posted May 18, 2007 01:42 PM              

I want to share something with everyone. I completely understand everyone's fear of being hurt, but let's cast that aside for now. Let's pretend that the person we are in love with is really good for us.

This is from the story blindsight by peter watts (no, I'm not a sci-fi freak...but it relates), but before I do so, I will introduce little summaries of these two characters.

The main character (his name is Siri) had half his brain removed, had a bad childhood (he saw his father choking his mother), had a relationship with a person who tries to tweak him for a better compatibility, and then he met this vampire, Sarasti, whom he thinks is out to eat him.

You know when you draw a cube on paper, you can only look at one side of the cube so you can align all the sides in order to visualize it is a cube and not something else?

Sarasti- since he is a vampire, he can see both sides of the cube at the same time. Something humans can't do.

Now the parts of the book that I'd like everyone to pay attention to:

Another readout appeared on the display; an audio alarm began chirping somewhere nearby. I looked at Sarasti, and back at the readout: a solid circle of turquoise backlit by a pulsing red halo. The shape meant atmospheric anomaly. The color meant oxygen.

I felt a moment of confusion—(Oxygen? Why would oxygen set off the alarm?)—until I remembered: Scramblers were anaerobes.

Sarasti muted the alarm with a wave of his hand.

I cleared my throat: "You're poisoning—"

"Watch. Performance is consistent. No change."

I swallowed. Just observe.

"Is this an execution?" I asked. "Is this a, a mercy killing?"

Sarasti looked past me, and smiled. "No."

I dropped my eyes. "What, then?"

He pointed at the display. I turned, reflexively obedient.

Something stabbed my hand like a spike at a crucifixion.

I screamed. Electric pain jolted to my shoulder. I yanked my hand back without thinking; the embedded blade split its flesh like a fin through water. Blood sprayed into the air and stayed there, a comet's tail of droplets tracing the frenzied arc of my hand.

Sudden scalding heat from behind. Flesh charred on my back. I screamed again, flailing. A veil of bloody droplets swirled in the air.

Somehow I was in the corridor, staring dumbly at my right hand.

It had been split to the heel of the palm, flopped at the end of my wrist in two bloody, bifingered chunks. Blood welled from the torn edges and wouldn't fall. Sarasti advanced through a haze of trauma and confusion. His face swam in and out of focus, rich with his blood or mine. His eyes were bright red mirrors, his eyes were time machines. Darkness roared around them and it was half a million years ago and I was just another piece of meat on the African savannah, a split-second from having its throat torn out.

"Do you see the problem?" Sarasti asked, advancing. A great spider crab hovered at his shoulder. I forced focus through the pain: one of Bates' grunts, taking aim. I kicked blindly, hit the ladder through sheer happenstance, careened backwards down the corridor.

The vampire came after me, his face split into something that would have been a smile on anyone else. "Conscious of pain, you're distracted by pain. You're fixated on it. Obsessed by the one threat, you miss the other."

I flailed. Crimson mist stung my eyes. "So much more aware, so much less perceptive. An automaton could do better."

He's snapped, I thought. He's insane. And then No, he's a transient. He's always been a transient—

"They could do better," he said softly. —and he's been hiding for days. Deep down. Hiding from the seals. What else would he do?

Sarasti raised his hands, fading in and out of focus. I hit something, kicked without aiming, bounced away through swirling mist and startled voices. Metal cracked the back of my head and spun me around.

A hole, a burrow. A place to hide. I dove through, my torn hand flapping like a dead fish against the edge of the hatch. I cried out and tumbled into the drum, the monster at my heels.

Little later in the book...

Sometime during that span the cast on my arm cracked open like a shucked clam. I upped the lumens long enough to assess its handiwork; my repaired palm itched and glistened in twilight, a longer, deeper Fate line running from heel to web. Then back to darkness, and the blind unconvincing illusion of safety.

Finished...

