posted October 14, 2005 01:16 PM              

Now he hates me and told me to never come back and torture him again. Does he mean it??

posted October 14, 2005 02:01 PM              

Every guy I could potentially crush on now I look at very objectively - what are their temperaments like, would they REALLY gel with me, do I ENJOY communicating with them? Do they like me back???! Quite frankly, I prefer friendships and acquaintanceships to a relationship right now. Just being friends, no pressure from either side. For my part, I'd prefer to be friends with a guy for a LOOOOONG time before even contemplating a relationship with him - that way, if there's a mutual feeling or passion there, it will grow steadily. And even if there's no passion, I will still not have lost a good friend. I'm not always easily impressed, but that's not to say that the flame can't be stirred. I really do think there is too much emphasis placed on intimacy these days, and not enough on friendship.

Don't eat chocolate, it will drive your blood sugar level up and then way down again...do something like a strict candida diet and that will keep the levels on an even keel...healthy body = healthy mind. Be disciplined with yourself. Every time you feel yourself getting depressed, think "I can do better than this".

I hate to say it but I think maybe you ought to look elsewhere than the Aqua guy, it seems as though there are a number of problems there. I know how difficult it can be to bite one's tongue when one is in a relationship with s/o and they bring loads of baggage with them. I can feel the same myself, so I do know what you mean. To be honest...he's just a GUY, there are loads of them where he came from, apologies if I sound brutal. I know that to you it might seem as if he's "THE" guy, but to be honest...do you really want to continue to experience some of the things you have?

I read what you wrote about plastic surgery earlier...you don't need it. You really, really do not need it to make yourself feel better. I haven't exactly got model-style features, and there are days when I can feel I'm 20 years behind the fashion (or 2 years - that's even worse ) but I make up for that by having 100% confidence. That didn't come overnight. That came through fighting to be myself, and now I feel I can stand on my own two feet (God, I should hope so, it was a long time coming).

When you have 100% confidence, you will not need affirmation from guys or anyone else, you certainly won't need to rely totally on your looks, you won't even feel inclined to spend time working out what guys want and don't want. Instead, your infectious enthusiasm and zest for life will draw people to you that are good for you...if you can't attract those you want to attract, if they're not really attracted to you, that's fair enough, they don't need to be!! Just love yourself for who you are, allow yourself to enjoy people, go with the flow, don't analyze too much (she says). I hope I don't sound too much like a self-help manual here...it's just a kind of gentle suggestion...maybe I ought to do NLP!!...

Cheer up, you will pull through.

Hugs,

AT

posted October 14, 2005 03:16 PM              

Being alone doesn't mean you're worthless or unloved either, so you need to stop treating yourself as if you were. If you need to write silly reaffirming notes to yourself and stick them all over your home, do it. If you need something to cuddle, go buy yourself a big, soft, cuddly teddy bear. Taking warm baths too helps give you a kind of warm, caressing contact that can help you get through these cuddle craving. And it certainly is better than gouging on cheap candy bars.

I wonder if transiting Mars in retro is making you feel a little emotional unbalanced and needy right now - I can't rememebr wher your Sun is, but Mars Rx is around 22 Taurus right now. That's bound to make any Tau Sun a little uneasy right now.

posted October 14, 2005 03:18 PM            

You wrote:

quote:

---

he was cuddly-I am sick of being lonely

---

posted October 14, 2005 06:45 PM              

Right now without the Aqua, all the food has no taste etc..I am not making it up.

Plus I sense he is angry at me, and I am angry at him and anger is over repressed in me and makes me feel worse. AT work I get a lot of anger and so I need more outlets, with him we would have fun and I would burn off energy doing things. He was my fun guy, although a bit controlled. I called him and told him I think he suffers from over controlled hostility which is not as bad as needy attachment disorder (I read this), and he's not a drunk which is good, but he is angry and it comes out in different ways.

I have triggers and I told him what they were, I also told him I felt he needed a strong woman and yet I need someone I can depend on who can take of me if I get sick or hurt. My last b/f told me the same things and they were all lies. I told him if he wanted back he'd have to call and see me more often, because that's not needy that's normal.

He said he could do that, in a super rational voice so I know he is considering it. He only does that when he is secretly emotional, which I can't help but notice and be happy about because it means he's not horrible.

In my mind I try to have faith he's a good person because I need that, that's normal to want to be surrounded by good instead of horrible mean rotten people like my ex b/f who runs this town. I seriously am afraid of that man because he wants love, but whoever loves him has to be willing to pay any price. I feel in need of the Aqua's strength right now and I picked up the pearl necklace he gave me for faith today.

I told him I still missed him but I couldn't see him tonight, we made plans to get away tomorrow night and have dinner near a lake where it's quiet away from his friends and our work. I know from what I read it's good to learn how to self soothe, and have empathy for oneself, but I do that already.

