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Author Topic:   Cancer Women re: Relationships/Breakups
toolgirl21
unregistered
posted February 17, 2007 02:54 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi all,

I'm looking to get more info on what a cancer woman is like during a relationship and then after a breakup, also about them re-bounding into a new relationship.
Do they ever get over the old love ("the special one") even though it didn't work out, but the passion is still there?
How long does it take for them to be able to be friends w/ the Ex?

FYI, I'm a Libra female w/ Scorpio rising and moon, I think ...my DOB is 9/25/1965, 10:42am.
My Cancer's DOB is 7/4/1967, I don't know her time of birth.

We broke up about 6 mos ago reluctantly and mutually, but was still painful, we had a huge passion for each other.
She rebounded into a new relationship a month later, I want us to be friends ...but she isn't returning any of my contact. I know we will be friends down the line, but i'm going a little crazy, not knowing what she's feeling or thinking, due to the no contact on her part. I'm ok with her being w/ some one else ...i just hoped we could still be talking and becoming better friends.
I contact her once a month or so, just to say Hi and i think she likes it, but not sure, she doesn't call back, and she never used to be like that.
Any help anyone can give me would be very much appreciated, especially insight from other cancer women.

Thank you very much!

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Dulce Luna
Newflake

Posts: 7
From: The Asylum, NC
Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 17, 2007 05:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm a cancer female


And I'm sorry to say, I'm kind of like your cancer ex. I don't usually stay friends with exs (there's only one I've said hi to from time to time). Sometimes it out've spite but most of the time its just that I don't feel the need to stay in contact with the person because it only makes things worse for me. My objective (depending on how bad the break up was) is to obliterate the person out of my mind..LOL. And also, it has to do with me not wanting to see them with other people (which I know would eventually happen). So I just completely distance myself from them.

I'm sorry Tool if this doesn't sound promising but that's one thing I've never understood about people: the need to stay friends with exs/old flames. Why is that, anyways?

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NAM
unregistered
posted February 17, 2007 05:42 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
In my case I can tell you that I am the kind that like to stay friends unless they keep trying to get back with me and there is no way in hell I can change that, then I will distance myself finally after many tries of trying to be friends.

With the father of my children I mourned my lost(my marriage) while being married, in fact I didn't even know I was doing that , it was a long dragging process and I fought it the whole time because of the great bond the children had created and society making you think that you should have one marriage forever and ever.
It took me about 4 years from realizing that I wanted out to the moment of filing the divorce.
Any other relationship has been quick, once I know it is over because usually of disappointment i am done and ready to be free and very happy of being free.Then again this was when I was in my teens, because I was married for 15 years.So, I am very much starting to find myself again, I haven't even had a serious relationship yet.


For some reason I am not your typical cancer though.I am starting to believe I am either an alien or someone mixed me up at the hospital and I was born some other day HAHA

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toolgirl21
unregistered
posted February 17, 2007 05:49 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi Dulce,

thanks for answering ...Well, for me i never under stood, why people didn't stay at least casual friends ...if things didn't end up bad, like you hate each other ...and that was not our case. I look at it like, we once had a such a love for one another ...how can you just cut some one out, if things were fairly amicable. I know the healing takes time ...on both people's parts ...but after awhile ...why not ...i mean you shared an intamcy w/ them ...etc, etc ..

she also said when we were breaking up ...it would take at least a year to be able to see me again w/out wanting to get back together or still hv feelings ....but i wonder about the rebound, especially after only a month of being broke-up ...this person she started seeing was just a friend she knew casually over the years ...and then after we broke up she tried dating ...but she sd she was comparing everyone to me ...until the friend showed interst and asked her out ...and as far as i know they're still together and she's now moving in w/ her after only 6mos ...i know she was hv'g financal trbl ...etc, etc ...but man!

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toolgirl21
unregistered
posted February 17, 2007 06:01 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Dulce and NAM,
it all feels so crazy ...i know she still thinks of me ...i can feel her ...but i do know it's over ...we can't be anything but ...friends and i look forward to that ...i think she does too ...but isn't ready (me either for that matter) ...i just wanted/want to stay in contact ...i do understand that i think she feels she can't ...i just hope one day we can get past this ...because she really is a greta person and would love to have her in my life ...she has an ex (her 1st love) that cheated on her, but about a year later the cheater gf cmbk as a friend remoresful and they are great friends to this day ...i hope for that in our case and no cheating was done on either part ...just didn't do a very good job of loving and understanding each other ...we fought alot, but also love each other deeply ...that's what's so hard ...i mean i can literally still feel her at times ...i've never had such a crazy connection w/ anyone b4

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Dulce Luna
Newflake

Posts: 7
From: The Asylum, NC
Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 18, 2007 11:29 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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tbone
unregistered
posted March 01, 2007 05:50 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
GIVE HER TIME. She eventually will want to be friends with her!
I am a Cancer female- just wanted to give you some advice. Also; in my exp. Cancers NEVER get over their old loves(past relationships) deep down they will always LOve you!!!