When people are scared of pain- they cannot function. You saw that Siri, the main character, forced his focus on Sarasti, instead of focusing naturally because he was not trained to deal with pain correctly. Instead of feeling pain and trying to run away because you cannot do anything else- try learning what is the cause of pain and change it so that the next time it happens, you can deal with it. You might think that Sarasti is a psycho for stabbing another’s hand out of nowhere. However, when you look at the second part that I posted- what is the key word that you see? For those who deal palmistry, this should click with you very easily. It is the word “fate.” The fate line runs from the wrist to the middle finger. What is that mound below the middle finger? That is our strict disciplinarian- Saturn. Perhaps you are getting the hint. But before I confirm or falsify your assumption, I want to bring in another summary.

Siri wasn’t the type of guy who liked people getting close to him. Sounds familiar? Here’s another part of the book…

I indulged her. I guess I was no more patient with her perversions than she was with my ineptitude at them. Other things made it worth the effort. Chelsea would argue about anything under the sun, wry and insightful and curious as a cat. She would pounce without warning. Retired to the redundant majority, she still took such simple joy in the very act of being alive. She was impulsive and impetuous. She cared about people. Pag. Me. She wanted to know me. She wanted in.

That was proving to be a problem.

"We could try it again," she said once in an aftermath of sweat and pheromones. "And you won't even remember what you were so upset about. You won't even remember you were upset, if you don't want to."

I smiled and looked away; suddenly the planes of her face were coarse and unappealing.

"How many times is that now? Eight? Nine?"

"I just want you to be happy, Cyg. True happiness is one hell of a gift, and I can give it to you if you'll let me."

"You don't want me happy," I said pleasantly. "You want me customized."

She mmm'd into the hollow of my throat for a moment. Then: "What?"

"You just want to change me into something more, more accommodating."

Chelsea lifted her head. "Look at me."

I turned my head. She'd shut down the chromatophores in her cheek; the tattoo, transplanted, fluttered now on her shoulder.

"Look at my eyes," Chelsea said.

I looked at the imperfect skin around them, at the capillaries wriggling across the whites. I felt a distant bemusement that such flawed, decaying organs were still able to hypnotize me on occasion.

"Now," Chelsea said. "What do you mean by that?"

I shrugged. "You keep pretending this is a partnership. We both know it's a competition."

"A competition."

"You're trying to manipulate me into playing by your rules."

"What rules?"

"The way you want the relationship run. I don't blame you, Chelse, not in the least. We've been trying to manipulate each other for as long as—hell, it's not even Human nature. It's mammalian."

"I don't believe it." She shook her head. Ropy tendrils of hair swung across her face. "It's the middle of the twenty-first Century and you're hitting me with this war of the sexes BS?"

"Granted, your tweaks are a pretty radical iteration. Get right in there and reprogram your mate for optimum servility."

"You actually think I'm trying to, to housebreak you? You think I'm trying to train you like a puppy?"

"You're just doing what comes naturally."
"I can't believe you'd pull this s*** on me."

"I thought you valued honesty in relationships."

"What relationship? According to you there's no such thing. This is just—mutual rape, or something."

"That's what relationships are."

"Don't pull that s*** on me." She sat up, swung her feet over the edge of the bed. Putting her back to me. "I know how I feel. If I know anything I know that much. And I only wanted to make you happy."

"I know you believe that," I said gently. "I know it doesn't feel like a strategy. Nothing does when it's wired that deeply. It just feels right, it feels natural. It's nature's trick."

"It's someone's f***ing trick."

Sounds kinda familiar too, right? This last part occurred before Siri ever met Sarasti. By the way, Chelsea’s job is to “tweak” people’s personalities for optimum compatibility (don’t we all love to have something like that). Getting back- what life was trying to tell Siri that he needed to change his perception of the world, especially relationships through Chelsea. If had learned his lessons early, there would not be any need for Sarasti to come in out of nowhere and stab his hand. He only did so because he could both sides of the cube, or should I say, both sides of the situation, and can determine what's good for a person or not. What I’m trying to say is…if you don’t learn your lessons early, Saturn is going to whip your behind, and you’ll like a fool doing it. The same is with love. If you feel that the person in front of you is the right person for you, don’t be afraid- take the chance to learn from that person, or life/Saturn in this case, will put you in line, or should I say, “redefine” your fate line. Just believe that everything in life happens for a reason, you might not know it now, you might never know, but take faith that though life is not fair to you now, it will balance out everything, eventually. Embrace love, embrace change, or time will stuff it down your throat, and it will taste bitter too.

posted May 19, 2007 12:48 AM            

I agree, but there's something else that needs to be said..

