posted December 08, 2006 06:17 PM            

I think for me as a Capricorn one of mine is that everything needs to be done perfectly.

Left to my own devices I seldom fail at anything I work at, BUT just because I do things in the way that makes the most sense to me doesn't mean the same objective can't be met through imperfect measures. I've often been criticized for the way I do things, and even still do them my own way regardless.

posted December 08, 2006 06:21 PM              

capricorn delusions? that its okay being with someone for their money or status...that always ****** me off about capis..

posted December 08, 2006 06:49 PM              

Hi AcousticGod,

As an Aqua with Gemini rising, who has just ended a very long marriage with a Capricorn sun with Capricorn rising, my personal delusions are truth, truth and more truth, I say delusions as it was, is the last thing I ever wanted and expected but never got with the Cap I loved.

"I think for me as a Capricorn one of mine is that everything needs to be done perfectly".

The Cap I gave my all to, gave everything perfectly to everyone else except his wife and his children, his latest boss, his newest online friend.

"Left to my own devices I seldom fail at anything I work at, BUT just because I do things in the way that makes the most sense to me doesn't mean the same objective can't be met through imperfect measures. I've often been criticized for the way I do things, and even still do them my own way regardless."

"What other delusions do you encounter in Capricorns?"

I encountered that myself and our children no longer exist, wiped from his memory, that he no longer remembers the preceding years, the hardship, the strife, the promises made,the support from myself in his time of need.

That we have been to family court and he had to be made, forced to support his children, that the next date the support he was forced to make he is trying to get reduced, even though I have proof of income he has not admitted. delusions of poverty.

I have found that his delusions are to fall in love almost immediately with strangers online and pay lots of money for compatibility horoscopes, yet on meeting them he has nothing to say.

I as an aqua have many faults but live too much in the "tough" here and now to have any delusions.

I apologise if this sounds narky, I have my reasons, also have family court again next week and my Cap is fighting to get out of his responsibilities, another of his delusions, his "blood family do not exist"

Lots of love

xxx

posted December 08, 2006 07:01 PM              

I feel a lot of the time, this was to save face and appear as though everything was "normal" and "under control"

She would say to me when growing up "you wouldnt have me any other way would you" and reminded me quite often what a good mother she was.

I also think this was a way of escaping the pain and not admitting to failure or mistakes..

Bless her....

posted December 08, 2006 07:09 PM              

A week or so before my Mum passed, she became quite open with me, and I asked her what was wrong....why she felt so guility. She admitted it was due to the fact that she could not be there for me.

I also asked her in a very tactful way did she feel out of control with my sister and I since we became adults and she replied "yes".

Whilst we were young and innocent she felt able to relate to us, but when we became strong women, she felt the control had been lost and therefore sort of "gave up" on us...

I find this very sad.....I nearly died giving birth to her grandson, and she couldnt even be there for me...

Control is a terrible thing and delusions can lead to all sorts of problems....

The truth hurts sometimes, but I would rather feel the pain than "kid myself"

Thanks AG for allowing this space....its a relief to be able to 'come out' this way...

posted December 08, 2006 07:17 PM              

I hope not too many mothers are?

As you well know...it can be crippling to a child....especially when the child is open and truthful about things. I can remember growing up having a permanent lump in my throat, in case I said the wrong thing. The first healing session I went for, the therapist had to almost force the words out of me....such a relief to become free (eventually)

I am hoping not to be like this...?

My mother was never in the wrong either, it was her way or no way....very stubborn, wonderfully patient, but you wouldnt shift her...

Funnily enough my Aries father is far more open and reasonable (thank God)

posted December 08, 2006 08:40 PM              

"A delusion is commonly defined as a fixed false belief and is used in everyday language to describe a belief"

Ouch!!!, my post was not a personal attack on you. My EX is an EX for very good reasons, neglect, abandonment, cruelty, financial,emotional,verbal, physical abuse.

I separated from him, MY choice, HE chose to separate from his children,no contact, no word to either of them, he chose to separate from his wife, ME,in 2005 telling someone he met online that he had "a **** marriage for the past 10 years" unbeknown to me, I was the fool who was told she was loved etc, on a daily basis by him, except that I knew that "something is not right here and he would not say what it was" until I could not take anymore" and left.

Unfortunately I am still suffering the emotional, mental and financial stuff, the future only will tell me what my kids are suffering,apart from what is in front of me and they are teens.

I have a lot of Cap stuff in my chart, venus in Cap, Mars in Cap, Saturn in Cap, Cap in 9th cusp house.

But

I am also a Mother, a lion ( like every other Mum ) when it comes to wanting what is right and correct for my kids, legally and morally.

What is right for myself I am still to learn and open to learning to get to MY other side.

Lots love xxx

posted December 08, 2006 09:59 PM              

As was mentioned, austerity and need for control as well, and a certain fear of not being taken seriously. I think they are delusional, and it sometimes causes undue anxiety and worry.

Also, the tendency to think that all responsibility falls on their shoulders, and needing to be self-reliant, thus shying away from less formal interactions (guardedness).
I think they're delusive because it's really all in the mind (not that I can get out of those though)

posted December 08, 2006 10:20 PM              

sueg, i am sorry to hear about your mom...she must have had a very sad life....desire for control can be so treacherous.

another very cappy word GUILT. guilt about not doing enough for our loved ones. sometimes we take on too much responsibility. we need to realize tht we r not responsible for people messing up their lives. (hehe, yeah, we think we know wht is best for everyone, don't we??) sometimes people need to make their own mistakes and learn from them.

yet another one, FEAR. fear of rejection: fear that we r boring, uninteresting, why the heck wud anyone like us?

and most of the times these feelings of guilt and fear r a creation of our own minds. they may have roots in an unhappy childhood, but we folks just need an excuse to wallow in guilt and cower in fear. we soak it in from the air

posted December 09, 2006 08:34 AM              

Thanks for your very honest post...

