posted June 26, 2006 10:29 AM            

I kind of sensed it… I couldn’t help it today… and looked… It looks awful…

There is a T-square: Chiron opposes Saturn and Mars, which are conjunct. Jupiter squares them all. Orbs are tighter than 1º. Chiron doesn’t link any other planet.

Venus squares Neptune under 3º.

There are no favourable connections under 3º.

I kind of feel guilty… I kept aside because of her, I respected their relationship, I kept repeating she was better than I was for him… even when pain torn me apart having to accept it. He and I have always had a special friendship, almost magical… but I met him once they were together. They were fine, I suppose he loved her, gave him peace… He didn’t have any true reasons to leave her… Even when I made him tick or understood the deepest yearns of his soul… We’d been together if not for her. We never crossed the line and I never let me fall for him as he wasn’t a free man. For respect to her.

That wedding was torture for me… Having to smile and look happy when I was being pulled to pieces. I was OK before, I had accepted they were going to be together forever, but accepting they are husband and wife seems to be too much to accept for my heart. It feels as if I lost him forever… even as my special friend… She and her children will drag him apart from me. I’ve cried since then, almost every night…

He didn’t want to get married, she forced him… And now, I wish I wouldn’t be, I really don’t want to, but I’m relieved that wedding chart is so awful…

posted June 26, 2006 12:17 PM              

Sorry if he chooses to lose yer friendship with you just becos he got married.....

Very sad!!

posted June 26, 2006 12:43 PM            

sorry your so hurt hun..take it one day at a time...

posted June 27, 2006 09:34 AM            

The way I see it, I’m here to do my best for him to be happy. He is a true friend. He has cared for me, taken trouble for me and protected me since I know him. He saved me from sinking after a tough romantic breakdown.

That’s why I never did anything to risk his relationship with the other girl. If he was OK it was enough for me. I only wanted my space as his special female friend. That position that let me listen and help him when she couldn’t. Just be there as his guardian angel.

We were a great team at Uni, a unit with no cracks, I gave him popularity and company while he grounded me and made me feel backed up. She was not part of that universe so we both, me and her, coped well. She respected my ground and I respected hers. I know she didn’t like having to share his heart but she knew I was important for him. So she let me be.

I truly think she is a nice girl. She has always tried to be part of that unit, to blend well in our special world without destroying it. At least it was that way before. I kept my distance as a sign of respect. If I’m not sharing his body, she is not sharing our magic, as simple as that. Maybe she realised I was too powerful then and didn’t want to lose him opposing me… I don’t know.

He and I, have already talked about that. The attraction was tangible but he couldn’t offer me anything. So he made it clear: She loved her. If she wasn’t there, he’d be with me. So I respected that. “If I had met you before…” he told me once.

Knowing him, I’d say, he fell in love with her when he was an inexperienced teenager. He worked hard to get her… By the time he met me, several years had gone, and he had grown fond of her, he felt affection. Life was easy and pleasant near her, no matter how fascinating I was, how special. I was complex too, I was a torn soul… He didn’t have the courage to risk. He loved her already out of years of companionship. While I was that weird connection that he couldn’t justify as the reason to lose all I ever wanted before.

I understood his secrets. Shared his more daring and complex ideas. He would tell me things that he never told anyone. I was an equal in that arena. She just accepted, not judging but not understanding either. He was spiritually safe with me. But emotionally safe with her.

She knew she couldn’t tie him, not yet, so she waited. She swallowed. Tons of little things… and now claimed her compensation. A wedding. A holy wedding. Big catholic stage play. A hypocritical drama. It was that or nothing. So he went through it being a convinced atheist and hating those shows. When she is not even a true believer. I suppose she needed to show the world he was hers. And a compromise, a small group of family and close friends and a short civil ceremony wasn’t enough. This is her way of claiming, in a subtle way, what is hers.

Maybe, my position now is being available and supportive. For whatever happens. Maybe she will pay her price for the wedding. Maybe it was written in our destinies… She chose the worst day she could have, couldn’t she?