Romance isn't the beginning and end of all of world problems.

Izo, I understand you are sick and tired and you've had bad experiences but how do you think other people in the world feel? We are all sick and tired of something.

What about little kids who are in -this- situation daily: http://www.abaana.org/sponsorship/africa.cfm

What about people who have just found out they have Cancer and will die within months? What about their families?

Life is always changing.. you lose things and people, and new things come in. Nothing is ever actually lost spiritually, but it does feel that way when you can no longer perceive it physically.

To people who get very depressed about relationships, I'd say.. you need to understand you are a little part of the world and there are billions of people with problems out there.. There is no such thing as a problem-less life. You have to learn to roll with the punches and remember the good times. When you feel sorry for yourself, it’s almost like you’re saying.. my problems are so much worse than everyone elses.. and honestly, they are *not*. When you feel that way, try to look on the bright side.. at the things you do have. You have the ability to wake up in the morning and walk around. Some people are paralysed or don’t have limbs. You have enough money to buy food and eat every day so you are not dying of starvation..

posted May 19, 2007 02:55 AM            

I didn't at all, honest to God mean to say you were selfish. My point was, there are so many people out there with so many problems.. we have to mutually understand that life is always changing and learn to 'roll with the punches'.. It was advice to sort of keep moving, instead of stagnating in pain.

I don't think you, in particular are someone who would stagnate in pain. That's why it wasn’t towards you. It was said in general. The part I said towards you was the sentence after your nickname. Now, reading it back it sounds a bit accusatory.. “how do you think etc” It’s one of those internet situations where, had I said this to you in person – it wouldn’t have sounded that way. I’m sorry about that. I should’ve been more careful and phrased it differently.

posted May 19, 2007 03:02 AM            

bk to Sag boy - I tried to sort things out. Eventually I did. Things don't always get sorted out. Sometimes its much harder to move on.. I cry a lot after a hurtful experience so the advice is to myself as well.

posted May 19, 2007 04:12 AM            

quote:

---

I am honestly grateful for this, because as a Cappy Mooner, I often felt the need to cry to release the tension and couldn't get myself to do that. Now I can't stop it.

---

I have a Capricorn moon also.. Not sure if you knew that. I always feel this way. Certain things are on the tip of my tongue, but they never come out because I can't bring myself to voice them. If I tried I'd look like an insane person moving my mouth with no words coming out. I often can't bring myself to type them either.
Pluto is pretty far from my Moon still so I have a few more years to go. But my Mars is in early Capricorn.

quote:

---

This is really helping me deal with my issues, it's therapeutical. Take your time and do it when you feel you are ready.

---

I'm glad that it's helping you. I'm sorry again if it sounded like I was saying you shouldn't talk about your problems. It's much better to let it out if you can. It's also healthier. With little things, like the Sag situation, I do let it out.. Sometimes I tell deeper stories as well, but only when I'm being cryptic and not mentioning precise details or events.

I hope things get better between you two and sending lots of love your way

posted May 19, 2007 05:06 AM              

I wasn't annoyed with you.
I didn't know you have a Capricorn Moon. I only know you're an Aries. What is your rising? Mine is also Capricorn. Actually, on astro.com, my Moon is at 29* Sagittarius, but I don't feel like a Sagittarius Mooner. I visited another site who provided ephemerides and found my Moon at 0* Capricorn. It makes a lot more sense. I can totally relate to what you said about being cryptic! Prepare yourself for a rollercoaster ride when Pluto will hit your Moon! It is like nothing you are familiar with!! I am not good at expressing my soft side and feel inadequate doing so. Well, all that emotionality was so overwhelming, I had no time to think about that anymore. I never thought I have it in me to cry on the street, but I did it. Couldn't stop my tears. And Pluto is still just teasing my Moon... It trines my natal Mars, I feel really energetic at times. How does the conjunction feel?

