Should I "break up" with my father and stepmom

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Author	Topic: Should I "break up" with my father and stepmom
Ariesrocks! unregistered	posted February 17, 2004 07:06 AM My dad and I have always gotten along ok, apart from the fact that he is very emotionally closed we still have a bond. My stepmother dislikes me and have been very mean to me during my childhood. I don't like her either. Our synastry aspects are as follows Moon square saturn both ways My moon conjunct her Venus Her venus opposition my Mars My venus conjunct her saturn My mars square her Saturn Saturn square ascendant both ways our composite aspects are Moon square Mars Moon square Saturn Sun opposition Pluto Venus square Saturn Mars conjunct ascendant Saturn square ascendant What shall I do? her birthdate is Feb 1 1943 and me April 11 1980 my father is born aug 26 1946 IP: Logged
Archer unregistered	posted February 17, 2004 09:24 AM breaking up is good. it refreshes the soul and opens it up for new relationships. if nothing else u can try living alone. i'm going to do the same thing as soon as i get my first pay. ------------------ broken arrow! IP: Logged
Ariesrocks! unregistered	posted February 17, 2004 09:26 AM I don't live with them, that would be too much! but I still see them from time to time "social pressure" IP: Logged
lllog unregistered	posted February 17, 2004 10:26 AM Never completely cut yourself off from your family, unless of course there is sometype of abuse. You have the family that you were born to have, cutting yourself off from them reduces your opportunities to grow. Lanny IP: Logged
Ariesrocks! unregistered	posted February 17, 2004 11:09 AM There's abuse alright, verbal and emotional IP: Logged
lllog unregistered	posted February 17, 2004 01:23 PM I ment physical abuse. If there was emotional or verbal, you can handle that, physical abuse is different. Lanny IP: Logged
pidaua Knowflake Posts: 67 From: Back in AZ with Bear the Leo Registered: Apr 2009	posted February 17, 2004 01:23 PM I have to agree with Lanny AriesRocks. You don't have to live with your dad and stepmonster, therefore she is not an influential part of your life. Try to schedule doing things with your father, that doesn't have to include your stepmonster. I am not sure of your situation or how close you live to them, but it can be done. My father is a Cap with a Cancer moon. We used to have a hard time getting along because he didn't understand me or where I was coming from. I also had a stepmonster from hell.She was very verbally abusive and once told me that if she looked like me she would kill herself or wear a bag over her face. I was only 13 years old when she said those things. Luckily, no one else thought that and I have a pretty good self-esteem, but for years I was pretty low about how I looked. She just had a double masectomy and has an awful bitter life since my dad dumped her. In any case, you need your father, unless he has abused you ( I mean physically or sexually)- then cut the ties. If you can get past the problems and talk to your dad, you may open him up more emotionally. My father and I get along so well now it is unbelievable. My new step-mom (my father's 4th wife that he married about 10 years ago), is really cool, but she and I have our moments. Sometimes she is hard to be around because she can be so negative. When I go to visit I try to do as many "father-daughter_ things as possible. She is more into shopping and my dad and I do a lot of hiking - so it works out well. LOL IP: Logged
astro junkie unregistered	posted February 17, 2004 02:50 PM Good for you Archer! AriesRocks - I disagree with the distinction between physical and emotional abuse. Sometimes the emotional actually causes deeper, longer-lasting scars which can completely dibilitate. My 4th House jinx has caused me to divorce almost my entire family. At least for now. If you knew what I've been through TRUST ME you would completely agree. As we all know, there are plenty of toxic people out there, and some of them happen to be related to us. The other thing to consider is knowing yourself and knowing what you can handle. If you are ultra sensitive and basically struggle through life (like me), then like me, you have to be honest with yourself and admit you cannot take it on. And I'm NOT the type of person who's a wilting-flower type. I AM a VERY strong person. It bothered me that I was not stronger. But I'm not, and you cannot live your life for someone else and put your dreams on hold. What may seem like strength to you or others may actually be you stuffing your feelings inside and never allowing yourself to experience them fully. It's NOT an easy decision. .gloria ------------------ it's better to light a candle than curse the darkness... IP: Logged
Ariesrocks! unregistered	posted February 17, 2004 03:44 PM thanks Gloria, as usual you understand me so well. Thanks you guys, but I really feel like I can't take it anymore. It's just too much. IP: Logged
pidaua Knowflake Posts: 67 From: Back in AZ with Bear the Leo Registered: Apr 2009	posted February 17, 2004 04:02 PM AriesRocks, If that is the case, then you need to protect your heart. You know your situation more than we do and if you feel it is necessary to break away from your dad and stepmom, then go with your heart. There was a period of over a year when I did not speak to my father because of my step-monster. No one could have talked me out of it and I knew I had to do it for my own well being. Like Astro said, there are some emotional scars that refuse to heal - epecially if the person keeps wounding you. I am sorry for your circumstances. I would give you a big hug if I could IP: Logged
