posted December 14, 2006 01:14 PM            

I'm sorry to be the bringer of misery, but I have a wee problem and I was wondering if I could ask for some advice.

My son is almost 4 and a half and he started school in september. It's been a lot harder than I expected it to be. Daniel didn't warm to this new routine initially and although he is now enjoying school, school is not enjoying him.

I was very disheartened when his teacher came back to me with reports of his defiance and refusal to listen to her, but I got to work on Daniel and it seemed that he made improvments as soon as the problems were highlighted.

I should probably take this moment to say, that Daniel has always been an easy going child (a surprise to me, as I always thought that any child of mine would be the brat form hell!!!). He is my pride and joy and I can honestly say that I am the luckiest mother in the world. He has his moments - all kids do, but generally speaking he is a placid, loving, well behaved little boy. I was very surprised then to hear of the difficulties he was giving his teacher - especially as she had remarked how lovely he was on the home visit (before he started school).

He is by no means a spoilt child. I do not give in to his every whim. There is some tough discipline in my household, but plenty more hugs, kisses and affection all round. I have a big thing about manners and respect, and I also try and teach Dan the virtues of independence. I encourage him to read a lot and he loves to draw and paint - he has real talent there. We are very vocal about saying I love you to each other. All in all we have a very happy household - lots of laughter, pulling silly faces, doing silly dances, etc.... I'm sure I get a lot wrong, but I try my best because I love him. And that will always be the case.

The reason I'm sad is because Daniel doesn't seem to be flourishing in the school atmosphere as he does at home. He's fine with the other children and he's made some lovely little friends. It's the teachers that have issues. I feel for them, because they have 30 kids to deal with between 2 of them - and sometimes only one of them!!!

The main teacher, (Mrs D, we'll call her), has been reporting back every 10 days or so, that Daniel just refuses to listen and blocks her out. Now the kids are all only 4 and 5 so there is bound to be a little bit of that anyway, but Daniel, it seems, is another case altogether. I've talked to him countless times about this - I've even helped out in the classroom 3 times this term to observe his behaviour, but everytime we make some progress, he seems to mess up a few days later. As I said before, he is not like this at home - I can promise you that this is only a school related thing, and I think I know why: HIS TEACHER JUST DOESN'T LIKE HIM.

You might think I'm jumping to conclusions, but I can feel the vibes from her. She's not a particularly warm person anyway (my partner is not keen on her for that reason alone) but she seems to be a good teacher and so at first, I thought I was being ridiculous, but after today, I'm certain.

My son has never been one to be a disruptive influence, but he's a sensitive soul and if I can see the disdain towards him from the teacher, then he has almost certainly picked up on it. He's with her for 6 hours a day, 5 days a week - how could he not? I can just feel her dislike for him - I actually don't think she minds me so much, but her attitude is breaking my heart - she never has anything nice to say and I WISH she could see what I see.

The children had their Xmas party at school today and they came out all chocolate stained, wearing party hats and holding balloons - they were so sweet!!! We were walking home with Daniel's little "girlfriend" Anglea and her mum, as they live nearby, when Angela suddendly lost her balloon and burst into floods of tears. Well up steps my valliant hero of a son, hands her his balloon and says; "here Angela, don't cry - you can have my balloon!" and then he gave her a kiss to cheer her up further!!! I was so proud, I welled up!!! But then it made me so sad to think of how his teacher always runs him down - she obviously never gets to see this side to him and it hurts so much. I sympathise with her - I really do. It must be hard to cope, when you're confronted with 30 lippy 4/5 years olds, one of whom just won't co-operate. But it kills me inside to know that my little lad must sense his teachers dislike for him so acutely, that it must put a strain on his heavy little heart.

As I said before, you might just think I am being paranoid, but this woman just CANNOT hide what she's thinking, infact she just transmits bad feeling towards us. It's really hurtful, as I'm doing the best I can for my son and I'm not always there to oversee the proceedings at school. I can promise hand on heart, that at home, he is as good as gold 99% of the time. I just WISH she could see his beauty like I can.

She is now suggesting that he be assessed for autism. I have a family history of autistic spectrum and auditory processing issues - especially amongst the males, so perhaps there is a slight problem there. He's not a hyperactive child at all, but he is rather eccentric sometimes. He exibits almost obssessive compulsive traits at times. I'm sure if he does have autism, he will still do okay - he's very clever and he has the support of his family behind him. Not that that seems to be helping him in school so far. I wish I knew how to get him to transfer his good behaviour from home to school. And I wish I knew how to help him cope with his teacher's coldness for the next 6/7 months.

I'm sorry for that rant, I just needed to get it off my chest. Any help would be very much appriciated. I will post his chart here - let me know if anything jumps out at ya!!!

Ellie.
xxxxx

posted December 14, 2006 01:36 PM            

I know exactly how you feel Read your story thru with empathy, for sure.....
Is there any way you can transfer him to a different teacher?? It's SO important that the little ones get off to a good start in school.