Mars,
I know we're completely offtopic and I apologize. I will come back a little bit later and comment on your post.

posted May 19, 2007 12:20 PM              

But replying to your first post- yes everyone gets sick and tired by everyone's treatment; however, don't let that get to your head that everyone is out to hurt you. Because, if by chance it happens that you find this great guy and you are still stuck in the defensive mode...chances are that you'll drive him away. Personally from my experience, I never ever want to feel guilty again b/c I've wronged someone. It's the worst feeling...especially when they mean a lot to you.

posted May 19, 2007 10:12 PM            

P.S. you give me hope

quote:

---

But I am honestly grateful for this, because as a Cappy Mooner

---

My bf is a Cappy Mooner, and sometimes i feel like he doesnt have any feelings at all but it turns out he just hides them. I am a Scoprio mooner myself...so i can relate to how hard it is to open up to someone and ahve ur heart ripped out by the root repeatedly. Best of wishes for you...

P.S. I really loved the story and the moral, trully amazing. Thank you a ton

posted May 19, 2007 11:50 PM            

I must say that I feel very highly that the situation that Siri and Chelsea were going through was very similar to the situation between me and my ex.. except it was vice versa.. me being Chelsea and my ex gf being Siri.

But I also must say that I feel that despite everything that has happened between us.. I believe (Know) that she is the right one for me..and I have learned alot from her... I love her! I have tooken this opportunity to embrace what little love is left in the relationship.. and one thing is for certain.. that in the past few weeks I HAVE embraced change. I am happier and readier then ever to start over and make everything as wonderful as possible.. that are my thoughts and good post Mars!

posted May 21, 2007 07:31 AM              

Hey Stars...I'm glad you like the story. Here's the link where you can get the pdf file for it (instead of buying the book):
http://tedesson.livejournal.com/70010.html

I was in the same situation...me being siri, and the guy being chelsea...and boy don't I feel like an idiot. Anyways...I'm glad you looked for the tiny glimmer of hope. Btw, r u a cappy moon as well?

posted May 21, 2007 08:51 AM            

Mars did you and your bf get back together or did it end any good? Im a very afraid that it wont for me.. I cant seem to convince her that I have changed.. Ive done some stupid things.. and I always had trouble accepting her for who she is... but througout the past like 4 weeks.. there has been some pretty dramatic stuff happening.. and it all woke me up and changed me.. Im not the same anymore.. this whole experience of almost completley losing her has scared me and cause me to realize what is really worth and what is not... Im ready to get back with her and make everything better and I have promised her things will never be the same like they were... but she is skeptical and doesnt know if she can trust me.. and Im willing to do anything.. I guess apparently now Im going to have to convince her mom as well.. who never thought we were right for eachother in the first place.. and idk.. my ex isnt helping anything.. she said she loved me but she was hurt.. and now she acts like she couldnt give a crap about us.. it hurts so much... im trying so hard to make things better but at the same time im getting hurt ... I wont give up until she realizes that I trully love her and have changed and can make things better...

btw Mars my moon is in Libra..

thanks for the link..

any advice or support would be great... ill post the whole story eventually...

~Kevin

posted May 21, 2007 03:30 PM              

He isn't exactly my bf...in my culture, we don't date. We were great together as friends, but when I indirectly revealed my feelings to him, I understood his answer to be I'm not going that far. So I stuck around a little longer, hoping he would change his mind. Little did I realize that there could be potential for someone to actually change their feelings- b/c I'm the type if I don't stand someone, I can't change my feelings.

So I stopped talking to him out of nowhere, hoping that he would realize, if he is the shy type, that I can't wait around for a long time, b/c life is too short- ppl can die anytime. If he is not the shy type, then perhaps if it became so painful to him, he'll realize that he had feelings for me as well, but didn't admit it b/c i was there all the time.

