posted December 28, 2004 11:11 AM              

Maybe this is the "Tiger" effect. I also have Juno in Aquarius.

I feel I am such a completely different person from 6, 7 years ago. It's like a complete turnaround. But maybe it's just mellowing with age and increased confidence. I think I will probably be strong enough to cope with a change in situation now.

I find I'm being dreadfully blunt at the moment, I seem to be telling family, spouse etc. exactly what I think of them! It perhaps sounds as if I'm being rather a b*tch, but I don't see it that way, I feel I'm making my needs clear, I'm making points that need to be made, and I feel that those areas of life need a shake-up, because they have been driving me crazy.

Maybe it's the current Sun square my Sun, and Saturn in Cancer. Plus all the planets in Sagittarius.

What do you think?

And what are your views on marriage?

LOL

posted December 28, 2004 01:17 PM              

If you do not mind saying, how old were you both when you married. Just to get an idea of where you are at now.

The feelings you have of preferring to be a "lover" rather than a "wife" is ALL too familiar to me. That's been the crux of my challenge regarding relationships. I cannot see myself marrying anyone other than my best friend. I'm NOT wifey material, never have been, and the thought of a nightmare mother-in-law sends me bolting for the hills.

On the other hand, there's a WHOLE lot in me willing to share my life with such closeness and committment. Like talents that I've not yet honed, but I FEEL them so strongly, practically bubbling over with the desire to experience. Like an untapped resource which definitely exists.

I have a Libra Sun in the 5th, and a Singleton Uranus in Leo in my 4th which LOVES to snuff the idea of being in a claustrophobic situation where I'm not able to grow as a person.

Now if you consider you may have such "independent" influences in your Chart which are speaking out to you now - no - shouting at you now, consider any influences which would be more marriage-oriented which may fill you with regret.

For example - how long can I ignore my Moon in Cancer, or my Venus & Pluto Conjunct in Virgo in my 4th House? Or the natural tendency for a Libra Sun (5th House or not) to partner up? Etc....

But I think this need to feel I am constantly able to grow as a person, is my Jupiter & Saturn in Capricorn in my 9th House. I may not be your "traditional" student or employee, but I sure do take what I involve myself with VERY seriously. Especially when coupled with a Mars in Scorpio in my 6th. Therefore, it would require a partner who is just as serious about important things in life, however, allows for that space I need.

I've HEARD that in marriage, it is a constant falling in and out of love over and over again. Now THAT's interesting!

posted December 28, 2004 01:47 PM              

I was 24 and my husband was 30 when we married. People thought we were ideal for each other.
His Mars and my Venus are conjunct, in Pisces. We both have a tendency to look at life through rose-tinted spectacles, or a mist of unreality. Perhaps we could BOTH benefit from more practical partners.
I'm a little concerned that if I left him, my Moon/Venus in Pisces might shrivel up and die from a lack of partnership/love, but looking at things objectively, and in retrospect - I'm not sure that I wasn't just in love with an illusion. I dated my husband for 11 months before I married him, and when I started living with him, I was, like, "Oh my God!!" I couldn't believe it was the same person. I thought he was this really nice, quiet, considerate, gentle guy, turned out that at home he was really loud, obnoxious and immature!!! TOTALLY the opposite of what I thought.

We had to live with my MIL for 14 months after we married. We were all under retirement age but I was actually supporting them as the riding establishment they were running only just paid for itself. MIL was 10 years below retirement age but not working and DH was not working half the time as we had very inclement weather that year. I was working in advertising sales at the time and earning more than both of them put together, so forked out for living expenses for them for a while. I still can't believe I did that. MIL never spoke to me except to ask me when I was going to pay up (when I was late doing so). She wasn't very pleased when I quit my job in advertising sales and decided to pursue an artistic career instead.

A couple of days ago, I was speaking to her on the phone, and, to test her, said, "I know you haven't got a very high opinion of me". There was a pause, and she said, "Well, I haven't got a BAD opinion of you" - and I thought, "YES!YES! You had to think about that one, didn't you?!!"

