posted January 31, 2006 06:19 PM              

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Gemini sun, Cancer rising, mercury in Gemini, moon in Taurus *29, venus in Taurus, mars in Libra

posted January 31, 2006 07:30 PM              

.. re Scorpio (in general) ..

at the moment .. astrology wise .. there are some major planets affecting that sign ...

Saturn .. Neptune and Chiron .. are currently at a 'square' angle to Scorpio
Jupiter is currently 'in' the sign of Scorpio ..
Sun and Mercury .. are currently at a 'square' angle to Scorpio
Mars is currently 'opposite' the sign of Scorpio

those above transiting planets .. are themselves in Fixed signs ..
(((*MNF* good reminder about 'fixed' .. i often forget .. (( '''digs out old bee gee tape''' :-)))

not to mention .. Lillith .. who is about 1 degree into Virgo ...
i brought in Lillith .. as she is excellent at generating a bitter type of hatred and anger ..
so Liilth is only 1 degree off post-squaring Scorpio ....

note .. when i've mentioned Scorpio here .. i'm refering to the 30 degree span of a Sign ..

.. it would be helpful to see the birth chart .. so as to see what transiting planets etc
may be affecting her Sun placement ( for starters ) .. she could well be having a
Saturn transit to her Sun ( it's gotta happen sometime .. to all of us )

posted January 31, 2006 07:36 PM              

Firstly, you are talking about a young girl here....forget about her being a Scorp for a moment.

A young pre-teen does not care about whether he has paid his child-support or been consistant with visitation. (Meaning- the focus is less on this part because it has not been an issue).
As a Scorp ASC, when my parents divorced, the resentment I had towards my father was immense. For many reasons....which I will not get into...but mostly because my Scorp Mom was so angry and upset. For years I heard the bad-mouthing...saw the crying....etc. It was not pretty.

When you are 12, you simply do not understand relationships very well. She hasn't had the experience or maturity to completely comprehend the WHYS exactly of what happened. That will come with time. Lots of time.

Really the best you can offer to your husband is this: Have him take the private time to have her discuss her feelings of anger with him. (Without you being present). This young girl needs to feel safe in discussing her disappointment, resentments, shame, rejection, abandonment etc....with her father. He needs to be prepared with answers that a 12yo can comprehend and believe.

One of the best things my father told me was that he left and married my step-mom because he wanted to show us an example of a happy and good marriage. (and he did!) At the time, all I could see was the fact that I had to toe the line for so many years...following each rule exactly, being punished when I was not perfect...and then POOF, my Dad blows it with a huge, gigantic mistake. What was that about??!! I thought-- Parents aren't allowed to make mistakes!! I felt ripped off!!

(Not to mention: Young girls are sorting out themselves and feelings/emotions....puberty etc....lots of emotional changes for a few years there!!)

In her case, there most likely is the abandonment issue....he left as she was just born...she may feel the rejection personally...and wonder why SHE wasn't good enough for her Dad to stick it out. That is the immaturity talking...the mind of a 12yo who does not yet understand what happens in a relationship/marriage that is not working anymore. She does not yet comprehend that children are not the reason for marriages breaking up. (This is most likely where her mother twists the truth and creates the idea that they were not 'good enough' or whatever for her father to stay with them as a family).

Her mother may have done her a disservice by pulling the loyalty card (boy, do I know that one!) yet all I can tell you is this....little girls grow up and gain a clearer understanding of what happened with experience and time. Your husband needs to continue to be consistant, not bad mouth her mother...you, as a step-mom, be a ready ear when needed (and the time will come).

Mostly, encourage her father to create a safe environment to discuss her issues and upsets. She needs to really believe that he KNOWS and CARES how she feels and despite all her pain-still LOVES HER. The divorce was not about HER....and at 12yo, everything still revolves around you. Relationships are still a difficult concept to grasp at that age.

