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Author
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Topic: scorpionic suicide
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blue flame
unregistered
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posted February 02, 2005 12:24 PM
 
last night i saw him at our mutual friend's birthday dinner.he was accompanied by a loud tight skinned debutantesque girl - the one he is now dating - i sat across from her and she seemed so NOT for him...
yet it was her he was with and not me... we smoked at the bar - we talked about our dreams - we talked about imperfections - he left with her..
and i left with:
a head filled with 4 glasses of redwine -
a heart empty of desire -
a sense of not knowing who he is anymore -
a feeling of not wanting to know who he is anymore -
a curiosity about that debutante...
*
i feel hazy today...
i wish i never met him - and i wish for the past 4 years i had not put so much energy into loving him...
i wish i could forget him
i wish i wish and i wish
*
if i wish in one hand and spit in the other,
i know which one will fill up the fastest.
*
------------------
virgo smiling on the edge of shamelessness... IP: Logged |
Sheaa Olein
unregistered
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posted February 02, 2005 12:57 PM
blue flame ~ a prized discourse there. Is this about you? I feel it also belongs in the Yellow Wax forum.I enjoyed reading it and wish you well. Do you compose much poetry? ------------------
"My goal is simple. It is complete understanding of the universe, why it as it is and why it exists as all." ...Stephen Hawking IP: Logged |
future_uncertain
Knowflake Posts: 193
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted February 02, 2005 01:39 PM
Hi, BlueFlame.I agree with Sheaa... you should visit Yellow Wax. It sounds like you have a gorgeous way with words. And, if this is you... I'm sorry  Hope you're feeling better soon.
IP: Logged |
Atlantic Myst
unregistered
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posted February 02, 2005 02:06 PM
You will find your one true love one day. I stay away from scorpion men. ------------------
~*~ Cusp: Gemini/Cancer, Cancer rising, Taurus moon ~*~
Let's go...
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maya-v
unregistered
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posted February 02, 2005 02:11 PM
Hey blueflame - I feel your pain and confusion with an intensity I cannot express. But the true power lies not in forgetting, but remembering what was beautiful and what was right. Perhaps the attraction you see in him, the memories of good times, were not because of how wonderful he was - but because of how amazing YOU are and how you made him a better person. So cherish yourself as the one who believed, the one who did not give up and never will. Know that a passion like that cannot go waste and somehow your light will be found, that the magic and love you have to give will find the home it seeks.And meanwhile, hold your head high and keep the flame burning, for you are the true winner in this tale of love and you came away richer in soul and heart!
IP: Logged |
blue flame
unregistered
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posted February 02, 2005 02:37 PM
tears were formed and held back
as i read all of your words~
thank you for your supportive and reassuring thoughts
*
i need to be reminded that i do carry a flame inside that is the blue flame
the hottest most valuable flame of all...and i should not squander nor extinguish it because of a lack of intimiate reciprocation or the weight of my emotions...
*
i'm going to visit yellow wax -
*
i suppose we are never without memories - not even upon entering this earth @ birth . . .
* ------------------
virgo smiling on the edge of shamelessness... IP: Logged |
sthenri
unregistered
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posted February 02, 2005 04:48 PM
99% of the good times were you doing all the work, while he sat there. That is why when you saw him, it was like old times.Think of your next relationship as a vacation, Take Care,
Natasha
Taurus/6th
Cancer Moon/8th IP: Logged |
steelrose
Knowflake Posts: 108
From: Spain
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 02, 2005 06:02 PM
BlueFlame,Your story reminds me so painfully about mine. I´m a Virgo too. He was also a Scorp. It has been 6 years since he betrayed me, since he decided he wouldn´t love me anymore. It has been 6 years since my blood was poisoned. Poisoned with his oblivion.
Struck with that unforgettable sting.
The sting of his eyes.
Just cursed. Cursed to exile.
The exile of the unloved.
No reason. No explanation. I still remember him sometimes. But now I just pray not to see him anymore. Not ever again in my whole life. I loved him so much... But now it is over. I went to hell and back. He was my lesson. One of them.
Now it is over.
Thanks god for that. Because he never deserved what I had for him. I never thought I would say this but I think he was the wrong man. If he wasn´t he would be with me now. And he is not, he is with her. But my man is coming.
And it´s not him.
My heart knows now.
There will be no more futile pain.
No more cruelty and games.
No more. Just hang there, sweetie. One day, your prince will come for you. And you will feel pity for him. Maybe this is just another test. An important one but still another test. Someday, the Universe will set you free.  IP: Logged |
silvana
unregistered
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posted February 02, 2005 06:43 PM
What is with scorpion men?
What is IT?
I am a taurus, with many planets in virgo, and I honestly feel the pain of your loss/situation.
I feel shivers thinkng about how much pain loving these men has put us through. No one has ever hurt me so deeply, I don't understand it. It must be a test of some sort, and we must ensure we come out stronger in the end, not fade into the welcoming arms of victimhood. I hope that makes sense. I've been dealing with a bucketful of memories of this man today, *the moon IS in scorpio*, and I want to come out of this constant sorrow to joy that I am not with the wrong person. IP: Logged |
Heart--Shaped Cross
Newflake Posts: 0
From:
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted February 02, 2005 06:55 PM
The Suicide's Song
by Rainer Maria Rilke
So its back once more
back up the slope
why do they always ruin my rope
with their cuts?
I felt so ready the other day
had a real foretaste of eternity in my guts Spoonfeeding me yet another sip
from lifes cup
I dont wont it,
wont take any more of it,
let me throw up! Life is medium-rare and good I see
And the world full of soup and bread
but it wont pass into the blood for me
just goes to my head
It makes me sick
though others it feeds
do see that i must deny it
for a thousand years from now, at least,
I'm keeping a diet.
"Every angel is terrifying." - Rilke
IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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