I got a pair of Elastoplast-coloured thermal socks from her this Christmas. With turn-over cuffs. For the third year running. I did actually tell her this year, NO THERMAL SOCKS, PLEASE, but I think she must be on autopilot. So the charity shop will have a ball.

Anyone who doesn't have in-laws is lucky.

LOL

posted December 28, 2004 02:07 PM              

What do you want to do, really?
I ask this because an Aries asked me once, and It changed me.

Could you work it out with Mr. Aqua, or do you feel you could never be attracted to him again under any circumstances, as in last man on earth?

posted December 28, 2004 02:25 PM              

No, I don't think I would feel guilty at all about us going our separate ways, because I know what he's like, I know he's never ever going to change, he's cynical and patronizing, and a WALLY. This probably sounds as though I don't really respect him very much, but he doesn't give people much reason to respect him.

He has no friends, not outside the friends we have as a couple anyway - he says he can never be bothered to maintain contact with friends. He hates any friends I have on principle, and always implies that I am having an affair with any of them that I happen to contact. (Which I never have - yet!!!)

Whatever I do, whether it's art, music, or any of my other interests, is "sad" and "rubbish". The fact is, he's boring. And he would rather berate other people for having interesting hobbies than face up to just how boring he is. He's a loser, and he knows it.

He's not too hot in the passion department either, always tells me I'm "too much". Which puts rather a dampener on the Arien spirit.

So no, there's no way I could ever hope to rekindle anything again, it's done, over with, I can't stay in this situation, I have to move on.

I'm pursuing a friendship with someone else, which is everything I ever wanted...No playing "The Rules" or any other stuff like that...I feel I'm finding myself...

LOL

posted December 28, 2004 02:43 PM              

*there's a WHOLE lot in me willing to share my life with such closeness and commitment. Like talents that I've not yet honed, but I FEEL them so strongly, practically bubbling over with the desire to experience.*

I really liked that comment.

posted December 28, 2004 02:50 PM              

Yes, he IS a character!!! He is a total oddball!!! He only really associates with family, and they only really associate with each other, none of them have many outside interests (should'a got to know the in-laws better before getting married!).

posted December 28, 2004 04:50 PM              

Something popped out at you in the way I phrased that, eh?

Well - you know what? I'm reading your posts about this carefully, and I'm thinking FLY FLY FLY !!!

A MIL like that? You could offer me 10 billion dollars and I'd refuse. I'm totally serious. Horrible. I don't understand this about people. Beyond my comprehension.

And for a husband to take a perfectly hot Aries and say something like that - it doesn't even sound as if you'd be able to make some minor adjustments in terms of style of approach or frequency. And if you are married, you should be able to be honest about all that with each other and work it out ANYWAYS so everyone is happy.

I think from your ages that you were probably mature when you married, and mature now - so -

posted December 28, 2004 05:51 PM              

It's very frustrating. I'm an Aries married to a Cancer for 6 years this month. Suffocating.. yes. Some my fault, some his fault, and some neither ones fault. I think I might feel this way no matter who I was with. :/

posted December 28, 2004 06:19 PM              

Be careful with your new friend, nobody is perfect, and everyone plays games sometimes. Be especially careful if he knows you are married, he may have self esteem problems of his own. I say this because I have been in your shoes, and the first man that comes along to pay you any real attention, will make you think you are in love with him. It's not love, trust me. You can't love anyone until you heal from this hurt.

I know you are raring to go, but be sure to get some counselling for yourself, before making any promises to anyone. You can't go back on your word because you are so honest, but it's easy to get backed into a commitment all over again.

If what you want is to be free, no relationship can give you that. Dating lots of different people will. No one will give you that sense of freedom, not really, it has to come from alone time.

