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Author
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Topic: Am I just paranoid?
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Planet_Soul
unregistered
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posted August 20, 2005 05:28 AM
 
Ok, this is about a problem at my workplace with one of my male supervisors and myself. He's a much older man and a Cancer, kind of a grandfather type. He's usually a pleasant fellow, but extremly touchy-feely and emotional. The emotional I'm able to handle, the pats on my back I just can't. He does this to everyone, men and women. However, I'm very conservative or paranoid?? I don't know, but it bothers me terribly.
For weeks, I bit my Archer tongue and attempted to avoid him and be more aloof. It didn't work, he continued to do this, and tonight I had enough. We weren't seeing eye to eye on an issue, and I snapped at him. That's so unlike me, and realizing it was all the resent/anger I'd let build I decided to talk to him about it. I told him I appreciate and like him as a boss, but I dislike being touched by anyone. Well, he apologized but got really defensive. Now, I don't know if I should've just kept my mouth shut. sigh. So, am I just an over-reacting parnoia schizo???? I'm so doubting myself. sigh.IP: Logged |
sue g
unregistered
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posted August 20, 2005 05:39 AM
Dear Planet SoulNo, no, no, you are NOT being paranoid at all, and good for you for setting the record straight with this guy........I admire anyone who respects their own boundaries, and obviously this guy doesnt acknowledge that.......a Cancer, ehh, they normally would be very in tune with others. You did the right thing girl, cos if you hadnt this would have built up inside of you and then you could have gotten sick if it had continued for any length of time. NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO TOUCH US UNLESS WE WANT TO BE TOUCHED............ I think thats a very important message to remember. Well done yourself for speaking out xxx IP: Logged |
Bluemoon
unregistered
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posted August 20, 2005 09:23 AM
Being a Moonchild, myself, I am very touch feely. I dont mean to be invasive, but I am the one who touch your shoulder or arm in conversation. But I do understand that no one has the right to touch someone else that does not want to be touched. As for being defensive, that is a natural Moonchild reaction to any thing that we feel could be in anyway threating. IT will work it self out. Moonchildten take 2 steps sidesways before taking one step forward.  IP: Logged |
artlovesdawn
unregistered
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posted August 20, 2005 09:43 AM
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Gemini Nymph
unregistered
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posted August 20, 2005 12:22 PM
God I hate being touched by most people too. quote:
It would have been the rare and very bravely gentle person who would touch others, someone who felt a very strong need to express kinship and kindness and goodwill.
Or someone who didn't respect another person's boundaries and did not know a more appropriate ways of expressing kindness and familiarity with people. Also, this could be the behavior of someone with a psychosexual or another emotional issue (espeically with Cacner, which is a *very* passive-aggressive sign). Think what you want, but this is inapproriate behavior between an employer and an employee, period. Most of my friends are much older than me - born in the 50's and early 60's - and none act like this, including my two closest friends both Cancers! My closest pal, who's 52 this year, is a Cancer and is a very brave and compassioante individual, would be appalled by this behavior herself. Planet Soul, I am a Gem with a Pisces moon, and I hate hurting other people's feelings, but I've learned from past mistakes when I've been too accomendating of other people's inappropriate behavior that you do have to stand your ground and make your boundaries clear. There's better ways of handling this of ocurse - I know what it's like to let things boil over until I snapped at someone, and now I have to be more upfront with people from the beginnning. He's your employer - that doesn't entitle him to make you uncomfortable because he think it's OK. Make your discomfort very clear with him, and make sure he understands it's not personal - you simply want your personal boundaries respected. It is not at all unreasonable to ask this of him or anyone else. IP: Logged |
artlovesdawn
unregistered
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posted August 20, 2005 12:38 PM
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Planet_Soul
unregistered
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posted August 20, 2005 01:14 PM
Thanks for your replies, so much guys. I knew I could count on you guys, I see all of you as friends and I hope you see me that way as well.
Atlovesdawn, I understand what you're saying about the age gap. I took that into consideration, that's why I held my misgivings inside for so long. I was hoping he'd leave me alone once I detached and became more aloof. He'd approach me, sometimes in front of customers and I'd back off to leave much space in between us. It didn't work, he would still do this even in the prescence of the customer. He'd react to my silence hurt and dejected, but wouldn't put a stop to his behavior.
Our workplace does have ethics policies, and a few people have been terminated for similar incidents. That's why I'm surprised as to why anyone in management would put themselves at risk of being reported.
