posted April 19, 2007 09:14 PM            

Ok so.. This is what I've noticed:

People who have Venus direct tend to see relationships from their perspective. For instance, if Jackie had to pick between John, Andrew and Nick as a romantic partner (they all like her).. She would think "well I'm attracted to Nick. He's a great guy. I always have good conversations with him. I love him with all my heart. I do like both Andrew and John, but not as much as Nick. They're more so friend material.. Furthermore, Nick's financial situation is best for me. He can provide and take care of me. The other two do not have stable financial situations. Therefore I choose Nick"

You see it on shows like The Bachelor or The Bachelorette all the time. The "hmmm who do I love more" attitude.. or the "hmmm who is best for me financially or otherwise"

Now, with Venus retrograde people, this attitude has an interesting twist (interesting to me anyway).. Say again Jackie (this time she has a Venus retrograde) has a pick between John, Andrew and Nick.. What Jackie thinks now is, "well John doesn't really love me that much. He loves me about 20%. Nick does like me and is attracted to me but he only truly loves me about 50%.. I just don't trust that he loves me more than that. Andrew however really loves me. I get 80% love from Andrew.. and I believe his love for me is mostly genuine.. Furthermore my financial situation best suits Andrew. I am much too rich for John - since he already has plenty.. He might end up spoilt.. I am much too poor for Nick - he is poor also.. I'm just right for Andrew.. so I pick Andrew."

It seems to change so that they pick partners based on how much they believe the other person loves them.. rather then picking partners based on how much they feel love for the person.

It also seems to change with more superficial considerations.. because in the finances example they don't think "how is this person good for me financially".. they think "who do my finances suit more"..

I guess one could look at this attitude as either selfish or selfless.. Selfish because, in the love example you could say they are only interested in the love others can give.. They do not actually give love back. Selfless because they may think of it as "what's best for the other person" - ie It was best for Andrew to date her.. as the other two wouldn't have been as affected by rejection. Plus, for all the Venus retrograde person assumed and intuited, they weren't really in love, so it wasn't the best thing for them..

What I want to ask is, can you Venus Retro people on the site.. relate to this attitude? Have you picked romantic partners in this way, before?

And if you have.. What I really find interesting is:

What do you feel for the person?

Basically if you pick between Andrew, John and Nick.. and you *only* consider what they feel for you..

Is this because you feel nothing for them? - and if you do have feelings.. for romantic partners.. then why is it that you don't take this into consideration, but rather.. how much the other person feels for you? -

Is it because you feel equally for all of them?
Is it because you just don't care what you personally feel and only others' feelings matter? or..
Is it because you genuinely do not know.. what you feel? - If so, do you ever find out what you felt, after the fact so to speak? - then maybe regret your decision.. -

Also.. do you ever find that after the fact, you find out, you were mistaken? For instance.. if Jackie realized down the track, that in fact Andrew didn't love her at all. He was putting up a nice front.. whereas John (whom she thought only liked her a little).. really was in love with her?

PS. Sorry I ended up asking more than one question. Hopefully people do answer though because I’m very curious about this lol

posted April 19, 2007 09:58 PM            

That's how I see it as well. It seems completely reversed. But what baffles me is - what in the world do they feel.. for the other person, if anything at all?

I guess from my perspective.. if I had no way of knowing what I feel.. or if I felt nothing - and this was an issue I've had my whole life.. so I don't know how else I could be.. Then, since society would require me to have a partner at some point.. I guess I'd adjust and try to make decisions in another way.. like - by looking at what other people feel for me.

posted April 20, 2007 06:43 AM              

it doesn´t exist that superficiality on thinking ( rather than felling) if that one suits me better on a level, taht ain´t another than Love

posted April 20, 2007 09:47 AM              

If there are 3 seperate people that like me (and I like them all back) and person 1 likes me 20%, person 2 50% and person 3 80%... after observing the three people's personalities (this is just what I do) I would most likely gravitate towards person 3. Of course we would have to mesh well based on certain criteria. Example: values ... wait... it wouldn't have to be exactly like mine... but at least a compatibility.

I mean 80% is pretty good. I would assume that I make that person the happiest and that they accept me based on who I am naturally... which helps me relax and enjoy the experience.

For the most part I can just tell who will make me happy... and yes... their happiness is really important to me.

It's hard for me to break it down really.

Edit: I wanted to add that I have stayed in relationships that I wasn't happy in because the other person was happy.

Thankfully, as I've become older, I don't feel the need to remain in these types of relationships.

posted April 20, 2007 06:51 PM            

I guess like all aspects, this can play out positively or negatively depending on the person. I realized what I described above is something like narcissism, if you don't love - but want to be loved.. That would be an extreme.

It's more likely - like 1Scorp said that it takes longer - not that the person never feels love.

I see a distinction between loving - and appreciating someone else's love for you.. I know this is human nature. I mean, if someone does love you, you would appreciate that regardless of how you feel.. but if all you ever experience as a feeling for another person is *that* instead of love.. it becomes problematic. That's the issue I've seen with one particular Venus Retro guy.. I know another guy with Venus R in the same sign and he was more like everyone who replied.. He displayed it in other ways. Like he was insecure and asked me if I liked him a dozen times, and never believed it.. but he also expressed love.. not only ‘asked’ for it.. So it doesn’t apply to him.
Plus, my family member who I mentioned in the other thread seems to give love genuinely, at least from my point of view, though he has had a pretty solitary life romantically.

Like Jan said, it should be equal give and take. I completely agree with that.. when you keep taking it ultimately ruins the relationship. Insecurity (belief that no one really likes you) is an explanation for the constant *taking* (you want to make sure they really do) but I don’t think it’s an excuse.. Giving is just as important.

It shouldn’t turn into - person X saying: “I need love” “give me love” “you don’t love me do you?” “no one loves me!” “prove it” “still don’t believe it so prove it again” lol.. what about X’s love for the other person?

When you give, you receive.. If you give nothing, it’s silly to expect you’ll keep receiving. That’s what makes it sad to me.. In the case of the first guy, it’s his own insecurities and inability to give love that made him feel alone..