. i'm probably moving out of province in a couple of weeks. this has been our plan ever since i found out i'm pregnant. he was going to meet me out there in april, but we shall see. the time apart should resolve things one way or another, i would suspect!

fajita~ yes, but a rainbow has so many colours! and when he's sweet he's incredibly so. and i'm not just saying that or defending him without warrant... and i wish to encourage the good things, the good feelings. i guess i just have a hard time with boundaries..

rubyredram~ actually, my son only just turned three, so this probably effects him even more.. just curious why you think i'll stay with him.

alena~ hmmm. . it's just so hard to tell what is "best" for us too, you know? i mean, obviously the fighting is not good for any of us (occasionally it's good and fine, but this often is not), but it's hard to tell whether that ultimately outweighs the good we do for eachother, and the potential for acheiving a usually-healthy relationship..

posted February 14, 2003 06:01 AM              

Much Love and Light to you, your son and little unborn-baby.