posted January 10, 2006 11:04 AM              

I had a friend, I met her when I was 12 years old and we became very fast friends.We are 21 now. She moved to another state and so we maintained our relationship on the internet (kinda silly I know) let me explain her background a little. Her parents basically pulled her out of school when she was in first grade for some reason I really don't understand. Her mom was a middle school drop out and I believe her dad was too. They never really taught her correctly, she knows very little math and her spelling and grammar, are just pretty bad (not that I'm perfect or anything) I tried to help her get a GED but she became really frustrated with the whole thing and I kinda gave up because she just wasn't really interested. We were really close, like sisters, but if I said anything that upset her (I never meant to upset her sometimes thing would just come out of my mouth and I never meant to say anything hurtful but sometimes thing would just happen) well if I said anything that would upset her, she would purposely attack me. She could say really horrible things about me that made me feel really bad about myself. Well, I thought we finally got all our problems worked out. But, about 5 months ago, she got really depressed, she told me she tried to committ sucide. Well, then our realtionship became very bad. She was always depressed, and I tried to help. I told her to please try to get some professional help but she would just get mad at me when I told her these things. I also got kinda depressed from being on the phone/internet with her every day. Then she tells in an email (not on the phone or with IM) that she has made all these other friends and how much she loves them and how close to them she is. Shes only known them 5 months, and basically that they're all better than me. I tried to be really understanding about it, but I was just a little bit hurt by the way she told me. I'm not upset that she has other friends, but just the way she bragged about it. I have other people too but I mean she just said it a strange way. Then, finally I said something small that upset her, that didn't matter at all, and she had one of her friends IM me and tell me off (and say hurtful things) and had this other friend who she had been telling all these bad things about me to. Her other friend told me she didn't want to be friends because I am a horrible person. I sent her 100 dollars for Christmas (I couldn't afford it but I wanted to make her happy) and this other friend tells me the only reason I did this was so I could hold it over her head. Well, I haven't talked to her in a week. I am just confushed and still a bit upset and I dont think this was a healthy friendship so I am really just wanting tips to get over it.

posted January 10, 2006 11:59 AM              

Best tip: Try to volunteer in a creche or day care centre for babies, Cancerians really love to nurture and who else accepts nurturing unconditionally than a baby??

Once again, cheer up. I am a Cancerian too

posted January 10, 2006 12:55 PM            

My guess is your friend grew up in a very difficult home - I suspect she was also the victim of some form of verbal abuse - probably from her parents. During our formative years we tend to learn how to relate to people from our family. People love like their parents loved them. My guess is your friend is "loving" you and treating you the way she saw her parents treat each other or the way they treated her. She sounds like she has some rather profound issues to work out in her life. But those issues are not your fault nor is there much you can do to help her. At this point she's struck out at you, wounded you, and pushed you away. She is in no way a good friend for your right now. In fact, I think at this point continuing any form of relationship with her would be toxic to you. My suggestion is put her to rest in your mind. Don’t give up on her, but just let her go for now. Give her over to the hands of fate. Trust that sooner or later life will force her to work through her selfishness. She needs to walk the roads of life and go through some hard lessons before she’s ready to accept a friendship as open and artless as yours. You cannot walk the roads she’ll need to walk with her, nor would you want to. You have your own paths to take. So release her with love, not bitterness or anger.

posted January 10, 2006 03:05 PM              

Hugs,

silvermoon

posted January 10, 2006 11:51 PM              

You need to realize that you can't control what she tells her other friends over there, or what happens from now on. You need to let go of needing to be validated. It's important that YOU know you've tried your best, and it's time to realize that that's enough.