posted April 29, 2005 12:25 AM              

My father commited suicide when he was 32 years old. I was 4 at the time.

posted April 29, 2005 07:52 PM              

Let's just say alot of people on this forum cannot handle my honest opinions. So sometimes they cry about it and get me kicked out.

posted April 30, 2005 11:37 AM              

He was in the bathroom at the time. So my cousin and I peaked under the door. We saw him on the floor so my cousin told my grandmother. My uncle tried opening the door but it was locked. So the police had to come and break it down. At that moment my grandmother was taking us kids downstairs to the super's wife's house so she could watch us.

I remember I had diapers on and a red shirt and red sneakers. I had only one shoe on and was carrying the other one in my hand. I just remember passng by the bathroom and seeing him on the floor with his eyes wide open. I cried and cried and I will never forget that police officers face when he looked at my father then looked over at me. He was very sad.

I remember that night we moved. We practically ran out of the apartment and got in a car and moved to a beautiful house in long island where I would spend 2 years. I never talked in school. I was always sad.
I never smiled in pictures. People in my new school were very supportive. I can recall my teacher crying when I said merry christmas to her and she was sick in the hospital.

But then my mom got annoyed because the suburbs were to quiet and she was a city woman so we moved back to the city. My mom would get me counseling I remember.

It has been so many years but I got over it a long time ago. My sister was always stronger though.

I could always feel my father. I know he wasn't at peace. Imagine taking your own life when you are all drugged up? Then waking up sober in pergutory and not knowing what the hell happened? We always felt that like if he was wondering what had happened but wasn't able to speak to us.

My father finally made it 4 years ago. A physchic man helped me guide him.

I don't feel him trapped anymore.

Thank god.

I got a free reading and they made contact with my father. Everything was right. All I told them was his birthdate and the date he died.

Here's the reading:

I contacted my spirit guide, she gave you a white
daisy. I was in contact with a father figure this
morning, he was in a suite and very uncomfortable, he
was irritated with the suite( I think it was blue) and
went and put jeans on. Before he came in there was a
Grandmother maybe his mother or Grandmother, she
seemed very close to him, she said you were a sweet
girl. When the father showed up she said he was late,
did he have a habbit of being late? They wanted your
name to continue and they both left. I got the feeling
he was a humorus guy. Please give me your name and
I'll get them back if they were for you dear.
Thanx,
Kim
--- BeautifulDreamz@aol.com wrote:
> My father died on april 24, 1987. He was born on
> april 15, 1956.
>
> Does he have any mesages for me?
>
>
> Thank you
>

To BeautifulDreamz
Again my spirit guide gives you a white daisy. Your
father pops in, in a "Cramer"(from Seinfeld) kind of
way. He fixes his suite he's so uncomforatble in and
again has changed to something more comfortable (this
is like a re-run) only he wasn't "late". He shows me
some things that may be of meaning to him or you or
even someone close to you. He shows me ketchup, so I'm
taking it someone loves it. A cash register, do you
work at a register? He says planes, trains and
automobiles, Did he travel or is it a fav. movie? Then
I saw palm trees, so maybe someone is going to a warm
climate or has been recently. He says BonTon the
store. He says to experience the white waters. Tell my
honey I'm OK, great in fact, it's more beatiful here
than you could ever know. He gives a bunch of red
roses to your mother and says tell her it's acceptable
that she moves on now. If she has gotten on with her
life he approves. He shows me someone fishing and golf
clubs. did he like classic cars or does someone have
one? He says to keep up with your studies and someday
you'll have the answers your looking for. A tall man
with broad shoulders stands behind him, he's quiet,
probly someone on his side of the family that
passed.He mentions Bill(william)could be living or
passed. He shows me a card trick, did he like to pull
pranks? Have you waved to them recently, he shows you
waving and trying to get their attention, he sees you
always. It seems your greatgrandmother keeps him in
line in a fun way, they are like Fric and Frac. Don't
ask me who that is its what comes to mind. They say
goodbye. End of message.
It seems like the more I do this the less I really
know, I cann't tell who they are telling me about.
Usually it's someone very close to you though. Or even
their best friend I've found. Well I hope this reading
helps you. Take care.
Love and light,
Kim

posted April 30, 2005 11:44 AM              

The lady(she's not my grandmother, I hate her) was having an affair with one of trujillo's soldiers and tattled when her husband spoke bad about him. The next day they were at his house taking my uncle who at the time was 7 weeks old away from him. They took my grandfather and no one ever saw him again. Days later his ears and fingers were sent to the house in a package.

She would leave her children and let people from the neighborhood beat them. She would let her daughters be raped by her own brother. You can imagine the shock when my great grandmother found out. She was so heart broken she died of a heart attack.

And that sorry excuse for a mother had the nerve to cry at his funeral. I could care less what happens to her.

They say at his funeral I cried and cried and stayed by the side of his coffin the whole time. I rememeber. But I have great memories with him also. I can remember things even at 1 years old. My father always spoiled us with toys.

My father was very close to my mother's mother who is an aries also. He would tell her these stories and cry. I love my mother's mother. She is a great grandmother.

posted April 30, 2005 12:56 PM              

I can understand that it must have been very difficult for you to comprehend and justify. It has left deep imprints on your mind. You have been very brave.

But as they say it must have been one of the lessons that you wanted to learn. We all go through something similar with respect to death of our loved ones; some very strongly and some seemingly gently.

As a child it must have questioned you to your core.

But what I have learned so far is that this life is an illussion and people 'departed' just exist on a different vibrationary level of this plane or another.

It is a very difficult thing to cope with but have you thought of directing your energy into some physical activity like prayer, meditation, social work, exercise regime, a creative hobby, etc. It could help you give direction and focus.

posted April 30, 2005 01:42 PM            

I recieved no reply and came to the conclusion that (Conclusion sounds like concussion!) "It would not be IMPOSSIBLE even if the aspect 'DID NOT' allow it"

"The war is over if you want it to be"
John Lennon.

posted May 01, 2005 04:51 AM              

Love to you Tranquil.

posted May 01, 2005 11:03 AM            

something else about Uranus – its response to adversity is FLIGHT.

so I guess suicide is just like running away from things.... an Uranus-like rebellious flight in the face of the requirements life puts on you sometimes...

so I'd look for any Saturn and pluto transits or SA to bring about hardships, limmitations or drastic changes, and some sort of Uranus contact that provided the escape when it all became too much...