Mainly I stopped talking to him b/c I knew something about me that I needed to change. I realized I needed to accept myself more, and with that, gradually my view of the world changed- and I had my catharsis with this story and how I got to interpret it for my final paper. I got to realize that sometimes, actions don't always define u, b/c if someone has faith in u and can see ur personality more than ur contradicting actions, then they value u more for who u r than for what u do. I couldn't see why he did that, it didn't make sense at all. But bc of that, I changed, thanx to him. I felt that he was Sarasti and Chelsea all bundled up in one. Did I ever say that cappy mooners have the most penetrating eyes? Yeah, just like Sarasti...he he

I didn't hear from him, but I cannot jump to conclusions why b/c he might be busy, taking his time to digest what I said, or picking the right time to respond back (he takes a while unless I threaten him to respond...but I don't want to do that now). I told him I'll wait for his response, b/c I feel I owe a lot to him for his patience...he is the most patient person I know, actually, I owe him a lot for being the catalyst for my dramatic change. I'm so glad that proved me wrong about my perception of the world.

However, if he doesn't want to have anything to do with me- That's fine, he didn't get to see his labor to fruition, and that would be his loss, not mine. I'm not saying that in the sense I don't care about his loss, but I'm saying you really cannot force anyone to change their minds but your own, especially if that person gave up on u. I don't know if he gave up...so sooner or later I'll figure it out.

So that's my story...but let's talk about everyone else on this thread... I want to post 3 statements, and I want you to select the statement that most reflects who you are, ok? (hopefully u didn't see this before), and if anyone else has seen this before, plz don't say what it is.

1. I find it relatively easy to get close to others and am comfortable depending on them and having them depend on me. I don't often worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close to me.

2. I am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others; I find it difficult to trust them completely, difficult to allow myself to depend on them. I am nervous when anyone gets too close, and often, love partners want me to be more intimate than I feel comfortable being.

3. I find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I often worry that my partner doesn't really love me or won't want to stay with me. I want to merge completely with another person, and this desire sometimes scares people away.

Everyone on this thread: what are your placements?

These are mine:
Pisces asc
Virgo sun, merc, mars
Leo moon, venus
Scorpio saturn, pluto
Aquarius jupiter
Sagittarius uranus
Capricorn neptune

in pullen astro- 1st influential is virgo, and then scorpio, and then closely grouped are cappy, leo, and aqua

My friend's:
Sag asc (at very end)
Libra sun, merc, pluto
Capricorn moon
Virgo venus, mars
Scorpio saturn
Sagittarius jupiter, uranus, neptune

in pullen astro- first is sagittarius, and then closely grouped are cappy, libra, pisces, and virgo

Stars- u best know what happened b/w u both, so if u see that not giving up until u get her back is good, give it ur best shot. It'll be best if u can tell me ur story, if I'm not getting too personal here.

Everyone else- what I found is that the ppl who have been suffering in this thread is a cappy moon, including my friend. It further supports that cappies suffer the most out of all the signs, which really sucks. But here I am, confessing that I can learn so much from u guys if I can be perceptive enough and not let my stubborn pride get in the way. Cheer up everyone This leo moon proudly bowing and deferring to the great authority of cappies, and would like to learn a lot from u.

posted May 22, 2007 11:46 AM            

I dont exactly see how Im Siri and shes Chelsea.

I also dont understand what you learned from your friend? could you explain simply how you were before and how you are now? and did you have love feelings for him?

I will try to sum my story up really briefly.