GN, I also have that Pisces moon and in the 3/4 house to boot. I have a friend born a few days before me, and all of our planets are the same except for the moon. I envy her with her cool and rational Aqua moon. She's able to stay unaffected and emotionally detached. I have a big problem with absorbing vibes with my moon. I wish I could be like my friend, and just shrug things off. My sensitive moon won't hear of it, and as Sue G mentioned, I am starting to get sick over it. Things build up inside of me, until it gets to be too much and then I'll snap. I have to learn to stop being afraid of hurting people's feeligns and call it as I see it, when I see it.IP: Logged |
iAmThat
unregistered
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posted August 20, 2005 01:21 PM
Thanks Planet_Soul for your Mars/Venus/Sun reading.This refers to the first post. You did the right thing than continue to build up that resentment and walk around the work place with that attitude. Each one is a star and sometimes one star does not like that the other be so close to them or even worst touch them. It is said, we pick up thoughts of passer bys and touching could be just worser.
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beebuddy
unregistered
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posted August 20, 2005 01:22 PM
PlanetSoul,You are not paranoid or a schizo. Some people consider touching to be intimate and if it is for you then you may not like being touched by people you aren't intimate with. You may be odd or eccentric to others but so what! p.s. i hate being touched. IP: Logged |
sue g
unregistered
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posted August 20, 2005 03:32 PM
I really love being touched, am very warm and sensuous, people always seem to like being touched by me LOL!!!One of these days I am gonna get my lights punched out for touching the wrong person HA HA!! XX IP: Logged |
artlovesdawn
unregistered
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posted August 22, 2005 11:15 AM
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Peri
Knowflake Posts: 1848
From: 49N35 34E34
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 22, 2005 11:24 AM
quote:
NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO TOUCH US UNLESS WE WANT TO BE TOUCHED............
I totally agree, me hates being touched!
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thirteen
unregistered
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posted August 22, 2005 12:08 PM
You did the absolute right thing by stating that you do not want to be touched. I would do the same even after I had a lot of anxiety over it.IP: Logged |
Loggerhead
unregistered
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posted August 22, 2005 12:21 PM
It's your body and only you decide who can touch it. Period. Screw generation gaps. I absolutely hate being touched by strangers, and in fact, by most people. It actually makes me flinch! Exceptions are my husband, close relatives, and of course, children. Their hugs are the best and always welcome! But a boss---forget it. He is violating your physical (and in the process psychological) bounderies, thereby dominating you because he has the power and you don't. It's as simple as that. Except that you DO have the power, depending on how far you are willing to take it.And you are not schizo or paranoid, far from it! Honor your feelings! You are allowed to be as sensitive as you like where your body is concerned, and people have to accept it. One of the things parents tell kids when they warn them of inappropriate behavior: "If you feel uncomfortable it means there is something wrong." I think there is definitely something wrong here. Bottomline is: If you were a 250 lb body builder who told him to lay off and keep his paws to himself, he would listen up and get the message, you better believe it! I hate what women have to put up with! 
I wish you courage and lots of luck! 
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Mystic Gemini
unregistered
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posted August 22, 2005 12:38 PM
You have the right to feel that way.
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Gemini sun, Cancer rising, mercury in Gemini, moon in Taurus *29, venus in Taurus, mars in Libra "You must live in the infinite blackness that exists when I close my eyes. I see you when I fall asleep, I see you when I dream." - Talib Kweli IP: Logged |
lalalinda
Moderator Posts: 1120
From: nevada
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 22, 2005 01:34 PM
Planet soul Sorry about your discomfort, its called sexual harrassment and it is against the law. I work in a casino (cocktails) and I'm around this everyday. Some people are just like that. Because he is a Cancer, a grandfatherly type and he treats every one in the same manner, I seriously doubt that he realized what was happening or how uncomfortable it was making you. Hes probably horrified that his actions were misinterpreted and how you took it. Cancer, being a maternal sign wants to protect (his work family) and feels strongly about crossing those sexual lines almost like molesting. This man feels worse than you will ever know. IP: Logged |
Planet_Soul
unregistered
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posted August 22, 2005 02:38 PM
He has been very avoidant and formal since I discussed w him how it was impacting my work. I actually like working better that way, with professionalism v. familarity. It's such a relief, I'm so glad that I did get the courage to speak out. I'm thankful for the understanding shown by all of you. Whew, I'm glad I'm not the only one who dislikes being touched by unfamilar people. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I've decided to not press the issue further. Maybe his intentions weren't vile, regardless I hope the experience has helped him learn something. This kind of thing would easily of caused the loss of his job. Maybe by saying something,I helped him to stop his behavior before someone else does report it and he gets the boot.IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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