posted September 03, 2007 02:27 PM              

Yes, we are committed. That point has been made clear and I, too, give him credit for his honesty! He said he never intended for it to be otherwise...ever!

But, you're a Cancer...if you go back to my post and his comments, it sounds like typical Cancer behavior, right?

Then again, he does firmly believe in the "bunny boiling" thing and that ALL men take it slowly! Unfortunately, that hasn't been my experience. When a guy has liked me he's gone full throttle to get me so, needless to say my ego is a bit wounded today

However, I can't help but think that I rushed him, tried too hard, didn't play it "cool" and now, I've ruined the whole thing! And how does a girl salvage such a situation with a Cancer man?

As a Gemini, one twin tells me one thing and the other twin tells me the complete opposite

posted September 03, 2007 05:16 PM            

Yeah, all men do take it VERY slowly but there are exceptions to the rule. So for now lets chalk it up to him being cancerian.

His disdain for PDA sounds alot like me but I always attributed it to my Cap Rising and not my cancer sun so that's interesting to find another cancer like that.

The fact that he loves your cooking is a very good sign though, espeically if he's picky.

The fact that he doesn't like being smothered sounds like a characteristic of his airy libra moon though. In fact, there are alot of things that sound airy about him that could be attributed to that (like him allowing you to have a life outside of him, with friends and such).

posted September 03, 2007 05:26 PM            

Re: Fatal Attraction, let me remind you of the plot of the movie--the man is MARRIED. The Bunny woman lets him know, clearly and in no uncertain terms, that she just wants to have sex, with no strings attached. Then, later, the man finds out that she LIED about her intentions and expectations. Your Cancer is not married (I hope, I hope, I hope), so whose bunny is he worried you'll boil? So to speak.

A problem with rejecting men--and maybe they do this on purpose?--is that sometimes they can start to seem more appealing by playing hard-to-get. I think a lot of what your Cancer said to you is insulting, actually. And controlling. Especially the thing about how you'd act around friends. And the "give him time to miss you"? Uck...life's too short.

He should be thrilled to be with you! And while I believe you and him that he's not "just" after sex, he IS after a lot of the benefits and conveniences of a relationship without allowing you the emotional freedom to be your spontaneous, loving self.

If this guy is already curtailing your affectionate urges to cook him nice dinners or be "lovey-dovey" in public...and it's been such a short time...that gives me the "heebie jeebies." He's already being really controlling, instead of letting whatever's between you unfold naturally...and that kind of controlling behaviour only gets worse later. I get that he feels he has trouble communicating about feelings, but the looking away after sex is a real red light, too.

If you succeed in the project of getting him to fall wildly in love with you and move to the "next level" (and I have no doubt you will--you Gem women are irresistible), I'm worried he'll find something else about you to try to change or control.

posted September 03, 2007 05:55 PM              

Ok, I can live with that!
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All in all, it just sounds like he's very cautious, being a cancer who's been hurt before. I think its a good sign that he wants to continue texting and such. But are you guys excluse or not? Are you guys on the same page on what you guys want out of this?
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Yes, we are exclusive! It was something we agreed on before we became intimate, something we've talked about after. And yes, we're on the same page and both feel "we're working towards a relationship."

All the "Aries" qualities make sense as well but I think everything was going along swimmingly UNTIL he realized I was trying really, really hard to win him over (weird how he picked that up, I thought I was more subtle than that!)and that I always poked and prodded for reassurance of his feelings.

That's when he started to pull back a little (and I mean VERY little) and was glad that I decided to open up the lines of communication and tell him that the "face turning" hurt my feelings, etc.

Everything he said was said from a point of view of "I don't want to hurt you and just need you to take things slowly - because it takes me a while to open up."

Nothing else has changed. He still spends almost all the time he's on the ground with me, doesn't go a day without texting (let's see if today is the first)and takes me out as often as any girl would want to be!

My question to you, Cancerian Dulce Luna is...if I did spook him with all my attentiveness and obvious demonstrations that I REALLY DUG HIM - what now? He told me he needs to take things slow, (but still took me out Sat and Sun) what should I do? Hang back some? Totally? Let him make ALL the moves from here on? What do these Cancer men respond to after they've been pressed a little too hard and start contemplating that hole in the sand?

I think a wounded (cheated on) male crab is just about the touchiest individuals I've ever had to deal with!

posted September 03, 2007 06:18 PM              

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you get a subtle, nagging feeling of insecurity and rejection with him, usually it means the guy has some big hangup.
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I don't doubt it - his admitted issue with intimacy is a clear signal. I'm astounded by how honest he was about his hangups though....would think he'd hide his achilles heel!

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Then, later, the man finds out that she LIED about her intentions and expectations. Your Cancer is not married (I hope, I hope, I hope), so whose bunny is he worried you'll boil? So to speak.
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He's not married - did the background check! He used the, let's say "movie scene" (out of deference to Luna) to explain why he takes things slowly - in the movie he jumps in and then turns out she's wacko!
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A problem with rejecting men--and maybe they do this on purpose?--is that sometimes they can start to seem more appealing by playing hard-to-get.
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Now THAT would never work on me! If I got that notion I'd be gone like the wind...true Gemini style!

