posted January 13, 2005 11:27 PM              

My suggestions would be to , first of all, get away from your family for a little bit. Every Sag I know has benefitted from moving away from family. Assert your adulthood; get a job, move to a big city, or travel, like AJ said. This will help widen your horizons. For a while, don't try to desperately form relationships, but instead, simply observe them. What makes relationships work? What kind of relationships are you looking for? Some deep searching will help you reach the right answer.

The psychological problems you talk about, they can only be solved by yourself. The key is only in your hands. Granted you are lazy, or consider yourself so, still you are not incapable of achieving great things, especially great things for yourself.

Laugh a little, mingle a little, learn how to be a little charismatic and build your 'relationship resume' at the same time. I come from Southeast Asia as well and its pretty much common knowledge that, firstly, parents have a little too much control over kids there (parental despotism is what I like to call it), and second, men have to be strong and seem stable to attract good partners. This does not mean for you to get rich quick or simply buy yourself a good girl. What I'm saying is, assert yourself through your career, and some travel, especially away from relationships right now as they seem to be influencing you too much, negatively. When you are ready to give them a second look, in a completely different light, with some more experience and valuable insights, then come back to them.

You will be ready for new relationships then, and you will have the clout to maintain them. Be strong. Remember, confidence is sexy, no matter what part of the world you are from.

I am myself going through a transformation at this point. Im packing my stuff and going to any ivy league on the opposite coast to mingle with some different people, and perhaps rediscover my first ex, who has never really made his way out of my dreams My mother may not like it, but I have let her known every step of the way that I love her. Consideration is only a part of reason. You must be reasonable and logical, and not swayed by emotions. The violence in your life has obviously been an emotional overload on both sides. Take a deep breath, get a massage, flirt a little bit. Lighten up. Only when you lighten up will you be able to see things positively.

I really hope things work out best for you. Do not feel sexually restricted or psychologically "messed up." You are an intelligent person and have the capacity to achieve anything you put your mind to, really. As for sex, it is really 'a commodity'. I hate to make it sound this way, but the truth is that there are unlimited people willing to have sex at any time just for the animalistic pleasures it provides. If you're really that sexually bound, maybe you need to release your energy in those ways. Personally, I would wait for the right person, since its not just an animalistic experience, but meant to be a sensual, spiritual experience that transcends our souls and extends our love by connecting two people in a selfless way.

Good luck. We are always here to lend an ear, a shoulder, and anything else you may need.

I send good thoughts and prayers your way.