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Author
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Topic: Mr Aqua 's Latest Wheeze
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ariestiger
unregistered
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posted November 27, 2004 03:02 PM
 
Both of us are currently feeling a change in the air. It's a feeling of the-current-situation-can't last-forever, if you know what I mean.
Mr Aqua is a Conservative voter and is appalled at what the Labour Government are doing. At the moment, they seem to be banning everything right, left and centre, and throwing themselves around in a rather heavy-handed way which both of us feel doesn't bode well for the future, certainly not if they manage to clinch another term in office next year.
I had been toying with the idea for a little while - not too seriously - about emigrating - in the secret hope that Mr Aqua wouldn't want to come with me!! For a long time he didn't express the slightest bit of interest. Yesterday, however, he surprised me over dinner by saying that he didn't think it was a bad idea!!! I had considered the US for a while - possibly California - as I was wondering whether my work might be better received there - and he has cousins in the US, so we mulled over the idea. However, he doesn't want to go to California, he wants to go to Virginia, or somewhere down in the Deep South and live off the beaten track, as "a Southern gentleman", as he put it.
Then came the crucial question:
"What with?" I asked. "What are we going to live on?"
Well, he'd figured we were going to sell our house, then we'd rent a place and he'd train as a barrister under the American legal system. I don't know anything about the American legal system, how long it would take to train, and how long it would cost - or what his chances of employment would be. Basically, he is coming up to 37 and has worked as a gardener for 12 years. I don't want to sound cynical here and say that this sort of thing can't be done, if the person is motivated enough. However, knowing Mr Aqua as I do...I did hint to him that he would have to work damn hard if he wanted to get anywhere!
He is working about 2 days a week right now. He could get more work if he wanted to. It has been a nice mild winter over here and there is plenty to do, he is always having jobs offered him, but he always says he is too busy (!!!)
I have forbidden him from playing computer games most of the time now, because that interferes with my work. If he was at least doing something creative with the remainder of his time, or something that could lead to greater things, I could support that, but he either sits and reads books and magazines, rides his horse, or potters around the house. Doesn't want to go on holiday anywhere, or commute any further than 6 miles to the next town.
We had some friends round to dinner the other night, a lovely couple that we do gardening work for, and Mr Aqua was slightly drunk. He made backhanded compliments to me most of the evening (this is par for the course), told me to bugger off, made derogatory comments about one of these friends' friends whom we were talking about, and as they were going out of the door, made as if to push me out with them and said "Goodbye - and don't come back!"
When Mr Aqua wasn't looking the husband took me aside and said, "Look - I want you to know you're lovely - and my wife and I love you very, very much!"
How it will end I don't know, but I can't stand another winter like this. It's been the same all the way through our marriage. I've made a decision though, once I've finished writing my book (August next year) I shall just pack my bags and go. Put the house up for sale and be shot of him. I don't think I would have too much of a problem living on my own after living with him.
I've noticed Saturn also goes into Leo next year, so times should get interesting...We shall also be coming up to our 7th wedding anniversary at approximately the same time. (Talk about the Seven Year Itch!) Guys, I KNOW I keep going on about this one. Please be patient with me. I am working through this!!!
IP: Logged |
astro junkie
unregistered
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posted November 27, 2004 03:18 PM
Well helll Aries Tiger -The beginning of your post gave me a flash back to when I first read, "Diary of Anne Frank" - Like - Being an american and having traveled lots of the world, I take such options for granted. I don't know you if can tell by my posts, but I've a gypsy soul - so - money is not a factor. (And ESPECIALLY if love is already involved.)
Give him to me, maybe I can breath some life back into him for you, with a strict return policy of course. In other words, you can have him back, but don't get lost in the details. Don't sweat the small stuff, as they say.
It's interesting he wants to relate to a "southern gentleman" lifestyle, of which I know much. IP: Logged |
ariestiger
unregistered
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posted November 27, 2004 05:33 PM
Astrojunkie,
Be my guest!
He has Venus in Capricorn, so he may like an older woman  A split between him and me, however, would have to be final. No going back! Besides which - I have a feeling I may need to be with someone else myself. I'm ready for a change. LOL AriesTiger IP: Logged |
astro junkie
unregistered
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posted November 27, 2004 06:33 PM
Oh Wow - sorry, didn't realize it was actually that serious. So you've never been to the states?Anyways, maybe it's a John Wayne thing ::: Sun 4°19' Gemini
Moon 22°29' Scorpio
Mercury 7°15' Gemini
Venus 4°56' Taurus
Mars 18°21' Capricorn
Jupiter 11°40' Cancer
Saturn 25°52' Pisces
Uranus 12°07' Capricorn
Neptune 10°57' Cancer
Pluto 22°48' Gemini
North Node 26°05' Cancer (Do you see any "similarities" or wants?)