Ariesrocks! unregistered	posted February 17, 2004 04:12 PM Thanks love! i it was worse when I was younger though, now I just feel like it best to get away in order for me to start healing. The bad part is that they are in complete denial about what they've done, she especially. IP: Logged
astro junkie unregistered	posted February 17, 2004 10:00 PM Right - they are in complete denial... so that's THEIR problem. You've got your own. We all know you well enough here to know that you can be way existential. You have an open loving mind. I can only imagine how much effort, and how many prayers you've put into it. Next, when it comes to them, you have to place yourself geocentrically. That is to say, you are the center of a "Ptolemaic system", named after the renassiance astromer Ptolemy who believed the Earth was motionless and in the center of the universe. Therefore, by remaining motionless, you will be able to spot the clues to what your purpose is in this lifetime. You'll begin to notice the patterns, and learn your true place within it without losing faith. Hope this makes sense. Some people are in denial because it does not occur to them that they can step outside of their automated misery. .gloria ------------------ it's better to light a candle than curse the darkness... IP: Logged
Harpyr Newflake Posts: 0 From: Alaska Registered: Jun 2010	posted February 18, 2004 12:56 AM Ariesrocks, I just wanted to concur that if your heart is telling you that you need some serious apart time to heal and hopefully put things into perspective for your dad and maybe even your stepmom then definetly follow you heart. If you listen to it with an open and aware mind it will not lead you astray. I would just say that don't totally shut the door on your dad forever.. It's entirely possible that if he doesn't see you for awhile then perhaps his eyes will start to open to the truth of what you are saying. Stay open to the possibility that people can and do change. Pid, I am shocked that someone would tell you that you need to put a bag over your head.. I think you are beautiful. IP: Logged
pixelpixie Newflake Posts: 8 From: ON Canada Registered: Apr 2009	posted February 18, 2004 08:55 AM seconded! Some people mistakenly think that insulting someone makes them 'better'. I am glad, hearing that so young, you didn't internalize so much. IP: Logged
Ariesrocks! unregistered	posted February 19, 2004 02:33 PM Thanks so much for your support, it means a lot. IP: Logged
pidaua Knowflake Posts: 67 From: Back in AZ with Bear the Leo Registered: Apr 2009	posted February 19, 2004 02:59 PM Thank you Harpyr and Pixie You guys are great. Honestly, it was hard for a while. It tore me up, but I also watched what she did to my bro. Anyone that has seen pic of my bro knows that he is a good looking dude. She used to say the most awful things to him and call him a fat and ugly kid. Well, he turned out extremely well, but in his heart, I know it still hurts. He'll tell me about it once in a while by saying things like "Yeah, remember when Laura used to say I was stupid, fat and ugly? I wish she could see me now". Now, he was chubby, but we all go through an incredibly awkward period, but he was NEVER ugly or stupid. One thing she taught me was how NOT to ever be with people. My Aries grandmother would describe her as follows: "Some fruit looks beautiful and ripe on the vine. Then you bite into it and it is full of rot and worms. Better to be a little bruised and sweet". I love that old raisen. IP: Logged
Harpyr Newflake Posts: 0 From: Alaska Registered: Jun 2010	posted February 19, 2004 03:02 PM aaaww..wow.. That is a great saying. IP: Logged
Ariesrocks! unregistered	posted February 19, 2004 03:22 PM I agree! that's such a lovely saying IP: Logged
ariestiger unregistered	posted February 19, 2004 03:34 PM Dear AriesRocks, I don't communicate with either of my parents anymore, for very good reasons. They both physically and verbally abused me. My father used to hit me with a garden cane until my legs bled, and my mother used to say, when I was a teenager and said that I was desperate for a boyfriend, that if I wanted a boyfriend so much, I ought to become a ***** . She even used to BEG me to let her beat me with a wooden spoon when I was 21, if you can believe that. (It's scary knowing there are people with those kind of psychiatric disorders walking around untreated!)Both my parents were incredibly nasty, but then they were pretty nasty to everyone around them - totally narcissistic, selfish people, who seemed to see me as a means to achieving - whatever they wanted me to achieve (I never figured out what that was). I was a possession, in other words, not a child - a possession like my dad's fast cars and horses, or my mother's designer dresses. They spent wads of money on themselves - yet they could not be bothered to buy me a change of school uniform; they moaned about how expensive it was to FEED me; my mother refused to do the laundry or cook, but wouldn't let anyone else use the washing-machine or cooker. Her animals received better treatment than I did - she used to say "I'd rather have animals than have you", and I believe she meant it, too. She never wanted children, but had me because, at the age of 33, she was informed that she might be unable to have children in the future. So she got her skates on, so to speak. I never liked her. I loved my dad, but my love for him was gradually eroded by the increasing severity of his physical abuse (he succeeded in breaking my nose when I was 16). They treated me like a stupid, 18-month old baby, who couldn't do anything for itself. They constantly called me a "nutter" when I tried to reason with them, threatening to lock me away, even though