I feel all I do is have empathy and self soothe, and control my anger, and I am surrounded by men who control my life. Until I get out of this town I am truly at the mercy of so many, and when I do act confident and happy the women at work rip me to pieces and tell me I am there to get a husband, so I don't have to do any real work. I try to dress down but it doesn't work.

The Aqua told me bluntly that fear is not attractive, and that he doesn't want me when I act like I can't trust him. However, I need him more than ever when I am having a hard day so all I can do is rely on him when he's there and on friends at work, and try to get out of town as soon as I can.

I made plans to go to NYC soon with my ex for his birthday. I have to tell the Aqua tomorrow that it's a yearly tradition for me, I am sure he will get irritated but I will offer the choice, I will go with him if he prefers. I am not desperate for a man GN I am desperate to get out of this town. If you were here you would understand like a cross between the snottiest people you ever met, and Hee Haw.

posted October 15, 2005 10:05 AM              

Try not to feel paranoid, you can trust other people to a degree, but you have to trust yourself first, and really project confidence on a regular basis, because if people (i.e. at work) sense you are not confident, they will attack you, it's amazing how rude they can be.

But I think you also need to work on your inner self and consider what you may be projecting. Our unconscious is often written on our face without us knowing it and if you feel, deep inside, that you want cuddles, and that you are hungry for love, your face is going to read "feed me". It's as simple as that. Also consider the general subject of your conversation. If you talk about relationships a lot, people are going to assume that that is what you are after, like it or not. I mean, I don't know how you come over in day-to-day life, I can't make a full assessment here, I'm just hypothesizing and trying to give some pointers.

How much do you and the Aqua really want, or love, each other? Given that you want to move, why would you want to stay with him? To some degree you enjoy his company - but how much do you really LOVE him?

Love is what it boils down to, in the end. If one or the other party doesn't really feel it 100% - what point is there in carrying on? Also - in the future, don't see two men at the same time; it is hard on everyone's nerves.

Maybe I seem a little old-fashioned; it's curious how my thinking changes constantly. But I always give potential actions a lot of thought before actualising them - not typically Arien, I'll admit.

You asked about my divorce in an earlier thread. I've been away from Mr. Aqua for almost a month now and have had time to do some thinking. - It's interesting that the type of guy I attract, even as a friend, tends to be quite conservative, loyal and old-fashioned - bit like me, really. Relationships proceed very slowly for me, there is a long build-up and a long winding down. I'm not in any rush, like I said, I am perfectly happy just to be friends with guys for the time being.

I told Mr. Aqua last weekend on the phone that I wanted to split, he wasn't as concerned for his well-being as he was for mine, which I took to mean that he had seen certain things coming to some degree. He asked many times, do you want this, and I said, yes, I do, and said that I would write a letter - not a nasty one - to confirm some of the thoughts I had had about practical considerations, which I also spoke about in the phone call. Which I did. What I am trying to do is have an agreement drawn up that states clearly the financial terms of the separation and benefits everybody (including his mother, who in theory need not actually be a beneficiary). I have no emotional investment in the relationship anymore, so I think this is the fairest possible conclusion. I don't see how he can object to that, but I have stated quite clearly that if he objects to anything, if he frustrates the process at any stage, I will divorce him immediately. I will be talking to him about it on Monday, like I said, if he can't agree, I will start divorce proceedings at once, I have no time for procrastination - and the courts can allocate funds as they see fit.

I feel so much better when he's not around!! I went back a fortnight ago to pick some belongings up and felt completely drained with him around me. Here, I can just chill out, I don't have someone breathing down my neck and commenting all the time, as if I were on parade.

Anyway - like I said - be kind to yourself, and eliminate all unnecessary stress! You don't need it.

posted October 15, 2005 10:23 AM              

He says I underestimate him, that he would never keep me back and still he can care at the same time, as he has two daughters and wants the best for the women in his life. He likes to think of me as one of his women, someone to care for, and take care of if I will let him. I feel reassured with that kind of talk of course. Ultimately he wants a friend too, and wants honesty, so I can't just be romantic with him.

The hard things come with work, which is normal, but on top of that he throws me with talk about romance and some hidden resentments towards me about a lack of love.

He is also feeling a lack, or hungry for love or affection and I believe this is an underlying trait with his Leo moon in the 7th. I don't think I am feeling this by myself as I pick this up from him.

Since I am so sensitive about living in this town it makes me feel less responsible towards him and panic. I used to feel okay about living her as long as that guy I was involved with, didn't know where I lived, but now he knows and my peace is shattered. Before I felt protected.

It's hard to get that back, and trust one man to take care of the problem. But I know if I trust the Aqua he is capable of caring as he has a protective concern for me. Is it love, I don't know, as probably like most men he is too shy to express it.

