posted April 01, 2005 07:22 AM              

It's come full circle this month, when I moved out of my home to allow my mother to stay while she researched the area to find her own home. Well, for those old timers, you know the story. I ended up breaking up with the Gemini over the stress, semi falling in love with an Aquarius who drove me crazy, moving, and my mother's mini breakdown when she invited her b/f to secretly stay at my house and it was wrecked.

Now, I am trying to sell the same home, while renting nearby. It means pulling up and moving again as I could not find anything else affordable last fall near the city. The home is rented out, and it's very difficult to get the tenant to leave as he keeps saying he's leaving anytime, and I have already been over this with the city. My plan was to move back, but now he has three cats, a dog, and it looks like he will be gone by August. I did not pick this man by the way, my mother did.

The unreliability of it all, not knowing when I have to move again, is wrecking my nerves, my entire life depends on stability! So I have given him until August to make a decision and then he has to move out by September. The place is hot and small anyway so I figure the worst thing that can happen is I break a lease to move in when he leaves. It makes me feel sad to neglect my financial responsibilities for someone else, but I don't know what else to do.

I have been over this before with the tenant, but he does pay higher rent than usual, and I am paying $350/more a month not living there, which he pays part of. So I shouldn't complain right? But somehow I feel displaced. It was my home and now it's gone. That kind of thing. I know it's sellling soon but that makes me sad too, as whenever I sell a home all the dreams I had of a life there, are gone too.

I just sold my last home when the Libra ex mysteriously stopped paying his part of the mortgage and just stopped co-existing with me. Then I scrambled to live, now last fall, my mother chose to let her B/F destroy my home and I have to start over again. At this point I never want to buy a home again ever, as everytime I do, anyone I trust comes in and destroys that dream.

Part of my dream in life was to have my own home and garden and it seems hopeless. I have renovated this home, painted, spent countless hours on it, fixing it up and it's so cute now...for someone else again.

Please send some healing light to me, so I can get over these burdens, and sell this home quickly. With that, I can release the pain of the last year. Everything is depending on it,

I suppose if you have a tip, you can send that as well, maybe my heart will feel less heavy.

I also haven't seen my little brother since August, as he does not want to see me due to my anger at my mother. I feel pressured to forgive her, but I just can't let her back into my life as she just keeps trying to borrow money from me.
Worse the Libra ex called this week to tell me he needs to borrow $5000 or else he doesn't know how he is going to live..major guilt there.

So send the light so I don't wear myself out. Part of me just wants to move back home, except that I know if the house sells I will have to move again anyway-if it sells? Any clues, ideas, or visions? Here is where knowing anything of the future would be a life saver.

Also a Cancer/Leo moon has come into my life and is practically stalking me. Is this a good thing? I really don't know as I am afraid of leaning on him too much, and I just don't know if I feel anything for him at this point other than friendship.

How long before I start to feel guilty about being his friend before I have to make it understood that I am a slow mover?

posted April 01, 2005 08:09 AM              

It sounds you are sending a lot of energy outwards. It is a good to try and nurture yourself and make your circle strong. Then you can propose to have healthy links with another.

posted April 01, 2005 08:47 AM            

I'm sorry you are going through this. You have always been such a source to all of us for your wise advice, I hope we can be the same source of support for you.

Sending healing light, strength and clarity your way...

~ Laura

posted April 01, 2005 01:05 PM            

I am going to send you some good vibes at the half hour, hope you feel them. It's the least I can do, you have been very helpful to my life and tough times.

About your moving, maybe you are being guided to move and find a new life away from those who abuse your generosity and open spirit. I know as a Taurus I like to hold on tight and sometimes fight a losing battle. I don't know if the same is true for you, but maybe its time to strike out in a totally new direction, one you have always wanted to try.

posted April 01, 2005 01:18 PM              

I send you all my love and support and the light of healing empowerment. I am constantly amazed by the strength and love you have inside for everyone you meet. I know things seem a little tough right now but if you dont give up, if you keep believing; your dream will come true. I wish you all the luck and strength you need to face the challenges life is bringing your way ...

Love and light

posted April 01, 2005 04:22 PM              

Lets not forget you recently underwent Major surgery, which is exacerbating your situation. I'm sure they gave you some heavy-duty pain meds, right? Could this be amplifying your trouble?