most of the things they did were pretty "nutty" themselves. They berated my ideas as "stupid" most of the time. It was as if I was not allowed to have a mind of my own. It was a terrible situation, but I guess they were only repeating what they themselves had experienced at home, or in childhood. They practically destroyed me (although an Aries/Tiger can NEVER be completely destroyed!); I seriously believe now that they actually hated me from the word go. However - since I cut the cord from my parents 18 months ago, things have never been better. My career has taken off like nobody's business, partly because I am not expending my energy worrying about their problems, and their judgement of me, all the time. I feel that I own my life now - free as a bird. I have had counselling and benefited enormously from it. (Sorry this is all so dreadfully depressing, by the way! I assure you, I am COMPLETELY over it now. I can at least speak with a reasonable degree of detachment about the situation. And I hardly ever cry anymore (I used to cry on a daily basis!).) Whether you choose to break ties or not depends on the severity of animosity between you and your parents. I wouldn't recommend it for everyone, particularly not those for whom family is important, unless the abuse is really unforgivable. Is there any way you could maybe see your father without seeing your stepmother, if, as you say, you still get along sort-of-okay? IP: Logged
Ariesrocks! unregistered	posted February 19, 2004 03:41 PM The thing is when I ask to see him without my stepmom it turns into a huge deal. We went out to dinner last September just me and him and it was great, but he never takes the initiative to do anything like that. We've been together alone 3 times. And during those times he's always talked to her on the cellphone. When I talk to him about it he says (about him and stepmom) "but we're one! what I do she does" IP: Logged
Harpyr Newflake Posts: 0 From: Alaska Registered: Jun 2010	posted February 19, 2004 03:50 PM Sounds like co-dependency.. an addictive relationship. Not healthy. IP: Logged
pidaua Knowflake Posts: 67 From: Back in AZ with Bear the Leo Registered: Apr 2009	posted February 19, 2004 04:02 PM AriesTiger, My heart goes out to you. That is so terrible of an ordeal. I cannot imagine how anyone could treat a child, teenager, fellow human being, as your parents treated you. It is good to hear that you have turned your adversity into success by knowing it was time to leave and by not letting it hold you back. What type of career are you in now? IP: Logged
sthenri unregistered	posted February 19, 2004 05:26 PM Another good saying is It's the filling that holds the cookie together, (and that's what it's for even though you can't see it-some people have filling that's not sweet and they will crumble over time) Without good filling, the cookie can't withstand the pressure not matter how pretty. Like an oreo, cookie the filling is our spirit, don't ever let anyone tell you it's not important. Good Luck AriesRocks and Aries Tiger, AriesRocks, time apart never hurt anyone. Your Dad won't forget you, but he may have difficulty saying No. Give him that list I posted about emotional boundaries-by mail. Natasha Taurus IP: Logged
4evagOOb unregistered	posted February 19, 2004 05:43 PM In my experience with the exact same situation i would have to advise against breaking up...... if there is karma to be sorted in this lifetime its best to dissolve it, not carry it on for the next life..... I have massive 4th house aspects and a saturn 10th which also relates to the father, my family have always been there and in there own way have shed light and wisdom on being....... the anguish i have been through is massive, with my father and mother but the silver cord that binds is still alive today...... in fact me, my dad and his new wife now run a business together and are at most very happy... even though i can relate to your experiences through my own, i can not KNOW what you are truly feeling, only you know that..... good luck whichever way you go.... incidently, me and my father share a SUN square MARS and the other way SUN opposed MARS and still live under the same roof, even his wifes Sun is opposed to my MARS and PLUTO, yes, they do rear up now and again, but nothing can trip up KARMA and true soul ties that bind in knots, upon knots, upon knots........ we smile everyday and i thank him (secretly) and he the same because we cant thank each other to much it might think that one is stronger than the other...... lol....... best of luck, only you know its truths..... love and extra beams upon beams of light... 4evagOOb IP: Logged
astro junkie unregistered	posted February 20, 2004 12:25 AM AriesTiger: o.h. m.y. g.o.d. With my rebellious young ass, I would have run away before I turned 10 years old! I DID run away twice when I was 10, but I went back home and tried to deal (until I was 18)... I have a tremendous amount of respect for you and I back up your decision to extract yourself from the toxic environment. Though it's true we do join these souls for a reason, I do not agree that you should stick with it in order to see what's in store. Not under circumstances like that. And some decisions are not up to us anyway. Sometimes the universe speaks volumes in itself. The most important thing is that we take responsibility for our actions and decisions no matter what happens. And the next step in terms of enlightenment, is to realize why you chose that particular incarnation. It's that simple, yet that complicated. with love & support, .gloria ------------------ it's better to light a candle than curse the darkness... IP: Logged

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