posted August 28, 2007 11:40 AM              

First off, he flies fairly often but is never gone for more than a couple or three days. When he's here, he takes me out to dinner, the movies, museums and is very affectionate (loves being caressed and is the first to admit that he LOVES it!) He also compliments me on my dress (I wear a lot of dresses) on the way I smell, how soft my hands are, etc. Fair to say...he's a gentleman and very complimentary!

I cooked him a home meal and he looked like he'd died and gone to heaven! He loves the fact that my home is cozy, warm and inviting. He always brings back a little something for me (even if its just a keychain,) has brought flowers and bottles of wine.

When we met, there were so many similarities in our background that we both thought it a bit eerie so, there was an instant connection. I felt safe in his arms immediately and told him so and we spent almost every waking moment together every single day he's been in town. Two weeks ago, we became intimate...again, he was complimentary of me as a woman but did not utter a single endearement. The second time was much the same thing...it was exciting, athletic and more akin to a sporting event than it was romantic, tender or full of emotion.

When he's flying, we text each other almost every day. He sends me pictures of the sunset from the plane or of wherever he is or of himself and I respond every time with appreciation and excitement.

HERE'S the problem! While I text things like "dear, sweetheart or honey," his text messages are almost business-like! One day, he MAY call me "bonita" (spanish for pretty) and the next, his email will start with my first name! So, there's no reciprocation whatsoever. When we're together, he's ONLY expressive about my looks, appearance, scent or touch....not a SINGLE word about what he FEELS! Yes, he's always holding my hand and responds to my making the first move in that regard but by this time in most relationships, a man has told me a little something about his feelings for me...even if they're just beginning!

During a conversation, I had to ask (jokingly) whether I was really his girlfriend, to which he responded "of course!" He talks about doing things together in the future, but I'll be darned if I know whether he's developing any feelings for me at all. Now, I'm falling for him HARD and can't reconcile his behavior with his lack of verbal expression!

I know I'm not supposed to push Cancers into anything, nor question them exceedingly but I thrive on communication and feel like I'm the only one developing deep feelings here.

He married very young, has been divorced for 7 years, has a 17 year old daughter and has been in three long term relationships since he and his wife separated. Unfortunately, his ex-wife and at least one of the girlfriends cheated on him. The other, he can only assume about. When I aked him if he was past the pain of those experiences he said yes and that he was ready to move on and find his soul mate.

Needless to say, I need more communication! He often asks me out in a very "round about" way and even after we made love, he said he didn't want to impose when I asked him over the next night to watch a movie!

When he asked me if I'd told my friends about us being intimate, he used the word "boinked!" I nearly broke out into tears but decided on hitting him over the head with a throw pillow while saying that I've never "boinked" in my life!

Can anyone tell me what's going on? Are Cancer men this totally confusing? It feels like we take one step forward and three steps back! He says he can be "syrup-like" and when I told him I didn't think he was, he said that in those situations, he'll use comedy to hide his discomfort! When I asked him (jokingly) to let me know when he's "syrup" he said, "well, its early yet!"

Don't the "syrup", words of endearement and romantic statements come at the beginning of a relationship and then wane with time?

I know I've rambled...but I don't know what to do! Do I ask him straight out how he feels? Do I wait and see? I don't want to be a "friend with benefits!" HELP!

posted August 28, 2007 01:46 PM            

You are a Gemini and open communication, and flowery words of endearments comes as naturally to you as breathing. What you must remember is romantic statements and terms of endearment leave most Cancers feeling vulnerable and afraid of rejection.

In all of my relationships, my partners had to tell me they loved me before I had the courage to reciprocate. I was just too afraid of forcing them to say something they did not feel out of obligation. And it took me months to call my boyfriend “My darling” and almost two years for me to feel comfortable enough calling him “baby.” I know it seems silly, but Cancers really and truly are terrified of overstepping their bounds, and encouraging obligatory responses. They also want to be sure of their feelings (and yours) before they speak.

Unless your man has a strong mercury he’ll probably let you make the first verbal moves. He’ll be shy, and reserved until he starts feeling more secure in your relationship. When the warmth of your love and care start encouraging him out of his shell, the words will start coming. And that should be you first clue that he’s really grabbing onto you in that beautiful, and permanent way Cancers do. Not many people give such obvious signs of their lasting attachment. The world if full of men that will woo you with flowery and often insincere words of love, I hope you can find it in your heart to be grateful for the love of a Cancer, whose words, when he finally says them will comes from the deepest and most sincere part of his heart.