Hey babe, when I read someone wants to borrow $5,000, I thought wow...at least she has it to give. Hang in there. The month before our solar return is always wrought with the most tension/growth.

posted April 01, 2005 04:29 PM              

Yes it's true, breaking out is good, as long as I don't get back in the same rut, the ex Gemini is right in town next to the house I am trying to sell, I am trying not to feel that, I know there will be awkward moments, around town, the kind that leave me feeling not so tough. if only I could wear armour 24 hours a day for the next six months!

posted April 01, 2005 08:57 PM              

You said something along these lines before in soul unions in the Leo/Cancer/Gem thread, my heart goes out to you, along with my good thoughts, prayers and wishes. The power of positive energy is unlimited I believe, if you embrace all the positive energy being sent your way, Im sure you will find it will boost your strength, the strength you give to us everyday. You are a strong woman, and I am impressed, btw I am not easily impressed!

I hope you find solace soon, meanwhile we are all here to give you much love and support always. Don't ever ever be hesitant to start a thread just like this one, because it will show you each time how much we think of you, appreciate you, and wish the best for you.

posted April 06, 2005 10:27 AM              

quote:

---

Here is where knowing anything of the future would be a life saver.

---

quote:

---

if only I could wear armour 24 hours a day for the next six months!

---

These two lines stuck out for me. I honestly think you are working AGAINST yourself somehow, but I'm not exactly sure how. The same happens to me, and I think, happens to everyone when we get in our own way.

You sound like you have a lot of 4th House issues just like me. I remember when you were going through that thing with you other home and your mom basically squatting there with her bo. And you probably remember me ranting about my jinxed 4th House, and I still do sometimes.

Can we look at what's going on with your 4th? Let's start simple as I'm learning just like everyone else. Can we start with something simple like what Planets are in your 4th House, and go from there? Maybe if I can do this in small steps, I can follow it.

posted April 06, 2005 11:29 AM              

I feel a little hesitant about offering advice. On the "Nosy" thread, it was correctly pointed out that I can be overbearing. I needed to hear that. It is true about me, and something I have to fight off in myself.

I know just how you feel about the house. My house is my focus. I have painted the entire interior myself. Did the dark blue family room when I was upset about something that I can't even remember now. Figured blue would be calming. My friends even say my powder room (red) looks like me - very dramatic. Lots of time spent planting perennials, shrubs, annuals. Taurus in venus in the 4th for me.

Yet, Natasha. The house is just stuff. Not alive. Actually, as I am typing this, I am disagreeing. My house has LIFE. But it doesn't. With great effort, we have to put our stuff in its proper place.

A while back, in another thread, I commented about your focus on men. It was wrong of me. Who am I to offer advice to you about this? I can't help but agree with Mama Mia, though (and now I am giving advice, anyway). Time to focus on yourself. You. Not these men and people who are taking advantage of you. And, don't let anyone take anything from you. Even though stuff is just stuff - your stuff is your stuff (contradictory, I know).

I see that you are very kind and giving - I have always especially liked your warm ways, even if I haven't always shown it.

posted April 06, 2005 11:59 AM              

i'm really a believer in positive thinking (despite my tendency to over-analyze things and my inability to give myself the credit i deserve at times). if you break it down to the simplest level (where all truths are, really), consider a hunger: it is not until you visualize the food you desire to eat that you can then eat. if you did not visualize it first, you can never have it. this is the point where i think it's important not to visualize things that are complicated and really up to fate/god, that is; think of things within your control. calmness, love, self-appreciation. things that serve the global good, tap into those and fill yoursef with them. i have read it is best to say things in the present tense not the future tense; that way you are healing in the moment and making it real. "thank you godess, for giving me a healthy, relaxed body," or, "i am feeling whole and calm, i am making it through this crisis" as opposed to "i will feel calm". just some things to ponder. i hope it helps even if it's just a little bit. try to get some sunshine on your face today and know that someone is thinking of you!

posted April 06, 2005 12:08 PM              

oh, and i'd need your location - it is montreal, right? just let me know if you need anything!

and btw, i think gloria's got something there. let's look at your 4th house.

posted April 06, 2005 12:09 PM              

Lots of light!! And HUGS!!

posted April 06, 2005 01:54 PM            

I am sending you lots of happy vibes..along with some advice.