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He should be thrilled to be with you! And while I believe you and him that he's not "just" after sex, he IS after a lot of the benefits and conveniences of a relationship without allowing you the emotional freedom to be your spontaneous, loving self.
____________________________________________
Can't argue with you there! I wish I could, but I can't!
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If this guy is already curtailing your affectionate urges to cook him nice dinners He's already being really controlling, instead of letting whatever's between you unfold naturally...
and that kind of controlling behaviour only gets worse later.
____________________________________________
Correct me if I'm wrong but - arent' Cancer men known for manipulation? So, this "it makes me feel guilty when you go through all that trouble" could be manipulation already, huh? Interesting!
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You ask whether it's that he isn't feeling anything yet, or that he's afraid to express it. I know you hope it's the latter, and it really probably is...but this guy sounds like he might have some problems.
____________________________________________Again, can't argue with you there. Even if the "problems" are not deal breakers for other signs - a man playing hard to get is the quickest way to get me to show him just how much of a hold he has on me...."poof" and I'm a memory!

Thanks Lucia! You've given me food for thought! Now it'll be a wait and see type of situation because I'll certainly NOT be making any further overtures!

posted September 03, 2007 10:52 PM            

quote:

---

My question to you, Cancerian Dulce Luna is...if I did spook him with all my attentiveness and obvious demonstrations that I REALLY DUG HIM - what now? He told me he needs to take things slow, (but still took me out Sat and Sun) what should I do? Hang back some? Totally? Let him make ALL the moves from here on? What do these Cancer men respond to after they've been pressed a little too hard and start contemplating that hole in the sand?

---

Did he say you scared him with your demosnstrations?
I don't want to give you any faulty advice but if it were me, I'd probably cool off a bit and let him do some work. I'm not saying I'd put it ALL on him, I'd just pull back a little.

Idk, I'd say him agreeing that you gusy are exclusive is a good sign. He was even straightfoward with you about it.

Lucia,

quote:

---

this guy is already curtailing your affectionate urges to cook him nice dinners or be "lovey-dovey" in public...and it's been such a short time...that gives me the "heebie jeebies."

---

posted September 04, 2007 10:39 AM              

Yes, we're clear on being exclusive. No, he didn't say I scared him away with the attentiveness - just that he takes things slowly...always.

As for the PDAs, he's good about holding my hand in public and having his arm around me. He just meant "verbal" displays of affection around people make him uncomfortable.

Now, did you say back off a bit OR let him do ALL the work?

Because this is the first time since we started dating that he's gone a full 24 hrs. before texting (he's flying again,) and I feel we're doing the "OK Corral stand off thing" - he's waiting for me and I'm waiting for him.

posted September 04, 2007 03:18 PM              

One of the things she does is that "phrase" that I won't repeat out of deference to Dulce Luna Just take it literally. She LITERALLY does it *don't look Dulce* to his daughter's pet while the family is away.

Get it? I hope so or I'm afraid DL might NEVER respond to one of my posts again!

posted September 04, 2007 09:16 PM            

quote:

---

Now, did you say back off a bit OR let him do ALL the work?

Because this is the first time since we started dating that he's gone a full 24 hrs. before texting (he's flying again,) and I feel we're doing the "OK Corral stand off thing" - he's waiting for me and I'm waiting for him.

---

Oh sorry, that was a typo. I meant to fall back just a little. Definitely make him do some of the work....he is the guy afterall.

Remember, he did say he enjoyed your texts and didn't want you to stop, so if you really wanna talk to him then just do it. But does he ever initiate a texting conversation?

posted September 05, 2007 10:17 AM              

Thanks for the clarification! I thought that's what you meant...

Yeah, he does initiate texts quite a bit - until I started taking over the initiation! :frown: Interestingly enough, I texed yesterday evening about something "light and funny" and he responded right away. I didn't use ANY endearments whatsoever! It was close to bed time and usually, one of us will text back good night. Following your advice, I just decided to go to bed.

Not two minutes later he CALLED! Now, he NEVER calls when he's on a trip. Also, I refrained from asking about his schedule, where he was going next or when he was coming home. Kept it light.... The man proceded to volunteer the information, told me to keep texting (he likes the "surprise") and that he'll take a picture of the skyline for me on his way up. (If you haven't figured it out already he's a pilot.)

So, he may be a Cancer and that might explain his cautious nature. He's also been "burned" three times and that is a contributing factor but between us girls - he's mostly A MAN!! :winking smilie:

posted September 05, 2007 11:21 AM              

Thanks for the clarification! I thought that's what you meant...

Yeah, he does initiate texts quite a bit - until I started taking over the initiation! :frown: Interestingly enough, I texed yesterday evening about something "light and funny" and he responded right away. I didn't use ANY endearments whatsoever! It was close to bed time and usually, one of us will text back good night. Following your advice, I just decided to go to bed.

Not two minutes later he CALLED! Now, he NEVER calls when he's on a trip. Also, I refrained from asking about his schedule, where he was going next or when he was coming home. Kept it light.... The man proceded to volunteer the information, told me to keep texting (he likes the "surprise") and that he'll take a picture of the skyline for me on his way up. (If you haven't figured it out already he's a pilot.)

So, he may be a Cancer and that might explain his cautious nature. He's also been "burned" three times and that is a contributing factor but between us girls - he's mostly A MAN!! :winking smilie: