posted December 14, 2006 08:13 PM              

Frustrated right now almost to the point of tears because things cannot stay good. Let me start off by saying that I think she is phenomenal. She is everything that a man could want in a woman, or at least everything I thought I wanted in a woman.

It is just the excess baggage that comes along with a situation like this is what is making it tough for us to be where we really need to be. I think that I am a patient person.

And even though my chart might say that I am selfish I really deeply care for others her included and I really try to put others before myself. Its probably not a surprise that I fall in love easily,being a libra and all, but It might surprise you that I do not fall out of love as easily.

I love this woman with my whole heart, and "recognized" her when I first met her. She stood out in a way I cannot describe. At first I tried to ignore her and not give her any attention because I was involved albeit unhappily with my ex.

Through out the ending of my relationship I tried to keep my distance from her and in fact tried to hook her up with a friend of mine to keep the "heat" off me.

It was in doing so that I started to really realize what it was that she could be to me. She would come to me and tell me how my friend was dogging her out and it really hurt me. At first I thought it was a sisterly type feeling. But the more time WE spent together the more I realized what it was.

I went back to keeping my distance because I felt as though I didn't need to feel the way I feel about her with her being involved with my friend and me coming right out of a relationship....not to mention we work right next to each other!!!!. But it happened.

She initiated what I call the first strike. Tactically weaving her way into my life until at last I could not get her out of my mind. We hung out and eventually just fell into it after a night of cuddling. The feeling was so intoxicating I swear it was like I could not breathe. It was the most tangible the feeling of love has ever been to me. I felt it in waves. I love her she was gentle and kind and sweet and it was instantaneous.

We decided to date and keep it from our co-workers and we did a good job except that we always spent our lunches together. Eventually we moved our seats and people slowly started to find out.

My best female friend at the time worked there too and it was an issue because I joked with her ( not on a sexual level or anything but just jokes... Ilike to kid around pranks and such ) My best friend is a virgo and is scheduled to be married early next year and there have NEVER been any feelings other then
friendship.

She didn't like the level of closeness I had with her so I limited it in the hopes that it would stave off her fears that I would leave her for my friend. It did no good but I tried anyway. My friend ended up gettting fired and though I was saddened I felt as though it might lessen the pressure.

In time it transfered over to other female co-workers and I was accused of watching other females which is something I have no desire to do as she is woman enough for me. I would always be in a position where I had to defend myself against allegations if wrongdoing.

It was like she was delusional about it. Even telling me one time she saw me do something and her back was turned LOL. In any case she explained the root of her distrust.

It turns out her dad cheated on her mom, and she was engaged to a man who was a soldier in iraq who cheated on her when she was pregnant with their child and it caused her to have a miscarraige *sp?*. She told me she tried to commit suicide and when I heard that I cried.

I wanted to shield her from the pain. I never loved someone so much in my whole life. I continue to love her even though I am frustrated and want to scream. She does not trust me and always thinks I am out chasing women even though I have altered the way I live and move to prove otherwise to her.

I want this to work. I want her more than I have ever wanted anyone before, but I am frustrated and confused. WHat is even more baffling is that she still has a match.com page up even though she is in a relationship with me.

She told me alot of bad things about her but honestly i am ok with her past, including the fact that at one point she used to strip *actually turned me on and well when she told me that....you can guess the rest lol* but overall nothing bothered me. She always has guys calling and emailing her but if the situation was reversed she would have a fit. How is it so that a person could have such dualistic tendancies.

I feel as though I live on a double edged blade. I feel as though I cannot win an argument and that things right now are heavily unbalanced and it is driving me nuts. Things are just not fair. I am becoming insanely obsessed. Its like she has some control or something over me.

I am doing things I said I would never do. Like give her money. Hang around her and her girlfriends ( I have this rule for a reason I dont trust the girlfriends of my girlfriend) SHe feels like I might cheat on her so I am assuming that is why she talks or has so many guys "in the wings" I pretend as though it doesnt bother me but I think she knows. How do I conquer this situation.

I love this woman. I know I do not give much to the board and god knows that I wish I knew more about astrology but I hope even if it is not astrology related some of the older and even younger heads...anyone can help me weigh this out. It is eating me up inside.

what do I do I just want to love this woman and get married and have babies....LOL. I did mention
going to counseling and she does not believe she needs to go. I think the past she had being used and abused by men has effected this relationship.

I can honestly tell you all I have NO intention of ever going there with her. I just want to love her. Why cant she understand that and just let us be. Im so frustrated. Please help me~! I will post up our charts Is there anything in the charts that can be of use in this situation. ANy corrective steps to take.

Is there any hope at all I truly love her! Argh! I feel like this is soaking up every bit of patience I have and that she is really trying me. And William Wilson anyone please help me balance this equation.

