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Author
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Topic: People Who Know Better
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ariestiger
unregistered
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posted December 10, 2004 04:51 AM
 
We've had posts about whiners driving us crazy, but what REALLY drives me crazy is people who think they know better than me what is right for me.For example, I will say, careerwise I am doing x and y, and they will immediately ask "Why are you doing THAT?" and suggest doing absolutely anything other than what I am currently doing. Which I find a cheek. I don't go round telling other peple what they should do with their lives. Or they will volunteer to get me something of my choice, so I say, I would like x, from y shop, knowing they are able to obtain it at that time, and blow me, they will get me something different, from a different shop, that was miles out of their way, that's not quite right, because they exercised their own judgment and "thought it would be better", which it ISN'T. Or if I am having to stick to a strict diet, they will press all the things on me that they KNOW I should not be eating, because I gave them two copies of a list. Saying: "oh, just have a little bit". Conclusion: Their way = easier, it's okay if you have to compromise, because then they don't have to give an inch. Your way = harder, because they won't give an inch, they don't expect to be flexible, and they expect to carry on the way they always have, without considering that they might actually benefit from seeing things in a different light. AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
I HATE people like that!!!!!!!!
They are my bugbear! Thing is, I seem to attract them. Despite the fact that I am confident in myself and what I am doing, they still seem to like to think they can lord it over me. (As if I'd want to bend over backwards just to please them! No thanks - been there, done that!) Why?????? Why do they do it? I don't feel the need to do this to people. Does anyone else have to deal with people like this? IP: Logged |
astro junkie
unregistered
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posted December 10, 2004 07:35 AM
Is it mostly men or women who are giving you this unusual vibe?IP: Logged |
Yin
Knowflake Posts: 1951
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted December 10, 2004 08:12 AM
Maybe sometimes the people-that-know-better, really do know better  ? Have you thought of it that way?IP: Logged |
thirteen
unregistered
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posted December 10, 2004 08:42 AM
I think confidence shakes people. Its as if they can't take the confidence so they try to see if they can shake you out of it or make you doubt yourself. IP: Logged |
Aquarian Girl
unregistered
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posted December 10, 2004 08:47 AM
Most days I stick to a really strict diet, and there's this one woman in my office who I get along really great with but she's always entreating me to have a chocolate or to have the mayonaise laden pasta salad... and she WON'T back off! It really irks me. So, I know what you mean. "oh but come on! you can have one! just have a bit! come ON! don't be silly!"... ugh... NO! I don't eat that... please leave me alone. My Aunt does that too. She's nosey regarding details and then she picks things apart and tells you all the things that you're doing wrong "you can't do that!"... YES I CAN! You don't know anything about it, I can do it like that! Ariestiger, are you the youngest in your family? I'm my mothers only child, the only niece, the only grandchild... so everyone is laways focused on me, my life and the way I do things. It drives me nutty. My grandpa is a Cancer (Virgo moon), grandma is an Aquarius (Aries moon), mum is a Virgo (Sag moon) and my Aunt is a Scorpio (Cancer moon)... IP: Logged |
aries-chick
unregistered
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posted December 10, 2004 09:06 AM
Hey Aries Tiger,I think this is a classic Aries situation. We usually have very set ideas about what we want and exactly how we want it..and what we want to do careerwise as well...so instead of taking other people's opinions as THAT, opinions...I think we prolly tend to take them as an attack on our views or on what we "know" for a fact we're good at (like an underestimation of our abilities maybe). When it comes to career and that kind of thing it might be good to take other people's advice into consideration (it'd be very difficult for me to do that when I'm dead set on something, but in theory it would be a good idea). "I will say, careerwise I am doing x and y, and they will immediately ask "Why are you doing THAT?" and suggest doing absolutely anything other than what I am currently doing." I have gotten those kinds of replies before and I didn't like it at all so I know where you're coming from. But at the same time, thinking back on things I'm sure the people making those comments didn't mean to offend or annoy me, but rather to give their opinion on what they think I'd be good at. Sometimes it's worth just hearing people out, even though in end you'll prolly still do what you want to do. The second half of your post made me  cause everything you mentioned bout shopping and people getting the wrong things...my mum constantly does all of the things you mentioned lol. And actually its prolly not just my mum...I don't think I've ever asked someone to get something for me and actually got what I asked for (which is why I don't ask ppl to get stuff for me anymore). That being said though, you can't really get angry with those ppl either only cause at the end of the day..."they did you a favor" and bought stff for u...and they're usually well-meaning... "thought it would be better, (which it ISN'T)"... So yeah I do get annoyed in those situations but also, Yin does have a point. IP: Logged |
aries-chick
unregistered
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posted December 10, 2004 09:21 AM
Hi Thirteen,I think that's a very accurate statement...But sometimes you need that "shaking" to reinforce your confidence. And if you're not confident enough (in whatever it is you wanna do) for your views to survive the "shaking" ...then maybe they were right in the first place. I think it depends on the ppl involved whether they do it because "they can't take confidence" or whether they test you out of genuine concern to see if you're up to "it", whatever that IT is. IP: Logged |
ariestiger
unregistered
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posted December 10, 2004 04:15 PM
It's men AND women who are giving me this vibe. Mostly familial.