Yes my mother was full of fear too....she couldnt help herself, but she used to project it on to my sister and I...like she would say "dont take any risks, be careful what you do" etc etc. Me being an Aries rising....haha...risk was at times my middle name!

In more recent times she would say to me "what happened to you our susan, you are so brave...how did you become like that". Of course I couldnt tell her I had shed all my conditioning, didnt wanna hurt her, but paradoxically, her installing fear into me, resulted in my becoming independant and to some extent fearless

The other thing she would do is put great emphasis on being conventional...."oooh what will the neighbours think of you dressing like that".....

Poor Mum, I must have shocked her at times, but she would always say to me "youre a good girl our Susan", a "good girl" even at the age of 40+. I dont think she could bring herself to say woman,,,,it would mean she had lost her "baby"..

Oh Mum....

posted December 09, 2006 10:37 AM              

actually in my post i was talking about myself...what i feel are some things i need to watch out for. didnt know it wud apply to your mom as well.

sometimes i feel as if it is unfair to give cappies so much to deal with. these psychological mindblocks r the hardest type of obstacles to overcome. and hving a difficult early life (in most cases) doesn't help. it takes a long time to figure out that our 'wiring' is a little flawed....and then takes some more eons to get it right....and by tht time it can be too late.

Sueg, it must have been really difficult to communicate with your mom. what a way to live...i wish she had listened to you guys more, and tried to see the world from your eyes.

i seem to remember she passed away recently....it must be very hard on u. u r still in a lot of pain. i think tht wht i am going to say now might sound like crazy to you....but u can try talking to your mum. as in, in your mind just have a conversation with her. tell her whtever u wanted to say but cud not. it might help. i believe that people we love never pass away....they stay right by our side and watch over us. she will hear you.

posted December 09, 2006 11:56 AM            

For me my past experiences have been the reason for my delusions. Like for example when I was in fifth standard, I wanted to hold a big birthday party, just like all my other classmates who held it where many people came. I wanted to get the attention from everyone for my birthday, or get those birthday bumps or birthday presents. I was in 5th grade, so I was naturally shallow about such stuff. I invited about 30 people from my class, and my birthday was during the holidays so I thought people really would be able to make it. Anyways turns out out of the whole 30 people, only three of them came.Noone hadinformed me that they weren't coming (it was written in the invitation card to contact me if they weren't coming). Some informed me even that they were coming but they didn't come. But my aunts and uncles, my family were all present there to witness my humiliation they could see that I'd like only three/four friends with me on that birthday and that the party hall did seem a bit empty . My sister even screamed at me in the middle cause she'd bought these expensive return gifts as she wanted my party to be one of the best, and I kind of cried after listening to her as I felt terribly guilty and responsable for all that had happened. It was terrible and I really thought I didn't deserve this, I just wanted to enjoy my birthday to its fullest like any other young kid.

Well now till date that experience still haunts me, I'm still afraid, and I really don't think I'm ever gonna get over that fear. I never had a big party after that and I prolly never will. I'll invite three / four friends but not a birthday party. There's a mental psychological block in me, the kind InLoveWithLife is talking about, I really can't bring myself to go ever have a party from my behalf, cause that feeling is always there, the feeling that noone's gonna come, the feeling that they're all gonna leave you alone, the feeling that I may feel guilty. Also I've that fear of rejection strongly embedded in me, I made myself vulnerable trusting everyone else and what did I get? humiliation and betrayal of my trust? The horrible feeling of guilt of the responsability of mine over the sadness of my parents and my sister?

Wow I kind of went into a rant over there but it felt good to let that out. Anyways so stuff like this, my delusion would be basically excess self-control, like for instance in I wont hold big parties for my fear of rejection. And all my lifes past experiences make it really hard for me to trust people, so I'm normally quite suspicious or distrustful. Yeah I'm sad .

posted December 10, 2006 02:19 PM              

I was very sorry to hear about your experience with your birthday party. sometimes such events can leave a deep mark on you. and i am glad u got it all out. feel free to rant here as much as u want.

and i am glad u do realize tht these r only delusions. tht day on your birthday, you came to know that all those people who didnt show up, or even bothered to inform you, were not really your friends. now isn't that a hard lesson to learn for a kid? (and i know you learnt that lesson about superficiality, or u wudnt hv tht lovely quote on your signature)

but with saturn, its his way, or the highway sigh, we cappies do have a tough time as kids, don't we? (and to think tht Saturn must be all pleased himself for giving u such a precious birthday gift!)

so dear cappy sister, let go. let go of the fear of rejection. this from one cappy to another.not to say that i dont struggle with it every day of my life. but keep trying. that was a lesson Saturn wanted you to learn, and its purpose was not to make you feel bad about yourself. Question your worth, yes. But not to make you feel unloved. you know what, saturn played havoc with my confidence when i was a kid. whenever i tried to become assertive/confident, i wud end up getting humiliated. in the end i concluded tht may be i was supposed to take a backseat in life. now i realized how utterly wrong i was. and guess wht was responsbile for it? tht's right, saturn transiting my asc and my NN. in the end i realized tht probably all tht saturn wanted was for my sense of self worth to come from within. tht i shud not depend on other people and my 'image' for my confidence. anything tht depended on extraneous circumstances, was torn down by saturn. so now altho a lot of work needs to be done, i know i hv laid my foundations right.

Love yourself cappyme. let me quote something:

'Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.'