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toolgirl21
unregistered
posted March 01, 2007 10:07 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thnx, T-Bone for your input ....
i hope you're right. How much more time do you think she needs?
It's been about 7mos of no contact on her part.
Even though i call her and lv mssgs every month or two, just to say "Hi" ....i've asked her, if i'm bothering her and she doesn't want me to call anymore ...just lv a vm saying so and i'd respect her feelings on it ...but i've heard nothing either way ...so i really do think she likes hearing from me from time to time ...
but then again since i get nothing at all ...mind plays tricks on me and i wonder if i'm just in denial. I just wish she'd give me something to go on ...either way.
Geuss, i'll just hv to be patient ...not always a strong suit of mine!!

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Seeing Stars 7.21
Knowflake

Posts: 194
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted March 01, 2007 10:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Seeing Stars 7.21     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Tbone...

that nice and all.. but is that really good news for any of us currently in relationships with cancer women? to be thinking they never got over their first relationships and still love them in a sense? Im sorry but I have to disgree with you on this. and a suggestion if you are in a relationship or are going to be in one dont tell your guy that...

~KEvin

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AcousticGod
Knowflake

Posts: 7680
From: Pleasanton, CA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted March 01, 2007 11:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Toolgirl,

Yeah, I've been through that with a Cancer woman as well. A lot of them are stubbornly anti-contact after getting out of a relationship. If Isolaede was around, she could probably articulate why. She's a Cancer who's very good at articulating why they are the way they are.

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Isolaede
Newflake

Posts: 18
From: Sunny CA
Registered: May 2009

posted March 02, 2007 06:13 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Isolaede     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I’m still around, Acoustic. I’ve just been in “lurk” mode more of late. I changed jobs recently, took on a LOT more responsibility, and suddenly my internet time is very limited. Go figure! I miss everyone here though. : )

Dear Toolgirl – Have faith – your Cancer hasn’t completely let you go. She just needs time to heal. Break-ups are devastating for the typical Cancer. Even those we initiate. Remember Linda’s comparison of Cancers to real life crab in Sun Signs? Once we grab onto something, whether it be old ticket stubs or the love of a partner, it’s near impossible for us to let it go. We may know in our minds that things had to end but our hearts just aren’t wired to let go. I think that’s why so many Cancer’s go all silent after relationships, because the love we still feel, the instinct to continue to hold on is SO strong. We have to completely isolate ourselves to even begin the process of letting go.

I’ve behaved exactly like your partner after most of my breakups. And every time I did it, I stayed up every night thinking about my ex, fighting the urged to call, wishing they’d call me. I’ve KNOWN relationships were bad for me, but still agonized for months. Often times I would have hopped right back into a relationship if my ex they’d shown any sign they wanted to try again, although I knew it would be bad for me. I think that may have been one reason I didn’t pick up the phone and call, because I knew how weak I was and I was afraid of ending up back in a relationship that had outlived it’s freshness date. I think Cancers also tend to rebound back into relationships quicker than other signs. Because many of us recognize that the quickest way to save ourselves from our instinct to never let go of one relationship for as long as we live, is to land ourselves in a new relationship. It gives us a shield, an excuse to not run back to our old partners and beg them to take us back. It helps us heal.

There are two other possible reasons your Cancer may be avoiding you right now. And even if one of these other two reasons come into play, I’d theorize that her MAIN reason is probably just a desperate need to heal and let you go.

1. So, there is a possibility that your breakup was not as mutual as you may have thought, and your Cancer is trying to punish you by not calling you back. I hate mentioning it because it’s rare we get this petty but there can be a Cancer tendency to want to punish those that have wounded us. We can be a little like children with hurt feelings, we stomp our feed, squish up our nose and cry “I’ll show them! I’ll show them what it’s like to not have me in their lives! Then they’ll miss me and wish they’d never left!” It’s silly, it’s childish, but it this instinct, if it comes into play at all is generally very short lived. Because your Cancer just can’t stop loving you, she’d have a hard time doing anything to really hurt you for a prolonged period of time.
2. Lastly, there is a chance your Cancer isn’t calling you back for YOUR sake. Remember we’re an extremely empathic sign. She may have somehow intuited that you are having issues letting her go, and she may be distancing herself to ease in your healing process. I think we tend to assume other people need what we need, so if she thinks you need help letting her go, her first instinct would be to create distance. She may also want to spare you from being hurt by her current relationship.

