posted June 06, 2006 06:52 PM            

Okay, i guess this may be unusual for a Saggie to admit they are not feeling their positive self but i am struggling. I have been burned by some playerish men recently and have returned from my year abroad to home. So, not all is bad...but a guy i adored fell of his pedestal- he treated me with no respect and my mum knows something is up but i cant bear to tell her.
Do any other saggies get this? Where they dont want to open up? I have leo moon and Cap asc.

But, I dont feel depressed as such, more frustrated. I wish I wasn't so naieve sometimes.

Sparkling

posted June 06, 2006 06:58 PM            

That's how it feels and it embarrasses the hell out of us because we are usually smart enough to detect when we are being played.

Sit back, nurse your wounds, do a bit of crying- yelling - write it in your burn book (or here, we always love to hear stories about ones pitfalls and icky relationships - God knows this Archer has shared enough stories about the frogs I've french kissed) Then, you'll see it as it is... a learning experience and you'll be bouncing around again all happy. When another player comes into your life you will either go with it for fun or cut it to the quick - because now you know

~Pidaua

posted June 06, 2006 07:22 PM              

Anyhoo, I agree with what pidaua said, what you’re feeling is prolly temp

posted June 06, 2006 07:49 PM            

I think the other problem is that feelings of vulnerablity, lonliness, despair..etc... are so foreign to us (unless one has a ton of water in their charts or a Cancer moon- that seems to really cause more emotional vulnerability in a Saggie). So when we feel it we ask ourselves "What is this? Why do I have this pain in my heart / stomach" you know what I mean, that gutwrenching pain that hurts deep into your bones?

When we first experience that we are just blown away. It takes awhile for us to assimlate it into ourselves and then learn from it.

posted June 06, 2006 08:41 PM            

It depends on the situation, but yes, I can close off too and not talk to anyone about what's hurting me until I make some sense of it.

I hope what you're going through is temporary and you come out smiling!

posted June 07, 2006 04:21 AM              

I have let down a Sagi colleague yesterday only (I myself am feeling disgraced) I think I have also let myself drop from the pedestal which she had put me till yesterday. And she also must be feeling what you are feeling

Last week I got all out of me regarding my feelings for Sagi married colleague and I wanted to confirm what she felt and also didn't want any negativity between us (as I used to oscillate between keeping distance and getting pulled by some connection).
Well she didn’t feel bad n all. I was very anxious in getting the thing out during our talk that I didn’t communicate (rather ask) what I thought I would before the talk. So some few questions still remained in my mind. I had clarified in a mail after that whether she knew about my feelings anytime and whether she felt bad when I came out with this. She said she hadn’t realized about my feelings and she didn’t feel bad.

posted June 07, 2006 04:22 AM              

(I am far away from her, so it was over phone and mail)

I am now feeling so bad. Though Sagi’s might like honesty, I guess being this honest is not good. Its separate thing that I have to deal with my own drawbacks of relationship issues (my wrong feelings/assumptions .. letting my mind play something which was never a reality and based on hard facts), however now I also have additional load of falling down in someone’s eyes
(In my case it is not more of love/cheating, it is more of disgracement and falled down respect)

posted June 07, 2006 08:41 AM            

Thanks for your support! and for your understanding:-) I have been learning alot recently - about what i feel I deserve and want. The sun is shining today and the birds are singing...i got a job offer this morning - working for a company as their receptionist. That makes me excited - a new place and people. I'm feeling more positive, it felt good to say I wasn't happy with people that understand.

with love

Sparkling

posted June 07, 2006 08:57 AM              

good for you, Sparkling.

posted June 07, 2006 12:57 PM            

You are in a sensitive situation and you may not have taken the "social" cues she was sending you. She was being a more evolved Saggie by not saying when you first alluded to your feelings

"OMG, I never had feelings for you, I am a married woman for God's sake".

Instead she was very diplomatic about it stating that she had even brought this up to her husband (and explained it in the context of getting along with colleagues) yet making it more about discussing "you". I think what happened is that she began to pick up on the feeling you have / had for her- but she did not encourage them other than by just being herself. She probably asked her husband if he thought her personality was somehow causing you to want her or if she was somehow giving you the wrong message.

We have discussed this before and I truly believe she saw a good person in you and wanted to bring you out of your shell. I have also done that in the past and had my good intentions mistaken for a sexual or emotional interest.

Being coworkers brings out a different environment in how she has to deal with your love and affections. She told you it was okay and she wasn't upset (that is Sag for "hey it happens now let's not speak of it and move on") but you pushed it more than 2 times to the point where it was in her face and you demanded to know if she had any feelings (making her quite uncomfortable I am sure- especially being a married co-worker) and telling her you "felt" she had feelings for her (now making her question every time she dealt with you).

I have been in her shoes before and it is VERY VERY uncomfortable. Sometimes men may not understand the pressure they are putting on the person. We realize there may be a crush, as we have also had crushes- but if someone is always hanging around us, staring, making little comments...(and I am NOT saying you are doing this at all) it can be very hard to take.

In one situation a co-worker developed a thing for me and in his mind I was also in love with him. He based this on the fact that I talked him up to the bosses (because I saw potential) and I would visit him in his office once or twice a day to see how things were going. We'd go to lunch once in a while and since we were the same age, we also like the same music, movies etc... To me it was a friendship (I was married) to him to was more. He confronted me and said I led him on. I never did- but then he grew angry with me and treated me differently.

