posted June 14, 2003 11:12 PM              

this, of course, is just my subjective interpretation of the dynamics at play, but i suppose that could just reinforce its significance and validity.. since it is about my karma, my life..

basically, what i have been musing about is my impending baby's birth. sHe's due in just over 2 months- august 23rd. a normal gestation period is anywhere from 38-42 weeks, so two weeks before or after this date is quite possible. anyway, sHe's due on the day the sun transitions from leo into virgo.. also, during that weekish, several other planets move from leo into virgo. what is interesting me so very much about this, is how most possible variations of hir chart seem to fit different aspects of my relationship with hir father (sorry, if anyone's confused, i don't know the sex, and i use 'sHe' and 'hir' cuz it's a combo of both).. especially (seemingly) in terms of karma and potential growth. our last month together was one giant falling out, which i attribute to each of us falling into our respective south nodes (him aries, me pisces), and failing to embrace our norths..

what happened, basically, was my son and i moved in with him, into his tiny, crammed little one bedroom apartment. he's a total neat freak perfectionist (virgo ascendant and sun, merc, venus in the 6th)and he pretty much freaked out on me and criticized me the entire time i lived there, because there was more stuff around, and more mess. i was freshly pregnant with morning sickness and have a three year old boy, and after a week or so of him acting like he was, i admit i stopped doing so much. he failed to acknowledge or notice or appreciate what i did do, so i figured it didn't matter much anyway. however, i will admit, that back in those days, i wasn't really great at embracing my north node conjunct saturn(virgo), and was prone to daydreaming and theorizing about things being resolved moreso than necessarily doing anything to get there, in terms of physically organizing and planning, etc. so another significant aspect that i think was playing out here was his saturn in leo in the 12th house. he very much has power issues.. it's at 27 degrees leo.

so since we've been apart (3 and a half months now), i've really embraced my north node. i spend a large part of most days organizing, cleaning, making phone calls, etc.. virgo stuff. it's still a challenge for me not to go all piscean sometimes, but when i've been being virgoian, a bit of dreamy pisces energy seems like a nice reward, and it's more centered and purposeful than chaotic and unanchored, as it used to be.

so the thing that's interesting me, is there's a good chance this baby is going to have a lot of planets in virgo (conjunct my north node, and my ex's ascendant), and a few in pisces.. OR this baby is going to have a several planets in the last few degrees of leo, conjunct my ex's saturn. i'm feeling like this might be karmic, because the dynamic of ex's power trips games with me continues on (long story; basically he got into a relationship with someone else right after me, has broken promises right and left, told me that he intentionally hurt me and it was necessary, and continues to sweettalk me because he knows i still have feelings for him and it gives him a huge ego boost).. so maybe (?? what do you guys think ??) if i stay virgoian, focused, unneedy, sHe will be born with planets reflecting these tendencies, but if i let myself fall for ex's games and manipulations and unrealities, let his power over me continue unchecked, the baby could embody some of that, having several planets conjunct his saturn..

posted June 14, 2003 11:30 PM              

Can I suggest you just get yourself some DQ ice cream and watch a nice show on t.v., before your head explodes?

posted June 14, 2003 11:47 PM              

anyway, i'd rather analyze it now before i have total baby mush brain!

posted June 15, 2003 06:37 AM              

This is just my opinion, but I think it is fairly common for a baby's chart to show karmic ties with at least one, and usually both, parents. It's certainly been the case with me: I have karmic aspects with my Mother and Father, and my two daughters' charts show karmic ties with me and their father as well; though they have more aspects with me...and as it's turned out I was the one who has done most of the parenting, raising them as a divorced single parent from the time they were 7 and 4 years old respectively. Since the parent/child relationship is one of life's most intense/intimate kind, sharing karmic ties is not unusual.

If looked at from the perspective of souls pre-arranging before entering this world to come together in a lifetime to balance karma from a past life/lives, it will show up in their charts. This is definitely the case in my situation; there have been many events in the lives of my ex husband (I have karmic ties with him too), our daughters, and me that reflect pre-existing karma. In other words, I believe my ex and I came together for a reason, and our daughters were born to us for a reason. This is most likely true for you, your ex and your children also.

posted June 15, 2003 04:03 PM              

i know sHe'll come whenever sHe's supposed to.. i guess i just find it interesting and fun to ponder the possibilities and reasons for things.. and it's so cool how it sorta fits the patterns of my relationship to my ex.

one really neat thing about this baby is that hir neptune is almost definately going to be 11 degrees aquarius.. well, my mercury and mars are both 11 degrees aquarius! and my sun is 15 degrees aqua.. i guess this would indicate karma? and it seems positive.. anyone know?

posted June 15, 2003 04:29 PM              

I think a mother does have some influence on the exact timing of birth, although it's still the child's decision. Stress, love, hatred, despair, peace... all these affect your biochemistry and soul, and "hirs" as well (borrowing your gender-neutral possessives!). Depending on what's truly going on in a mother's life and consciousness, I can imagine an incarnating soul deciding whether they're gonna jump in with one parachute, or three. A mother doing work on herself and getting it together can only make things better, removing more stresses so a Soul may not have to jump in dressed in full combat gear!

It's great to know how embracing your North Node has made you so balanced, strong-- you sound like a different person than you did in your posts a couple months ago. I would just keep doing what you're doing. That guy does not deserve you, and sounds unstable, but when you and your family are ready, you'll let in someone who treats you right. You're tied together with him for life because of the child, but sounds like you understand the situation realistically that he's not likely to turn into the partner you need; but hey, as uncomfortable as the feelings you still have for him are, if you felt nothing for him at all, there would be nothing more to learn, and the relationship would fade to dust (reminds me of Lioneye68's great comment in another post: if two of you agree 100%, then one of you isn't necessary! )

No matter what the situation between parents, everyone who's born has got to have a Saturn somewhere... (usu. father, lessons, etc.... you know!) but I agree, the more aware and together you are, and balanced in how you deal with the birthfather, the better it is for all. Either way, I know you can help your child deal with a dad who chooses to not be around. Maybe having planets conjunct his Saturn means that it might take until your child's first Saturn Return to accept an absent father... but that's out of your hands... it might take him that long to heal/grow up, too.

So sure, try to resolve some child-rearing matters with the father, but be fair to All, and don't negotiate away anybody's rights. And if he's not ready to resolve some things, accept that too, then just sit back and enjoy your pregnancy, knowing you've done great emotional & spiritual work, and just keep on nesting in your Virgoan-yet-Pisces way, getting ready to welcome that child come what may. The baby's going to do the rest, and you just keep on caring for your other child and self, and keep nesting... be as happy as you were meant to be!

posted June 16, 2003 12:39 PM              

Did you move out?

Just one bit of advice, stay open to possibilities as the Universe supports all.

If you over analyze now, you may lock yourself into definitions and preconceived notions about baby and not consciously even realize it.

Let baby be baby as she/he will come as their Soul deems fit, and knOw too, you are taken care of as well. You are never alone.

Love,

posted June 16, 2003 03:22 PM              

Weird P S, may I tell you that I admire you and the way you handle this?! I mean being pregnant, breaking up in the midst of things, having another child as well etc...I wanted to let you know I find you very courages and cool!
Just goes to show the way you are now is best you can do and you're doig great, so....keep it up! Your baby is one fortunate one!