posted January 22, 2004 01:37 PM              

(AriesRocks - I wonder why the Merc/Sat aspects make it so??)

I've had fantasies of what it's like to be dead since I can remember. The older I got, the more I considered it to be a "valid" choice, and I'd constantly test myself to see how serious I could be about it, i.e., to see if I could imagine myself actually going through with it.

I never could.

I'd always think of another option to "escape" the pain or circumstances.

But to this day, I'll have thoughts like "I don't want to live" and/or being plain ANGRY because I don't want to be HERE. This has led me on a LIFELONG spiritual journey, starting with "why are we here" (the answer is to evolve), and then my main focus each day to try to stay quiet inside in order to know what it is the Source wants me TO DO -

... this so I'm SURE to end this contract so I don't have to return to this Earth-life, which I've NEVER felt comfortable with ...

I've gotten to the point where I was not afraid I would take a violent way out seriously, but that in my lowest moments of despair, I still became worried that something unconscious might happen.

And then when Sept 11th hit, I suffered greatly from post-traumatic syndrome, and for the first time in my life, began to try med's to see which one was right for me.

So far I like Effexor XR the best. It doesn't numb me out as much as Zoloft, so that if I'm having a bad day, it allows me to experience a bad day and deal with it, which is important if you want to feel a certain amount of accomplishment.

Because of all the above, I'm sensitive to communication with "the other side", and when someone I know passes, they always come to me to say good-bye BEFORE I've been told by someone else that they've passed.

I believe death means we turn into a different form, and go to another dimension which is just as real as this computer. If you question other "unseeable" dimensions, think of all the microwave's, radio wave's, infrared ray's, etc. that exist around us which we cannot SEE, but are real.

There are currently 10 known dimensions.

As for my planets, you can find my b-day info in my Profile, but I think my Neptune in Scorpio plays a big part, and probably Chiron in Pisces.

.gloria

posted January 23, 2004 04:26 PM              

I wish i had some answers myself. One was Scorpio (many fixed squares) -- one was Aries and had Mars opp Pluto -- and the other had several conj to NN including Mars -tho this one was facing much physical torment and seemed "easier"???? to understand -- uh.

posted January 24, 2004 11:36 PM              

I know for sure that Saturn in Pisces usually results in drug addiction, as in the hard stuff.

Combine all these Mutable Pisces placements with a moody Cancer Moon, and it makes it ever so impossible to see ANYTHING objectively. It probably exasperated his stomach problems.

Saturn in Cancer opposes it's natural ruler Capricorn, and his "security" issues, or the illusion thereof, were of primary concern in Cancer.

And you KNOW what happens when Cancer doesn't get what it wants...

And the cherry on top is Mars in Scorpio, the risk of being his own worst enemy, as well as bad karma back to himself if he's negative.

But remember, his wife Courtney is a Cancer Sun AND Moon. They really did enjoy emoting intensely.

In a world that does not yet know how to appreciate people who are of extreme sensitivity, it's no wonder they are usually the ones who end up asking themselves: "To Be Or Not To Be..."

.gloria

posted January 29, 2004 09:04 PM              

Ariesrocks, when you mentioned mercury/saturn did you mean just a conjunction or any aspect?