The good news is, your Cancer will come around. She’ll never stop thinking about you, and wishing you happiness. And she WILL want to call you (often) once she’s done healing. As for how long that healing will take – I’d say probably a year at least. If you want to keep your friendship alive, then call and leave her a message once a month or so. Don’t guilt her, just tell her sincerely that you were thinking about her, and hope she is doing well. She probably won’t call you back for a while, but every time you call her she’ll remember that you haven’t forgotten her and be touched by the fact that you still care. It will warm her little heart up, and sooner or later, after her heart has healed, and she’s really let you go, you two will have a magnificent friendship.

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AcousticGod
Knowflake

Posts: 7680
From: Pleasanton, CA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted March 02, 2007 08:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Very nice!

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Love
Knowflake

Posts: 63
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2009

posted March 03, 2007 05:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Love     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
toolgirl21 ~

I completely agree with both Dulce and Isolaede! I'm a Cancer woman (with Cancer Ascendant and Venus too) and I'm exactly the same way. I totally isolate myself for all the reasons that were already mentioned. It's just so painful when all I really want to do is either be with the person or have it be over so I can move on.

All the Libras I know have a fairly easy time being friends with their ex's while I only have one ex with whom I have remained friends (and that's because he was my best friend for 5 years and then my bf for 7 years).

She may eventually feel comfortable re-friending you, but if she doesn't, try not to take it to heart. It's really just the only mechanism that many (most?) Cancerians use in order to get on with their lives. I'm sure she still loves you very much.

~ Love

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luna*tic12
unregistered
posted March 03, 2007 04:43 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yup, yup, and yup. I think that's a hugely widespread Cancerian characteristic, that godforesaken inability to LET GO. I'm a Cancer, and I am currently in a somewhat relatable situation. I just got out of a *very* short-lived but *very* intense relationship with a Cancer male. It was my decision to end it - I e-mailed him saying that the only way the make the pain I feel go away is to cut him out of my life completely. It is that way with Cancers and relationships, I think - All or Nothing. Anything inbetween is unbearable.
When I found out that he was with somebody else, the silly and childish Cancer came out of me. I sent him a 3-page long e-mail chock full of swear words and capital letters and a lot of bitterness and spite. I just couldn't understand how he could move on so quickly, I found it so exquisitely unfair that I could be existing over here in my cloud of heartbreak and despair while he goes off being all happy with somebody else. And the idea that encouraged me to write that ridiculous e-mail was that I knew that he, being a Cancer and being *so much like me*, [sometimes I feel like we're the same person], is unable to let go of me too. I can't help feeling that he thinks about me too and wonders if there isn't a way we could make it work again.
Do you think Cancer men are the same in their dealing with breakups?...
This has been the most intensely painful life of my month.

------------------
Cancer Sun/Leo Moon/Leo Rising/Sun and Moon in 12th House.

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luna*tic12
unregistered
posted March 03, 2007 04:45 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
*edit* most painful month of my life... heh.

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sinderlou
unregistered
posted March 03, 2007 06:18 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
i HAVE BEEN READING HOW CANCERS JUMP INTO OTHER RELATIONSHIPS TO HEAL FROM AND FORGET ABOUT THE PRIOR RELATIONSHIP. IS THIS JUST REBOUNDING SO THAT THEY CAN PREPARED FOR ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP AFTER THE REBOUND ONE IS OVER,

THE REASON I ASK IS THAT I RECENTLY DISCOVERED THAT THE PERSON I AM SEEING WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR OVER A YEAR AND A HALF THEN STARTED GOING OUT WITH ME ONLY A WEEK AFTER THEY BROKE UP.

SO THIS IS NORMAL FOR CANCERS?

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thisdivarocks
Newflake

Posts: 0
From: land of love
Registered: Nov 2011

posted March 03, 2007 10:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for thisdivarocks     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Isolaede you really know us very well I am a cancer woman and much of what you said is true. Actually everything. It is so hard for us to let go because in a way people become our possessions. We cultivate attachments and when its not there any more we feel an emptiness... like a missing puzzle piece and its hard for us to cope with that. I know me personally... I can lie convincingly and maintain a cool, nonchalant, I dont care attitude on the surface but gradually I'm dying inside. Going crazy crying inside and then when I'm alone i cry on the outside. I have been tryin presently trying to cultivate detachment so that i dont get so hurt during a break up. I come off as cold and bitchy to some people but im only protecting my heart. I dont take rejection well at all.