Now you need to give her space. Maybe you can apologize and just tell her "I am sorry for the miscommunication, I realize I may have taken things in the wrong manner. Please don't hold it against me" and the leave it like that.

She may grow cold and even try to distance herself physically from you in meetings, social events etc...

I am sorry Villy..I know it hurts.

posted June 08, 2006 06:15 PM            

Hope you are feeling better.

posted June 08, 2006 09:01 PM              

"OMG, I never had feelings for you, I am a married woman for God's sake".
Yeah, its just the thing what I wanted to hear "CLEARLY" to remove my feelings from myself. She never brought her husband in her day to day talks ... that’s what I wanted to hear ...her love for him.. her happy married life … so that I could drive away my baseless thoughts from my mind.

Alas, it didn’t come out clearly in our first discussion (me letting her know) and afterwards my mind played thoughts that if I sensed that she had feelings, did she had or not ... were my instincts/judgment right or wrong. It remained and that’s what I wanted to clear, what the real cause of my problem – play of my mind and wrong instincts/judgment. And when it came out, it hurt her which makes me feel even more bad.

Pidaua, yeah … you have told many times of people mistaking open nature, however its difficult … my wrong feelings always used to make me think otherwise I thought rationally many times, still nothing could drive away those feelings. I think we (her and me) are also of same age and I felt like we were on same frequency n all and gradually developed my feelings. I understand the problem lies within me …that I let my mind play such stuff.
If I wouldn't have cleared my mind of whether she had or not, I would always have thought that she did have feelings n all (which would have made difficult for me to remove all my feelings for her from my mind).
Now it is like I shouldn’t trust my feelings lesser and lesser. Many say to go with your heart, however I guess from this incident it is not always right. However more hurting is having the burden of falling in someone's eyes.

I have already said sorry and that I won't bother her anymore. She hasn't replied. So I won't be writing anymore or even talking with her, unless she wants to. As I am away, there won't be incidents of being around her. Hope our work specific interaction also decreases (its already less) as, otherwise, it would be difficult for me interacting with her unless she is back to her usual self and have forgiven me.

I don't know how it would be after few days. At least now it is painful... as thinking of loosing yourself in someones eyes is quiet hurting to me.. I guess its my own mistake of falling to such a play of my mind. Not sure it was good or bad that I came out with it in first place. As coming out and knowing the fact that she doesn’t have anything, is definitely going to help me loose my feelings for her.. would be lighter of those feelings… however hurting her or making her feel bad when she didn’t had anything for me and disgracing myself is the negative part of it.

Anyways, thanks …I am now much better and time would heal both of us …

Lialei,
Yeah, that’s the only hope that she would understand and forgive me. Its just that even if she does, the feeling of guilt remains. Yep, trying to think only on those lines, whatever I did/asked was the truth/reality inside me. Its just the feeling of shame, not only due to falling in someones eyes but also in my own eyes

Sparkling,
Yeah… though the hurt feelings come in spurts am feeling much better. Need to involve more in work.

posted June 09, 2006 02:07 AM              

I know nothing that I could say could make that feeling go away. It's a stinging one. I know.

'This too shall pass'.
When you're feeling that sorrow, it's the last thing you want to hear. It's never that simple.
If it was, then you wouldn't care as you do.

But..I do have a feeling that she may think higher of you than you believe she does...perhaps not romantically as you hoped, but not nearly as bad as your shame is telling you she does. We are always our own most brutal punishers.

so, chin up anyway.

I'm a Sag, but with strong Neptune.
I do understand.

posted June 09, 2006 02:25 AM              

quote:

---

Do any other saggies get this? Where they dont want to open up?

---

I have no problem opening about a painful experience of the past, but while I'm presently feeling hurt,
I go mute.

posted June 09, 2006 06:58 PM              

yep, hope she hasn't lost all her respect for me.

posted June 09, 2006 07:13 PM              

------------------
Gemini sun, Cancer ascendant, Taurus moon, Taurus venus, Libra mars
*----------*----------*
Things base and vile, holding no quantity,
Love can transpose to form and dignity.
Love looks not with the eye, but with the mind,
And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.

posted June 09, 2006 07:27 PM            

No.. never doubt your instincts. You may have been picking up on feelings that she didn't even admit to herself. I think you are a wonderfully bright man and please don't let this situation with your co-worker bring you down.

I think it will all blow over and the two of you will be friends again. She may be feeling a bit uncomfortable but she will get over it and once again look to your friendship. Saggies don't normally hold a grudge and it's hard for us to stay mad at someone.

Again, please don't second guess yourself. Also, I wasn't trying to make you feel like you had anything in common with my old co-worker. You're not psycho...

posted June 10, 2006 12:14 AM              

And thanks to all you lovely ladies (if someone is otherwise, let me know ) for all your supportive words, I am much much better today.

Venusian Love,
Nice quote from Shakespeare

Hey Sparkling, hope you are feeling better.
So u still mad with ur guy who fell of his pedestal. I don’t know what happened, however did u speak with him after that.
I always believe – atleast goes with me- that communicating and clearing things is the best way to get over situations … I always like to understand the real reasons of things.. though I might conclude wrongly and cause misunderstandings, maybe due to miscommunication…I am not saying that u didn’t do all this .. and I know it is difficult in many circumstances where u can’t have a open discussion of issues. I think Sagis already have that kind of nature - of understanding things and being open and bold.