When my Aries/Leo/Leo was in kindergarten, he had a teacher that we both didn't care for, but he wasn't subjected to active dislike until he hit 3rd grade. My boy is ADHD, and his teacher was older, and evidently did not have a lot of training in dealing with, or sympathy for, autistic-spectrum kids. She actively disliked my little guy and I'm surprised she passed him. I used to get emails all the time from her detailing his misbehaviors. It was a tough year, but he made it thru.

There are checklists and quizzes that you can run through to see if your little Cancerian should be tested for any of the disorders -- my boy was diagnosed at age 5. I don't know if your school has a mandate to be helping in this, and getting him the correct learning resources (ie, a teacher who has experience with autistic-spectrum).

I'm glad my boy had the experience of learning to cope with people who don't like him. And mine is a sweetheart like yours. But not everyone in the world is going to like you and perhaps the sooner they learn it the better. Talk to your teacher's supervisors -- see what they say about your concerns.

posted December 14, 2006 01:40 PM              

Just looking at all the cancer in his chart and especially the moon there, shows he is.

Jacob too isnt over keen of school either. It seems this generation are producing some highly tuned in kids. They will probably leave their "teachers" standing.

When they have a very loving and attentive homelife, with freedom to be expressive and creative, it can at times make school difficult. The feel restricted and confined.

On Jacob's last parents meeting, his very rigid teacher complained because of his lack of concentration. She is a control freak and obvisously struggles with this new generation of extremely bright children. I explained he was an artist and would find the academic side of life tough. She also complained that his handing writing was sporadic...I replied "well he is seven....that is normal isnt it". She too is a cold woman...

He is into drama and painting and music and all the artistic stuff. Like his dad and I, he finds maths boring (we both love music and art).

When Jacob comes out of school he is often in a bad mood. I think other than the boredom factor, they have all those energies of other kids to deal with plus the non too understanding teachers. Its very stressful for small children. I found school tough....I was stressed by all the things I didnt want to do.

Taurus, I feel for you girl.

The way I deal with Jacob is I tell him that we all have to go to school, but its not for long and he can always relax and play when he gets home. I ask him also, when he is struggling to tune into the "light'. "I can always be there if you need me, just touch your heart and call in the light" he says "I know mum I can feel it".

You may find Daniel will settle when he is a little older, I dont worry half as much as I used to. I was frantic at the thought of him being repressed, as he like me, is a very free and loving spirit.

Taurus, if you can, I would meet with his teacher and tell her what a very sensitive child Daniel is and to go easy on him if she can....

Is there any way on occasion you can go in and help?

Paul and I went in a couple of times to do music and crafts with the kids. Its good to see their parents now and then come into school,,,,I feel it makes them secure...

I would be very willing to send Daniel some light and healing if you wish to put up a pic...I know it makes a difference to Jacob...he tells me so....

Mothering hey...what a very difficult job...so rewarding and yet so challenging....

God bless us...and our children...

to you and Daniel.....here if you need help.

xx

posted December 14, 2006 01:43 PM              

I had a teacher when I was about the same age as him who just hated me and I had the same response to her. She was just EVIL. And one day she decided to try to force me to write righthanded (I'm a natural lefty), crudely telling me how evil I was to write lefthanded. My mom, a Pisces who LOVES children, had had enough of this and went right to the school and told the head of the school in no uncertain terms how she would take care of this teacher if her child EVER was made to write righthanded again. LOL.

I was also really quiet in school and many of my teachers thought I was autistic, I just didn't do well in the social factor at all and I was very closed off. I did better in school the older I got though. He might not be autistic at all and may just be a tad shy or not needing so much attention as the teacher seems to believe he needs. It also seems like he might be very bright and maybe school is too easy for him right now? I know I couldn't pay attention if I found things too simple.

I dunno really, it might just be one of those hard things you all have to just get through, crappy teachers like that just don't change. If it really upsets him and he does talk to you about it, maybe talking to him about how it is not because of him why some people are mean? My mom tried to get me more involved in my classwork to take my mind off that teacher and it helped a bit. If he is as sensitive as I think he might be the best thing for him might be that he knows it is not his fault and that the teacher should be treating all of the class fairly.

posted December 14, 2006 01:48 PM            

Sug: I totally feel all that you have said my son is very free spirited and my house there is tons of freedom..But there is a line that I draw for both him and his 15 yr old brother.

These Teachers are idiots with no patiences what so ever. I am going up to my sons school on Monday bc I feel that she has been mean to him as well from the things that he has told me and the things that I have observed on my own. My son is so selfless and his heart is huge and yes ppl do not understand this..

He does not like to sit still and focus especially when he is bored with something..Sue that was a good idea when you told your son that look for the light and touch his heart when he wants to be near you . I am going to tell my son the same thing he will definetly understand the little spiritual person he is. He lifts me up alot of times..

posted December 14, 2006 01:54 PM            

I don't like how she's giving off bad vibes to your son, him with all that cancer. Not good, not good at all, because she thinks he doesn't pick up on it when he really does.