I am a 4th house Sun and my home means everything to me. I know what you are going through - I lost my home when I left my ex - now he is selling it and building our dream home on the water with a ton of land. Oh well.. I was displaced into an apartment for 2 years..now I am in a rented house in which Mr. T and I will leave after our lease is up in June. I am hoping we BUY a home..I need that stability as well.

BUT....I want to remind you of something- you have a Sag rising / Mars in Sag...the transit Pluto is also in Sag..Pluto is about tearing down and building up. You did that with your last home- the one you are renting out.

Don't go back - it will only cause pain, but instead fix your sights on the next project with the goal of making it "YOUR OWN". No bad memories...and new start. You can hold out for a while and sell that house (BUT if financial reasons make it so that you HAVE to move back- pick a new room to sleep in..don't get situated, but just "be" until you have sold it) Besides, real estate agents always say -make the house as empty as possible so that the prospective owners can get a feel for what they want to so with it.

AS to your brother, maybe write him a letter letting him know how much it hurts that you don't talk or that you have lost touch. Make is a point to inform him that you are not asking him to choose sides, the problem you have with your mom is not one you have with him. If he can't understand that- then he is the one with the problem.

Money / Loans...No no no no...that ex-libra had too many problems and issues..do you think he will pay you back? If you want to lend him the money- Please get a contract with a payment schedule (also, try to do it after the Merc retro).

I know times are tough for you right now. You are always in my heart and thoughts. If you need to talk you know my e-mail

Lots of love,

~pidaua

posted April 06, 2005 01:54 PM              

Don't give your libra-ex $5,000.00. Absolutely not.

posted April 07, 2005 10:39 AM              

AJ, my natal 4th house is ruled by Pisces and Aries, My Venus in Aries is on the cusp 4/5th. Astro.com reads it as the 5th since it's intercepted. My true node is in Pisces in the 4th. Boundaries are impossible with my mother, she refuses to see them, or respect her own. When I know she is okay some part of me is better, but I can't deal with her friends, who are actively negative.

As for not going back, that's hard because I don't know what's back or forward anymore, I must be so many things to many different people, that it's a juggling act.

and the entire focus on a new home is very tiring, especially as to where,

posted April 07, 2005 02:57 PM              

I am very glad that you responded. I worried that I had offended you very deeply in an old thread, by my direct nature ...

Any way, you have probably heard about my son's drug problem, since I talk about that sometimes. He has been clean for (6) years now. That's a good thing. Going through that phase was a bad thing. Can you imagine an aries (well, I do have jupiter in pisces), losing track of her own life? My point is, you can get so caught up in other people and their needs and problems, that you can lose track of your own life. This is your wake-up call:

YOUR LIFE IS NO DRESS REHEARSAL

Because of my experience - in losing myself (that would include sitting in a lawn chair in the middle of my yard and waiting all night long for my son to come home - many many times) - I feel I can talk about this. You did, after all, ask for advice? These ideas are not original - I got trained by Naranon for a year. In a nutshell:
_______________________________

We only ask for the widsom and courage to see oursevles as we really are, to do something about ourselves with the help of a higher power as we understand this, and for the grace to release our addicts (insert here your mother and all of your pain-in-the-neck boyfriends) with love and cease trying to change them.
____________________________

Basically, the above philsophy releases you from trying to help/take care of the problem people in your life. You are free!!
No more helping out for right now. Focus on yourself. Take good care of yourself. Figure out your housing situation for YOU. Don't feel like going through the new house process again? Rent for a year, until you feel stronger.

You can disassociate yourself from your mother and your BFs in a very loving way. It is called detachment. Count to (10), count to (50), or walk into another room before responding to something hurtful they have said or done.

Once I totally committed myself to myself all sorts of wonderful things began to happen. My family has pretty much recovered from an awful period (believe me, drug addiction can take out tons of people along with the addict).

Well, bottom line - I am a different person now. I can put up my lines, and get myself to a safe and good spot pretty easily. I am still a momma, though ..., and have my set-backs.

Hope this helps,
KEY

posted April 08, 2005 02:14 PM              

thanks again, AJ you are like a crystal ball, no opinions, just facts:>