Me and my ex we were together for like 6-7 months. we had very very strong feelings for eachother. We loved eachother and we had big plans for our future together.. but somewhere from the middle of the relationship to just a couple of months ago it started going down hill and I couldnt recognize. I did alot of stuff that was wrong, I never really respected her for who she was and I was taking her for granted.. I would often get mad at her because of her past that I didnt approve of.. I said alot of things and I did alot of things that were the main cause of my Insecurity. while I didnt drink too often.. when I did I abused it and it just fueled my insecurity.. the Point is I put her through so much and I didnt really realize any of it.. it was like I was completley blind thinking she would stay with me forever that way.. I was wrong.. one day when things were going crappy I was being stupid and dramatic and suggested we seperate.. we both kinda agreed at the moment.. went to sleep and the next day she had a appt. with a counselor.. they deemed her suicidal b/c of thoughts of suicide .. (2 other kids at the college had comitted suicide) and then she was admitted to a Psych Hospital.. I later got the call that day.. and the whole time she was in there I wasnt even being really suportive.. and didnt talk to her much.. when she finally got out she had to leave school.. and the whole time she was being as if we were over and she was completley ok with it.. this is where my changing process began... at first I was hurt and it turned into anger.. I was no longer with her... one weekend I went out and got drunk .. I was given to violation tickets by the police.. I went to my room and called her.. I implied to her that I didnt want to live and maybe suicide.. I hung up the phone.. she was scared so she called the police.. they found me and took me in cause they that I was going to committ suicide.. I was then admitted to the same place where my gf had recently been.. where I had to stay.. this is where my main changes started taking place.. all I could do was sit around and think about her and everything that had happened.. I felt like i was breaking down in the hospital.. I cherished every moment I got to talk to her.. after I got out I felt very different. recently she has confronted me on everything I have done.. I have fessed up to it all.. so much sh*t has dawned on me since she pulled away.. I cant begin to explain how painful and traumatic this experience has been... I have realized all I have done wrong.. but I know I have changed and Im ready to make everything better and to right all my wrongs.. Im no longer insecure about her.. I have gotten past whatever she did before she was with me.. and I have stopped abusing alcohol. Im so glad that she shook me and woke me up out of the dead state I was in.. but now she is doubting my change.. and is not sure if she wants to get back with me.. alot of the stuff she sais is not exactly what I want to here and it hurts.. I know we had soemthing.. we were so strong.. we had a connection .. and love like that cant just disappear... I have told her that I plan on never giving up on us despite she thinking we wont be together.. Im not giving up and I have only become optomistic.. I know we belong together I just want one more chance to prove to her that I can make her the happiest girl.

I lover her forever... and I miss her to death.. I have fu*ked things up ... But I have trully changed and things will never be like that again... all I can picture in my mind is us being happy together..

well thats the jist of it... If I forgot anything I will post..

by the way Mars... I woould have to say Im a mix between statement #1 and statement #3

any advice or thoughts on my predicament would be greatly appreciated from any of you on LL... I must say my ex has actually posted on LL so she is prolly reading this as well...

Thank all of you...

here are my placements Mars..

SUN- Cancer
MOON- Libra
ASC- Virgo
MERC- Cancer
VENUS- Gemini
MARS- Aries
JUPITER- Taurus
SATURN- Saggitarius
URANUS- Saggitarius
NEPTUNE- Capricorn
PLUTO- Scorpio
CHIRON- Cancer

~Kevin

posted May 22, 2007 01:48 PM              

The 3 statements that I posted were questions that were used in the attachment style test. The attachment style theory talks about people have learned how to relate to others from their experiences in their childhood. Children learn from their parents to use them as a secure base to explore their world. When the parents are not always available, or if they are overly protective, children cannot learn to be secure in their attachments. Therefore, they feel that the world is not a safe place, or they feel that they cannot depend on others and have to go through life alone. This affects their later relationships, where they distrust their partners. Either they become too clingy and dependent on their partners, or they are standoffish. Either way, their partners cannot use them as a secure base b/c either the insecure person is too dependent on them, or they cannot give them the emotional support that they need. Therefore, the partner leaves for a better person. Sometimes though, the secure partner or a parental figure (ie. teacher, mentor, etc...) makes the insecure person become more secure.

The first statement describes a person w/ secure style, the second w/ avoidant style, and the last w/ anxious/ambivalent style. So it seems that you have been secure up until the point where you felt that there could be inevitable loss of your gf. So u have secure style w/ a hint of anxious/ambivalent.

Before I met my friend, I was the type of person who wouldn't let anyone close to me. Yes I was nice, I liked giving advice, people confided in me and all that nice stuff. But never would I talk about myself to others. I was the grl who asked lots of qs, but never opened up myself.