Having been involved with air signs before I would say they work best as friends, who are honest, and romance comes second. If I try to put the romance first he will feel I am holding back somehow and never trust me. So I can't have it both ways.

And I am very angry at letting people at work get to me as I have friends there, but certain women get me to ***** back, which I never do. I never want to be sucked into someone's power plays, and let my anger show, at the same time I need to be serious about those little bitchy displays of temper towards me and it takes a lot of energy.

It's so overwhelming I can't think about anything else when I'm with the Aqua and he senses this and it makes him feel down on himself. He says, I must not be attractive enough for you, or I can't compete with whatever else you got going on...stuff like that to draw me out. I know the ego is there, but I can't take him for granted like I do.

posted October 15, 2005 10:42 AM              

Come to London, you will like Brit guys!
We are gentlemen first....

starsign second...

but aquas do have anger issues, i lost my cool last nite, went ballistic, it was partly booze induced

my mrs (capricorn) and her libra female friend said i should get anger management classes or something..

how can we be emotionally aloof if we also have anger issues, anger is emotion no?

in my opinion your Aqua just needs a little time on his own...

why not go out on the town with your girlfriends, forget us guys for a while, get drunk and dance the nite away :-)

posted October 15, 2005 10:44 AM              

Don't get angry at women at work, again, it's not worth it, they're only "little people", anyway. When they come at you, say s/th like "What the f- is that in aid of...?"...you get the idea... Be your own person, ignore the giggling, try not to talk about your personal life, say point-blank that you can't get involved in s/o else's vendettas. We all want to rise above the playground stuff, the best thing to do is openly set an example.

Hang in there - maybe you need a bit of counselling, just so you can have a sounding-board, that will take the pressure off your relationship with the Aqua.

What do you think?

posted October 15, 2005 11:03 AM              

if that's the case I can't fix it, so I will find out tonight what the deal was with their relationship once and for all. If he made her feel inadequate so that's why she left, than I will know it. I won't pry, but I will question his self image right now. If he and I can't be in a romantic relationship we can be friends but I still expect communication from him in a normal fashion, and I will still always call him. I won't let it bug me.

As for work, it will take care of itself, I am pretty angry at my real estate broker for telling me my house may never sell as it's in a tough area and I should consider just keeping it.

I will work on it. One thing I do know is that I do prefer a man who can make moves, but not in a hostile way-and from what I can see this Aqua does respect women. It's hard to find just that.

posted October 15, 2005 12:43 PM              

Anyway my 2 paise on this:
Eating sweets to overcome the lack of a man is a strict no no. Considering that we have had or are having almost 1000s of past/simultaneous lives across genders and age groups and races, whats a few weeks of temporary lack of a guy or girl?

Self Hypnosis of improving Self Worth and in preventing emotional isolation will help too.
Improving inner self worth and feeling the emotional state of deserving a nice guy or girl attracts one "magically".
Same for the real estate. If you mentally value it and would willingly pay a certain price for it, a buyer would arrive for exactly that price, irrespective of what the broker thinks.

posted October 16, 2005 04:09 PM              

due to wrong directions i drove for 4 hours to get to the remote cabin in the dark and in the rain. when i get there Aqua boy has neglected to mention that another Aqua (who I dislike for doing this in the past) had invited two other couples to spend the night there if they wanted, and they are there making dinner. But we are welcome to join in the fun...

I wanted dinner out so we went out, wore his necklace and went back. felt out of place as they were nothing like me but had a good chat. Aqua does his usual, wakes me up in the middle of the night to talk and emote, we talk and come to an understanding that we will fight less as long as our relationship is a compromise and he has to take care of my emotional needs too. He agrees and I tell him how I feel about him: he seems very happy: then breakfast sucked apparently the couples weren't too happy: I left asap, Aqua did his laundry alone.

I feel it's best away before he gets into a mood and gets tired, or hungry, then we fight.

Things seem to go well once I told him about his hypercritical and over repressed nature, he agreed with this. I also told him the point of women grabbing on to men is to hold on to them otherwise they get another one. In ancient times there was only so much warmth to go around why squander it on anyone unworthy of time and energy? He agreed on that too, so things went well.

He agreed to go to NYC next month and I told him the deal with my ex: he said he trusted me but wouldn't depend on me and didn't want to talk about him too much. I said I needed to tell you the truth for myself and I did the best I could, being as tired as I was, socializing and driving, at expressing how much he needs loving and cuddles on a regular basis so at least he understands my motives.

Will he be my friend? yes forever. lover? I don't know as we have fundamental differences in how we take care of each other, and he is more of a slow starter and a bit lazy.

Other than that okay on the loving friend front, at least I am reaching him.
(and some men you just can't reach)