And I know you don't want to be alone since you have been lonely for so long in this marriage, but you need to be by yourself for a while.

posted December 28, 2004 06:57 PM            

Wise words indeed .

posted December 28, 2004 10:40 PM              

What are you doing in Maine, do you live there?
I am in Portland Maine all the time these days, what a beautiful place!

posted December 29, 2004 05:48 AM              

That's perhaps one way of looking at it, but then one needs to ask oneself the question: what is love? Depends how you view it - it can be whatever you want it to be. And you have absolutely no control over where and when it strikes. It just hits you out of the blue, when you least expect it.
I personally think it's a deep mutual understanding and appreciation of one another's abilities, a love of simply being with one another, of shared interests and motivations. Mr Aqua seems to think it's bound up with duties, all duty but not much affection or emotion. I personally feel there's something a little hollow in doing something for someone because one feels one is duty-bound. He'll cook for me, but he won't support me morally, he doesn't understand where I'm coming from with regards to my ideas, my work etc. He doesn't even like me kissing him much, complains that it "tickles".
I've kind of got used to it now, I don't get so hurt any more, he has taught me detachment if nothing else. It helps me cope.
(He has Venus in Capricorn, I have Venus in Pisces)

Okay, I could be cautious or cynical about future love, but I've been "cautious" before, and it hasn't brought me anything. I guess - I AM an Aries, and no matter how much we are bruised, we bounce back pretty well. I did go through quite a low point about 2 years ago, when Mr Aqua was playing mind games ad infinitum. I have definetely come up from that point. I never give up hope. If I ever had, I wouldn't be here now.

LOL

posted December 29, 2004 09:18 AM              

This will be very frustrating once you settle into love with a Scorpio because he will expect a certain routine, you just don't see that yet. Everyone wants stability, but right now you need several emotional loves, to support you, to find your own identity again.

It will happen. It's much better that way, the first man you are with, will make you feel guilty, whether you believe it or not and it will show. You won't feel the same way about that man again, and it will be a fling in your mind. Your Scorpio knows this and sees his love as a healing thing to help you over this time.

That gap that you felt with the Aqua will close, slowly but it takes time. don't be suprised if you don't feel better overnight, but it's very challenging to be involved emotionally with a married person and not expect that person to love you back the way you want to be loved.

Love means different things to you, and I doubt you want to submerge your new identity in a new man right away. There's a potential roadblock ahead is what I am saying.

Scorpios are very supportive in a crisis, but he is going to want to assert himself sometime, and get back to reality, the thing he wants is stability, his way, duty, obligation, responsibilities, are the things Scorpios respect, love for him only comes with respect, which takes a long time.

What is love? It doesn't come from one person, it comes from several people. You can bounce back from love, but you are working on a new identity right now.

Love has to have a future, and you can be sure everyone is thinking of their own, have a talk with your Scorpio about his future, and find out if he plans one with you. Don't fool yourself that you are not attached! Emotionally you are in love with him, it's clear, and it has to be clear to him too, or else he will not respect the situation. Scorpios are very judgemental underneath.

posted December 29, 2004 10:10 AM            

Really? Wicked! I live in Alfred, which is about a half hour from Portland. I just moved back here from the UK about a month ago. I'm working a lot to save money and get my own place, if I can afford it, I hope to move up to Portland and get back into the theatre scene. Yes, it is a beautiful city, it has always resonated with me very well. Gotta love those cobblestone streets in the Old Port!

posted December 29, 2004 12:40 PM              

If you are in a chatty mood, let's have lunch:>

posted December 29, 2004 02:47 PM              

An Aries married to a Cancer? How did that happen? No WONDER you're feeling the "supposed to - should do - expected to". It SHOULD be totally because you want to.

posted December 31, 2004 12:26 AM              

Perhaps i'm digressing here, but you said that you are 6 years younger than your husband. In other words (correct me if i'm wrong), you're a tiger and he's a monkey according to Chinese Astrology. That is a terrible match for marriage. There will be a clash of personalities. In Western Astrology, opposing signs may get along well depending on the rest of the chart. No such redeemable factors in Chinese Astrology.

IIRC, the main problem with tiger-monkey matches is that both will be easily attracted to each other initially (usually sexually), but both individuals have huge egos (me first, me first mentality) and find living together a chore. There will be wrestling for the top spot, the driving seat in the marriage.

Stopping short of advising a divorce, I'll suggest better communication. Marriage is about giving more than you take from the other person. And screwed-up in-laws exist everywhere, fret not. The best rule is: keep your friends close to you and your enemies closer.