posted May 20, 2005 06:24 PM              

I am selling my house to move out of the same city but for now I have to rent, I just paid a huge deposit to move in, and now he knows my address. He was nasty before, then he was calling everyday and hanging up, but not saying anything. He was finally respectful of my person in public and not grabbing me. It seemed it angered him that I had boundaries again and I was finally free and happy this week for the first time all year. Then today, I find out he knows where I live and he knows that I am still in the same city.

Now he thinks I am still stuck on him and a hopeless idiot, and says so to our mutal friends, they think I am ridiculous because I was so in love with him when he hates me now so much for cramping his style and making him feel guilty about me. He thinks I should leave town now. I have heard how much he is sick of women like me, and how he hates to be tied down a million times but this week finally, I know he was scared and guilty enough to give me peace.

Now I have blown it by trying to forget him totally, I gave out his number because it was so similar to another, I thought I was invincible again. I was invisible and safe, and happy until just now. Now I have to move again or else he will think I am here just to spite him and drive by or tell people I moved to be near him, his confidence will go up and he will grab me in public again. I am so humbled by the way I sabotage myself constantly.

Can anyone, especially Taurus people tell me what makes us so thick? And why do we come off like lovesick slaves when all we want to do is separate and go away? My realtor says he's not hopeful my house will sell soon, but I am desperate to get away, now I don't really believe I ever will win this race. Will I ever get rid of this man, and never have to face or hear about him again, or provoke him by accident again? I can't stand being pitied.

His male friends say I am trying to reconnect to him by living in the same town, no one believes I am trying to sell my house as fast as I can, so it's hard to keep my dignity.

Should I just move again for peace of mind, do I have anything to fear? How do I protect myself emotionally?

Help!

posted May 20, 2005 06:58 PM              

You are not sabotaging yourself. This man is not over you and he is acting like a vicious child by spreading rumors about your intentions. It is a free world and you may live wherever you please so long as you can afford it and want to.

I would say, only move if it is what you truly want. Peace of mind comes from within, not from where you live. If you think moving will make things better, than go ahead and do so, but it is not easy or cheap to move. One assh-ole of a man cannot have this affect on you, remember, because you are above these things and you're a strong woman, one to be reckoned with.

The best way to shut him up would be to, stop giving out his number, or never do it in the future, and to move on with someone else. If you look busy and happy, people will be bound to shut up. It would also be good to see, even for a little while, a protective male, such as a Scorpio, Cancer or Leo, who are protective of their females as well as preoccupied with peoples thoughts and images about themselves. They will create dignity and intimidate people into believing the aura they project. These kinds of men can have this kind of influence on people.

You are not sabotaging yourself....bad luck happens to everyone...and you have been going through some difficult times. Remember to think with your head and not your heart, silence is the strongest message.

Resilience only stems from insulation, not isolation from others. I think youre a truly resilient person, and you will get what I am trying to say,

posted May 20, 2005 07:09 PM              

I thought it best to be silent and it seemed to work for me, to give me strength inside. Now I have shattered all my strength by showing him what I am doing and that I couldn't face him, he can act even more aggresively if he wants to, he knows I can't face him. He's a Gemini with aTaurus Moon, Mercury, and Mars, he has to be the one in control, and he has to get everything straight, hear the truth, know everyone's motivations. He has to be the one who is okay emotionally, because he feels I have hurt him more.

I have met a nice Cancer but I get so embarassed by the situation, he gets discouraged, and he has to work so much, when I complain he wants me to move in with him and I really don't want to right now, then he gets mad. I like him but I can't help but feel trapped, not loved. Everyone wants me to love them, and yet have boundaries, send silence, okay all of that is great, but how do I do that and live my life at the same time? I need to have some freedom to think and act.

I suppose freedom comes at a price, and I do need the Cancer around more, to be honest I am not really attracted to him yet and I would feel that I am using him for protection from my own stupidity. I feel better moving again, even though that makes me feel low. This particular Gemini is with someone new, yet he has trouble moving on anyway, so it's not working on that end, he still feels it's okay to touch me in public even if it's not romantic, it's aggressive and hostile.

