posted May 10, 2006 03:22 PM              

Just wondering if anyone here feels like a lot of people resent them.

Sometimes I feel like I give off a "I'm perfect" vibe when really I am just trying to help people with their problems.

For example: a person tells me something that indicates that their thoughts are poisonous to their well-being. So I give them tips to help them see things and think differently (something I am working on myself). But the person automatically assumes I have mastered the skill just because I tell them I use it myself. I never mean to come across that way. I mean to relate to the person and share my troubles and skills for dealing with them.

Yes, I can be very honest with people (blunt, that is), but it is only in their best interest. I never want people to think I am perfect because I know I am not.

I am wondering if maybe it's because I try to appear strong and don't open up to people I'm not VERY close to. Self-expression is a huge issue in my life.. I have Sun, Mercury, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune in the 5th house.

I'm a Sag Sun, Gem Moon, and Leo rising..

Seems to be getting me into trouble with people I care about.

my birth details are as follows if anyone can give me some insight:

dec 15 1986
8:15pm
Toronto Canada

posted May 10, 2006 03:39 PM            

I know you have the best intentions, and they know it too, one would hope.

You should be good at self depreciating humour, so go ahead and stick your foot in your mouth about yourself, before you give the helpful advice.
It might be a Leo rising thing.. I somewhat Identify with what you are saying.. I am aware of not *wanting* to sound that way, but I do give an awful lot of advice (I give advice for a living actually) and it's okay to want to help people.. more than okay, but in the delivery, it can be misconstrued... I think the fact that you are aware of the tendancy, and not wanting to come across as 'pompous' or a know it all, will help you to present your opinion in a way that is accepted as it was meant.
I am constantly diminishing myself when I give advice...
In fact, I think it is a good way to teach.. to humble, admit you have issues, and *this* is what helped you.. or you can say
"I was *JUST* reading about this.. maybe this information will be helpful"... and then present it.

posted May 10, 2006 03:45 PM              

You're right about the self-depreciating humour - I am very good at that. And it doesn't hurt me to say it because I'm not saying it due to low self-esteem (I've got plenty of self-esteem, lol).

I guess I thought it was a bad thing to have to put yourself in a lower position just to relate to someone or make them feel better, but I suppose you are right. You have to make the person feel comfortable, and if that involves wording things a certain way, then so be it.

I am very aware of my tendency to have my advice misconstrued, so I know I can work on this and get over the hurdle.

At the same time, I hate that I have to think about it to this extent -- it almost devalues the conversation I'm having with the person who needs the help!

posted May 11, 2006 11:52 AM              

I have a different take on this.
I am a person who people come to for their problems. All the time. Really. They can talk to me about anything. Apparently its my eyes and my voice...Cancer Sun?! And I love to listen. I relish listening to all manners of thoughts. I never give advice, I just listen and the person nearly always says 'what do you think?'

Thing is as someone who is familiar with that situation what I see is that when the person comes to speak to you, they are inevitably low. So once theyve spoken to you and you have made them feel better, to see you again would only remiind them of how vulnerable they were to you. So they 'act up'...becoming more sensitive and hence defensive to your words even though they were only to happy to hear them then.

posted May 11, 2006 11:54 AM              

cindy ~ Do you find yourself wanting to help, or just feeling like you're expected to help someone?

boo ~ that makes SO much sense to me.. and it pretty much explains why they react so badly to me after I've been there for them. It's kind of sad really, because it makes me not want to even go there with them if they are going to get so upset.
I am definitely a good listener, but if I hear the same problem over and over in different scenarios, I tend to try to find a solution to it and help them out a little.

posted May 11, 2006 01:32 PM              

But maybe for me it's the combination of both. Plus Moon in Gemini leaves me with a need to be around friends a lot.

posted May 12, 2006 08:39 AM              

Sag rising like me gives advice because I think it's THE TRUTH and one should be honest.My scorpio sun regrets later.

I thought this problem was only to me.I am glad to know I am not alone.

I also do it as pixelpixie way...playing with words and all that.lowering yourself....and actually it's in built....sometimes it still doesn't go very well. I wonder what to do during those times.

I have one more question how do you take it when someone gives you unsolicited advice.

posted May 12, 2006 09:01 AM            

I suffer from a hand condition... they enflame red or are other wise discoloured, expecially in winter. One time, I was at a bar, of all places.. and this woman started talking about how I wash my hands too much, how I have OCD, and just to stop it, etc... she was going on and on about it.. even when I said " I have a condition".. she'd ignore me, just keep talking about others she knew with OCD, and just to stop it, etc... It was frustrating. I'm glad you have such knowledge of this ( as if you did) but believe me when I say that is not my case.... That was just annoying... no helping whatsoever, just assertation and pomp. Also those ever so helpful people about smoking. "Tsk Tsk Tsk.. commenting on my disgusting habit.. even though I am doing it respectfully, far away from them ( they approached me)... "That's bad for you , you know..." "Oh, Is It? Why thank you, I really didn't know that, you see I have tunnel vision."
Arg!!!

There is a difference between random criticism and helping. I can tell the difference.

posted May 27, 2006 03:55 PM              

As long as you stay away from the proverbial "those who can't, teach" you'll be fine. I've seen some freakish versions. Some people are glad to be out of high school. Especially when it comes to issues of popularity. There IS life after death, afterall ...

posted May 27, 2006 04:40 PM              

I feel like if they're taking the time to describe their feelings to me, or their thoughts, I owe them some well considered, thought out feedback on the issue. Sometimes it's hard to step back and be objective when you're knee-deep in a situation, and an outside perspective can really help to throw some fresh light on the situation.

The trick is all in the delivery. It always has to be phrased tentatively, like you're just "throwing that idea out there" - Ex: Is it possible that maybe your own securities are blowing things out of proportion? Although, it's also possible you could be completely right too."

You can't come off all c0ck -sure of yourself - It has to come across as possibilities only, and always expressing that you're aware you could be "way off base here"... You see? It has to be more of a gentle nudge to allow them to see other perspectives, by disarming their need to be defensive.

posted May 30, 2006 12:06 AM              

"In the Company of Women : Indirect Aggression Among Women: Why We Hurt Each Other and How to Stop"

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1585422231/qi d=1148961820/sr=2-1/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_1/102-4514763-7164967?s=books&v=glance&n=283155