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ariestiger
unregistered
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posted December 01, 2004 07:41 PM
Hi there AJ,
Hmmm...sorry to sound dense, it's late at night here...(whispers)what do you mean by a John Wayne thing?
Anyway, the update here in this part of the world, today, is that Mr Aqua has been refused a job by the law firm he has been badgering for about a year (the one and only firm he has approached, since he refuses to commute). I think they were slightly unfair in that they gave him no straight yes or no answer before now, but I think the fact that they never, ever phoned him back when he left messages was a telling point. He phoned them six times in one day at one point, I told him for God's sake to stop phoning them so much, or they'd think he was crazy. He went for work experience there, and I would probably imagine they sussed out what he is like. He is, shall we say, a little over-talkative, too ready with the nervous laughs, and often says rather inappropriate things.
Anyway, he was practically clinging to me yesterday. I was in bed with food poisoning/IBS, God knows what, I think I have just been totally stressed out lately, and it was the first time we had a proper talk in ages. He agrees with me that we ought to sell the house and look for work in our nearest city before considering emigrating. However - I would like to live IN the city, he wouldn't.
It is going to be really difficult for me to communicate to him that I don't want my future to include him, because he is clinging like a limpet at present, he doesn't talk about our future in any way that would imply we wouldn't be together (despite the fact that I suggested a couple of days ago that it would be logical for us to split, since we both agreed we didn't enjoy each other's company). The fact that he won't confront the possibility is a little worrying. I believe he's scared of my leaving him. He is also incredibly difficult to deal with in everyday life, he is unbelievably p/a, anything you say immediately gets a long-winded objection, so for this reason I think, as Natasha pointed out in a post way back, he could probably get very aggressive if he found himself put out to grass all of a sudden, and be EXTREMELY uncooperative. I will go to the solicitor in the New Year and take a look at my legal options. I really can't bear living with this idiot another year.(Yes, it really is this bad!!!) I have come to the conclusion that I get tons more out of friends than family. Friendships seem to be really great at the moment. So I think I would like to build a future for myself where I can just relax, enjoy myself, and have great friendships that might develop into more, instead of concerning myself with "settling down". (Been there, done that!) I'm not half so desperate as I was when I got married 6 years ago (my husband was my first boyfriend). I think having my own space is crucial. IP: Logged |
Aquarian Girl
unregistered
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posted December 01, 2004 10:41 PM
quote:
He is also incredibly difficult to deal with in everyday life, he is unbelievably p/a, anything you say immediately gets a long-winded objection...
I feel for you, he sounds exactly like my ex-husband (Pisces w/Aries moon). The only advice I have for you if you plan to leave him is to plan for it meticulously... and stick to the plan. I caused myself a lot of grief because I didn't stick to my plan. For a supposedly objective, stubborn Aquarian... I got really emotional and my husband is a charmer and I ummed and ahhed a lot after I left and wasted savings that should have gone towards getting set up right away staying with friends freaking out. Then I decided to go back to him and the charmer was gone and the miserable husband was back and he broke all his promises (most important one - marriage counselling)... So, don't listen to him. I don't believe people can change except in rare circumstances... and honestly... even if they can change, so what? Do they always deserve another chance just because they changed? You've already given them a big chunk of your life, why should they get any more whether they can change or not? He's had seven years... and I remember your other posts including your account of the dinner party in this one... his manner towards you is shocking, IMO. I'm not telling you to leave him, but I am saying if this is what you decide... then don't look back. Good luck.  IP: Logged |
sthenri
unregistered
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posted December 01, 2004 11:05 PM
Aqua girl is right, even though you probably just want to run down the street screaming!I feel your pain, I really do. You have no idea, Okay? Now I have read your posts and I don't think you are fooling around when you say you want to be with someone else, and you want to live in the city. Mr. Aqua won't be happy that way, he wants what he's got, and change won't come easy. It will take years for him to adjust. The question really is,
Will you feel guilty enough to take him back if you leave him, and what do you have to look forward to if you do leave? That is where the planning part comes in.
