posted January 15, 2005 03:16 PM              

I've dated some pretty boys, but personality far outweighs any physical attributes. And a lot of times, attraction develops because of the personal connection you share. I find when you get to know someone, no matter what you initially thought of their looks, somehow they become "beautiful" to you because you know them and know their heart and know how great they are. And conversely... the pretty boys... if they don't have the sparkling personality to compliment the sparkling baby blues, then the pretttiness gets dull mighty quick!!!

And don't you know it's no fun to date really, really gorgeous boys??? HELLOOOO... you wanna be the babe in the relationship, not vice versa! You don't want a dude that spends more time in the bathroom than you in the morning, trust me on that.

posted January 15, 2005 04:38 PM            

Also, have you ever wondered how you are "acting" in the company of people? You may be letting your guard down with someone that you "think" is ugly. When you see a "hot" dude, you may get nervous or put off a different signal.

When I was your age I got nervous around guys I had a crush on, but I could talk to anyone else - no problem. I had created the tense situation because I was too worried about how they saw me and didn't act like myself. (regardless of how they looked).

I also tend to find something beautiful on every person- because no one is truly ugly, well maybe on the inside. I have dated my fair share of hotties too, some that seemed to have less personality than my pet rock, but they looked good LOL....looks fade and you get used to them- but the personality keeps getting richer (or in the case of an ugly on the inside person- it gets uglier).

When you approach these hotties do it from the perspective of 'Hey, looks are looks- to some I may be a hottie, to others I may be ugly- to each their own".

Don't feel bad when rejected, you may just not be what that person is looking for or attracted to. You can't really hold that against them when you are guilty of also discriminating between "ugly" and "hot".

~Pidaua

posted January 15, 2005 04:42 PM              

quote:

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You don't want a dude that spends more time in the bathroom than you in the morning, trust me on that.

---

Don't want a "metrosexual" either...LOL!

posted January 15, 2005 05:38 PM              

I had to laugh at the comment "less personality than my pet rock".
Too true.

posted January 15, 2005 07:49 PM              

I know your young, (I say that like I'm much older at 21 hehe), but you will find if and when you date those hot guys that some will not be hot after they show you their true colors, not all. With the so called less attractive, you'll find some shining stars among them that will treat you like the princess you deserve to be treated like.

Oh yea and you are discriminating between ugly and the "ones worth looking at" and you see its no fun to be discriminated against. I don't think anyone is better than anyone else based on looks, you might try to see it that way so that you do have more dating potentials. Just a thought. I'm sure your attractive, but is that everything sweety?

I hope you find that you get lots of attention from guys soon, remember to emit confidence and be yourself I know you've heard that a million times haha.

posted January 16, 2005 10:57 AM            

For starters I'm quite young- you guys have experience of dating 'hot' guys as well as 'ugly' ones.
I have no experience because I haven't dated anyone. It's not my attitude either- I get just as nervous and stuttery infront of 'ugly' and 'hot' guys.

Secondly, and maybe this is more important- WHEN I MEAN UGLY AND HOT I'M INCLUDING PERSONALITY IN THIS. Someone can be 'pretty' but they can never be 'gorgeous' unless they have a personality to match. Recently, I have even had a crush on Edward Norton, ok? Which I KNOW cannot be normal for a 14 year old girl, it was more because I fell in love with the characters he played in Fight Club and Death To Smoochy- so, no I have nothing against people depending on looks or, in this case, age..

This Aries guy I fancy, my Taurus friend described as 'looking like a fish' but I think he is hot, so it's a personal opinion. Besides, just because someone is good looking- it doesn't make them vain. I'm ugly as hell but I'm really vain.

posted January 16, 2005 03:36 PM            

When I was 13 through 15 I went through my awkward phase..I mean really awkward as only a 4th house sun knows (we get better as we get older). There were guys I had crushes on (which is what I was talking about) that couldn't care less about this gawky, long legged chick that had a bad perm (mom didn't realize my hair took to perms to easily).

Yeah, it hurt, but that is a part of life. There were others that I rejected and some that I dated. When I turned 16 things started to get more "even" with me...meaning puberty wasn't kicking my butt.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. There was a lot of good advice for you on these posts but you acted like a spoiled little brat when you snapped back.

posted January 16, 2005 05:19 PM            

"No one is perfect until you fall in love with them."

posted January 16, 2005 05:27 PM              

I also did attract some ugly guys at first when I was first shy about making contact. Then I decided I would only make contact with boys that weren't total fools. Then I found the ones that never hid anything they knew about themselves, were the smartest and those I made contact with. I forgot about other boys and concetrated on those.

I found I always had to make the first contact because I was considered a really hot babe, not as nice in the face as the body but that was a real surprise to me having a sister who was a model, I was not the prettiest one in the family. and I always listened to my family. Finally I went on a trip to Italy away from my family and sister, and met some really cute boys, I went out all night and gave them my number. I let myself feel beautiful and confident and made contact with others who felt the same way.

