posted December 13, 2005 07:40 PM              

My b/f is not that good with expressing his feelings, he won't call me from work as he gets embarassed easily, but he will be very sweet and considerate when I am with him. He is very competitive in terms of anything I say, he has to top it. So if I have a bad experience as a landlord-I own a duplex that I do not live in-he has advice. That I don't mind. But if I have on a red coat, he has suggestions on how I could look better.

If I am more dressed up than him, he makes fun of me, but if I am not dressed up he kids me about that. Am I too sensitive? Yes I have a Taurus Sun, trine Pluto, Uranus and Jupiter, and a Cancer/8th house moon, Sag conjunct Neptune ascendant, Venus in Aries/5th house.

I feel he is constantly competitive with everything I say and so I watch my words. When we are talking about his son he will compare his son to other sons and praise him, if I talk about someone he compares that person to his son and says his son is the best at sports, everything. If we are alone together then he tells me how much better he is than any other man on earth. It's hard to know him because of his nature.

Sometimes he is incredibly warm and supportive, he loves chocolate, cooking, caring for me, other times he can belittle, criticize and demand that I do not talk back to him in his house and ask for apologies for things I didn't do, and make me cry a little.

Right now he has invited me to shop, wine and dine in NYC this weekend, it's something he likes to do. I am venting to clear my head of romantic fantasies since I am tempted. We talked about moving in together but he is opposed to cats in his house since they may mess up his rug. I have had this problem before with men who cant' stand the idea of animals, that they did not train, and call my cats, those cats! They don't do anything wrong but it's the idea I guess.

Am I just wasting our time? He knows I have to go to where my career takes me.
He would like real intimacy but I don't feel pushed. I know he could drive to see me in NYC as it's more of a destination.

Physically speaking he is all over the place, I can't get a handle on whether he is hot or cold, rough or soft, I call him sweetheart but it doesn't seem to affect him deeply, I need to know how tender he is physically but I can't get a strong sense, as he likes to talk way too much when we are hugging, such as I like the way we fit and so on. I get distracted and ask that he doesn't talk.

How can you tell if you are compatible physically? Even my therapist and I can't figure this out. my ex b/f's gemini and aquarius were pretty cold after the start, I don't want that again. I don't want to get in deep physically until I know it's right.

If you are a Cancer how do you act and feel when you are really into a woman? Because he never leaves home, I can't judge him on whether or not he visits me, he never does, I always go to him. Do Cancers ever go for women with pets? Ever bend the rules of the home? Does everything have to be perfect first or is it better if things are messy?

When you open your heart to a Cancer it's like a magical thing happens and there is so much wonder and caring, but I always seem to be in the wrong place and time for it-do Cancers love to fix people? I want to be fixed already and maybe if this one doesn't work for me I would like to find a Cancer someday and feel I am opening him up, gaining his trust a little. But how can I tell?

posted December 13, 2005 08:45 PM            

It sounds like there are some great things about this relationship that you were missing from your previous ones...and I think you may be using that to justify some of the hardships that are occuring. Personally, I see a bunch of Red Flags waving. Being competitive is one thing but treating someone with disrespect is another. The way he tells you how to dress or that a woman is supposed to be submissive....those are HIS hangups that he is forcing on you and from what I can tell, you deep down disagree with those morals. From an astrological point of view, I can certainly understand his moodiness. I dated a Cappy with an Aries moon...not the easiest creatures to deal with by far. Personally speaking, I think Aries moons are one of the hardest people to get along with...especially the men. His Sun squaring his moon doesn't help either. I don't agree with him not calling you for a week because of custody issues....you are a part of his life and he needs to learn to merge you and his son into a new family, not keep you isolated. I see that he at times can be a warm, sweet, caring person but the flip side of that scares me. Ask yourself what you want from this relationship and then ask yourself if this man gives it to you. Communicate with him about your concerns but don't back down..Aries moons need to be confronted and they have little respect for people who don't fight back. It worries me that he is not as evolved as the rest of us in terms of his ignorance with homosexuals etc...but maybe you can enlighten him. Please don't lose yourself in this relationship...keep an eye on what you want because it sounds like you've given so much of yourself already.

Peace!

posted December 13, 2005 09:04 PM              

It's easy to get lost in the emotion but mainly we met and came together because I needed him so it makes sense he seems me as the submissive one-he helps me with my resumes and my career like no other person-and gets me on track again. I really do not feel I can do anything when someone is not in my life making me feel beautiful and when work is good I do not need that. But work has not been as good as I like and so I lean on his ability to see the good in me.

He is a top notch organizer and always knows what to say, and he is very smart, good at leading me in the right direction and pointing out my faults in my career, business decisions. I am sensitive but I need that advice, he does not get lost in me and does not lose his ability to see the truth around me. He realizes that I need to get cracking and doesn't waste time around me, and knows somehow when I need to be waited on.

Being waited on and being told I am beautiful is something missing from my past three relationships with men that I lived with/was intimate with. I am careful now to play the waiting game and watch to see if I am really liked and wanted-it's easy to forget what I want when I want it to be different.

All I know is that I want it to be very different than before, and he is open to my growing and changing career wise, which is what my best relationships have.

When I have a man in my life who is supportive of my career my love blossoms, so I need that first.

Then after that I need to feel part of his home, and I made that clear to him.

Being cautious, it could be a while before he opens up to me, so I trust him to hear me out, as I really want the experience in talking to a man about setting up a home together. I find it hard to trust a man intimately speaking when we are not living together and so that is one of my issues.

If I am not ready to live with someone in my heart I do not feel I can trust-

So far it's been very hard to communicate as we are not alone.

Do you feel this is a red flag?

posted December 14, 2005 02:01 PM            

because they are born leaders

Cancer leans towards passive/aggressive

posted December 15, 2005 05:18 PM              

I'm thinking of writing down the weird manipulations of my ex cancer, these days.
I remember once, I fell asleep on the couch, watching TV while he was up late, working on the computer. When he was done with his work, he woke me up and told me to go to bed and said he was mad at me that I fell asleep on the couch on purpose top make him feel bad that he didn't paid much attention in me that evening. Then, he said I needed too much attention and he had no time for it and I was too needy and too demanding. And then he said, it's better if we are separate and broke up with me 34th time :P

I always fall asleep on the couch, watching TV. I was confused, then. Now I laugh.

posted December 15, 2005 05:32 PM              

But competitive? Well, my Can-Sco pal won't let an issue die until she's had the last word and everyone know exactly what she thinks and where she stands. I've taken calsses with her in college, and she had to be the top student and know every answer. She openly admits that at least academically and intellectually, she's very competetive. But interpersonally she's pretty laid back.

My other pal, who's an Can-Aqu, isn't that competitive, even though he's a good leader (he leads our church choir) and good at getting people motivated and involved.