Aquarian Girl - Amazing guess! I am an only child, and yes, the youngest in the family. It's extraordinary how seniority in years seems to confer upon people an attitude that they know better.
And they frequently DON'T, DON'T, DON'T know better, the only person in our family who is qualified to criticise me about my career is my dad, and he is a small businessperson like myself, only struck lucky about 10 years ago (when he was in his early 50s)after years of the bank hounding him and a spell of bankruptcy. He still spends too much. None of the rest of the family, none of the women that is, have pursued any sort of profession or career.
I think my dad (another Aries)sees too much of himself in me and doesn't want me to make the same mistakes. But I PREFER to take the road less travelled, and don't take nearly so many risks as he does.
The only member of the family who knows anything about Art, which is what I do, is my mother (Sag with Taurus Moon), and I don't talk to her any more because she is a rather warped person, and she was the worst of the lot when it came to bossiness.
In actual fact, I have found more and more that when I trust my own judgment, I usually succeed. When I do something in a way that the family has suggested to me, I am usually much less successful.
I'm not above taking advice from professionals, but I don't like it when people who have no knowledge of certain subject areas act as if they know it all. It's mostly my father (Aries, Sag Moon), hubby(Aqua, Leo Moon), MIL (Cancer, Gemini Moon), and step-MIL (Aqua).
I am an Aries with Pisces Moon, Virgo rising and Sun in the Eighth. Therein lies the key, I think. Nobody else in my family has a Water Moon. So maybe they might not ever understand quite what I'm getting at.
Sun in the Eighth is quite an empowering placement, I also have Mars and Saturn in the 10th. IP: Logged |
virgotaurustaurus
unregistered
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posted December 11, 2004 03:31 AM
ariestiger, I have people do this to me ALL THE TIME!!! Not sure WHY people love trying to shake my very foundation, but my confidence isn't really all that high. People always think they know better than me about my eating habits, how I should eat, what I should eat...because I'm tiny. I've also had people who think they know better than me what I should be doing with my life. ALL THE TIME. I even had COWORKERS do this to me! And now, I have close friends trying to tell me how I should be dealing with situations even though I did not even ask for help with them. One of them even thinks I should call my verbally/mentally abusive ex!!! Are you kidding me? Good god. I wish someday people would just let me rule my own life without giving me all the "shoulds" or "shouldn't haves". It's getting ridiculous. IP: Logged |
astro junkie
unregistered
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posted December 11, 2004 07:55 AM
I don't know but - Studying astrology seems to be a great way to hone one's intuitive skills. To me, it's making a move away from those "things out there" to make us "happy" - towards ourselves inwardly. That is to say - we know more about outer space than we do about our inner space. IP: Logged |
Aquarian Girl
unregistered
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posted December 11, 2004 08:13 AM
LOL! Ariestiger I just knew it! I could hear all my family's voices echoing through your post!I think it's an only child's curse. We're cared about and cherished so deeply that it's hard for everyone to step back and give us breathing space and let us make our own mistakes. They all feel because we're the one and only or youngest or whatever, that they all have a stake in it. Frustrating... but it comes from a good place I suppose. But I'm usually way to frustrating by it to appreciate it! Heh. IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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