posted July 29, 2007 06:00 AM            

Now, for the past few years, I've been extraordinarily good at balancing myself. But this year... has been different.

In February, I met a Pisces and I swear to this day I still think we're karmic partners. Not soulmates, but we share some strange karma. Here is our synastry chart.

This is most likely the most temultuous relationship I will ever have. We were lovers, but never in an OFFICAL relationship. We barely talked (didn't need to) but worshiped each other at the same time. It was such a strange relationship... We first met at work and continued the affair for four months until I quit my job. Soon after, he decided to move back home to Michigan. He gave one weeks notice... and then just moved. We never even said goodbye. He called me a week after he moved and asked me to come visit him, but I declined....

I regret it almost everyday, but deep down inside I feel it's for the best. Everything between us felt very passionate yet felt very ancient as well. As if we'd been down this same road over and over again. And so I let him go...

Ever since then, I've been greatly altered. As if a roaring, eternal flame has been lit within me. I'm fiesty, far more argumentative, and less flattering than before.

My love life has been in shambles however. The Sag and I have been very on and off about our friendship but this summer has been full of sweeping emotions. We've had full out verbal wars against each other for weeks at a time. We've made up for a day or two then to only rekindle this almost erotic anger at each other. It's been like this for years now and this summer has been the hottest. He is: Sag Sun, Aqua Moon, Scorpio Mercury, Sag Venus, Scorpio Mars, Aries Jup, Cancer ASC

I've been extremely aggrivated towards my friends. I'm starting to see that they don't appreciate me and in fact are poor friends to each other. I've had three falling outs with the ENTIRE group of friends and have spent many weekends alone. After a few days, they would ask me to come back, say sorry, and things would be good for three days to only go back to the way it was before.

Currently, I'm dating this blast from the past. He is: Cap Sun, Virgo Moon, Aqua Merc, Sag Venus, Aries Mars, Pisces Jup, Sag ASC. The origins of our relationship are something I am not proud of. I unknowingly helped him cheat on his girlfriend when I was 15. We only made out nothing sexual, but even then I ended it right when I found out that he was in a relationship.

And now, he's single, but still around the same girl and she thinks that he's going to date her again soon. So basically, he hangs out with her all the time but will never date her and on the side he's dating me. They're not in an official relationship, but I still feel bad for this girl. He just lets her follow him around. He doesn't reciprocate (I'm ashamed to say that I've had a good friends of mine observe (read: spy on) them during hangouts that I'm not at) and doesn't really talk to her. He tried to avoid her constantly, but he'll never stop her from *trying* to reach him (she always finds a way to be near him, usually in a group environment though). I can't understand it...

The whole purpose of this post is that I don't know what direction my life is going anymore. Everything is going in circles and I keep come back to the same reoccuring themes. The only thing that has changed this time is me. I'm feeling different. Yet through some act of God or Fate, I am always in the same position. I just don't know.