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thisdivarocks
Newflake

Posts: 0
From: land of love
Registered: Nov 2011

posted March 03, 2007 10:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for thisdivarocks     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yes sinderlou...this is very common for cancers. The guy I am presently tring to get rid of was a rebound "involvement". I was dating an Aquarius and he blew my mind... and still is. After it ended with the aquarius... or so i thought it ended (aquarius see it as a norm to distance them selves from time to time and then come back strong and loving like nothing ever happened)I started seeking guys to talk to to get my mind off of my aquarius. I found a scorpio ( I love scorpios... i work well with them until the possessive and control issues come into play)and he caught my eye and kept me busy. But now I feel stronger than i did after the aquarius break up and i no longer want to deal with the scorpio like that. I dont want to hurt him so im trying to find different ways to get out of it and make him move on.

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sinderlou
unregistered
posted March 03, 2007 11:22 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
WOW SOUNDS LKE YOU HAVE A LOT GOING ON WITH YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.AQUARIUS MEN CAN BLOW YOUR MIND. I PERSONALLY THINK THEY ARE HALF NUTS BUT IN A GOOD WAY. GOOD ON THE OUTSIDE BUT THERE IS SO MUCH GOING ON INSIDE THAT EVEN THEY CAN'T KEEP UP WITH THEMSELVES.

SO YOU ARE SAYING THAT THE REBOUND CANCERS ARE ONLY A TEMPORY FIX FOR THEM? I JUST REALLY NEED TO KNOW BECAUSE I HAVE A LOT AT STAKE IF I PROGRESS ANY FURTHER IN THE RELATIONSHIP I ALREADY HAVE STARTED WITH THIS CANCERIAN.

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thisdivarocks
Newflake

Posts: 0
From: land of love
Registered: Nov 2011

posted March 04, 2007 09:14 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for thisdivarocks     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Morning Sinderlou,
Well now that depends. I was in a relationship with my sons father (a Virgo) for about 6 years on and off. I dated people on a rebound and then got back with him. I finally hooked up with a Scorpio on a REBOUND and then I left my Virgo... LOL I only gave that ******* 2 weeks notice before I moved out... LMAO. Any how it didnt work with that scorpio... his purpose in my life at that time was to support, guide and inspire me to be independent. Once I became an independent my life perspective changed and I realized that the scorpio didnt really have my best interest at heart; he actually held my heart in his hands, put it in his back pocket, took it out, dropped it, and kicked it to the side, walk around it and then stepped on it. %*&#@ !!*^%$. I'm sorry... those were curses that I were thinking but know I cant write on the forum. Anyway... after that I starting seeing guys on a REBOUND again in attempts to find this one man that I could have a serious intimate realtionship with. Then I crossed paths with that aquarius and he knocked down that wall i had up. He pulled this girl crab out of her hard protective shell and exposed my soft inside. Crabs are really sweet, soft, sensitive people. We are only mean, cold, spiteful, vindictive, and whatever else bad when we are hurt. When we are lacking love in our lives. Because thats all us Cancerians WANT & DESIRE. TO "BE" TRULY & SINCERELY LOVED. TO "KNOW" IN OUR HEARTS THAT YOU LOVE US. And trust me when we FEEL that you will be in HEAVEN!!!! We are the perfect spouse in love. We just want someone to love us as much as we love them. You know every sign has something that they primarily rule: ie. scorpios-sex, cancers-love, virgo-perfection etc. Us cancers primary goal is to love and take care of the people we love and to receive the same in return. Its simple its free. So when dealing with your Cancer... that is the key. So ask your self Sinderlou.... seriuosly think about it..... Do you love him? Really love him? If not dont make him or get him to expose the inside of him of his heart and soul. Because if you even want to be considered more than just something to help him get over the last person that hurt him, you need to sincerely show him that you are in to him. Open displays of affection, be considerate, like write little love notes and leave them places he can find them. Reassurances of how you feel frequently is something that will help and never forget anything that he feels is important. If you really love him these things wont be a problem. If he trust you he will open up to you,.... he has to feel safe. But one thing that may make the cancer man different is the fact that he is a man and men dont like to show emotions... sissy/weak. So if he doesnt exactly be all mushy... trust me its because hes fighting it. He knows that hes soft and sensitive inside but u know how most men are so that isnt exactly something you walk around displaying. But that doesnt men he isnt manly it just means hes more in touch with his feelings than most other men. Just show him that you love him and be sincere and you will be fine. He has to feel you feeling him!!!!! But go far it Sinderlou!!!I hope that helps

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sinderlou
unregistered
posted March 04, 2007 09:41 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Wow, you are so insightful! Thank you for taking the time to write all your informations on cancers, i so appreciate it!