Now I have found people attract what they are. So if you are feeling beautiful you will attract great looking guys.

I know it's still awkward rejecting people but it doesn't have to be like
"I don't want you to have me all to yourself because I am hoping for something better, more attractive than you" You can say I would like you to get to know me better when I have more time and I will call you when I do.

That's a nicer way to say it, in my opinion. Approval, comfort, and rejection are the main reasons we feel beautiful, and once we get enough experience, we start to fix ourselves up too. But it takes time and some men do not have the approval, or comfort level to do that.

So you will always have to be the assertive one, just make sure you are ready with your goals, and your standards and communicate

Communicate more clearly from now..

pretend we are a hot guy,
what would you say right now?

Would you say, how are you, do you ever need a friend to talk to? Here's my number?

Or do you say take off your clothes?

What do you say?

posted January 16, 2005 06:11 PM              

The Mutable Night Force ( can I start calling you Night Force or Mutable Night for short? j/k) ... you are young and you will see in time what we are saying to you. Maybe you must learn it for yourself as most of us have. Sometimes those are the best lessons. Why in the world do you say you are ugly as hell??! Now that I have a problem with! If you think it, it will be. Do what it takes to make yourself feel beautiful because that attitude right there will not help you attract guys, you know. They have a six sense for girls who are confident in themselves and then those who feel and portray themselves as unworthy. I think you just need more practice talking and interacting with guys so you get used to them. You'll get that in time, especially when you start realizing your worth, by yourself. You say your vain..but it sounds like you don't think very highly of yourself, but then have very high standards for a guy. I don't know, if I were you, I would work on improving my self esteem and stop thinking so negatively. Remember when you think positvely, your more likely to manifest good things in your life. Don't you think. By thinking that you are ugly and won't have any contact with guys, you are already setting yourself up for because your expecting it. Right? what do you think?

posted January 17, 2005 05:14 AM              

Re-reading your original post...I do know what you are talking about. I remember being 14 and at an all-girls' school, convinced I was ugly. Actually I wasn't by that stage, although I had been ugly as a small child, and all my peers told me I was ugly, so I ended up believing it. I had a HUGE perm (yes, my hair did just the same, Pidaua), and made every conceivable make-up error under the sun.

I did give off very "unconfident/defensive" vibes, but I think that was part of not wanting to let my guard down, because THE first relationship was very important to me, I didn't want to go out with anyone just for the sake of it. Maybe something of that comes into it for you too? I also think it's really important for you to have contact with guys and just be friends with them. Personally, I have reservations about single-sex schools, I don't think they promote confidence in interpersonal relationships, but that's just my opinion.

I can understand what you are going through right now, so my advice is to be patient!!! -even though the situation may seem totally insufferable. In the meantime, work on yourself. For starters, tell yourself that you are gorgeous/attractive, buy some cool, fashionable tops/jeans/dresses etc., and look at how you could improve your general appearance. The more you feel attractive, the more you will be likely to be so!

LOL

posted January 17, 2005 05:45 AM              

I have experimented with the advice given here about "Go with the ugly guy because he'll treat you better than the hot guy" and found it to be totaly untrue.

That belief is simply the "reverse" of judging a book by it's cover.

Trust me, the nerd is every bit as capable of treating you like crap and cheating on you as the hot guy.

In time, you will find someone to whom you find physically attractive AND who will treat you well.

posted January 17, 2005 01:04 PM              

quote:

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I have experimented with the advice given here about "Go with the ugly guy because he'll treat you better than the hot guy" and found it to be totaly untrue.

---

No one said that.

@ssholes come in all shapes and sizes and levels of attractiveness. Just like great people do. You can't judge someone's worth based solely upon their physical appearance. That's all.

Anyway, Mutable Night Force... you asked a question and we all gave you our best advice. Take it or leave it. And yeah, you are very young and we do have a lot of life experience, which is all the more reason to listen, even if the advice sounds cliche or trite... it's cliche and trite because it's been repeated often and it's repeated often because it's true

The only additional piece of trite and cliche advice for you I have is... try to relax and be yourself around the guys you like, put your shoulders back, look them in the eye and smile when you talk to them... it'll make you seem friendly and confident, even if you don't really feel that way

Fire signs love to be around those that are charming and confident like themselves

posted January 17, 2005 03:07 PM            

But anyway, thank you again, you all made a lot of sense.

We saw the Aries guy walking to school today but it's been so long since I've said hi to him. I heard that Aries like doing the chasing, so to speak, but how are you supposed to chase an Aries? Making it look like it was his idea, lol?

Night Force or Mutable Night are fine but you can call me Cornelius if you want

posted January 17, 2005 03:41 PM            

I know that you are young and you are learning. It is a hard time, being 15, heck being a teenager is rough.