Thanks for the support again, and again,
I have no respect for myself sometimes, I used to be respected, now because of one man, I have nothing.

I let it happen, but I don't want it to happen again, when I see him, and he acts happy he can't help but grab me. It makes no sense, but even though I know it's an accident it makes me feel like I have been hit in the stomach it hurts so much. I feel like an object to him, when six months earlier he said he cared. If I did the same thing to him, hurting him accidentally, it bothers me even more. I don't want to hurt anyone like that, it's amazingly painful to feel what I feel inside when a man like that walks up to me and grabs me on the street, as if I am still his woman and there's nothing I can say.

And now I have acted even more submissively, I know what people think of women like that, and I am not like that. Love stinks for me, once I am in love, I want to forget the entire thing because it always ends badly for me. Strong like is always good, but real love tears me apart since I never really recover and move on. I dont think Taurus women love well, or in a healthy way,

Anyone agree?

posted May 20, 2005 07:30 PM              

Your peace of mind lies in standing up for yourself, not without regard, but with the regard and strength so awesome that it makes him blink; he is a very heavily Taurean Gemini and the best way to make him understand, to show him, is to be his opposte: to be a Scorpion. I know this might sound silly, but whenever I am communicating with signs I find it difficult to relate to normally, I will try to adopt the communicative styles of their opposites, and I get across to them instantly. Our opposites are our mirror images; they can speak in our language and make us understand. Be direct like a Sagittarian, or be silently unjarred like a Scorpion, but do not show him ur Merc in Gem or Taurus sun, because he knows how to handle this much too well, he is that himself.

Do not let him grab you, you may ask him , "Excuse me?" and pull away, with a stare that says, I am not your woman any longer. I do not know a single man who has not crumbled to pieces at the thought that a woman who he feels he can relate to, tells him that she is not on his plane anymore. And you are really not, because you want to learn from this experience and move on, and he cannot do that. The one who moves on quicker in the relationship emerges the 'triumphant', because the other one becomes clingy. And for a Gemini, being left behind in movement forward, is a big insult, its a message, that hes not able to positively change.

Do not let what other people think bother you; because they will obviously be wrapped in his Geminian glib. He will be like that, until they realize his flakiness. This is so often true with Gem men. They can wrap silver lies that seem so attractive, and everyone likes to believe them. Then one day their entire house of cards crumbles, because everyone is sick of their unreliability and inconsistency.

There are people now who doubt him. You can make their doubts true by standing up, looking him in the eye, and calmly letting him konw that you are not his property. You are your own person, and you make your decisions. You never had even thought that he was involved, in fact. If you pull away with dignity, physically when he grabs you, if you reply calmly that you are too busy to keep in touch, and you are glad hes moved on, because you have too, and you are so happy,

then he will get your message. And you will have to deliver it several times, verbally, nonverbally, and in every other way. He will intimidate you only if you let him,

He is not fixed, although he would like to be the Taurean that his chart points towards. You are the Taurean, and you can teach him a lesson about resolve.

Love
SG

Ps. the Cancer is not worth it if he is smothering you. Hold onto him for relationships sake, but do not commit as it would be unwise, at least I feel so, at this time.

posted May 20, 2005 07:32 PM            

Men are constantly confused by it, because I care (sometimes), but I am not girly in a "oh, poor baby" way, so they tend to read into all my actions trying to find where they stand. As a Taurus w/ Cancer moon I am sure you too hide your feelings. Imagine how confusing that is to someone. They want to know you, you're not giving anything. Eventually, they will find their own way of knowing you (even if its wrong). The man and your mutual "friends" (who do not seem supportive) are off with their interpretation of your behavior, but remember they are reading into it because they don't know you.