From what you’ve told us, I’d say you Cancer cares about you a great deal. So take heart, and shower your crab with love and care until he comes out of that trusty tough shell of his.

Best of luck!

posted August 28, 2007 01:47 PM            

I'm a Cancer Sun and Moon female and have LOTS of male Cancers as friends, so I will give you a little advice.

First, if I were you, I would stop texting him words like "dear sweetheart or honey". It's probably annoying him and that's why he doesn't reciprocate.

Second, THE MAN LIKES YOU SO JUST GO WITH IT : ) If he didn't like you, he wouldn't be spending that much time with you. These men just don't work like that.

It's still extremely early in your relationship. Why rush things??? Just enjoy the time you have together now. He will tell you his real feelings in time.

And as far as "syrup words of endearment". Why do you need those?? Actions speak MUCH louder than words in my opinion.

posted August 28, 2007 03:41 PM              

Yes, I certainly have the patience to wait for him - he has all the qualities I admire and I know he's worth it. Plus, I certainly comprehend the "actions speak louder than words" adage and of course I prefer it to the contrary.

I also get that Cancers are slow to commit and apprehensive due to a fear of rejection or perhaps, they're just cautious. None of this makes him a bad person just a bit difficult for me to figure out...and I know its because I'm a Gemini through and through (June 16.)

What still confuses me is his "one step forward - one step back" behavior. You know, texting me by a pet name one day then reversing back to the formality of using my first name the very next day?

And the "boinking" reference? I mean, he didn't have to use the term "making love" precisely but how about saying we were intimate or slept together? "Boinking" just seemed SO dismissive and detached! I felt my heart drop to my stomach! I can't lie...that hurt so much that I cried my eyes out when he left!

I want to be myself and be expressive of my affection (no, not a proposal of marriage just an endearment now and again) without fearing that he's going to freak out on me! Which, by the way, he hasn't and has even said he loves getting my text messages when he's away! Its just that when the responses are so matter-of-fact, I can't help but feel like I just got the cold shoulder... Its like he's basking in MY expressive nature but cannot offer any himself. Does that make sense?

posted August 28, 2007 03:54 PM            

About the verbal expression: I know it is VERY important for geminis to hear it, but most cancers are not good at verbally expressing our feelings. Even I, the cancer w/ a gemini venus, am not good at verbal expression. I prefer to get my message across without words and your partner is probably the same way. Because personally, I equate that with making myself vulnerable and as a Cap Ascendant, I don't like being vulnerable.

About the boinking thing: maybe he's not especially one for using flowery words and such. It kind of goes into the reason I don't normally use petnames with my S.O. (I think its kind of cheesy). Or It could be just his sense of humor like NAM said, so don't take it personally just yet.

posted August 28, 2007 04:27 PM              

He actually DID admit to not being able to express himself well and I attribute that to what you have all told me - it just doesn't come naturally to him. While discussing anything else, he's perfectly eloquent.

And, he also made a reference to having a tendency to keep things light when he gets too "syrupy." That could have been the reason for his choice of "boinking" over any other word. He got a good chuckle out of it and thought it funny, at least.

My only other observation is that given his age (41) and the fact that he's been cheated on at least twice, he's got reason for caution! Add that he's a Cancer and from what I've read, I'm in for a LONG testing period. Again, I'm learning (though you guys) not to focus on that but instead, focus on his actions.

posted August 28, 2007 05:29 PM            

I@m not a cancer, but have a cancer ascendant and my ascendant ruler moon is in the 4th house. I can completely relate to him taking ages to verbalize serious emotions, but he will eventually. Agree with everyone else, give him time. And about being business like in a text...he sounds like a busy man and I guess sometimes he probably is just very in that job mode...the important thing is that he still texts back, so no worries. And in terms of pet names....I never use them, find it cheesy as someone else mentioned as well.

posted August 28, 2007 05:44 PM              

Yours:
Moon:Capricorn
Venus:Cancer
Mars:Virgo

posted August 28, 2007 05:53 PM              

http://cafeastrology.com/articles/venusvenussynastry.html

posted August 28, 2007 07:54 PM              

Thanks to everyone....to all the "cancers" that responded and gave me a peek inside from your perspective and to the rest of you for all of your information, support and guidance!