posted February 27, 2004 02:40 AM              

I am unemployed, single, living with Mommy for the first time since I was 17, blah blah blah. I hated being in my own skin.

I was begging the Universe to please, just give me some mental clarity, pretty please, to help me figure out what to do next.

Instead of writing my mope-poem, I started really READING the boards here, and posting, and re-vamping my self-instruction into the arcane art of astrological navel gazing..

Boy, has it been a fun week!!
With everyone's help here I started looking at my chart impartially, learning how Pluto and Saturn are teaming up to help me get my self together. I started to realize that altho the stars don't MAKE us do something, if you flow with what you have been given, it.....starts.....working.

Seems obvious, right? Not to me. I was so set in thinking that society dictates I must "be" a certain way, that I didn't know I have the choice to BE what I want. No wonder it took losing everything to just get that point across.......hehhehe
Now I understand why people tend to speak in ephemeral platitudes when one speaks of consciousness transformations...the language fails a person.

In 7 days I have quit smoking, started walking in "my" woods again, started applying for jobs again, and have reconsidered my fear of taking the job I was offered in Yellowstone for the summer. Oh, and I was able to cut my emotional cord to a 6 year long relationship that wasn't doing me any good. Whew.

This is basically just a vent, but its also a thank you to LL, and everyone here.

No, my life isnt any different than it was a week ago....but I'm different. Weird how that works, sometimes.

posted February 27, 2004 08:32 AM            

The problem with my life is that i am constantly changing, reevaluating, and I feel like I leave evryone behind, choking on my dust. They still matter, but I am different towards them.. and they don't even know it happened. I would liket o think I emerge as an eagle, or more self fulfilled, but I don't know what others that I care about would say.....

posted February 27, 2004 09:07 AM              

To one clear harp in divers tones,

That men may rise on stepping-stones

Of their dead selves to higher things."

Go get 'em MK!

posted February 27, 2004 11:07 AM            

nice to hear you made it out!

posted February 27, 2004 12:59 PM              

I too am a "leave em in the dust" type person. There must be something about us which instinctively knows we need to be totally be immersed in making our lives better.

With a few guys, as they are getting to know me, I'll say, "I'm always changing and improving. The person I am today will not be the same person 2 weeks from now..." and if they are at all insecure, it puts them off.

.gloria

posted March 05, 2004 07:10 AM              

Unfortunately, I don't have a national park to escape to even if only for a while. I will be stuck here in hot ass Phoenix, unless I do some fancy footwork that gets me out of this adequately called hell hole before May/June, or whenever it decides to hit 120 degrees this year!

posted March 05, 2004 07:37 PM              

I would rather deal with floods, bugs, tornados and cows than that heat!! LOL

Strength to you dear, in escaping your previous situation.

posted March 05, 2004 08:09 PM            

Isn't wonderful when you just get it. Whatever 'it' is.

I'm glad you are feeling good. I've been reading your post and you have some much wisdom and knowledge to share. I've been taking bits of wisdom home with me everyday!

Have a great weekend, MK