Yes, I believe he loves me. He think he has loved me a long time but we don't talk about it out loud. Its just that I have discovered little things. For example, his ex is attempting to write again (she is cancer too, they have broken up since aug) He has saved all their coorespondences via email and all sorts of things. He has been bringing her up in conversations more. If we are at a certain restaurant he may say oh Lisa and I came here for one of our first dates. Or if I say I like a certain food he might say Lisa wouldn't even try that to see if she liked it.

Thats why i was inquiring about the rebound thing. I thought perhaps that he may just be realizing what he walked away from and is now missing it since our relationship has been going on for several months now.

I just want to be sure that I am not just a quick fix in his heart and that he thinks he loves me and really its just a temporary thing until he gets through the emotions of the first breakup.

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InLoveWithLife
unregistered
posted March 04, 2007 12:06 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sinderlou, may be he has opened up to u more, and so now feels comfortable talking about his ex?
another thing i feel (i'm a cancer asc), is that if he had strong feelings for his ex, he wudnt be able to talk about her casually like this. it is only when he has *almost* gotten over her, and is trying to banish her from his mind, tht he is able to talk about her. just my take on it.

ILWL

*edit* u cud ask your ex about his ex....u know. or tell him tht when he talks about her, u feel tht he is missing her. cancer's never mind being told that...trust me...he'd love it

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sinderlou
unregistered
posted March 04, 2007 11:44 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
ilwl- thanks for your take on the situation. He is cancer asc as well. Once again he brought her up tonight and ironically (before reading your message) I pretty much said what you suggested. I asked him if he still loved his ex since he references her. He said no, that he wasn't in love with her or he would be with her. It was his choice to go. She wanted it to continue on and he tried to be friends but she cried every time they would hang out because it wasn't the same between them. So he completely cut off the relatonship with her.

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thisdivarocks
Newflake

Posts: 0
From: land of love
Registered: Nov 2011

posted March 06, 2007 07:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for thisdivarocks     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi Sinderlou!!
When us Cancers talk about the ex its not so much as we want to be with them but more that we are putting things into perspective... out loud. The fact that he is even talking to you about such matters indicate that he is trying to go to another level with you. Cancers like to share everything and we talk a lot. Sometimes we may not realize what we're saying because we are so busy trying to connect. We are very friendly social people. We like you to know whats on our minds and when we trust you... our hearts. He may not realize that discussing the ex makes you uncomfortable. But TRUST me. If we want to be with a certain individual... thats where we will be. Because we follow our hearts. So he's not in love with her because if she wants him and is pursuing him; he would be with her. Because we love to be in love. Just give him time to open up to you more. You can help by being a little vulnerable yourself.... the more deep innermost feelings and thoughts u experience, the more comfortable he will feel. Try that and let me know how you make out.
I love when people are in love.

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sinderlou
unregistered
posted March 07, 2007 01:14 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Diva, you do rock girlfriend!

Your advice is so insightful that it is truly helping me in regards to things in this relationship

i mean the whole ex girlfriends thing was starting to make me question his feelings to me and if I was just in the middle of something until he decides to get back with her or carry on. Now I totally get it. That he is just comparing his situation and understanding it better now that he is with me. If he wants to reference his girlfriend now, then it is cool with me. the way you explained it makes it seem like a compliment that he would share those intimate moments and thoughts with me. Come to think of it. he mentioned to me that neither of them shared there feelings or made mention of their ex's when they were dating each other. I asked why and he said it was none of his business and she felt the same. Now I look at it like this. that they just were not close enough to each other to talk to each other like that. So am I getting this?

The only thing that does sort of rub me the wrong way is that he said they were very compatible in bed. But I have to respect the fact that he is being honest with me. I guess that is another sign of being close and trusting to me to tell me this then?

I just sent him two really intimate poems i wrote on how i feel for him. I hope that will help him open up more. Its weird. He will start jibber jabbering on and on and i sit and listen and then there are some days when we bring up a similiar topic and he seems hesitate to speak about it. I was thinking that is the infamous mood swings I have heard about in regards to cancers.

Thanks once again for your view and experience.

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