Also this is not the practical part, but have you ever thought he may be suited to a different woman? One who is like him? If you imagine him with someone else and it doesn't bother you, then it's a good sign for your future, as it doesn't seem like you two are that compatible anymore. Normally I am in favor of working it out, but emotionally I feel differently about your case because it's just too similar to my own with my ex MR. LIbra. He just wouldn't work, not with me anyway. But now he is motivated, I had to leave him totally alone so he could get out there and do something and encourage him to. Now he is seeing people, doing things on his own. Nothing is perfect,
Not even the one I am seeing now, off and on, but THIS one does like to live in the city at least. Good Luck, Natasha
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pixelpixie
Newflake Posts: 8
From: ON Canada
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted December 01, 2004 11:28 PM
oh wow. Great advice there.I trust that you are on your way to further greatness. I also trust that you sense it doesn't involve him at this point. IP: Logged |
ariestiger
unregistered
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posted December 02, 2004 05:09 AM
Thank you all so much for your advice and support - it is really, really appreciated.Hi Natasha,
I have got to the stage now where I have managed to garner enough emotional distance not to be bothered about Mr Aqua's seeing anyone else. I feel I just want to be on my own for a while, not necessarily living with someone that I am having a relationship with, I want to be able to do what I like, when I like, go the places I want, without things being turned into a major issue every time. I have cried - occasionally - about the prospect of splitting, but I think that is probably natural. It's easy to get sentimental, but I have to ask myself, over what exactly? Looking back, things were never really any different, I just hadn't discovered certain character traits of his yet. I wasn't aware that such things could exist. His p/a problems are nothing to do with me, they were well in place long before we married. No, I don't think I would feel guilty enough to take him back after a split. If I ever do - well, all I need to do is read my posts here. It has gone beyond a joke, he's a liability. Hi Aquarian Girl,
I got all the promises of change as well. Exactly two days ago. He was mumbling about it having been a shame that we hadn't been able to make it work down here, blaming absolutely everybody you could think of, the Government, etc. for the fact that we weren't having any financial success. To be honest, with my career I personally think I probably would be better off in the city, but with gardening, he could have made things work EASILY, there was tons of work on offer if he had wanted it.
Anyway, he said that he was going to change, and I thought, I would love to believe him, and I hate being cynical, but I've heard it all before. The first time, after our marriage, when he wanted to ditch the gardening and started working at the office I worked at. He had "decided it was time he stopped messing about and got himself a REAL career". He lasted all of two months.
No - he wasn't fired - he left because he didn't like it.
This might seem a valid reason, but he has turned down tons of jobs, or stopped/avoided going to people just because he doesn't "like" them. Quite frankly, there's not normally much wrong with them that I can see, most people leave us alone to get on with the job, but he seems to have a problem with them. Recently we had a job offer from a woman who, OK, granted, looks rather like a PE teacher - and Mr Aqua, as usual, said, "we're busy". I thought, rubbish, we need the money, so I said, "no, we'd be interested". So she gave us her contact details and after we'd gone I was subjected to Mr Aqua teasing me for a full hour about how she must be "after me". (For Chrissake, how immature can you get? He is so childlike!!!) He refused to make any further contact with her, saying "I don't want to work for a d*ke". "It's not a question of whether you want to work for a d*ke or not," I said, "you just don't want to work, full stop." Anyway, I dragged him along, we got the job, and he is fine with it now.
I do actually wonder what on earth he's going to do in the future. I asked him what he had in mind, in the event that we move (I may do further training in landscape architecture, alongside my business), and he said, as ever, "I don't know.". Well, there it is. Straight from the horse's mouth. LOL AriesTiger IP: Logged |
Aquarian Girl
unregistered
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posted December 02, 2004 10:05 AM
God, the more you talk, the more Mr Aqua sounds exactly like my ex. The unrelenting, juvenile... and sorry just IDIOTIC sense of humour... that story reminded me of one of my good friends who is gay... He would constantly make sexual jokes about her and me... I'd be like, you are so DUMB AND BORING I just can't believe it. He would just go on and on and on... either oblivious or not caring that I'm exasperated, bored to tears by his banal sense of humour, not listening to him... and most of all, don't even think it's funny!And you said Mr Aqua makes himself the victim all the time. Ha! When I left, he made me feel soooo sorry for him, but he's the type who will say anything he needs to to get his way and then, unless you have his back against the wall somehow... he will skip out on every single promise. So he made me feel sooo bad, and convinced me everything would change, that he could see all my reasons for leaving and that he had been wrong... and... all that went out the window immediately, as soon as he thought I was coming back, he changed his tune. Don't let him play the victim and suck you back in! If you can picture him with someone else and it doesn't bother you... and you have totally differing views about how you want to live... I don't see you being together and BOTH feeling fulfilled and happy. One more thing... you need to mentally prepare for the emotional fallout when you leave. It might be hard to picture now, but you will go through a grieving process similar to the death of a loved one... I mean, it's the death of a marriage, a complete change in life... I was totally ignorant... it hit me like a tonne of bricks. The first month in my own apartment, I just cried all month... Maybe you won't go through this, but most people do (I have read a lot of books about coping with divorce and at the time, knowing this was part of an established process everyone went through really helped because I thought I was losing my mind!) He sounds spoiled and immature, yes its true. I think I remember from your other posts that he has a weird relationship with his mother right? My new bf is a bit of a mummy's boy, but I'm not sure if the relationship is unhealthy yet, I haven't met her! If it is I will head for the hills! LOL. IP: Logged | |
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