I know some of you are reticent to give out relationship advice, but you can be as blunt as you need be I just need some clarity from outside sources. I don't want to end it but I will if I have to... Here are our birthdates

Me
Oct 9th 1980 East Meadow Ny 4:36am
Her
Aug 1st 1981 East Meadow Ny 4:00pm

Here are our charts

Synastry

Davidson Relationship Chart

Composite and Natals

Composite alone

posted December 14, 2006 08:25 PM            

She obviously has had a scarring past, but knowing Leos... Is she restricting you to meet other females or be friendly with them but she herself glances around and groups up amoung her entourage of men? Lol!

posted December 14, 2006 08:42 PM            

- Shower her with compliments after compliments until she has had her fill (it will take quite a bit of time Lol!)

- Reassure her that she IS the only one. I know you have said in your post that you have done that already. Leos love attention and anything extravegent. Might I suggest you both do an activity togather (Tango lessons are always a hit . )

posted December 14, 2006 09:32 PM            

Leo's are pretty tough in this area....very jealous believe it or not. I've been chillin' with one and we were talking talking one time about grudges. We're both very slow to forgive so I assumed she was a scorpio. But Alas, she's a leo (I never usually get along so well with leos).

posted December 18, 2006 07:51 AM              

re your charts etc ...
what do you want from the 'astrology' ???? .. as in .. how do you think it might help ??
.. just asking before taking time to look futher ..

read your header post 'n saw the one in s.u.
i've noted transits to the 'davidson chart' ..
and yours and hers .. sorry .. not looked with birthtime .. (those look fairly small on this screen)

in essence .. you can't and won't be able to change her interest in other men .. or their interest in her .. generaly speaking ..

and your chart shows you need/want control .. natal pluto/lillith/moon/sun conjunction

and re the charts/transits .. the issue seems to be mainly about sex .. ( however you want to see that )

the davidson .. and your natal charts .. are being thrown about by outer planet transits ..

e.g here are some qik notes regarding the 'davidson chart'

transiting Uranus .. currently at 11.Pisces .. sits half way between venus and sun by conjunction
transiting Saturn .. currently at 25.Leo and backing up (retro) to oppose mercury and square chiron
transiting Chiron .. currently at 7.Aqua .. is squaring the Lillith placement

both natal charts are being effecting by same and more ..
e.g for one .. you have transiting Saturn working over your Mars/Uranus placement
.. that's potentialy bottled Frustration ..

posted December 18, 2006 06:50 PM              

** .. Maybe if I am made aware of the potential problems I can correct them or try to steer clear from the outset ya know? .. **

.. well one immediate thing one can do .. is just keep an eye on your short term transits .. e.g. at astro.com or a comp. programme .. i.e. those transits of mars /merc / venus .. although the first .. mars .. will probably be the most noticable .. .. note how they make you feel .. normally those short term transits .. e.g. mars will peak over a two day period .. will bring to the fore issues represented by the 'outer' planetary transits .. e.g. those from Chiron/Jupt/ Sat/Urns/Nept/Pluto ..
e.g. harsh mars transits can be days when it's oh so easy to lose ones temper .. so knowing that in advance can give you an advantage .. you will probably see t.Mars effecting her as well .. again .. understanding what the other may be going thru helps with tolerance .. and helps maybe planning a good day to talk things over .. i.e. when emotions aren't running too hot under the collar ..
and by observing the other short term transits .. you'll get a 'feel' for them ..
anyhow .. that 'frustrating' feeling is Sat effecting your natal mars ..
natal Mars is like the gass pedal on a car .. t.Saturn is like a brake .. it's like trying to drive with the brakes on .. it feels frustrating .. .. that 'effect' will pass with the passing of the transit .. should at east feel better when t.Sat final goes direct .. .. unfortunately it's not in a hurry .. tsaturn that is ..
anyhow .. maybe research Saturn and Chiron a bit .. as by transit .. they both can make life a bit emotionaly difficult .. and both are effecting the charts .. ... at least t.Chiron is starting to speed up and move off its current position .. its been hanging around far to long :-) .. astro.com has some good info re chiron by transit ..

** .. What did you mean about the transits effecting sex (trying to keep it rated g in here) There has been some issues in that area as of late as well as overall physical intimacy. .. **

well given there are a few transits re the charts .. to and from .. Lillith .. at the moment ..
Lillith has a peak time of about a week .. but her transits build up over about two weeks beforehand ..

and .. Saturn by transit is effecting an aspect in her chart .. basicly t.Saturn is squaring the Lillith/Urns conjunction that opposes Chiron in her chart ..
.. that same transit is effecting your natal Mars/Urns in Scorpio by square ..
.. it's the drawn out effect of transiting Saturns' direct /retro/direct motion giving you both the 'issue' (for want of a better word)

i.e. .. transiting Saturn is at 25.deg Leo .. imagine it going clockwise till it gets to 18.deg Leo .. .. then imagine it going back to counter-clockwise motion .. .. it will pass the 25.deg Leo some time early next year .. a lot of folks will be getting that to some placement in their charts ...
try 'n get a picture of what t.Sat is aspecting ( e.g. the harsher aspects .. square 'n oppositions .. are easy to visualize ) as it moves back to 18Leo then 'direct again ..

** .. I was wondering as an outsider looking in. How does our composite and synastry rate. .. **
.. i think there is a recent new thread on that .. in the astro forum .. i.e. post data and get a readout .. :-)