posted December 30, 2004 02:16 PM              

I cannot believe you know so many un-maternal Cancer women! That's really something. But you touched on an interesting point, in that, she needs to feel she has a stable foundation in order to "work" from. By george, I think you've got it!!!

As a Cancer Mooner, I find it impossible to accomplish any of my long-term (Saturn in Capricorn) goals unless there is a strong foundation for me. It's important for people with Cancer influences to feel secure, that they can trust someone or others to provide them much needed emotional support. We WANT to give and give, but sometimes we confuse it with being taken advantage of when we lose sight of our own "full cups" of love and joy.

Of course, the Aspects ARE important, and again, I look to their Saturns' Sign & Houses to get a better clue. Do you know them by any chance?

posted December 30, 2004 04:28 PM              

My aunt, who also is a Cancer, neglected her children (emotionally) but I don't have any idea what her moon or asc is...I suspect her moon might be a fire sign though, she gets jealous easily.

posted January 10, 2005 10:03 PM            

I have an Aries moon, my brother has a Scorp moon (harsh moon positions).

I also have Moon square Mercury which also opposes Uranus.

My mom was not ready to be a mom and was not happy with the fact that babies poop, pee, vomit and "need" their mother. In other words I grew up very fast and when my parents divorced, I become "mom" at 12 years old while my mom worked.

We are close now- but I really resented what she put me and my fellow Sag brother through. She has since apologized and I understand / empathize with her (my dad is a Cap /Cancer moon with venus in the 12th - he had many affairs. He attracted many women, with his charm and badge).

My brother still won't let go of the pain. For me, it taught me to be a heck of a lot more serious and determined - which is good for us notoriously "freedom" loving Centaurs.

Once we got into a fight and she yelled "You did it...you always said you would NEVER end up like me, depending on a man or being left with kids and no career". She resented the fact that I put myself through college and made my career number 1. I did that so that I would never end up like her. I figured if I got that out of the way, then I could concentrate on a relationship. I guess you could say that for a while I was her exact opposite.

posted November 02, 2005 01:46 AM            

even i wasn't aware ? any experiences about cancer fathers , guys?

posted November 02, 2005 03:23 AM              

Women: seem to "take care of" their children only so much as the childrens father "takes care of" them.

Men: seem to love their children only so much as they love the childrens mother.

This explains so much, like why a man can abandon his wife and children, then fall in love with a woman and raise kids that aren't even his, while he doesn't bother to pay child support for his own flesh and blood.

It's even in the Bible, didn't Jacob favor Joseph, his son by Rachel, teaching him to read and write and do math, while the sons by all his other wives went uneducated?

And I've seen many women become disenchanted with their child the moment they become disenchanted with the childs father. Projecting all the fathers negative traits onto the poor kid.

posted November 02, 2005 06:02 PM            

First of all, I have to say I used to think the Cancer reputation for being motherly a bit overblown. I never wanted children through most of my youth. However, Cancer’s tend to pick their family I think. For example, I’ve always mothered my friends and boyfriends. The primary way I show my affection is by taking care of them. The thing that sours this for me is when I feel I’m being taken advantage of. If I feel used I tend to take a more reserved, tough love outlook which I think you might see in a lot of Cancer parents. For example: I had a boyfriend that was constantly experiencing odd, migrating, debilitating physical pain. I used to truly feel that his pain was legitimate so I was constantly going on drug store runs. After a while I started to doubt that his pain was legitimate. I suspected he was a hypochondriac, so I got much more reserved and a bit cold when he was in pain, I tried to help reason him out of his pain. I’m sure he interpreted this as me being cold and unsympathetic, but in truth he’d just exhausted the well of my empathy after years of the same weird issues. I still feel bad about that, because part of me still wonders if his pain wasn’t legitimate, but at the time I just felt used and a bit resentful and it transformed me from the nurturing “mother” type to something more distant and cold. I was still trying to “help” but my tactics changed to the “tough love” modal.

In the case of remote Cancer parents, I think there are a lot of Cancers that have a lot going on beneath the surface. Still waters run deep. Cancer parents that seem distant could be suffering from their own version of emotional trauma which makes them hide in their shell. This could be stress related, worry related, loss of a loved one, or even worse, feeling unloved by their partner. They could even withdraw so as to shelter their child from their own deep emotions. Cancers are SO emotional, it’s painful sometimes. When a Cancer pulls back into it’s shell it’s not a selective withdrawal, even the Cancer’s children would feel the effects of it. Inside that shell, the Cancer would feel nothing but love and adoration for their children, however their outward actions might not make that apparent. Children don’t just need a good parent that wants the best for them, they need affection. While the Cancer hiding in his or her shell might be a good parent that wants the best for their children, they will not give as much affection as their children need.

I also think it’s very very hard for Cancer’s to let go of children as they grow up. I think relinquishing control of their children’s lives is painful, because they want to be there to protect their children from everything. In having to let go I think some Cancer parents might feel they have to completely emotionally withdraw just so they don’t smother their children. I know I’ve done this in relationships before. When I felt a boyfriend resented me for being possessive, I’d withdraw and try not to feel possessive. In my case this withdrawal cut off ability to express other feelings too – all or nothing.

Of course there are always the Cancer parents that are abusive and just bad. I’d say these are crabs that have gotten so lost in their own shells and their own selfish needs that they can no longer tap into their own innate empathy and care. I can’t stress enough how dangerous the Cancer shell is. Never let any crab you know hide in that shell of theirs for too long. If a Cancer pulls back far enough in their shell they can stop feeling all together. And sometimes they can’t just flip that feeling / empathy switch back on. There was a time in my life when my seven year relationship was going south in a bad way that I couldn’t feel ANYTHING. Not happiness, not sorrow… nothing. I WANTED to be able to feel something but I just couldn’t. I was lost in my own shell. A Cancer lost in their own shell might see only their pain or the object of that pain and become totally focused on that to the exclusion of everything else. So a Cancer abandoned by a bad husband might even use her children to try to punish her husband. By making him take care of them, she might hope to make him realize how much he really needed her in his life. It’s twisted and wrong, but I could see it happening. Truly unhappy crabs can be so lost and selfish – it’s so very sad. This is definitely the ickier side of my sign and I really hate talking about it.

I do also think there is something to Cancers preferring to have a stable foundation for family, but I don’t think it’s essential. I know I never wanted children until I met my current boyfriend. He’s a Cancer as well, and he feels so safe and stable to me. For the first time in my life, I can actually picture having a family and it’s all thanks to him. However, as a 28 year old girl I’ve had to deal with the idea of unexpected pregnancies for years. If I’d ever ended up pregnant I would have raised my child even if it meant doing so on my own. I would never burden someone else with what was my responsibility. I’m not sure what kind of parent I would make, but I can’t picture having a child and not loving that child completely. Whether or not I would show it properly – while dealing with all the stress of being a single parent is another question.