Hopefully this small post will give you some possible insight and perhaps ideas to share with your husband. As a Scorp ASC, it took me a long time before I forgave-and it took a long time for me to realize it was the best thing that could have happened for us children in the long run!!

Good Luck!!

posted January 31, 2006 08:02 PM            

So, this child needs patience, support and to know that her dad will always be there. It's a painful time being a teenager anyway,let alone with divorce. And it is also true that I now understand the complexities of relationships and have forgiven my mum and dad for not making it.

Sorry to rant a little but it's hit a nerve with me:-)
Sparkling

posted January 31, 2006 08:16 PM              

It was interesting to also go back and see the effects of the transits at that difficult time in my parent's charts!!

For this young girl, this time is probably when she is beginning to exercise her thoughts and personality more than ever...pushing boundaries as she enters into her teenage years. Fun time. (Hee-hee! YIKES!!)

posted February 01, 2006 04:49 AM              

Part of the reason is about preserving some privacy for the daughter, in hopes that she will feel comfortable enough to express her true and honest feelings without being judged by more than one adult. The abandonment pain is mostly between the father and daughter. Mend that tie and the rest will fall into place. For now, the step-mom is truly on the periphery on this one.

At a later time, more open discussion with all present will happen naturally. However, a 12 yo with pent up feelings and confusion is a situation which asks a parent to take extra care and sensitivity. Thus-just one of many things to consider when attempting to develop a better relationship between the two.

Certainly if the opportunity opens and the step-daughter wants to talk about the discussion with the step-mom...great! However, only after several solo attempts have been tried on her father's part.

Each young person is different certainly...and having been through a really nasty divorce with years of fighting and court dates between my parents...from my experience and sensitivity in this area, it would be the most logical step to take for the best chance of success!!

Not every divorce has to be ugly with the kids...I wish that the pain of such an event could be reduced as much as possible. Everyone will have ideas of what to do in every situation...however, for those of us who are perceptive and extremely sensitive, best to error on the side of careful respect for a sensitive and hurt young lady.

Once again...thirteen, feel free to ask any of the posters here questions. Those who have read this and felt the pangs of pain want to help...so many of us have been in your step-daughter's shoes in varying degrees. Again...time will heal the wounds and consistancy wins out in the long run!!

GemStar

posted February 01, 2006 10:04 AM              

At 12yo, sometimes it is soooo difficult to put your feelings into words...especially if the majority of words you have heard about a situation are negative. You do not always know the best words to describe YOUR feelings...otherwise you take on the mother's feelings as your own without really understanding the difference between hers and yours. Does this make sense?

No doubt it is painful for your husband to endure this and he is lucky to have you by his side. I love my step-mom and she treats me better than my own egocentric mother. Just continue to be supportive and urge her father to have faith and believe that good will prevail in the end!! It usually does....the real truth gets sorted out years later and your step-daughter will make her own decisions at that time.

It may also be helpful if her father can open himself up as well and describe some of the painful feelings he felt (and feels now) about ending the relationship with her mother and having to move to a different home from her. How sad or upsetting it was for him to make a choice that ultimately was in the daughter's BEST interest.

Again, here she may not see the clear picture due to her age and preconceived ideas from her jaded mother but he should still attempt to share his sincere and 'real' feelings. There is something humbling about 'seeing' vulnerability in our parents...it somehow takes the edge off your personal hurt in some ways.

Have him share stories of things when she was little that he missed or wanted to see more of...the things he looks forward to sharing as she becomes a teenager...stories that illustrate and make a picture in her mind of what her daddy thinks and feels about her. How important she is to him. It is these images and the sounds of his voice that will help heal her wounds over time. Your supportive role as an additional caretaker and mother to her is wonderful! She is a lucky girl to have you in her life as well!!

Keep trying and being patient.

And finally, I eventually was able to look at my two families as a great thing...I simply had more people who loved me!!

Keep asking questions thirteen....no doubt lots of people may have additional ideas too!! Let us know the Moon sign as well!!

GemStar