After stopping talking to him, I missed him terribly, and I think I needed to separate in order to facilitate this change in me. So now I destroyed this perception that everyone is out to get each other. I figured that I should be more balanced in my perception- try to pick out those who are good and those who are not I would not trust instead of generalizing. Also, I stopped being afraid of getting close to others b/c I'm afraid that I'd lose them. I changed my perception to try to be close to everyone b/c life's too short, you should try to be in good terms and love others so that I wouldn't feel regret and loss when they actually leave. If I took that test, I would have picked the 2nd statement, b/c I felt that I could go through life alone w/o depending on others.

I want to ask you, before I attempt to give you advice, is how long did she stay in the hospital, how long after the hospital did you confess, how long did you stay in the hospital, and how long have you come out and tried to mend things? I'm asking b/c though it's great to try to fix things, sometimes you need to give time for wounds to heal. We're in a fast paced world that we forget to remember that things that grow a lil more slowly can be better for us than to get quick fixes that will break down eventually b/c the foundation wasn't good enough. This further emphasizes that we should not be rash w/ our anger and caustic words (this includes me), b/c healing wounds takes a longer time than causing them.

posted May 22, 2007 03:54 PM              

I have some similar placements to you.

Pisces Asc
Virgo Sun, Mars
Taurus Moon
Leo Mercury
Cancer Venus
Sagittarius Jupiter, Neptune
Gemini Saturn
Libra Uranus, Pluto.

posted May 22, 2007 04:50 PM            

She was in the psych hospital for about 3-4 days.. I went in almost a week later and stayed for the same 3-4 days in the same hospital... I was discharged on the 8th of May. Since then we have just talked everyday.. I confessed my wrongs and my change over the past couple of weeks..

She doesnt think she can trust me.. but I have I no longer hold anything against her and she is so trully beautiful to me now.. I have let go of everything.. she has opened up my eyes and taught me to count my blessings.. im no longer insecure.. Things have become alot more clearer for me now.. and plus I dont drink any more... anything else just ask Mars..

posted May 22, 2007 06:00 PM              

Thank you!!

Mars,
-on the Cappy Mooners - we do have emotions, but we feel uneasy to express them. Usually, you can spot a Cappy Mooner who hides his/her emotions when he/she becomes defensive about it or maybe even agressive... As I said, we're emotionally challenged...
-I hope you and your guy will get back together. Give him a little time to assess his feelings and emotions... we have big troubles admitting we actually care for somebody...
-out of the 3 possibilities you listed, I identify mostly with the 2nd... but sometimes with the 3rd, too
-dunno if cappy mooners have the *most* penetrating eyes... how about Scorpio? But I know I do! But I have some Scorpio influence (secondary asc, I identify with them at some levels).
-placements: Aries Sun, Capricorn Moon, Capricorn rising, Aries Merc, Taurus Venus, Aries Mars, Sagi Jupiter, Scorpio Saturn (grrrrrrrrrr), Sagi Uranus, Sagi Neptune, Libra Pluto, Gemini NN (funny... I identify a lot with the Gems, too... maybe I am starting to master my life lessons ~ at least, I hope so LOL! The sooner, the better! I want out of this place!!).
-That is one well-deserved A! Good work!

posted May 22, 2007 06:07 PM              

Izo

posted May 22, 2007 06:35 PM              

Izo, I do think you are Chelsea...I was refering to Stars as being Siri. Another- scorpion eyes look beady to me, more like lots of life and soul in them. But cappy moons, OMG!!! I feel my heart freezes b/c everything in my soul is exposed. Laser beam sight...that's what i mean.