Natasha, you know what you are doing and what you want in life. Don't concern yourself with them. "They" aren't paying your bills or helping you in life. Avoid him. Also, we aren't thick, we're nice, courteous. Some would appreciate the business, other see it as a sign of desperation, lol. Don't take his craziness personally.
Live your life, be free. Please don't listen to "they" and please never let anyone tell you how to live your life. I wish you the best.

posted May 20, 2005 07:33 PM              

but i dont see how love can be healthy,

with my second house scorpio stellium ,

i am a scorpio/taurus very much when it comes to matters of the heart,

and i get heartbroken again and again and again, because i truly give and give and want to keep things, and treasure them, and not hurt and not disappoint,

its a game that you end up playing with yourself, and you lose, but someone else wins. then you reset and get ready to play again!

now i think i am going to wait for a man to come to me, obsessively interested in me, before i consider a relationship again!

posted May 20, 2005 07:41 PM              

Happy, I have Saturn opposite Moon until late next year, it's been going on for a few years, and Pluto is progressed into the 8th trine my Venus. My pluto is square pluto and so I am trying to avoid love issues until it's over, in November, plus on top of that, this ex gemini and I have pluto and mars square sun in the composite and he has pluto square sun natally, and pluto/7th house.

That scares me sometimes as I can see how he could blow up at someone, and I worry about violence, even violence menancing gestures scare the hell out of me.

posted May 21, 2005 02:14 AM              

how far will you run from a jerk,

or your own hurt

posted May 21, 2005 08:29 AM            

You ARE much stronger than this, sthenri. If anyone should move it's him. He's the one that is hung up on you. I like the idea of pairing with a possessive male for a bit, but that doesn't sound like your style. You should perhaps utilize a buddy system of some sort, though, if you feel he is going to assault you. This means always walking or being with a friend who will make him think twice about grabbing you. You should let the people around you know what is going on.

You can and should take control of the situation. Once you do he will look like the weak person that he is, and it will be very plain to everyone. Tauruses don't lose fights. Tauruses rally the troops. You instinctively know everyone around you, and you will quickly develop a strategy for dealing with this. You are as charming as he is, and you are more honest and ethical. People instictively know this about you.

YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS FEELINGS. This is an opportunity for both you and him to grow. He needs to learn to keep his feelings in check, and you need to learn to stand up for yourself.

posted May 21, 2005 10:24 AM              

I talked to my Uncle a virgo who knows me better than anyone yesterday and his advice is that I am unintentionally leading him on by acting coy. He is forced to call me and I must like the attention. However I am afraid to get sucked into his world again, before I am stable myself, it's tough to assert oneself when it takes tremendous energy away from my current relationships and life. He makes all these angry sounds and gets really stormy, his eyes cloud over and scare me.

My uncle said to ignore him, and be more careful in the future, not to contact him. If that's what I want, then stick to it. They guy has problems and it's not my fault, I shouldn't feel guilty, or overthink the problem, just let it go and work on my current relationship with the Cancer to make sure it's working or not working, and see what kind of guy he is once and for all. He has to work again tonight and tomorrow, but we will spend time together this week, and I will lay out my feelings and needs for him, to say yes or no.

Yes I am very clear on other's motivations due to my work in astrology, and that aspect is very much like a Scorpio sun, pluto square sun. However, I just let it go, when I meet people with this aspect, I let them have their way, or I stay away, there is no use trying to manage.

I have Pluto trine Sun, which I think is a softer, thing, I am stronger inside due to resilience, it's not like I explode ever. So I still do not get the mood changes in others, since my moods slip away as quickly as ice cream in the sun.

The intensity is there, but it's not really a connection, it's more his connection to his problems, and his perception is that I can make or break him. I am not and do not want to be his psychologist or helper, it's his life, and he hates his life right now. It's not easy to stop blaming your therapist if things do not work out.

I know, I am still angry at my last therapist, irrationally I know because I expect things to get better. This Gemini goes to therapy three times a week and expects other people to follow his model of liviing, his psychiatrist runs his life and he is very much an old fashioned Taurus.

I do not believe in psychiatry for some people,
Nuff said,

Thanks, I will try and get on with it, although I will never be the same until I move again. I am working and living and trying to be healthy, I don't want to be influenced by anyone whose hobby and work is therapy.

Like my uncle said, the ex probably would never hurt me, he wants to get laid that's all. So I laughed, if that's all then I can handle it. I am hoping that is it.

posted May 21, 2005 04:01 PM              

I get most of my self esteem from relationships, at work, or working ones that I have had for a long time, so when one is unstable, that affects me badly. I try to keep my private life private too, and with this aspect, it seems there is a need to know more about me than I can give.