Stars, I think everything happened to quickly and since she says she thinks she can't talk to u anymore, doesn't mean she really means it. I'm sure both of u need time alone to reassess everything b/w u, even if u personally don't think so. I think u r still a bit insecure b/c ur still hanging on to her. But for right now, u should learn your lesson completely, b/c this is what really counts for you right now. It's not good to think that u learned your lessons, only to put ur foot in ur mouth later on.

posted May 23, 2007 01:18 AM              

The best advice I can give u like I said before is to give it time. Both of u went to the hospital in a month. Both of u were shaken up w/ thoughts of suicide, whether urselves or from each other. It takes a long time to stop thinking about death- suicide is a huge thing. Personally I would never think of committing suicide- I value my life too much to even think of it. For u to think of committing suicide (u or ur gf), it means u don’t value ur life, urself enough to live. Don’t take this matter lightly- for some time, u’ve lost ur will to live! For a human to lose their will to live- it means that ur foundation has been obliterated- it disappeared. It takes a lot and I mean huge amounts to lose ur will like that. U should know that way better than me. Both of u really need to heal, so don’t rush it, or these painful wounds will open again, and this time, it’ll be way deeper than it needs to be.

Izo- Of course u couldn't notice Izo, u have the eyes urself, u can't look at ur own eyes. And yes, I completely understand how frustrating it is that u know that ur bf is thinking that ur manipulating him, which isn't the case. I was in his position. I have a leo moon- stubborn pride going against experienced cappy moon. Personally, I learned that my perceptions are wrong after I got deep into studying psychology- especially social psychology. Here's a book I recommend u to get, I had this for my intimate relationships class

Intimate relationships by Miller, Perlman, and Brehm 4th edition. Great book- it encompasses everything from gender differences to power issues, from friendships to relationship dissolutions, even different types of marital therapy if anyone u know would need that.

But then again, it is up to him to try to be perceptive. Be patient with him- I'm sure he'll be indebted to u for the rest of his life, as I am to my friend. Just imagine that ur bf is in an invisible box that he cannot see- how would he know that unless he realizes that he is in one? No matter how many times u point to the box from outside (and imagine he can’t hear u), he’ll never understand what ur saying until he figures it out himself. Just pray he realizes what type of mess he is in.

I’ve gone through a couple of steps to reach where I am today, maybe getting an idea will help u deal with him better:

1. Hindi movies- if u have never seen them, I highly recommend it. They’re usually about love- but the emotions are so much more enhanced than American movies, etc… Most of them r like chick flicks, so I don’t know if ur guy would like them (hopefully he would). Watching these will definitely soften the heart- and u can’t help but cry in these movies. The selection of words that they use are beautiful, so if ur worried about not being verbally romantic, u can learn from these movies.
2. I already told u I studied psychology
3. B/c my heart became softer (movies) and my mind became more aware of the social phenomena that occurs in society- I became more perceptive, just waiting for an opportunity to refine myself and grow. I became more attentive to people’s advice, and if I didn’t get it then, I’ll get it later on b/c I’ll realize that what I did wrong, I was advised against before. I’ll then realize to listen to the person who advised me.

Obviously u can’t know what’s going on in his head, or anyone’s head for that matter. So keep advising, keep trying to do the right things- but never force him to see things ur way. Everyone takes their time to learn things. The more stubborn he is, the slower he’ll learn. However, this is the good part- the more stubborn he is, the greater the fall, and this experience will be sooooooo ingrained in him that u’ll know w/ 100% certainty that he’ll never fall into this mistake ever again. It is like the cold/flu- once u get the nastiest sickness and u didn’t die from it- rest assured ur immune system will never fail u again in that type of illness. Yes, it is a long wait- but as ur cappy moon would know- lots of hard work will never fail u. Ur in med school, lots of hard work, but u know the results in the end will be gratifying. The best gift u can give to an insecure person is to believe in them, when they don’t believe in themselves. Come on, u were Siri once- u out of all people should stand next to ur Siri instead of feeling hopeless.

Hey Lisa, u do have similar placements. I think we are equally stubborn, at least w/ the personal planets…lol. However, I’m curious- how have u been dealing w/ Saturn in Gemini? Is it getting in ur way of ur relationships or have u been dealing w/ it well? Is ur asc opposite ur sun by degrees, or have u been spared that tear of ur soul in different directions? I’m guessing that ur Virgo sun is in its beginning degrees, mercury is towards the end of leo, and maybe venus towards the end of cancer, right? I hope u didn’t think I was ignoring u in anyway…I take a long time writing posts, b/c as we both r virgos, u’d know that I’m paranoid about getting my msg across correctly