So I do try to make the relationship work, if there is constant bickering, it can be good as long as I don't feel blamed or judged for it. I don't like to feel I need to be forgiven for anything, I like feeling light happy, as if I can fly away this weekend, and not feel any weight.

With my friends with this aspect I sometimes feel a need to check in, I love feeling free to be myself or be someone else, a blonde, a brunette the next day, or drive off out of town without any reason.

I find this to be healthy for me, and I can't understand why a person would say I want you to be happy and won't interfere in your life, and then do exactly that? I can be free and happy and still care about someone. I just don't show it well without getting provoked.

Am I making myself more clear? My work has to be the most important thing in my life, and my working relationships, I can't spend time with someone if we do not have anything in common, or if it takes away from work, and that person has no strong feelings for me.

I am pretty healthy right now, getting more assertive every single day, being drained by emotion is not good for me because I need to spend that energy on work and being with a man I can talk to.

posted May 21, 2005 05:02 PM            

This sounds very confusing and painful. When I first read your post, I kind of got the same impression your uncle did: that maybe, even subconsiously, you are looking for some kind of contact with him. Hear me out... I don't always have the best way with words!

I don't think it's a matter of wanting his attention, or that you're trying to create drama, or anything like that. But it seems to me that you may have unfinished business with him... lingering questions, resentments, loose ends.

If I understand correctly, this guy was very abusive to you mentally, emotionally and spiritually. (I don't know about physically.) Why did that happen to you? (I am asking rhetorically.) When someone attacks you in those ways, there can be a tendency to seek their approval as a means of negating their words and actions. Could this be what is happening to you?

Even if you did not feel the need to contact him directly, is it possible that by moving to his neighborhood you are in some subconscious way confronting him and dealing with the issues he left behind?

I hope that I don't come off sounding offensive. I am only trying to understand the dynamic of this relationship a little bit. I also realize that you living in his neighborhood could be entirely coincidental. I'm not out to prove a point, just to raise some questions that may be helpful.

Take care of yourself, Natasha. You've been through a lot with this and it sounds to me like you are working through it in the way that is best for you. If there is ever any way that I can help, please let me know. You've done a lot for me that you may not even realize!

posted May 21, 2005 07:07 PM              

See, I am trapped financially until it sells,
and I am selling it to get away, why he can't see that I don't know. He imagines I make this all up to bug him, but I can't just sell my house in one day. And I didn't buy it to be near him either.

I don't know why but he really is self centered and does believe every woman he meets wants him, so anything I do will look like chasing, I do not want to lead him on, but it's hard to know what to do, when there are people around, and I don't expect his actions!

What does he want, I really don't know anymore, and so I stopped trying a long time ago regarding this issue, no one seems able to understand him either since he keeps his motivations and feelings so hidden, nobody could know how angry he is

I just wanted to know if he was angry, but I do know this, he wants me to be his cool friend, friend, but not g/f. That I can't do, as I do not want to be sucked into his world again. That makes him very angry and vindictive right now.

Whenever I end a relationship, I lose everything, house car, money, job everything. I put everything into it and I am the one who has to end it usually. I realize that it's not always my choice and I need to deal with leftover business, but that was why I had to end it, his leftover business, ex g/f's and inability to commit to anything, was keeping me from living my life.

If all I wanted was sex, for one night, and to be his friend it would like I wanted that, for anyone else who wanted a real healthy relationship, there is no way I would want him around. Why he can't see that I don't know. If he is going to explode he will drive the Cancer away who doesn't want anything to do with any other men at all, and I don't blame him. So it looks like a year trying to be his friend the best way I know how as I cannot afford to step on the toes of another person in this town while I am selling my house.

That is the bottom line, and I will make nice. But it bothers me to no end, that I have to be the one, as always to make nice, or risk losing, my home, job, or security. This was a man who couldn't even commit, but he can commit to hating me and calling to hang up as often as possible. If I am bitter, I will make it worse I know.

I would give anything to figure out what he wanted from me in the first place if he hated to see me happy without him?? What emotion is that?

Day dreamer, yes on both counts,